✿ ♫ ♥ Lola O. In Seoul ♥ ♫ ✿

Calls Me Home

2011-09-08T16:26:00.001+09:00

Its funny how the walk of life
Can take you down without a fight
So many years can lay behind
Regretfully until its time
To realise the moment
When you turn around

I'm coming home to breathe again
To start again
I'm coming home from all the places I have been
With nothing but a voice within
That calls me, calls me home

Back in the day when I was younger
I was lost and proud
I've gained the world but it will never
Compare to what I've earned
In a quite moment
When the earth holds still

I'm coming home to breathe again
To start again
I'm coming home from all the places I have been
With nothing but a voice within
That calls me, calls me home
Calls me home

I'm coming home, to breathe again
To start again
I'm coming home from all the places I have been
With nothing but a voice within
That calls me

I was listening to this song yesterday and was struck again by how much it speaks to me at this point in my life. This year of transition has shrunk down to less than six months before this dual chapter in my life closes and another one begins. I am so excited to start fresh and to do things that are going to lead me to the life I want and the path I want to walk on.

As much as I have enjoyed my time in Seoul I have that urgent feeling stirring in me again. That my time is running out here. That I am ready to move past this place. That a transformation is looming before me. It makes me smile, this feeling inside of me. Two years ago all I wanted to do was leave home, but now all I want to do is return. Not to a specific place or person but just to return to my roots and grow something new, something me.

I am looking forward to life after Seoul. To the chapters that await me once this one is finished. To the new places I will go, the new friends I will meet, and to who I will transform into this time around. That doesn't mean I'll forget about this chapter, all the pages I have written here. How can I? They have given me so much room to grow and have nourished my once aching soul. I am so thankful for my time here, and plan to enjoy ever last bit of it before I say, "see you later!" There will be no goodbye because even though I will be going home I will still take this place and the memories of life here with me.

There is a voice inside of me that is preparing me for the transformation, for the change, for the future. She is steady, patient, and wise. I am trusting her to lead me in the rest of my time here, and to guide my footsteps in whatever comes next.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Out Of The Storm

2011-07-08T09:50:00.002+09:00

Long time no write!

I don't know what it is about this year but I don't have the urge to write about what happens in my life this time around. I've been writing in my journal but not on here. I just feel like there isn't anything to say that I haven't said, and more than that if I don't have anything good to say I shouldn't bother writing it down. I don't know what my deal is but this year is so different and yet the same. It's not like I haven't been doing stuff because I have. I just don't feel the need to write about it like I did last year. Maybe this is second year syndrome!?

It's been almost two months since my last entry. How has my life been? My weeks have become pretty routine. During the week I usually just go home after school, make dinner, watch tv, and do some personal writing and reading. I'm too tired to go anywhere else. Weekends are outings with friends, and then church on Sunday. God, even writing that sounds boring. I mean I am in Korea for this last year and my life has become so routine. Hahaha...I don't know what to say.

Other than that I got two wisdom teeth pulled. I've spent a lot of time crying at the dentist in Korea because I do not get numb like other people, and no matter how many shots they give me I still feel the pain. I seem to have very difficult teeth because something that should take 30 minutes took over one hour for me. My wisdom teeth were horizontal and lucky me I have five wisdom teeth instead of four. Now because of the stupid horizontal wisdom tooth on my left side I have to do a endo (root canal) treatment and spend all this money and feel all this pain.

Last week when I went to the dentist she had to pull the roots out. She gave me plenty of shots to numb me up but it didn't work AT ALL and by the time she was done I was shaking and crying in the chair. Seriously, so embarrassing but that pain was so unbearable and miserable. I have two more appointments for this endo treatment and I just pray to God no more pain. I am so tired of being in pain.

I've been getting involved at church and I really like my church. I've been volunteering at an orphanage with some of the members, and meeting interesting Koreans and foreigners on Sundays. I really love the pastor there and I look forward to hearing his sermons every Sunday. What else?

My brother and sister are coming on the 29th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so freaking excited to have them here and show them Seoul and different parts of Korea. If you have any suggestions of interesting things to see and do please send them to me in a comment or email. I'm making a flexible itinerary for the trip here. We are going to Busan from the 31st-2nd, cause Jeju is all booked and too expensive. This will be my first time going to Busan so if you have suggestions for a place to stay or things to do send me those too!!! Thanks in advance.

School ends on the 18th. Thank God. This semester has not been great and I am glad it is coming to an end. I'm upset with my school about summer camp among other things I will not get into right now. So my original co-teacher is doing some class and her sister has been subbing in but she won't be helping with camp. My other co-teacher has decided to take on an admin position for camp, and they hired some old lady who has no teaching experience and I don't even know if she speaks English to be my co-teacher. She told me this nonsense yesterday and I am really trying to keep my anger in check.

Seriously, what's the point of even hiring her? I'm going to have to do everything by myself either way. She is just going to sit there and get paid for nothing! They might as well give me the extra money or find a better co-teacher. I'm going to have to plan all the lessons and prepare everything, and now teach by myself. My other co had the nerve to be like if its too hard for you let me know after telling me about this old lady with no experience being my co-teacher. What does she think it it's going to be like for me?

"Breathe." That is what I keep telling myself. Just breathe and get through this and then start the next chapter of my life outside of Seoul. I definitely know I can't stay another year. I don't know what it is about this second year but things get to me a lot more. Things like staring, people at school mistreating me and expecting me to just go with it, and stuff with co-teachers. I think it is because this year I am on my own and I have to represent me. My old co-teacher hasn't been around to fight for me. I wonder what it will be like when she comes back.

I'm looking forward to having my brother and sister here in a few weeks, and seeing Seoul and Korea through their eyes will be good for my spirit. I think I need to be reminded of all that I love(d) about my life here, and they will be my reminder. I'm looking forward to having some time to get things into perspective and recharge my batteries. I'm looking forward to preparing for the new chapters that await me after this one ends. I'm looking forward to all the future somethings I have yet to see, taste, experience...etc. I'm looking forward to seeing the world through new eyes (literally). I'm going to get Lasek/Lasik done at the end of August if my consultations go well. I'm looking forward to not wearing glasses. I'm looking forward to putting myself back together again and getting my spirit up.

I'm looking forward to what the rest of my time here will bring.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

P.S. I will try to update my frequently. I have a gazillion photos to post, so hopefully I can do a few photo diaries in the future.

I woke up this morning
With a burning in my soul
Morning air it hit me
Like its never done before
I woke up this morning
With a turning in my bones
All the things that I cant change
I never let go of

You got me where you want me
You’ve had me all along
I’m learning the hard way now
There’s no easy way out of the storm
Out of the storm

All I’ve been chasing God only knows
Just where I’ve been Now I realize
That I’m a broken man million little pieces
You held right in your hand

Suddenly I’m falling in
Suddenly I’m forgiven
Suddenly I’m falling in
Suddenly I’m forgiven

Figuring Stuff Out

2011-05-16T18:18:00.000+09:00

Hello lovely readers. Sorry for being so M.I.A with this blog. As the title says I've been trying to figure stuff out about my life and things of that sort. I guess I've just been getting lost and found in the maze of thoughts take make up my mind. I'm still figuring things out but I wanted to update you all.

I'm pretty much over the homesickness that plagued me the first few months and now I've starting worrying about the future. I know what I want to do once I leave Seoul but the how isn't as clear. There are so many roads I can go on and all those choices make it hard to just choose one path to travel down. I'm not sure if I want to go back to AZ. That is probably the biggest future question I'm dealing with. I don't want to go back in any part of my life I just want to go forward.

This year has been a bit more emotional for me in my life and in school. Lots of change this year. As far as school goes I love my 5th graders and am having a hard time liking my 6th graders. They are just so freaking rude this year and it really irks me. My co said she is numbing herself to all their shenanigans but I can't do that. It bugs me that I care so much about it, but as long as I am their teacher I'm going to do my best to teach them manners and respect in my classroom and outside of it. I'm really disappointed in them but I know they are at that age of testing boundaries and finding themselves. Even so I do not tolerate disrespect or rudeness in my class no matter where it is coming from. I keep telling them they are missing out on having more fun in class because they keep wasting time talking. *Sigh*

Some things I've done so far this year. I went to my first Korean wedding. They really are a bit cold and overly structured. After we left the wedding we went to Hangang Park, Jacoby's Burger, and Itaewon. Lots of laughter and much needed conversations. I went to the zoo at Seoul Grand Park. Zoos always make me happy and sad. I wish all the animals were free. I went on a road trip with some friends to Damyang to see the bamboo forest and Boseong to see the green tea fields. We ended up hanging out with Brian from Kiss My Kimchi. He's a friend of a friend. Hmm...what else? I've been doing a lot of writing and drawing lately. I'm trying to learn the guitar left handed on my own. So we shall see how that turns out. Besides those things it's just the same old same old. Me figuring stuff out:)

My brother and sister will be coming in about 2 months and I am really looking forward to having them here. We've never had a family vacation and this will be the closest thing. I want them to have an amazing time here so if you are in Korea/Seoul and have any suggestions of places to go or things to see feel free to let me know:)! Some friends and I are planning to go to Cebu City and surrounding Islands for Chuseok so if you've been there send me some suggestions too.

I've been out of the Seoul loop of blogs too. I need to get back into my love of all things Korean and get back on my feet. I hope life has been treating all of you well and if you are also figuring stuff out I hope you find your answers soon!

Be blessed and not stressed,
~Lola O.~

Note To Self...

2011-05-03T20:32:00.000+09:00

Everything is going to work out. Your dreams and hopes will find their place in this world.
Smile freely. Your smile lights up your face.Your smile is one easy way to make someone's day.
It will get better. Give yourself and life time.
Your fears are only as powerful as you allow them to be. Don't allow them to paralyze you from living your life.
I know you get lonely but that doesn't mean you are alone. There are so many people who love and need you. Loneliness comes and goes. It won't stay forever.
It's okay not to be okay all the time.
Don't be afraid of the work ahead of you. That's how you learn, how you grow, and most importantly how you get to where you want to be.
Getting lost is how you get found.
Don't be afraid to take detours.
Vulnerability is not weakness.
Your life doesn't revolve around a man. Your story is one about love of self before any other kind of love. Please don't forget that.
Your scars might not be physical but they are still there. They are a part of you. Reminders of internal battles you have won. Don't ignore them or feel ashamed of them. They are a part of your story but they don't define you.
You are beautiful. Really, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I know some days you don't feel beautiful but even then YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Let yourself embrace your beauty. Don't dampen it with negative thoughts or cruel words.
If you don't believe in yourself, and I mean wholeheartedly believe in yourself no one else will. You've got to have that faith and confidence in who you are, what you want, and how you choose to live. You have to believe in yourself. Your dreams, your talents, and your hopes for this life you have.
Don't just give good advice take it too. Teach and learn. Learn and teach.
Do the things you love because you love them. Nothing else matters. Not compliments, recognition, acknowledgement, fame, or fortune. All that matters is how the things you love make you feel. Don't shape what you love to fit into other people's idea of what it should be. You are the painter, the canvas, the muse, the paintbrush, and the paint. You have all the ingredients to create something of your own.
There are no bad days. Only bad moments.
Choose your attitude wisely.
Don't limit your happiness. There is no definition of what it means to be happy. You decide what your happiness looks, feels, and sounds like. It's up to you. It always has been.
You are imperfect and that is a beautiful thing. Stop trying to deny that.
Everything is not about you. Everything is not about them. Find a middle ground between those two extremes.
Life is a give and take relationship. I hope you give more than you take.
Everyone has to start at the beginning you are no exception.
You are not broken. You are not shattered. You are not a lost cause.
Your art matters. Whether it's your poetry, stories, songs, or drawings they matter. You matter. No one has to tell you that for it to be the truth. Have faith in yourself and the things you do.
You are loved.
Don't bottle your feelings inside.
You are more than good enough.
Don't hide your sorrows.
Your life is meant to be lived.
Don't be anyone other than you.
Take care of yourself. Mind, body, and soul.
Make time for yourself to do some self pampering.
Be the best version of you. The best you you can be.
Mistakes and failure are not things to be ashamed of. They are the catalysts of growth and wisdom.
You are the main character in your story, stop sitting on the sidelines.
Laugh without restraint.
Dream without worry.
Love yourself the way you want to be loved by others.
Breathe. In and out. Breathe.
This is your time. Be who you want to be.

~~Acoustic Imagery~~
The Lighthouse

This is for those in need of a boost in their soul...

2011-04-27T14:07:00.000+09:00

I will post something of substance soon until then enjoy some Jay Park. I don't know why I like him. Maybe it's the underdog and humble vide he gives. Or maybe it's cause he reminds me of Taeyang. Either way I dig his style.

Beauty On Earth...

2011-04-17T18:24:00.000+09:00

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

Crazy Lady!!!

2011-04-11T18:57:00.000+09:00

I had the day off of school today which worked out well because I am having a bad allergy attack and feel miserable. My only adventure was meeting a friend of a friend who is going to teach me acoustic guitar. So as I was walking down the subway stairs at Guro Digital Complex I heard this woman screaming up at someone. I see her standing there below and I try to stay clear of her path as I walk down the stairs. Well this crazy lady grabs me and won't let go of me while holding a cross in front of my face and screaming only God knows what at me. Everyone as usual just stared at the situation. I kept telling her to let go of me and tried pulling away but she wouldn't let go of me and kept shoving a cross in my face and screaming. I was able to break free of her and she follows me still screaming behind me. OMG seriously! What kind of nonsense is this? I could hear her still screaming as I head towards the bus stop.

I've never experienced something like this before and I hope this is the only time someone shove a cross in my face and screams at me for no apparent reason other than I was a foreighner hence easy target for her craziness. I feel more pissed off that upset. I won't let her ruin a perfectly good day up till her. Stupid crazy adjumma!

Imprints & Inklings

2011-04-08T14:17:00.000+09:00

Hello everyone I hope you are having a better day than I am. I'm really upset right now and it's taking everything in me to not cry. Deep breaths...

For some reason this week has been overwhelmingly emotionally taxing and it's like my feelings are so raw and exposed right now. I wish my face wasn't so readable because the last thing I want to do it talk about it with my co-workers. So I'm sitting at my desk, with my music soothing away today's stress, and writing it all down. That's my outlet. Always has been and always will be.

So what happened? My 6th graders. Parents get the terrible twos and teachers get the terrible pubescents also known as 6th graders for the sake of this entry. To say they are bad this year would be an understatment. They don't listen. They don't shut up. They don't have any respect. It's like it was all taken during winter vacation leaving them well what I have to deal with on a daily basis this year. It's the rudeness and lack of respect that is really eating away at my patience with and for them. Today was just the icing and a very yucky cake.

I have three 6th grade classes today, and of all of my four classes 6-2 is by far the rudest. They are the ones I started my day with. They made me so upset that I gave them a huge amount of homework and no game during class. What made me so upset? They could not or should I say would not be quiet no matter how many times I or my co-teacher told them to. I'm the kind of person that doesn't feel the need to keep repeating myself with my students. Being quiet is not an option or a suggestion. It's a fact. We can't get to games if they don't stop talking. I have to be stricter and meaner if I keep having to tell you to be quiet. It eats up time and I can't stand that.

The second class was a little better but not by much. I keep having to keep students after to clean as a punishment but that doesn't do anything. Even when we change their seats the chatting still continues. I never had this kind of problem last year. They are so rude. You tell them to do something or call them and they are like, "WHAT!!! WHY?!?! and roll their eyes. I had them as 5th graders so I know these kids, and they have really changed. In a very bad way. The kids come to class late every single day. I don't know if it's the homeroom teachers or other teachers that are responsible for this.

It's things like this that I need my co-teacher to get answers, but she doesn't seem to feel she has that kind of power since she is new. I don't think it's a big deal to ask the homeroom teachers to make sure the kids are coming on time and in their seats before the bell rings, and I don't think it's a big deal to talk to them about the behavior of their students in our class. It's moments like this that I wish I spoke Korean fluently to get my point across. Whether with my students or with the homeroom teachers I want to get things in order.

So what made me feel like crying? My third class. It all started with Listen & Speak. The second dialogue is Peter and Nami talking about what seasons they like. All the classes including this one laughed during the whole thing not because it was funny but because of Peter. This kind of thing happened last year but I let it roll of my shoulders but today it really got to me. The ignorant racism my kids display right in front of me. I could handle the lauging at first, but after I said time and time again to stop and just listen it continued. So I stopped and asked them what was so funny and they said to me, "Peter! Peter looks like a monkey!" All the while laughing their heads off. I stood there in silence until they stopped and I said to them, "Peter looks like a monkey? How can you compare a person to a monkey?" So one students said, "his skin is black like a chimpanzee!" Bringing more laughter to the students. I could feel this overwhelming ache inside of me for them. A feeling of hurt and at the same time pity that they see this world through such narrowed eyes. All they've known are people that look "just like them" but because Peter has "black skin" he is a monkey and worth laughing at.

So I said to them, "if Peter is a monkey are you saying I'm a monkey too? One kid had the nerve to keep laughing. I continued, "since I have `black` skin too doesn't that mean I must be a monkey too? How can you call another human being a monkey and insult them because of how they look? How can you say this in front of me who has the same skin color as Peter?" I said to them, "talking like that is not right. You can't say things like this about people or talk badly about them because they look differently than you!" I got myself under control and finished my part of the lesson. All I wanted to do was cry. I don't know why it took this to set me off but it really hurt and it still does.

I get that they are kids and ignorant about this kind of thing but they know right from wrong and should know how they behaved was all kinds of wrong. To Peter and even more so to me, their African-American teacher. After class finished I sat down at my desk, and my co came up to me and said, "Are you upset about what the kids said? You shouldn't be bothered they are just kids." All I could think was that is just an excuse. They should know better. They should know that what they said and how they acted was wrong and offensive. Their parents should teach them not to judge a person by how they look and that sometimes what you think should not be spoken. Their parents should teach them what racism means and how wrong it is. They should know that in this world there are plenty of people who don't look like them and that doesn't make them any less or any more. It makes them human just like them. They should...

I'm just really upset about it all. The rudeness. The insults. The racism. It just got to me today and I guess it has been building up. I am not my skin color. I am not the color of a crayon. I am Nigerian-American and proud of it but that doesn't define me. I am not a monkey. I am a human being and I should be treated like one. I get their ignorance but I don't get their wrongness. If that even makes sense. I'm tired of being stared at or having my skin and hair touched. I'm not some exotic thing on display for people to gawk at and make jokes about. Yes. I look different. Yes my hair isn't like yours. So what?! Get over it!

I'm not going to go on. Deep breaths. Thank goodness today is Friday. I have to suffer through a teacher's dinner and then I'm going to go home and spend time doing things I enjoy. Hopefully this emotional rawness will leave me soon. There is so much to enjoy and I don't want a negative attitude to spoil the beauty of all that is around me.

Today hasn't been the best of days but it hasn't been the worst of days.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Imprints & Inklings...

2011-04-01T09:42:00.003+09:00

Hello everyone:)! How has your week been?

So far so good for me. I am elated that it is Friday. I've been getting my days mixed up all week, and just realized that it was Friday. I don't have any exciting plans for the weekend but I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, making myself a yummy breakfast, and exploring a bit. Sunday will just be church, and relaxing at home.

It's been a bit since my last post but life hasn't had any radical changes. This year is turning out to be a quieter one so far, and I'm liking it. I've been doing this year in a lower key so far. Just hanging out with friends, working, writing, a lot of self reflection, and cooking. I'm trying to get more cooking and have been trying out new recipes. Last night I made dinner ( pasta w/ a homemade meat sauce and a salad). I was really hapy and pround of myself for not being lazy and eating something premade. There is joy in cooking yourself a meal. I put some music on, and let it be the soundtrack to my cooking adventure. It turned out pretty well. Tonight I'm going to try out a sweet mashed potato recipe I found with the leftovers of my curry shrimp rice. I might try some baking on Sunday if I can get the energy for it. These days I feel tired all the time. I think it's because my mind tends to always be cluttered and I can't figure out how to turn its switch off.

I feel like these days I'm a bit boring, but then I have to laugh because it's okay to be boring to others if I'm happy with myself, and I am. This year I'm going to try to see as much as I can in Korea but also in the world around me. To explore my immediate environment and find things to love about it. I want to carry my camera around and take photos of everyday things I find interesting. I want to go on walks around parts of Seoul I have not been to, and weekend trips to other parts of Korea. I have a trip coming up in May that I'm looking forward to. This month I'm on a tight budget because I used my bonus to make myself debt-free. I'm really happy about that. Now I can focus on saving money for my future somethings.

A few randoms...
On Wednesday as I walked to the bus stop some of my students came up to me. These two adjummas were getting into a scuffle. It was really uncomfortable to see. I always feel embarrased by that because I just don't see things like that back home. All the men that were around just stood around as they screamed and hit each other. One adjumma was really beating the other one up. I didn't stay, and I told my students they better get their butts home too. Honestly, I just think there is no reason to be acting like that at any age. Settle differences with words and not fists. They were really going at it, and I can't believe none of the people around tried to help settle things. The men just watched like they were at some fight placing bets. I think that is what made me really mad. If I were to butt in no one would listen to me because I'm younger and a foreigner but they could have stepped in and brought it to a resolution. They didn't.

On Thursday as I walked to school this grandfather started walking next to me, and then we started talking. He has a daughter in San Jose and has been to America many times. His grandson is studying political science and wants to be a lawyer. It made me smile because he was just so excited and happy telling me about his family. I felt bad because a teacher stopped and gave me a ride the rest of the way so our conversation ended abruptly and he seemed a bit sad. I hope I run into him again. I used to feel bothered by the random attention on the way to and from school, but then I realized their is a certain beauty in those stand alone moments. They come and they go, and most of the time they leave me feelin brighter. I've always appreciated the wisdom and beauty of old people. Most people my age feel uncomfortable with them, but I always enjoy talking to them. I find them cute, wise, and I love their stories and words of advice. Maybe it's because I've always felt like an old soul...

Actually this week has been one of random ecounters. I was running late coming home and ran into another foreigner who lives 3 floors up and is from Brooklyn. I had seen her at the bus stop a few weeks back and never saw her after. Only to find that we live in the same building. I love when stuff like that happens. We'll be having dinner soon. She seems like a cool chick. Then on Wednesday after the adjumma smackdown I met a friend for dinner and we went to church. On the way in I saw this familiar looking girl. I only saw her side profile and she was with a familiar looking guy. I recognized them from ziplining and we ended up sitting next to each other. Small world again. It was such a coincidence because it was both of our first times coming on Wednesday and we attend Sunday service at different times.

I love when life conspires like that to give you an opportunity to meet new people and see where it leads. You never know until you give them a try. So we shall see what happens there. I am a firm believer that coincidence is just life giving you a chance to see what could be. This week has been one of coincidences and discovery. At least more than usual.

I'm still a bit homesick. It's slowly leaving my system. I'm falling in love with my life here all over again, and remembering to be thankful for this moment, and to live in the here and now. To stop worrying about a year from now and start reveling in a day from now. Life is in the present. My life is in these moments that make up my today. I want to be excited and hungry for all the todays I get. My life is in the choices and experiences I make now. I don't want to miss out on it because I'm so wrapped up in the future. I always remind myself that the future is created by my present. The future is always transforming and growing as I do. It's not decided or static. It's like a never ending canvas of possibility. I like it that way...

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I won't dwell baby on my failures
It won't help baby it won't bring changes
I won't run baby when all I want is to run
I won't forget the morning's sure to come

Begin Again...

2011-03-14T16:18:00.003+09:00

Hello!!! I hope life is treating you well and that today has been an awesome day for you! Happy White Day!

For me, these days I find myself saying and thinking, "so far, so good..." about work, life, me, and just in general everything. That high I've been on for my life has settled into this pleasant hum inside of me that dances around as I go throughout my days. It makes me smile. It makes me happy. I hope it never leaves, and if it does I hope it comes back soon:)!

So what's new? I'm starting my second week of teaching for the new semester and it's been challenging but good. I've got two new co-teachers and they are both lovely ladies, but teaching is definitely different this time around. I like it for the most part. With my 5th graders I pretty much do most of the teaching aside from games, and with my 6th graders it is equally split. I like having more responsiblity (so far) because it keeps me busy and I don't feel like I'm wasting time sitting around. I like having that authority to decide what is going to be done in each lesson, and doing the planning for it. It makes me feel like a "real" teacher.

My students are pretty cute, especially my 5th graders. I only taught one fourth grade class last semester so this year I only know a few fifth graders, but they all seem to know me and have a lot of enthusiasm during class. Which I love. I love that they participate, laugh, and get excited in my class. It makes it a lot more fun for me and in the end for them. Now, my 6th graders who used to be my awesome 5th graders are completely different. What happened to their enthusiasm? In just a few short weeks puberty got to them and now they are sporting attitudes, and they don't want to participate or answer questions anymore!!! What happened? I wish I knew. I hope they start loosening up and reverting to their adorableness of last year.

So far, so good on the school front. I enjoy teaching. I really do. I love making English fun for them, and being silly and dorky if it means they laugh and find English interesting. My kids make or break my day. Today I thought to myself, "why not become a real teacher then?" I love teaching, but it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's not where my passion, heart, or calling is. At least not in the logical sense. I want to teach kids, but not in a classroom. I want to teach them as a counselor at school, and as a mentor/role-model in my personal life. For me I want to lead by example which means to teach by example. To be a walking textbook that guides kids to find their way and direction. To be the tool that creates a bridge between their dreams and reality. Something like that. If I were to be a teacher I would be an English teacher back home in high school. Yes, I have thought about it:)! But, for me I want to be a guidance counselor, so a year from now the road I'm on will diverge with that one and I will go from there. I'm so excited to travel down that road. The road I never expected for my life, but the one that feels perfectly made for me.

Hmmm...besides work, and figuring out where I'm going I've just been spending time on The Lighthouse, with friends, and relaxing. I've been trying to exercise more, and eat healthier this second year. So I've been walking home from school, cooking more, and eating my veggies. I've got a huge sweet tooth so it's been hard but it feels good. I feel good. I love walking, and it's definitely been helping me unwind and go home with a clear mind. It also gives me a chance to see what's around me and breathe it all in. It's funny in a not funny way the things you notice once you take the time to. The way I breathe easier, the wind blowing against my skin, the cars chugging along, the various stores with people shopping; all glimpses of our world, and with slivers of beauty in them. As long as the weather isn't too cold I'm going to do as much walking as I can because it really does make a difference.

I think this year is going to be a quieter one. Last year I wanted to experiment and try new things. I still do, but in a more subtle way. I'm not in such a rush to do so much. I feel more like I need to appreciate each moment, each experience as it without trying to think about what comes next or how can I do more. I just want to breathe it all in as it is and then breathe it out as it is. Nothing less and nothing more.

I've been back for a little over a month and it still feels like I'm settling back in. I don't know what this year is going to be like, mainly because I cannot see the picture:) but I do know it's going to be whatever I make it or choose for it to be. I am the architect of my time here. So how do I design my time? Do I fill it with trips? People?Worrying? Saving? New experiences? Shopping? So far everything is still blank and suspended in thought. Soon enough though I'll start to create my foundation for this year and go from there.

So pretty much life is, "so far, so good."

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Don't waste your time waiting for someone to tell you when
Begin again
'Cause walking outdoors only works if you show them
Begin again
And quit looking backwards and know where you have been
Begin again
You're no calendar
You're no concrete plan
Begin again
Don't waste your time
'Cause no one's gonna tell you when
Wake up

Each New Year Brings Hope & Meaning

2011-02-26T20:15:00.000+09:00

Chapter One: Growth
One year ago I left the world I knew for something different, something new, something more. I got on a plane and came here to Seoul. I didn't know what to expect. I had no clue what the year would bring. I was scared yet excited for the growth I knew would come, the friends I would make, and the lessons I would learn. I came to this new place with an open heart and an open mind. This one year has truly been a very blessed year. I'm really thankful that after such a long journey I finally made it to Seoul on February 26, 2010. Making that one dream come true has led to even more dreams coming true.

I like to think of this chapter in my life as the year of growth. The year of finding myself, creating myself, loving who I am, and just transforming into who I want to be. Gosh, I did a lot and yet there is still much I wish to do. I am so humbled and grateful for the opportunities, the friendships, the laughter, the challenges, the...everything. When I first came here I was trying to figure out who I am, what I want my life to be, and really just exploring what I am capable of. I've learned what strength truly means for me. It means a fighting spirit, a humble soul, and a very thankful heart. It means trying even when you tremble. It means taking a backseat and learning from those wise souls you come across. It means realizing that there will always be more to learn and to do, but in this moment I will do my best to learn, to try, to give, to live in the here and now.

I learned that time is a very fragile and delicate entity. In one year I changed, I grew, I learned and all the people I left behind back home did the same. Our lives although interconnected by the relationships we share have separate journeys to go on. So instead of thinking that I missed out on sharing time with them. I think to myself that when we cross paths again we'll be better than before, wiser and happier than we were. I learned again how important it is to make your life the way you imagine it to be, and then more importantly to live that life, and live it with passion and enthusiasm. We think we have forever, but truly we only have today, right now is what we have. I lost someone this year, and I think for as long as I live there will be hole in my heart where he was. A lot can change in a year, and when I went home I didn't get to see him like I promised. I know he's looking down at me and smiling, because I listened to his words. I lived without getting tangled in worries. I lived. I tried, and I know he'd be proud of me. I miss you Big Daddy, but I know you've got a great spot to watch me live a good life. Thank you for believing in me, you are a part of the reason I made it here. Thank you for all that you taught me, and continue to teach me. I love you!

I realized that being here was another stepping stone to reaching my purpose, the calling for my life. I used to want to be a lawyer. I wanted to be at the top. I wanted to be seen. I wanted to make lots of money. I wanted to live well and take care of my family. Being here, being a teacher just showed me that my true calling is something just as important but less grand. I'm here to make a positive difference in the world. I think deep down I always knew I was meant to guide people. To be someone they could talk to. Someone who'd listen, help, inspire, and teach them. I'm going to apply to grad school to study Counseling. I finally know without a shadow of a doubt what I'm supposed to do with my life, with the time that I have here. It feels right, and it feels so good to know what I'm supposed to do, and to have a passion for it. I'm supposed to counsel, inspire, and give people hope. I'm looking forward to the journey ahead, because although it will be long and at times difficult it is my true journey, the one I'm supposed to travel down. I can't wait for all that lies ahead. When I got here, my future seemed so vague. I wasn't sure of what happens after Seoul. Now I know the why, the what(s), and most of the how. Everything that is unclear I trust that God will give me clarity when it is time to cross that bridge.

When I first came to Seoul I was so happy to leave home. I needed to breathe. I needed space to grow, and I got it, and I grew. This time around I'm not running away from home. I'm running towards it. I know this second and final year is my vacation before I go back and put in the work to make my life as I want it to be. I'm looking forward to going home, to my family, to my friends, to the world I didn't realize I loved so much. I'm really looking forward to stepping off that plane a year from now and coming back home. Now I understand that home is what I choose it to be, what I fight for it to be. Home isn't a place, for me home is the people I love, and I look forward to returning to them in year. May we greet each other in good health, happy spirits, and with plenty of laughter. Until then, live well.

Chapter Two: Blooming
As I enter this new year I look forward to more pages of growth, but more than anything more pages of blooming into the person I was always meant to be. Now I know who I am, at the very center of my being I know who I am, and who I want to be. Like the caterpillar who became a butterfly, I have finally transformed and found that I have wings to fly, to soar across the skies. That is what I'm doing. I am spreading my wings an seeing where they take me. Trusting that no matter how hard the winds blows I will be strong enough to handle it.

Many of my friends know this new year is the year of me. The year to be brave, bold, and true in everything I do, everywhere I go, and with everyone I meet. To take chances, to be free, to let myself discover pieces of me I didn't see before. This is a year of trying. To just go for the things, places and people I want. To just give it all a try and see what happens. To always be true to who I am, what I want, and what I don't want or need. To create a path towards the future I'm dreaming of and looking towards.

This year is another year in Seoul, but also a year of transitioning back home. I'm looking into Counseling programs, working on other projects, and really just shaping the future I want to walk into a year from now. I'm planting seeds and waiting for them to grow into a collage of beauty. I'm excited. I'm optimistic. I'm happy and thankful.

Coming to Seoul was so much more than changing my location. It was the beginning of me becoming my own person, and finding out what living means to me. This year was my year to grow, and I am thankful for all the experiences that helped me grow so much and so well. I'm liking my new look very much.

Happy one year to me and all my fellow Seoul peeps. To those who left, I'll be seeing you. To those who stayed for another year let's make this year even better!!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Help Spread Hope…

The Lighthouse

Living: No Regrets...

2011-02-23T11:05:00.000+09:00

We think we've got forever to do, say, and give the things we want. When the truth is tomorrow or even all of today isn't gauranteed to us. After I got sick in 2009 I started to realize how precious my life is. How fragile and unexpected life is. It made me live more. It made me try harder. It made me braver. It made me kinder. It continues to make me wiser. Life is only going to be as good as you make it, as good as you choose for it to be. So my wish and hope is that you have no regrets. No skeletons in your closet. No unsaid words that live on in your heart. No I wish I dids. Just no regrets that leave you in an ocean of wonder of what could have been if only I'd said this, done that, given...

Last night a few friends and I had another goodbye dinner for a friend leaving for the States. On my way home I saw this old man trying to put this huge tv on his cart while everyone just passed by him. Even I walked past him looking at him but then I stopped. I turned around, walked back and told him let's do it together. He smiled in thanks and a bit of surprise. The two of us lifted that heavy tv onto his cart. I smiled at him, and he thanked me, and I went to my apartment. I knew I had done the right thing. It didn't take much time from my life to help him out. It wasn't just the right thing to do, it was the kind thing to do. That's the kind of person I want to always be. Someone who gives not because she has to but because it is the kind and right thing to do.

This morning I called my family to wish my Big Mummy and my cousin a happy birthday. I called my Big Mummy first, and it felt so good to take some time to make her laugh and smile. To let her know even through the distance I remembered her day. As I talked to her I realized how important it is to do little things like this. To take or make time in our days to let the people in our lives know how much we love them, how knowing them makes life so much better. After, I called my cousin, he's been my big brother since we were kids. When I called his voice sounded so sad, and I found out that a good friend of his had died the night before. I'd met the friend a few times, he was a great guy. Even now I can't help but smile when I think about him. He was so full of laughter, and was always smiling. He was so kind, funny, and sweet. Now he's gone, and all we have are those beautiful memories of him.

I had talked to my cousin a few hours before I called this second time, and it never ceases to amaze me how delicate time is. In a few hours everything changed. Sadness overtook happiness for his birthday. Now we are all a little quieter, and a little wiser of how precious our time is. My cousin said to me, "he kept in touch with his friend but he should have done more." I told him that I'm sure he knew he was loved by him, and that now he has the chance to do more, love more, and be there for the people in his life. His wife, his friends, his soon to be child.

Death is a reminder of not we lossed but what we have. That we should cherish them, and not take them for granted. That we need to make time even when we feel like there is none to give. We should give more than we take. Say the words in our hearts instead of ignoring them. Take chances and risks because you never know until you try. We must live genuine and good lives because this one is all we have. So live it splendidly. Live it kindly. Live it well. Let peace be in your soul and laughter in your heart. Don't waste time not doing the things you love, not being with the person you love, and please don't waste time with grudges. Let those old wounds heal. Let those scars fade away. Time is such a blessing, be thankful for it! Your time won't last forever. So please, enjoy the time you have. Love deeply. Dream without limits. Live genuinely. Laugh often. Always smile. Give more. Be kind. More than anything let the people in your life know you love them.

Make someone's day. It's not the big moments that count it is the little ones. Those little slips of time we share laughing over coffee, debating tv shows, embracing in a warm hug, giggling about love, talking on Skype about our lives, and especially saying and showing "I love you!!!!" Those moments of togetherness in even the smallest ways have such a large place in a person's heart.

So call someone up, tell them how awesome and loved they are. Spend time with someone you love; a friend, a lover, a family member. Don't just make today different, make all the tomorrows different as well. Don't have regrets, and don't ever feel like you should have said more, done more, or given more. Do it now. Say it now. Give it now. Now is what we have, please use it wisely.

We will miss you friend, but I know you are smiling and laughing down on us. Another guardian angel to watch over us. Thank you for the laughter and the smiles! Thank you for even the little moments of time we shared together. I smile when I think of you because I see your big, warm, and welcoming smile in my memories. Rest in heavenly peace. You are missed, and you are so very loved!!!! Always be blessed.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

The Choices We Make & The Paths We Take

2011-02-16T14:44:00.002+09:00

Hello lovely readers! I hope your Wednesday has been chugging along nicely. Mine has been pretty good. No classes. Yummy Korean food made by my 6-5 kids, and plenty of time to do some research for grad school. My head is swimming with questions, but my path is clear. I'm looking forward to grad school. I am however not looking forward to the process of getting there:)!

This is my second week back and my heart is still at home. I'm not going to rush myself into getting back into the groove of things. I'll feel better when I feel better. However, I'm not going to spend my time moping around either. There is a whole lot of things to do, and I plan to start checking them off my list. I'm laughing at myself as I write this, while I shake my head in wonder at my weirdness. I'm not making any sense, right?!These days I'm so filled with happiness, that some people think I'm high. Really, I'm just high on the awesomeness of life. High and thankful, very very thankful!

Tomorrow my 6th graders graduate. I got the yearbook last week, and it amazed me that for the past year I was their teacher and they were my students. It's been a rollercoaster ride, with more ups than downs, more highs than lows. I'm going to miss them, but in my heart I wish them the best in their future years. I've got a few students I'm really going to miss, so I hope they come back to visit me in my last year. I need to remember to take my camera to school tomorrow.

Last week I was pretty worn out, and I guess all the teachers found out, because so far everyone I meet asks me about my health with this extremely concerned look on their face. I am thankful for their concern but really I'm fine. I think, no I know being homesick and jetlagged was/is a toxic combination. I'm still waking up at odd hours but my internal clock is finding its rhythm again. Thank goodness.

Over the weekend I went to a birthday dinner on Friday and then a goodbye dinner on Saturday for two of my friends that are leaving. I'm really sad about them leaving. There is just so much leaving going on this month and it make my heart sad. My awesome co is leaving for 6 months to train. My teacher friend is leaving cause she's having a baby. My other co found out she is pregnant and is not going to be and English teacher next year. This year is going to be full of change, and inside I'm screaming NOOOOO!!!

I don't take change well, but I'm trying to. I'm learning to, because really in life there will always be change. So I'm making the choice to be positive about all the changes, and go into this new school year with an open mind and heart. To breathe, and take things as they go. To just be patient with myself and with the changes that will happen. I'm choosing to live my life that way. Things are not going to go my way all the time, or be easy, but if I try my best to take things as they come and make the best of it I know my life will be that much better.

On Monday, my teacher friend who's having a baby and I went to dinner. Our goodbye dinner since she is switching schools and you know, having a baby. I'm really exhausted with that word, with having to say goodbye. I've been saying it a lot in the last month and I don't like it. I really don't. I wish I could be in all these places at once so I wouldn't have to miss out on anything, but life isn't like that. We miss out on some chapters so we can write others. I'm really going to miss her. Her and I could really talk, and she gave me a lot of good advice. I'm going to miss having someone to vent to about school stuff, and to talk to about life stuff. Once people have babies they disappear from my life:(!

I know I'm being melodramatic:)! I will see her again, because I'll take the time to. I hope to see my friends who are leaving again. One day in the future it would be nice to see each other in the lives we lead then. For now I've got to keep going down my own path. I've got all these dreams, goals, wishes, plans, hopes... whatever you want to call it and I have to walk the path towards making them real. I'm looking into the future past this one year and I know I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. It makes me cringe when I think about having to work hard, but I know nothing I want will happen by me waiting for it. So I will boldly go forth and work hard towards all my future somethings.

I've got the next week off and I plan to use my time wisely. I want to spend my days preparing for the next year and making this year an amazing year overflowing with experiences, adventures, and growth. Afterall it is my last year.

To my friends that are leaving I wish even more amazing experiences come your way. I'm going to miss you, but lets meet again. Thank you for all the memories, adventures, and laughter. I hate the finality of goodbye, so I’ll stick with see you later. Something to look forward to instead of something I leave behind.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Sidenote: I'd love it if you all took some time to check out Be A Light In The Dark. My hope is that it/I will inspire you...

Limbo

2011-02-10T22:13:00.001+09:00

I don't know if it is just homesickness, but I've just been in this limbo since I got back to Seoul. I haven't even unpacked my suitcases yet! Very unlike me! I just don't want to unpack yet. I don't want to settle back in yet. I'm not ready to. This has been a rough week, but tomorrow is Friday so that's the rainbow in my week:)!

I went to work on Monday, after not being able to sleep from 3AM. I survived that day, and went straight to sleep once I got home. I woke up at 7AM on Tuesday. I went to school. I couldn't make it through my first period. I slept till lunch, ate lunch, and went home on sick leave. I could barely stand, I was so fatigued. I took Wednesday off, because I really just needed a day of rest. I slept in. I cooked. I skyped, and then I slept some more. I woke up around 3AM on Wednesday from a nightmare about these little men (clowns) trying to break into my house in AZ. It really shook me up because I am terrified of clowns, so I called home to make sure everything was okay. Everything was, and by God's grace it will stay that way.

I spent most of the early morning writing, reading old entries, and listening to music. I chatted with an old friend, and got ready for school. I taught 3 of my 5 classes, and went home to find my internet was not working. Long story, but I'll have to deal with it tomorrow, or rather my co will. I fell asleep at my desk, woke up, cooked dinner, went to Home Plus, and now I am eating cake, listening to Mat Kearney, and writing. Everything feels a little weird. I feel weird, not necessarily in a bad way. Just in a weird way. I'm looking forward to the end of the month break. I need to rest, to get myself out of limbo, and start making the most of my year here. My second and last year in Seoul.

At this point I'm missing home too much to actually feel very excited for this next year. I've got dreams and plans for this year. As much as it is my year in Seoul it is also a transitional year for me. I've got to figure out about grad school, and the chapters that come after this one. I'm not worried. I just know everything is going to fall into place as it should. I'm excited to wrap up my Seoul chapters and start building the career I want for myself. Now that I am finally so sure of what I want to do I cannot wait to get started on the path that will lead me there. Even so, I've got to enjoy my time here. I want to explore more of Korea than other parts of Asia. I just want to go boldly and bravely into this year, and really stretch myself and see what places and people I reach.

I'm really thankful for this life I am living. For all the dreams that have come true. For all the people that have helped me along the way in one way or another. I'm really thankful for my fighting spirit and my trying heart. I'm thankful for so many small things and moments that led to big discoveries, experiences, and realizations. I'm just really thankful to be living my life. To have the opportunity to explore and enjoy it. This really is my year. My year to be brave, bold, and true in everything I do, with everyone I meet, and everywhere I go. A stepping stone for all the years that come after this one. My year to bloom brighter, to soar higher, and to grow even more.

I'm happy. I'm thankful. I'm homesick. I'm so many little things, but more than anything I'm just so peaceful these days. I feel good from the inside out, and I hope I can pass on some of this goodness to the people around me. Enjoy your night/day and remember you are awesome, period.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Comes & Goes...

2011-02-07T06:39:00.002+09:00

My body is back here in Seoul, but my heart is still at home with the family and friends I've left behind for another year. Leaving this second time around was so much harder and more emotional. There were so many instances I wanted to cry, like when my grandma started crying as she prayed for me, as I prayed for her, and we said our goodbyes. Or when I looked back down the escalators to see my mom still standing there watching me head to my gate. I really wanted to cry but I held it in, and tried to smile as I waved back at her and told her I loved her.

My mom drove me to the airport, we left the house around 6:00 AM, and got there around 6:30 AM. Everything was going fine until it came time to check in my two luggages. I knew already I'd have to pay excess because both were 70lbs. I had brought a lot of my favorite foods, seasonings, and such to last me a year. I told the counter lady it was $50 per bag, because that is what it says in the airline baggage policy. She said she had to check and called Asiana Airlines. She told me to get into this other line and when I get up to the counter she'd let the person know how much they would be. As we waited in the other line, another woman came and told us to come with her, and tried to do everything all over again. I tried to explain to her there was another woman already doing it, but she wasn't really listening. Thank goodness the other woman came, and what would you know the bags were $50, like I said. It took forever to check in, they did a lot of running around, and all I could do was laugh. This is life's unexpected curve balls.

I hugged my mom goodbye and went up the escalator stairs and heard her call out to me to take care of myself and that she loved me. I told her not to cry and that I loved her, and would see her in a year. I got in line for security, got all my stuff ready, and went through the monitor. It kept beeping. Great...not. I had nothing on me, so the lady was like it has to be the under wire in my bra. She said I'd have to wait and do a full body scan before I could leave. I just smiled, and said let's do this. Honestly, I was laughing wondering if the whole journey would be like this, and it turned out to be full of unexpected moments.

She did the scan, cleared me and I headed to my gate. I waited half and hour and then we boarded. Everything seemed fine, but as the plane taxied out they suddenly said something was wrong with the fuel indicators and we would have to have it looked at. This led to a two hour delay. We waited on the plane as they had people come out and check what was wrong with the plane. I wasn't too mad over this since I had a whole exit row to myself on this flight. Pure heaven. So comfortable! The only problem was I had a connecting flight in Seattle at 1:20 PM. Originally I was supposed to arrive at 10:31 PM, I didn't arrive till 12:10 PM. Thank goodness Asian delayed the flight because of connecting flights like mine. I made my flight. It was a full flight so no exit row for me, but at least I got my aisle seat this time around.

The flight was fine. These kind men all stood up to help me with my carry-on, as we boarded and as we landed. The food was okay. I watched Charlie St. Cloud, Cyrano Agency, and Step Up 3. I really liked Step Up 3 because Moose is sooooo adorable:)! Hahaha...I slept when I didn't watch movies, and walked around to get the stiffness out of my legs. I arrived in Seoul around 6:30 PM. 20 minutes behind schedule. I went through immigration and when I got to customs I had the pleasure of being chosen to have my carry-on searched. Got that done, found the bus home, and headed back to my apartment.

As I headed home on the bus I felt a feeling of not belonging here, but it soon changed just as the roads changed the closer I got to my place. This is my life right now, for the next year this is my life and I am going to embrace it. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to live it. As I got to the bus stop by my place my friend came to help me with my luggages. I got to my apartment and when I got inside I had this overwhelming urge to cry. I just wanted to cry because I was missing home so much, I am still missing it so much. I never realized how much I'd enjoy being back home. I think sometimes you need to go home to remember where you came from, who you were, and to bring back those pieces of yourself you left behind there. That's how it felt for me. Home really is where my heart is, where it will remain.

Before I left Seoul, I wrote a letter to myself to read when I got back. I smiled as I saw the letter waiting for me on the table. As I read the words I wrote on 1/14/2011 I smiled because everything I wanted from myself happened in the past three weeks, and will continue to happen. I wanted to be brave, to be honest, to be bold, and true in everything I do and that is how I am living. Being myself, and trying my best. This is happiness, and it won't disappear no matter where in the world I am.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

On My Way Back Home...

2011-02-04T04:19:00.001+09:00

On my way back home, by chance I thought of
All my favorite songs, where I'd gone wrong
The only words that I could think of
I'm pissing my life away in the form of a song
On my way back home

Every step, a victory it was
I was cheating death, just in time I woke
My memories start to wander off
Come to me, the remembrance of
On my way back home

I came in this way and here now I'll stay
If the unknown have to wait one more day
There's often times that it comes out wrong
But luckily I, I got a mind to know
On my way back home

Pages Of Me...

2011-02-03T14:41:00.001+09:00

As always hello my wonderful readers! I hope that life has been treating you with kindness. I've got two days left here in Arizona, and I am so sad about leaving. I just know saying goodbye to my family and friends here is going to make me cry. I leave Saturday morning, and I am just wishing I had a few more days to spend with all the people I love here.

When I was coming back I didn't realize I would love being home so much. I felt like I had outgrown my life here, but coming back made me appreciate what I have here, who I have here. My family and my friends here have been by my side through so much, and this year away is going to be a lot harder than the first one. I'm still going, but my once light heart is now heavy when I think about another year before I get to see them, hug them, share my life with them. *Sigh* I just really don't want to end up crying at the airport on Saturday but I feel like I will. This place, these people are my home. They've always been, and it took leaving them behind to come back again. I know this year will be even sweeter because I know I won't stay longer in Korea. After this year I will return to my home, to my family, to my friends, and start new chapters in my story.

I'm excited for my future. For this second year of growth in Korea, the memories I will have, the friends I will enjoy, and for all the years of discovery that come after these Seoul chapters end. Everyone here has talked about how happy I look, and it is true. I am happy. Not just because I went abroad for a year. I am happy with the young woman I am right now. This 23 year old me amazes me with the strength and will power she has to overcome, to discover, to try. I'm so happy and proud of myself. There truly is beauty, happiness, and freedom in being yourself and letting yourself discover, explore, and create who you are. To know that only you can define that, and only you can change that. Only you can be the author of your life.

Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and the smile on my face amazes me. This is what living is. This is what being alive feels like. Sincere, honest, and genuine effort. That is how I try to live my life. 2010 was my year to grow, and now 2011 is my year to bloom, and already my rainbow of colors is stretching across this world. I'm looking forward to more adventures, challenges, and discoveries this year. When I first came to Korea it was to get away for a bit and become my own person. To be the only voice guiding me along this journey of life. To figure out who I am and who I want to be. I know who I am and I know who I want to be, where I want to be, and what I want in my future.

This peace and clarity inside of me about this second year, and all the chapters to follow fills me up with joy. When I came home I prayed for answers to what my future would look like, and I got enough to start forming an image of what lays ahead for me. I'm excited to work towards that bright and happy future. I'm excited to make my dreams come true. I'm excited to learn, to grow, to try, to live my life with enthusiasm and a lot of heart.

I'm so thankful for the people in my life who have all had a hand in getting me this far, and I know they will be at my side as I go even farther into my journey of life. I really am blessed with an amazing family, and friends who are family to me. I'm thankful to all the people who've made the past three weeks wonderful. All the memories, laughter, stories, love, and time they've given me will be saved inside of me for those moments when I really miss them. I have a feeling the first month back is going to be rough. I'm going to be very homesick, and to make matters sadder, I'll have to say goodbye to friends who are heading back home, or continuing their journey somewhere else. Instead of saying goodbye, I will just say "see you later!" I'm going to miss them, but I know the times we shared won't disappear because they'll be the memories we carry with us everywhere we go.

I'm very thankful for all the love, blessings, and amazing moments I've had these past three weeks. I'm going to make the most out of my last 2 days here, and when I do leave I'll do my best to smile and not cry. It feels like Seoul was a dream I dreamed long ago. I realize now that home is here, it always has been. I left in order to come back and realize that all along this was where I belonged. I know this year is going to be amazing. It's going to be a year of triumph, laughter, and lots of fun. I'm going to make it that way. I'm going to keep living my life and forging my future with each present day.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Blooming

2011-01-21T21:32:00.008+09:00

Being back home has been wonderful. Seeing the people I love, catching up on their lives, just looking up at the gorgeous AZ sky fills me up with so much joy. I know that it will be hard to leave this place, my home for another year. I didn't realize all that I had missed until I came back. Now I worry about going back for another year. I know that for now my life is in Seoul. I'm happy there, but nothing compares to this feeling of love for the people and places I have here. I really do live in a beautiful place, and I'm thankful that over 11 years ago my mom decided to move us from New Jersey to Arizona. It was the beginning of so many wonderful experiences.

One of my favorite things to do is look up at the sky. The sky here is breathtaking. It is so beautiful, and it reminds me every day that beauty is here, there -- everywhere. We've just got to open our eyes and hearts to those little glimpses of beauty we discover every day. Whether in ourselves, the people in our lives, strangers, or our environment. There is something or someone that will bring a smile to your face as you go about your day. Just be open enough to receive it/them.

Since I've been home I've been doing a lot of reading. I've been reading my old journal entries and the things I wrote make me laugh, wonder how I could have thought that, remember what I'm fighting and living for, cry on occasion. I've always had too many thoughts dancing in my mind, with no place to go, and no room to breathe. So I wrote then and I write now to give them air, life, meaning. The entries that really got to me were the ones from the 18 year old me. Back then I carried so much weight on my shoulders. I wanted to save everything and everyone.

I wanted to be this perfect student, daughter, friend -- just perfect in everything and in everyway. A goal that could never become reality. Perfection has no place in this world. Our flaws, our weaknesses, and our failures are the stepping stones to our future triumphs if we just take the first step towards moving beyond that momentary setback. If we just choose to be true to ourselves, and not try to be someone other than the person who's reflection stares back at you in the mirror. I had so many worries and as the 23 year old me I wish I could have told my younger self not to forget that happiness starts and ends with being true to who you are in everything you do, everywhere you go, and with everyone you meet.

To not spend so much time worrying about tomorrow and spend more time enjoying today. To not be afraid to risk, to try, to challenge yourself to test your capabilities. That is how you grow, learn, live. To trust your intuition, yourself, and never let anyone crush the belief you have in yourself. As I grew older, I grew wiser. As the years went on I realized all of those things. That is the beauty of aging in body, you grow in mind, in spirit, in wisdom. I guess if I had traveled back in time to tell the younger me everything would be alright, she wouldn't have faced her battles and come out the stronger and happier me.

There was so much fire in me, like a flame that had no end or beginning, it just burned brightly with no direction. Five years down the road that fire is still burning inside of me, but it has taken shape, glows a softer shade of red, and lights my way towards the future I'm imagining day by day. I keep thinking to myself this is what happiness means. This is what having a purpose feels like. I might not have all the details worked out, but I've got the vision, the passion, and the perseverance to make these dreams into my daily reality.

There comes a point in our lives where we just have to let go of all we know and start again. I'm at that point in my life, and although it is scary it is also beautiful. I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I want to do my best to head towards it with determination and perseverance. I want to be the one writing my story and not reading it! I want to have the patience to let things play out instead of trying to rush everything. All the dreams I have will blossom in their own time. So for now I just want to nurture them and give them room to grow.

I want to start living the life I've imagined and take advantage of every chance to make a dream into my reality. I'm thankful that I have the time to see what else is out there, and create my future one day at a time.

I'm starting to understand what it means to "grow up"...

I wrote this December 4th 2009 in my entry Bloom. As I read this entry again I find myself thinking, "this is my season to bloom. Right now I am blooming into my true self, the me that has been lying in wait for me to claim her. In my own time I've finally gotten to that point where I realize the power I have to do something amazing in this world, with my life, for people I come across. I'm the author, the pen, the pages, the words, the thoughts, the... everything in my story. No one else can or will tell my story for me. I've got to do that. I'm the only one that can do that. After all, it is MY story, my life, my struggles, my discoveries, my mistakes, my dreams, and no one else's.

It feels like I am at that point in my life where my eyes are wide open and clear. My vision is filled with clarity about who I am, where I am going, who I want along for the ride, and just my purpose in this world. The future I'm walking towards looks so exciting, genuine, and very true to me. I can feel it deep down in my soul that I'm heading in the right direction. I'm on a journey that feels like its been waiting for me all this time. Waiting for me to be honest, to be courageous, to be myself. Everything feels so wonderful. The heaviness of the 18 year old me has faded into nothingness, and the hope, faith, and vision of the 23 year old me gives me so much joy.

My hope as you read my story, is that you find the inspiration you need to pick up that pen and write your own. No one has your style or understanding of who you are. So only you can write the words that become the pages of your life. It took me a long time to get to this part of my journey, but now that I am here, the path ahead is so clear. So lovely. The path I walk on has become smoother and my footsteps lighter. I told my mom the other day "Mom, I'm going to do amazing things in this world. I just know it!" I smile as I type that out. I believe it. I own it, and I have faith in me. I'm going to help so many people find their way, because that is my purpose. The one I've been given and the one I've chosen. To be a lighthouse in the dark and murky waters of life. To light their way back and guide them to safe shores. I've got dreams. I've got plans. I''ve got hope. I've got determination. I'm going to make it happen, one day at a time, one step at a time!

As long as we are persistent in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day or time when we will fully bloom. It happens in its own time.” ~Denis Waitley

Bloom where you are planted. 1 Corinthians 7:17-24

People deal too much with the negative, what is wrong.... Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. Psalms 1:3

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~Mark Twain

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

To dream anything that you want to dream. That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed. ~Bernard Edmonds

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Awake In A Dream

2011-01-17T15:35:00.001+09:00

As always hello everyone! I hope that life has been very kind to you so far in the New Year! I'm back in Phoenix, Arizona:)! I got back Friday night, and the jet lag is still messing with me.

Okay, so I ended up packing at the last minute, because I fell asleep on Thursday night. I woke up Friday around 4AM and just got all the packing, cleaning, and last minute errands done. So I ended up having to bring 2 luggages, a carry-on, and my backpack because all the souvenirs and things I wanted to bring back for good wouldn't fit into one. Oh, the consequences of being a shopaholic! All my friends who lived by me were working so I had no help to the bus stop to take the airport bus. I took a purse strap tied the carry-on to one luggage and rolled everything to the bus stop by myself. People kept staring at me, it would have been great if they offered me some help! I got to the airport around 4 PM and found out my flight would be leaving at 6 PM instead of 6:20, great news for me! The earlier I leave the better.

I went through security with no problems, boarded the plane, and that is when things started to go wrong and weird. I requested an aisle seat. They put me in a middle seat. I always need to sit in the aisle. I hate flying, too many people in a small space. It makes me extremely anxious to be stuck between people, especially if I don't know them. Well I sat down, and the guy who was in the window seat started talking to me a mile a minute, and asking weird questions. He gave me bad vibes, so I asked the attendant if an aisle seat became available could I change my seat? She told me the flight was full, so it was unlikely. I just said to her, if one does become available please give it to me. Not to mention my row was by the bathrooms which just made it even less appealing. Middle seat, creepy guy, and bathrooms. No, No, and NO!

The guy who had the aisle seat came and sat down. I noticed an empty seat in front of me in the exit row, it was a window but with plenty of leg space so I was going to sit there. He asked me what was up, because he saw me looking so anxious and I told him I hate sitting in the middle. Aisle guy was really nice, and said he'd trade seats with me. The guy was like 6'3 so I felt bad and asked him if he was sure. He said no problem. Great! Then the creepy window guy said he'd take the exit row seat. Even better. So aisle guy became window guy, and I got my aisle seat, with no one in the middle. Perfect! The only problem for the next 10 hours was creepy guy. He stared at me so often it made me really uncomfortable. He would keep turning around to glance at me, and then get up to get something out of the overhead bin above me over and over. He just made me really freaked out.

I will probably never fly again without using Korean Air or Asiana. It is worth the money for a more comfortable journey. This flight had no individual screens to choose what you want to watch, and so I was dying of boredom the whole time. For some reason I thought it would be the same as when I first traveled to SK, so I hadn't prepared anything. I got to San Fransisco in one piece. I went through immigration and then I went to get my luggage to go through customs. I was trying to pull my luggage but there were too many luggages under mine and I cut my pinky finger. At first it seemed to not be a big deal, but then so much blood started coming out. I had nothing but wet wipes so I wrapped my finger, got my other luggage, and went to customs. The security guy could tell something was wrong. I'm pretty sure I looked like I was going to cry, because that is how I felt. He took me to another security guy who bandaged me up, the cut was pretty deep and painful. He also let me take a shortcut out.

After, I rechecked my luggage, went through security again, and made it to my gate almost two hours later. Seriously, you have to have a layover coming into the US. Immigration and customs takes so much time. I had about two hours before my next flight so I just watched Grey's Anatomy and skyped my family. The second flight I got my aisle seat, and the only bad thing was the crazy turbulence we went through. I arrived in Phoenix the same time I left Seoul. Time differences are such a mind trip. I got to baggage claim, and all of a sudden my brother was behind me. I was so happy to see him. I kept hugging him over and over. It felt and still feels like I am awake in a dream right now. Somethings are different, and somethings are the same. It feels a bit alien to me because I've been out of the loop.

My brother and I got my luggage and headed to my mom waiting in the car. Wow! My mom was looking so beautiful. I couldn't stop staring at her. I was so happy to see her. It was a great moment. Phoenix is so hot right now. I packed all the wrong stuff. You can even wear shorts if you wanted to. As we drove on the highway to my mom's house I had that feeling of returning to home. I think no matter where I go AZ will always be where home is. It's so beautiful here. The sky is beyond lovely. The air is fresh and clean. The roads open and not filled with people or cars. There is room to breathe, to be, to think. I've missed home. I've missed these open spaces. I've missed my family and friends. It feels good to be home. Although the time is short, even being here for one moment, is a moment that counts.

There are a lot of people I need to see, and places I need to go to while I'm here. I want to make the most out of my days. I cannot wait to drive my car. Hopefully tomorrow. The only thing I miss is the stillness and solitude of having my own space. Right now everyone is sleeping so I have a moment to catch my breathe, and put my thoughts down. I feel different. I have to ask myself, is this for real? Am I really here? It's as if my vision is blurry and my head is filled with clouds. I'm kind of floating around in this waking dream.

I'm happy to be back. To be here. To eat my grandma's cooking. See my mom's gorgeous smile. Look at my little brother living on his own. Just seeing them in their element, living their lives it makes my heart feel happy, feel peace. It just feels good to see all the people who mean so much to me, who have been there with me through everything, who continue to be my reasons for making my life something wonderful. This is home to me. Not a state, not a city, not a house. Home is people I love. It will always be found in them no matter where I go or they go. When I'm with them, I am at home. It feels great to be home!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

2011 So Far...

2011-01-11T00:40:00.000+09:00

As always hello my lovely readers.

It's about 4 minutes to midnight and I am still awake:(! I've been trying to sort my clothes, purses, etc to bring home as well as the souvenirs I bought for my family and friends back home. Money is just pouring out of my wallet and not in a good way. I bought my plane the weekend after New Years for about $1,500. It was an okay deal compared to the $2,00+ tickets I had been seeing. The only downside is 3-4 hour layovers going to AZ and coming back to Seoul. I guess I can catch up on my reading during that time.

So what's new?
I went to Yongpyong ski resort for the New Year. Brought in 2011 with good friends, fireworks, and lots of cold and snow:)! It was a nice first weekend of the New Year. I attempted to ski for the first time. My good friend was my coach, and I am really thankful to him for how patient he was with teaching not only me but two other friends. Skiing is fun, but scary. The speed freaks me out, even on the bunny slopes. My friends and I fell every time we'd get off the lift, much to our embarrassment. It was really beautiful. All the mountains and snow, a very lovely weekend minus the long bus rides there and back. Lots of good company, board games, junk food, and laughter.

Besides that nothing major. I bought my ticket home. Been doing Winter camp, and thankfully there is only three days left of it. I cannot believe I'll be heading home Friday night. It feels weird. I feel weird, but good about going home for 3 weeks. It will be a blur though. So much to eat, so many people and babies to see, and lots of places I want to go. I'm crossing my fingers I can drive my car while I'm there. That would be great.

I had an epic fall last Thursday. I was walking out of my apartment. Really happy, on my way to meet my tutor friend. I was listening to music and all of a sudden I could feel myself slipping and I tried to catch myself but I landed on all fours. People just stared, I wanted to cry because my knees hurt so bad. I limped to the bus with bruised knees, and the ruined gloves my sister sent me. Then I got on the bus, and halfway through I realized I didn't have my Korean study materials. I had left them at home. I was so frustrated, but you know what everything turned out great.

We skipped the tutor session and headed to Insadong to buy souvenirs for my family and friends back home. Then we ate delicious 순두부, got some yummy Starbucks, and just had a really good time. I was so thankful to her for spending all afternoon and night helping me out. Such a good friend. Besides that I went to a Changall exhibition at the Seoul Museum of Art but it was too crowded to enjoy it. I went to Tomatillo for the first time too that night. Very similar to Chipotle. I ran into a fellow blogger who does really informative youtube videos of places he travels to mostly in Korea but other places too. I always remember faces which is why I recognized him. Haha...I kept on looking at him, he's really tall! I thought to myself I've seen him before. Oh, yeah! Youtube:)! Good times:)

Tomorrow I'm going to go to the Immigration office to extend my visa for next year. Then I'm going to pack, hopefully upload the mega amount of photos I have, and do some cooking. Thursday we are going to some English camp in Paju with our winter camp kids. I'm in charge of the 4th-5th graders. My favorite bunch! I've got a very laid back, nothing special kind of week left. I'm trying not to dread the long journey home, but I get so anxious in airports and airplanes. When I came to Korea I had to use my inhaler because I was so anxious and couldn't breathe properly. I don't have that same nervousness so hopefully no panic or asthma attacks for me Got to remain optimistic. I've got a lot of people waiting for me, and I cannot wait to give them hugs and listen to their stories of the past year. I'll be home soon. I cannot wait to see you all!!

Time to go to bed. Have a great Tuesday everyone, and again I wish you all a very Happy 2011.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Great drama! Great song! Hyun Bin!!!
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Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011...

2010-12-30T15:34:00.002+09:00

As always hello my lovely readers:) I hope this last week of 2010 has been going smoothly for you, and with many moments of happiness and reflection.

Right now I'm chilling in my apartment after the third day of winter camp listening to music and relaxing before I pack for my first ever ski trip. Living in AZ you don't really ever get a chance to do this, so I wanted to give it a go. I don't really like the snow but it should be a nice way to spend New Year's weekend with my friends. I head out tomorrow afternoon. I can't remember the name of the place but it is supposed to be one of the nicest ski resorts in SK. I didn't help with the planning, so I'm just going with the flow and we shall see how things turn out. I'm just worried about how cold it's going to be. I don't want to bring too much or too little. I just want to stay warm:)! Eh, I'm sure it will be fine. If it gets to be too cold I will just relax in the hostel.

So since my last post, I spent Christmas in Itaewon, and started my first week of winter camp. So far so very good. The kids have been great, good attendance and attitudes, and since this is an art themed camp we have lots of creativity and fun for the kids to enjoy. Tomorrow is probably the highlight of all three weeks. We are making chocolate chip cookies, and spending the class decorating and of course eating them:). As for Christmas it was in one word, weird. It was a very bittersweet Christmas. I went with friends for the Rocky Mountain Tavern Christmas buffet, which was okay but it was just weird not being at home eating with my family.

I'm thankful for my friends though, because it was a lot less lonely and sad with them. After the buffet we grabbed dessert at Dunkin Donuts, made a side stop to a bar and Taco Bell, and ended the night with some Norebang. All in all a weird but good Christmas day. I got home around 1 AM and spent all night calling my family and friends back home to wish them a very Merry Christmas. At this point I am soooooo excited to go home and see all of them. To catch up with their lives and see all the kids people have been having. So many babies to hug and spoil when I get home. I just cannot wait to see everyone. Its been too long, and the time with them will be bittersweet because it won't be long enough, but at least it will be something. I need to start making a list of all the thing to do, eat, and buy while I'm home. I'm dying for my grandma's cooking. She makes all my favorite foods so well. I cannot wait to devour them.

Goodbye 2010: Thank You For The Wonderful Memories

Alright, so on to 2010, all in all 2010 has been a year of transformation and growth for me. Like a seed that is planted and grows into a flower. I feel like I finally found my season to bloom. Haha, I'm so cheesy right! I've changed and grown is so many ways and each of them makes me proud. I've made some of my dreams come true, created new ones, and achieved ones I never even knew I wanted. All because I chose to come to South Korea and start a new chapter here, but more than that I started to choose the life I wanted to live. I came to Korean on February 26, 2010 and in less than two months I will have been here for a year. The beginning of 2010 was hard for me because of my health, but as it comes to an end I am so thankful that I am all better and healthy. I remember sitting at home on December 31, 2010 dreaming of being here, and now that precious dream is my living reality. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm thankful. I'm full of joy and gratitude for everything and everyone that got me here, that helped me grow.

My motto for 2009 was "finding the beauty in the breakdown". My motto for 2010 was/is "no resolutions, just (positive) change." I will carry that motto into my 2011. I think resolutions just set you up for failure. Instead of making resolutions I'll break I just decided in my heart to take small steps to create the changes I wanted in my life. No details. No time limits. Just the willpower and hope for change. 2010 was the year I began to live and understand what it means to live the life I imagine. The one I look forward to everyday. The one of my choosing. These are the snippets of the things I hoped for in 2010...

I want 2010 to be a year for me. A year of positive change, new journeys, and lots of positive self-discovery. I want 2010 to be a year of liberation from my scars, burdens, fears, and self-criticism. I want 2010 to be a year for me to transform, find, and create myself into the person I was always supposed to be. I don’t want to limit who I am, where I can go, or what I can do anymore. I want to take a risk and see what happens. I want to find the strength to always stay true to myself, and know there is nothing wrong with just being me.

2010 to me is a year full of closure, discover, opportunities, God, liberation, transition, freedom, travel, growth, promises, hope, dreams, goals, love, positive change, newness, exploration…and so many other things. It’s time for this flower to finally bloom and take root in this world. I want people to know me as I am, not as they want me to be. I want to be seen and to see the reality not the selectivity of the world. I want to laugh, love, dream, hope, fight, discover, grow, learn, fail, triumph, and find pieces of my puzzle in each experience, friendship, loss, opportunity, memory, and person I come across.

As I look back on the things I wrote in my journal for 2010 I smile to myself, happy that I stepped outside of my box, out of my comforts, and tried. There is so much beauty in the act of trying. Whether we succeed or fail we can say we tried. We gave it the best we could in that moments, and that counts for a whole lot more than doing nothing. I've still got many things I want to try, but I acknowledge all the things I've tried so far. Those small steps we take are what gets us to the bigger ones.

Hello 2011: Keep Living The Life I've Imagined:)

In this new year all I ask of myself is to keep that same attitude, that same courage and will power to try, to risk, to discover. I want to keep making my dreams into my reality. I want to keep exploring and creating who I am. I think we forget that the answer to who we are is a dynamic one. We are constantly transforming, growing, changing, redefining who we are, and we should do that. It's okay not to have a definite answer to an indefinite question. Who I am is always going to have a different answer, and I'm excited to see what gets added or subtracted as more chapters of my life come to pass.

In this new chapter I'll be spending another year in Seoul. I am excited and optimistic about staying for another year. To some it may come as a surprise, but even before I stepped foot in Seoul I knew that I wanted to stay for two years. To give myself these two years to immerse myself into life here and see where it takes me. I've done a lot of things in this past year and yet not enough. There is still so much to see, to enjoy, to taste and even with another year I know it will not be enough, but it will still be something.

I don't have any lofty goals or big plans for 2011. I look forward to turning 24, to exploring more, to having my brother and sister here in August, and being happy inside out. I look forward to many firsts, to more beginnings and endings. I look forward to it all, and can only hope that I'll greet 2012. If I can wake up everyday and smile, laugh, give, enjoy my life and the people in it then I am already so very lucky.

My New Year's Wish For You...
Whatever it is you want to do, wherever it is you want to go, whoever it is you are waiting for I hope 2011 brings you to it. I hope that you stay healthy, happy, and loved each and every day. Let it be a year of beauty, joy, peace, lots of opportunities, and endless laughter. I really hope it is a wonderful chapter in your story.

Lastly, I just wanted to say thank you so very much for following my story in 2010. However short or long you've been on this journey with me it is my sincere hope to have you along for the next chapter in 2011.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I'd like to leave you with this song by one of my favorite bands. Pay attention to the lyrics, and I hope it inspires you for 2011

Paper Route "Sing You To Sleep"

"Each new year brings hope and meaning..."

To dream anything that you want to dream. That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.

-Bernard Edmonds-

Imprints & Inkings

2010-12-24T12:00:00.001+09:00

Happy Friday lovely readers!!!

To those who are already on the 24th, HAPPY Christmas Eve to you. I hope you'll be spending the day with loved ones, good food, and an endless flow of laughter.

The shades are up in my classroom, and the sun is peeking in lighting up the place, casting shadow puppets along the surfaces, and just making me smile because although it is very cold outside it is also really beautiful outside. I can't help but smile at that. The sky is clear, the sun is warm, and I'm very much in the holiday spirit. I gave my co-teachers small Christmas presents and made them both Christmas cards. The smiles and looks of pleasant surprise was the icing on a very delicious cupcake.

I love giving presents. I spend a lot of time choosing what to give or make for them, but when they recieve it and they enjoy it, that makes it soooo worth it. I've got presents for my lovely people back home who I will see in January, and I look forward to giving it to you all. I will be going home in about 3 weeks and the excitement is bubbling up inside of me. Although my plane ticket hasn't been purchased yet, and I've got 3 weeks of camp to do, everything feels great, and I know it will all turn out amazing.

I cannot wait to go home. I'm crossing my fingers we get to leave early since the kids have already gone home. One of my students gave me a really sweet handmade Christmas card yesterday telling me how she loves and respects me, and that even though she'll go on to be a 7th grader she won't forget me and will miss me. I gave her a big hug of appreciation. She totally made my day so bright because it was really unexpected and I could see how much effort and care she put into it. I was talking to my sister on the phone about it, and she said to me "you see, you never seem to realize how much of a difference you make in people's lives" and it just made me think a lot about recognizing my importance and my impact on the people around me both in small and big ways. To take the time to notice and nurture those relationships.

I'm looking forward to this Christmas weekend. I'm really hoping we'll get snow here. This is the one time I actually want it to snow. I haven't had a white Christmas in ten years, and it would be nice to see one here in Korea. So for my Christmas wish I hope it snows and I get to have a white Christmas. I'm going to cook myself a fabulous dinnner and dessert, watch my favorite X-mas movies; Love Actually, The Family Stone, and The Holiday, and listen to Christmas tunes tonight. Then tomorrow, watch more movies, and have a Christmas dinner with friends in Itaewon and see where the night takes me.

This is my first Christmas away from my mom and the rest of my family, but I am doing my best not to get homesick and just enjoy the holidays with the wonderful people around me. I'm going to try and spread some holiday cheer wherever I go. I've never been a huge Christmas person, but I do love the idea of giving and just the kindness of the holiday season.

Two years ago I wrote this...

In seven minutes it will be Christmas Day 2008... Let's hope and pray that in Christmas 2010, you will be surrounded by people you love and who love you. That you will be happy and fulfilled with what you are doing, and that you will have found the answer to the question of your life...

I think my younger self would be proud of me! I'm enjoying my life here, I've got a great group of friends both here and back home, and I'm finding that there is no one answer or one questions to my life. My life is a series of answers and questions that change as I travel farther down this road called Life. There is this happiness bubbling inside of me on the brink of spilling out and splashing all over. I'm excited for what my future holds.

Wishing you all a very...

Merry Christmas!!! Happy Hanukkah!!! Happy Kwanzaa!!! Happy Holidays!!! Happy Everything!!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

My favorite Christmas song)

All the Christmas songs sung by Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra are also really wonderful.
Be healthy and happy this holiday season!!!

What Comes Next?

2010-12-21T10:25:00.003+09:00

If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next… Don’t. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness. Don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present - each moment as it comes - because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart, where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again…
~Julia Brown, Everwood~

In my last blog my friend asked me "what do you want to do next?" I've been asking myself the same question but I still don't have a definite answer. At first that worried me, it worried me a lot because for most of my life I'd been the girl with THE plan(s). I had my life mapped out years into the future, and for most of my life I followed the directions I'd laid out for myself without ever taking a detour. Then I got to college, and my plans started to unravel. I started to unravel and even though it felt like all I knew was disappearing in hindsight it was/is the best thing that ever happened to me so far. You have to lose yourself to find yourself, and sometimes losing yourself helps you create who you want to be.

It's hard to let uncertainty take the reigns on my life, but life really is full of so much uncertainty no matter how much we know or think we know. We can make all the plans in the world, but life is a maze of roads and sometimes all the plans you have just get tangled up and so do you. I definitely worry about what comes next, but I try not to let it paralyze me because I have that hope and faith that whatever does come next will be right for me. I've got little bits and pieces of things I'd like to do, places I'd like to go, things I'd like to see after my time in Korea comes to an end, but for now the immediate what comes next is spending time with my family and friends back home, then settling in for another year here. Grad school is taking up a lot of space in my mind, so I want to start looking into Masters programs. I've been thinking a lot about doing one for couseling and for teaching if that would be possible. I think the best thing is to talk to a lot of people in the areas I'm interested in, do my research, and then decide on what feels right for me. My future isn't set in stone, it's created by all the choices I make in my present. I'm trying to make the right choices for me, that will lead me to a road that takes me to the future I want for myself.

The other day my co asked me if I didn't think I'd change my mind and do something else. There is always the possibility of change, but I really feel like I've finally found what I've been looking for as far as my career goals go. I never would have seen myself working as a counselor, but the funny thing is I've been walking down that path for a long time now and I didn't realize it. I've always been the happiest coaching, mentoring and working with youth. I believe being in a job that lets me do that on a daily basis would be amazing. I've got a really big dream for far into the future when it comes to working with youth, and these are the stepping stones to lead me closer to making my dream my reality. I always remind myself to follow my heart and live the life I've imagined. To imagine it up as I go, and create my own path. I've spent too much time trying to live up to other's expectations, trying to mold myself into someone I'll never be happy as. There will be people who don't understand or who feel disappointed in me, but at the end of the day what really matters is how I see myself. How I see my life. What matters is if I like it, if I love it, if I'm happy in it.

Up until college I had such a solid grasp of my life, and sometimes now I feel lost because I'm not sure what direction I want to go, but I know where I want to end up. There are many paths/roads that can lead me there and that is both a blessings and a curse. Some are shorter, some longer. Some are smooth, some are bumpy and riddled with potholes. The thing is I won't know what lies ahead until I reach that point in my journey. I've just got to hold onto my hope and trust that no matter how chaotic things get, it will be as it should in the end, it will be all I've hoped for. I'll be living as I've imagined myself, and if I'm really lucky it will be even better than I imagined.

So to answer her question, what comes next? I'm making it up as I go. I've got goals and dreams inked out but no permanent plan on how I'll reach them. My plans change as I do, as life does. I'm trying to do the things I love, be open to detours, and remember to take happiness with me wherever I go.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

We don't need any roads
Put your feet on the ground
And forget what you know
Don't make it down
Make it up as you go...
I can't tell you what's best
I don't know what comes next
All I know is that I don't know anything
All I got is today, and I prefer it that way
Make a plan, but I know it's gonna change
And that's okay
~Plain White T's~

I heard this song yesterday, and it resonated with my currently wandering soul. Maybe it will do the same with you...

Drifting Thoughts

2010-12-16T16:39:00.001+09:00

As I sat down to eat my lunch I realized it's been almost one year since I set off on this journey. I'm doing things I only dreamed about, going to places I always talked about, conquering fears that held me back, and making my wishes come true.

I smiled to myself, feeling proud of what I've accomplished so far. I'm looking forward to the discoveries and adventures that will comes next.

This is what living means.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Rewind

2010-12-13T15:14:00.000+09:00

I hope your Monday has been splendid! I'm done teaching for the the day. My 6th graders were a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows today. By lunchtime I had a headache due to 6-2's loudness. Overall it's been an okay Monday. I just feel tired and cold.

On Friday I took a half day to do my renewal medical check. My friend gave me the wrong directions so I got lost for a bit, and eventually messaged him about it and he gave me the right directions. I got to the St. Mary's Hospital in Daerim and after a few hiccups I got the check up done. Basically the nurse for some reason wanted to speak to SMOE about why I needed to do this. I couldn't get a hold of my co so I called the 1333 number and had someone translate for me till the nurse understood what was going on.

Another nurse, named Jenny was kind enough to help me through the three checks. She studied English in Australia, and is planning to go to California to study skin care next year. It was nice talking to her while I did the checkups. It took more time to get there and get things sorted out that it did to do the checkup. I have to wait one week to pick up a copy of my results. Next, is the visa extension but I have to wait till the end of the month to do it since I'm not at the 2 months in advance mark. After I went shopping at Times Square, and then met up with friends to go to a boardgame cafe. Haha, we ended up spending most of our time at a friend's apt in Cheongdam; talking, listening to Christmas music, and my friend made me a delicious kiwi soju cocktail.

It was my first time at a board game cafe, and we played Clue. We had eight people so we played in teams of two. My partner and I ended up winning even though it was our first time playing Clue. They had a lot of games but we didn't know how to play most of them so we left and ended up at Ho Bar and stayed there till after 3AM. At one point we ended up at some Hot Dog stand. Solbin's Hot Dog's? He was teasing me about being his type, and I said he wasn't mine, and then he was asking which of his friends was mine. I was like none of them. Then he asked if one of my friends was my boyfriend. Then he started hitting on another friend. It was an interesting experience. After this drunk Korean girl came up to us asking about where we are from, why we are here, what time is it, and do we speak English? She would ask us if we spoke English as we spoke to her in English. Very weird chick. I got home around 4:30 AM, passed out, and woke up around 11 AM to go shopping. Haha, nothing gets in the way of shopping.

I seriously love the Express Bus Terminal shopping. Lots of good deals. I finished shopping, went all the way home, and then decided I should have gotten both jackets so I went all the way back to get the other color of the jacket I bought. It fits so well and is very warm. Plus it was 50% off. I decided to have dinner at Shinsegae, and a Fragola (strawberry gelato) for dessert. OMG, that gelato was so scrumptious!!! I ended up getting home at 7 PM. I lounged around for a bit, before heading out to Hongdae to meet up with friends for a friend of friend's birthday celebration. On my way there these two adjummas got into an arguement right in front of me as we waited for the train.

Basically one adjumma said to the other not to lean against the doors. I think she was just being concerned, but the other adjumma was like "It's fine, leave me alone" with a really bad attitude. The adjumma got angry at the other adjumma's rudeness and they started yelling at each other and saying all kinds of crap. It was funny, awkward, and kind of sad because the first adjumma never meant to offend the other adjumma. After some kebabs and drinks we ended up in Gorrilaz and ran into some friends there. The funny part was my friend's friend came up to me and told me she reads my blog, then she asked me if she should pick me up on her choo choo train and go to the bar. It was so hilarious because I wasn't sure if she was drunk or just being funny. I'm pretty sure she was drunk after she started doing the choo choo train with her hand going up and down as she headed to the bar. Good times.

I got home around 4 AM and slept till 1PM. I spent the day watching HPATDH:), cooking, and just relaxing. I usually don't stay out too late both nights on weekends but this weekend ended up like that. Which is why I'm so tired today. I am someone who loves to sleep. I'd like to spend days sleeping and doing nothing else if I could.

Right now I'm trying to book my flight home but tickets are soooooo expensive. So I'm waiting it out and checking each day hoping it will go down. Besides that I'm just getting into the Christmas spirit. I ordered a Christmas tree from GMARKET. It comes with decorations and only cost 15,000 won so we'll see how it looks once it gets to my place. I also got a mini-oven to do some baking. I love baking, and plan on making some cupcakes this coming weekend, or confetti cake if I can find the ingredients for it.

For some reason I haven't felt like writing these days. I'm not sure what it up with that, but yeah I just don't feel like it. Maybe it's because I have a lot on my mind and I'm not ready to seal my thoughts by writing them out. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's just me being my weird self:). Haha who knows. I've been listening to Coldplay all day. Below is one of my favorite songs by them.

I hope you all have a fantastic week!!!
Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Snowflakes

2010-12-08T13:24:00.000+09:00

I sat at my desk and suddenly I could feel the atmosphere change within the classroom and my students. They starts whispering excitedly to each other. It had started to snow outside again. Distracted by the snow they looked towards the wall of windows smiling as the snow flurried around outside. Dancing and twirling as it made its way to the ground.

It's one of those sweet moments to observe. How such a simple and natural thing could bring so much joy to them, to me, to all of us. We stopped class and we all made our way to the windows. Staring out at the snow. Opening the windows and trying to capture snowflakes in our palms. The children asking me over and over "Teacher, isn't it beautiful?" Me smiling, and admitting that even with my dislike of snow I can't help but bask in the beauty of it with them. So we spent the last few minutes of class staring at the snow together. As I glanced at the classroom doors I saw other teachers and students were also reveling in the snow. I smiled as I watched everyone laughing and grinning over the falling snowflakes. Feeling happy that I was here to enjoy it with them.

It truly was a sweet moment to behold.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

YG Family Concert

2010-12-05T20:39:00.001+09:00

So I planned to leave my place at 4:30 PM, but ended up leaving around 4:50. It takes over an hour to get to Olympic Park where the concert would start at 7PM. Everything was going fine, I was at my second transfer and that is when things got a little hectic. It was already about 6:10, and the stupid line 5 makes a fork at one of the stops. No one tells you that you have to get off, and then get on again because this subway will go one of two ways. I used Seoul metro to figure out how to get to Olympic Park and it never mentioned this mini-transfer.

So I ended up having to backtrack a few stops, then wait for the next train going to way I need to go, which meant another 10 minutes of waiting. I realized I should use the restroom before the concert, but the line at Olympic Park station was sooooo long. Seriously, you never see men waiting to go. Why are we like this women? Lol...so I head to the stadium and decide to try Tou Les Jours, where thankfully the line was not too long. One lady decided to just use the men's bathroom. How I wished to do that.

I got to the entrance but then was told VIP tickets have to get some arm bracelet. The staffer was nice enough to walk me over to the booth and get it done for me. Then I got to skip the line and go to my section. It was already filled with people but I got a good standing spot in the corner. I was surprised by the number of foreigners and gypos in my section. A nice surprise. The concert started about 20 minutes late, but it definitely was worth every won. I couldn't take any videos or photos because security was on everyone about it. So I just enjoyed every minute of it.

My Random Thoughts On The Concert
-PSY is the man. Seriously he really knew how to get the crowd energy up. I loved his performances. He was so lively and everyone enjoyed it. He stole the show!!!

-G-dragon's semi afro puff thing cracked me up, but I kinda like it.

- Out of all the performances Gummy blew me away as usual because her voice/talent is just phenomenal. I love her!!!

-So I got pissed because Taeyang didn't perform any of his songs. No solo. WTF man.

-Then I got pissed because he was the only one who didn't come to our side so I never got a really close view of him.

-Gummy gave away an Ipad. I unfortunately was not the lucky winner.

-Minzy is so awesome. I loved her solo. She is talented, sexy, and full of charisma.

- TOP owned it. Even with his hair, the boy is so damn sexy. He was like 3 feet in front of me dancing around and my mind went blank.

-YG Family is full of talented artists. I like everyone from YG because they set themselves apart from the other entertainment groups. I might be biased but they really do find talented artists and talented people to help get them where they are.

-I'm so excited for all the comebacks, performances, and BIG SHOW 2011 to come.

-Se7en came to my section a few times and he kept doing this funny dance. IDK but it seemed to be an inside joke between him and PSY.

-At one point PSY took a water bottle and started spraying the crowd with water from his mouth.

-I saw Se7en, Gummy, Park Bom, Seungri, G-dragon, PSY, Daesung, T.O.P, Cl..pretty much everyone except for Taeyang up close. Haha everyone is so much shorter.

-Park Bom looked amazing in all her outfits, but jeez her dresses are really really short.

-Seungri has totally won me over. He's pretty adorable, and is a great MC. His skit was so funny.

-Se7en had this sparkly suit going on, and at one point he put on these jeweled roller sneakers and roller sneaker-ed(?) around the stage. It was hilarious and cute.

- I loved how much fun they seemed to have with their performances.

-Oh. GD and TOP had on these huge fur jackets trying to be all gangster with the gold chains and old. All I could think of was Biggie Smalls when I saw that.

- I loved how they mixed up the performances. CL with GD. Gummy did her version of It hurts with 2NE1. Park Bom & Gummy did You & I together. I'd love for them to do a duet together. Gummy & Se7en performed together. Se7en & Big Bang..and so on.

-That was probably my favorite part besides the encore performances.

-I pretty much knew all the songs they sang, it surprised me how much of the lyrics I knew. People kept staring at me as I sang a long and danced with them.

-Lots of fireworks, confetti, and flames (so hot in there because of them). I could feel the heat because we were that close to the stage.

-My whole body hurt after, from looking back and forth from the stage to the screen. Standing and dancing for over three hours. Good times:)

-The stage setup was pretty good. They made it so they could travel around and I'm sure many people got to see them up close. No closeup of Taeyang for me.

-GD and TOP together is a great duo. I'm looking forward to their album.

-The energy in the crowd and the performances made it so much fun to be there. I'd definitely try and get VIP for Big Show. Crossing my fingers for that ticket!!!

-Can't really think of anything else. It was a fun time. I'm happy I got to experience that.
Looking forward to going to more concerts in the future.

- Loved every moment of it, so happy I went.

-YG Family=Daebak!!!

The concert was a little over three hours, but VIP sections had to wait to be let out. So I didn't get to the subway station till around 11:20 PM. I could only make it as far as Samseong before the train stopped and I had to find a taxi home along with all the other people. It took about an hour to get home so I got home around 1AM. All that time spent traveling but it was worth it.

Imprints & Inklings

2010-12-03T14:02:00.001+09:00

Happy Friday lovely readers. I hope your Friday has been/goes splendidly.

This happy bubble I'm in hasn't popped yet despite the shennanigans my students and life throws my way. The sun is shining, life has been sweet to me, and despite coming down with a bit of a cold I feel good inside and out.

I haven't been really writing about my life these days, maybe because I've been living it. Life has been busy these past few weeks. I went to an apple festival, ziplining, hosted a yummy Thanksgiving dinner at my place, and tomorrow I'm going to the YG Family concert. I'm practically dancing inside and sometimes on the outside with excitement. I'm hoping I'll feel better, but no matter what I'll be singing and dancing my heart out to Se7en, Big Bang, Taeyang, Gummy, 2NE1, and PSY. I'm super happy I scored a VIP seat. I plan on getting as close as I can to the stage...okay Taeyang.

I'm looking forward to it, and the weather is supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow. The concert is at Olympic Park Stadium, which is like an hour away from me. I'll be jamming to K-pop on the way there. After this weekend things will cool down. Lately life has been go, go, go, and I'm looking forward to a few weekends without any major plans. I need to figure out what to do for Christmas. I've never been huge on Christmas because it never goes my way. All I want to do is spend time with the people in my life, no presents, just their time, and do whatever, preferably in my comfy pajamas. I'm not really into the whole dress up and go out Christmas that my family tends to do. This will be my first Christmas away from home, so I want it to be a great one.

I'm going on a ski trip for New Years. I've never been skiiing, so this is a chance to do something new and celebrate 2011 with my friends. Looking forward to it. More than anything I am looking forward to being in the states for a few weeks and spending time with my lovely family and friends back home. I'm looking forward to eating my mama and grandma's delicious cooking, hanging out with my close friends, going to New York and Maryland with my sister, seeing all the babies everyone is having. I'm excited to eat, shop, and laugh a lot when I go home. I want to soak it all up, because everyday I have with them won't be enough. So I want to make the most of it, and pamper them all.

So life right now in bits and pieces...

I caught a glimpse of the first snow in Seoul. The cars outside were coated in it, but it was gone by morning. I'm dreading the real snow to come. Hopefully most of it will happen when I'm back in the states. This morning I was walking to school and this 4th grader was screaming my name until I finally noticed (was listening to music) just to say hello to me. IDK..but she seems to have taken a liking to me, and gets really excited everytime she sees me. We have a hard time communicating, but we manage. It makes me smile and feel all happy inside. As I walked into school, I saw a few of my students in a circle. Curious I walked over to see this adorable puppy jumping around playfully licking and biting students. No one knew who she belonged to, but she was tied up so I assumed she had a home to go to. I'm allergic to dog hair, but not all dog hair so I didn't have a problem with this dog or so I thought. Haha, later my nose was running and so stuffy. I'd like to have a dog one day. I've never had a pet. My mom doesn't like dogs or cats, or any animals. I firmly believe every kid deserves to grow up with a pet. I want a dog and a turtle one day. Need to find a dog with hair that doesn't send me into an allergy attack, or I should take shots for it. I've always wanted a Siberian Husky. That was so random.

Anyways, as Fridays go this was a pretty easy one. The kids are getting antsy these days so we changed their seats in hopes of them calming down. We'll see how that goes next week. I've got to start planning for winter camp, do my medical check for renewing, buy my plane tickets home, plan my trip home, blog about my recent trips, and upload all the photos and videos I have sitting on my hardrive. Hopefully I'll conquer the photos and videos on Sunday.

My family has been freaking out about North Korea. To the point that some of them have been pressuring me not renew, but I'm going to still renew. You won't ever be completely safe anywhere, and I'm not going to be pressured into leaving. I've tried to calm them down, and assure them that if things escalate to a point where my safety is compromised I'd get on the first plane home. I'm happy here, and I am looking forward to another year of adventures, discoveries, and growth.

Haha, I just feel like doing a happy dance. Life is good. I'm good. I hope you are good too.

Happy Friday everyone. Remember to laugh, smile, and breathe.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

One of my favorite songs by the great Nell...

Edit: I just read through this entry, so zippy. It's amazing how much your writing can reflect your current state.

I'm The Ghost In The Back Of Your Head

2010-11-30T15:18:00.001+09:00

The sun is shining. I've just finished up my six classes, and can finally catch my breath before I attempt to study my Korean. I've been noticing lately how good I've been feeling inside out, and I'm doing my best to hold on to that feeling of happiness. To have it be a constant mood flowing through me.

Last week was a crazy week, with it's ups and downs but I got through it, because I decided as long as I'm trying that is good enough. It's become this chant in my head over the past few days. If I wake up every morning and try to do my best, then that is enough. The way we handle life is such an internal battle. As they say "life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react" so I've been focusing on not letting life's daily dramas mess up my mood. Being a positive person is a work in progress, and I'm constantly reminding myself of the silver lining when situations arrive and throw me off balance.

It feels good, this feeling of happiness with myself, with the life I'm leading. I'm the kind of person who always wants to do better than I've done. Always reaching for the next achievement instead of enjoying and appreciating how far I've already come. So lately I remind myself to look how far I've come when I'm worried about where I will go. In the end things will fall into place the way they should. I'll figure it out when I need to, and for now I just need to embrace the uncertainty, the changes, the little transformations I go through.

I worry that my happy bubble will burst, but then I remind myself that happiness is my choice. I have to choose it everyday. I choose to wake up everyday and try my best to live well. I choose to smile, to try and brighten up the lives of the people around me, to make people laugh, and to show them they matter. I choose to find the brighteness in my life. It comes from simple things like sunny days, blue skies, sweet kids, getting to school a few minutes early, laughing with my co-workers, talking with friends, cooking myself a fabulous meal, a good night's sleep. Just taking the time to notice those seemingly everyday moments and appreciate them. They hold us through the bad, crazy, or annoying moments.

I'm feeling really good, and proud of myself for trying. For waking up every morning and trying to make the most out of my day. For testing my limits, and doing things I'd never thought I could or would do. For making my dreams come true, and not waiting for them to be handed to me. This life I'm leading, this woman I'm becoming makes me happy. Everyday I get closer to the future I've imagined for myself. Eventually that future will become my present, and I look forward to it.

I think a lot of the time we forget that we have to be our own motivators. The voice inside telling ourselves we can do it, we can accomplish our dreams, we can live well! All we have to do is make a conscious effort to try. No matter what happens; the obstacles, the delays that come our way, we still make that decision to try. To try, and try, and try, and keep trying until we make a breakthrough.

To make sure we acknowlege our efforts, and not just focus on our failures. For we are going to fail sometimes, and then we have to decide to try again, and again, and again. That's kind of the thoughts floating around my mind these days. It's not neccesarily about being strong, it's about being persistant, about knowing that it will get hard but still choosing to keep going. It's about having the courage to overcome our fears and worries, even when we feel paralyzed by them. Having the fortitude and willpower to always try, period.

I'll leave you with this...

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” -Mary Anne Radmacher-

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

This wasn't the post I planned to write, but like a lot of things in life, the best things/moments are the ones that just happen.

Shelter

2010-11-25T13:47:00.002+09:00

Wednesday was another not so great day. Only two students showed up for ASP class, and no parents came for the open class. I was really frustrated about my students continually not coming to class, and no one doing anything about it. I got to leave early for once since the other teachers had already left for their monthly outing and I never get to go because of ASP. I was walking to the bus stop and suddenly decided to walk home in hopes of my frustration disappearing with each step. I guess I just care too much, and everyone else doesn't care enough. It just bugs me, because as I walked out of the school two of them showed up like class was just starting, and only because they didn't want to go home and get in trouble for not coming. I told them class is over, and that they need to go home and deal with their mothers.

The only excuse they have for not coming is that they just don't want to. Well if I'm going to prepare all these activities and games then you better get your butt in a chair and be there. Seriously, I can't keep having only one or two students come to class, because what fun is that to be the only student there? I've told my co time and time again, she sees what happens, and yet nothing changes. She tells them to come, I tell them to come, and they just don't. I've got three classes left of ASP and so I'm not going to get frustrated anymore. I have other things to get frustrated about besides their lack of attendance. I'm going to do my best and then go home and forget about it.

As I walked home yesterday, it felt good. The weather was pretty nice, the sky beautiful and cloudy, and as I walked my thoughts began to clear, and I felt better. I decided to visit somewhere I've been wanting to go but never did. There is this huge waterfall I pass on the bus to school, and on the top my co told me there is a little park up there. I trudged up the steps a bit disappointed that today of all days they were cleaning out the waterfall. The leaves were so gorgeous on the way up, and when I got to the top there wasn't much except for a few benches and tables to sit at. The gorgeous part was the view of life below. Next time, I'll bring my camera along and snap some fall colors. I sat there for a bit, did a little writing, and just took a moment to breathe. It bothers me that I get so frustrated about these kids. They don't care, and yet I do, but that's me I can't stop caring even if everyone else does. A blessing and a curse.

I stopped and got some pastries, went home and made some tea, and after a while I fell asleep on the couch. Sleep really is a natural antidote to a lot of life's problems. I woke up to knocking on my door, and lo and behold it was some adjumma bearing my YG Family concert ticket. Finally, and perfect timing. A little sunshine on a cloudy day. I got up, did some cleaning and decorating. Then I made myself dinner, and for once sat at the table, and watched A Cinderella Story since it was on tv. I made some lists for my Thanksgiving shopping, got things ready for tomorrow, and went to sleep early. I woke up around 4 AM from a nightmare with tarantulas. Not fun!!! I couldn't really sleep after that, and just drifted in and out until it was time to get ready for school.

As I walked to school this morning, I looked up at the sky like I always due and realized that no matter what comes my way I can and will handle it. None of my problems are as deep or a immense as the sky. I will overcome what comes my way. Today is another day, a clean slate to try things again. As I walked into school my students greeted me with their warm smiles and sweet hellos, and I thought to myself "let yesterday, and focus on making today wonderful" that is what I am trying to do.

Today is Thanksgiving day back home, and I have sooooo much to be thankful for. I'm thankful for my supportive family, my amazing friends both here, back home, and spread out around the world. I'm thankful for all the dreams I've made come true this year. I'm thankful to be alive, and relatively healthy. I'm thankful that I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. All those things far outweigh the bad moments

I'm not going to get frustrated or angry. I'm not going to get disappointed or sad. I'm just going to do the best I can, and live with that. Trying is so much better than doing nothing. So I'll keep trying in everything and do and trust that overall everything will turn out great.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL. I hope you have a great time with your loved ones.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

"Shelter" by The xx
And I'll cross oceans, like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
And I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too

Tuesdays

2010-11-23T15:04:00.000+09:00

Yesterday was such a good day, but today not so much. My 5th graders have gone over the deep end and came back out of control. I guess since there is only a month left in the semester they think they can act however the want, talk back, and pretty much ignore whatever my co-teacher or I say. 5-4 is my worst class. They are the loudest, and have the most troublemakers in a class. Even some of my favorite students have decided to stop caring and act up in class. They drained my already depleting energy in 40 minutes. I feel like a zombie today.

I went to bed around 11:30 PM after watching Mary Stayed Out All Night, and slept fine but woke up around 4:30 AM feeling a bit sick, and tossed and turned till I had to get up for school. Tuesday is my longest day, with two 3rd grade classes and four 5th grade classes. I feel so exhausted right now, and every sound grates on my frazzled nerves. The incessant chatter of my 5th graders made me feel like I was going to pass out during class. It was just so loud, and they wouldn't stop talking and do their work. I had to have them close their eyes and put their hands on their heads at least twice, and yet they just didn't care.

I made some stay after and clean the classroom, but if I had it my way they'd stay and do busy work till I decide to let them go home. I feel so sleepy and weak right now. All I want to do is go home, curl up in my bed, and fall asleep to some Coldplay songs. I've got a lot of things on my mind right now besides school. I was zoning in and out of teaching with the thoughts dancing around in my head. Thoughts of things I need to do, want to do, should do, etc. Just lots of things to do. I think I need to take a step back, give myself some room to breathe, and then tackle it all piece by piece.

I have open class tomorrow, and I'm worried about whether all my kids will show up or not. I don't understand them this semester, they just don't show up or they come 20 minutes late and I make them make up the time by staying later and cleaning or doing some writing practice. They hate that, but they still come late. I just don't get it, and I seem to be the only one who cares about them not coming. Then I have to remind myself they have so many things on their plates, that sometimes it means ASP isn't their priority. Let's just hope they come tomorrow and do a good job. If not for me, then for their parents who came to see them. Life seems busier than usual right now, or maybe I'm just feeling lazier these days.

I was telling my co how I want to go into hibernation for the winter like bears do. I'm so sleepy when the weather is cold. I feel the chill all the way to my bones. Which is why after Seoul, I will never live in a cold place. I might not stay in AZ but I will not live where it snows. I like the abundance of sunny days and good weather we get on the west coast. I'm looking forward to going home, to going back to my family and friends and making the most of every moment I have with them.

Lots of thoughts running inside my head this Tuesday. Well the day is over, all that is left is lesson planning, and that should be quick and easy. Then I can go home, make some tea, and take a nap. For now, I'll listen to some music to soothe me after this long Tuesday.

I hope your Tuesday is going better than mine!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

23

2010-11-16T11:38:00.000+09:00

Two years from now, I hope you didn't give up on your dream to go to South Korea, I hope you did it for you and came back a stronger person. I hope two years from now you are making a name for yourself in the world and finding happiness in your own personal life.

Don't let fear and worries keep you from going after what you want, because one day it will be too late and you'll have too many regrets.

Be happy, Work hard, Love deeply, and Live freely:)
I stumbled upon this jorunal entry over the weekend. Something my 21 year old self wrote when pondering my future. It made me smile, and I'm happy to say at 23 I've done as my 21 year old self hoped, and I'm finding my happiness, and becoming a stronger version of myself. The two years in between have been a rollercoaster ride, but I'm doing well. I think my younger self would be proud of this older one.

Today, I had my renewal open class. It went really well. The evaluators were not the same two ladies from last time, but they had only good things to say. I was surprised that they liked it so much, but I'm happy they did. I have one more open class next week for my after school, and hopefully that will be the last one. I'm really happy because I have no 5th and 6th graders for the rest of the week because they are all going to Gyeongju for three days. I'm really happy, I can use that time to get things accomplished, or just relax. I'm going to use my sick leave today, this constant weather change is really getting to me. Yesterday, was sooooo cold and I woke up this morning feeling really sick. I got through open class, will get through my 5 classes, and then go home and rest. I went to sleep early yesterday but I still woke up tired and with this headache that won't go away.

I tend to get severe headaches, but this one has been lingering for three days now. I don't know if it's just the weather changes or something else but it won't go away. Other than not feeling well, I feel pretty happy on the inside out. Haha, it's cold but the sun is shining, open class went well, a pretty easy rest of the week starts tomorrow.

I had no school on Friday, so I went shopping, did some cleaning, and skyped with a friend for four hours. That's the thing with skype once you start talking time seems to disappear until you end the call and realize the whole day has ended. My homesickness has subsided which is great. On Saturday I went on this Adventure Korea trip and it wasn't great but it wasn't completey horrible. Met some interesting people, made some apple jam, freaked out over all the bees, had to wake a girl up to clean herself up after she vomited on herself on the busride back. I guess the apple wine was too much for her. It was a long but interesting day. On Sunday I slept in. skyped my mom, watched tv shows, cooked, and just relaxed at home.

This weekend I'm going ziplining with Discover Korea. I'm shaking on the inside, due to mostly nervousness and a hint of excitement. It's a fear I'm overcoming, and my friends will be there to cheer me on through all 9 courses. I really am happy with this 23 year old me:)!!!!

Enjoy your week!!!!!

"23" by Jimmy Eat World
Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I wont always love what I'll never have
I wont always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Even Now

2010-11-11T20:10:00.000+09:00

I never understand what causes these bouts of homesickness I get. Maybe it's because I haven't been feeling well. Or that I keep thinking about my mom througout my day. Or that I really wish I could see my best friend and hug her. I'm going home in January for a few weeks, and it's a bittersweet feeling. I have so many people I want to see and spend time with, but the time I have won't be enough. I worry that I won't want to leave them for another year.

I'm sitting in my apartment in the dark with only the glow of my computer screen the only light and I miss home. I want to call my mom. Talking to my mom is like the best medicine for my soul. She just makes it better, period. We could be talking about mundane things but hearing her voice and her laugh just brings me back to earth. I miss her. I cannot wait to see her in January and have her hold me. Just be together. I can't wait to see how much my baby brother has grown up. See his apartment. Stalk him at school:)! I cannot wait to see my sister, and just be together. Shopping, eating, talking. I cannot wait to spend some time with my best friend. Lately, I've been missing her more than usual, and am really thankful for her. I cannot wait to see my two dearest friends and their baby girls. So many beautiful babies to see. I can't wait for a DABA reunion. So many little things I can't wait for. Which is why my school needs to tell me asap when camp is so I can book my flight and make this trip home legit. I'm excited to see them, hug them, be with them for however many days we get. I'm looking forward to being around the people who keep me rooted in this world. Today I miss them more tha usual, so I feel a bit sad inside my heart. I don't know why I get like this, so emotional, but for some reason today I just miss what I had. I miss my home, my people, my...IDK I just miss everything.

Maybe it's the weather, or just my moody self. Whatever the reason, I'm in a funky mood, so I am going to watch Glee and try to cheer up. I guess being alone isn't the best thing when I'm homesick but I really don't want to go outside in this weather and try to meet up with people. Everyone is sleeping back home so I can't call them. Damn time difference. I've got tomorrow off, and I plan to make the most of my day. I'm going to enjoy every second of it.

"Even Now" by Dashboard Confessional
Even now I can feel your eyes

Watch me as I strum
Much too late at night
Even now I can see you smile
I can hear you hum
I can hear you sing
And I always can find you again
Even in the dark of night
Even in the lowest light
Even as the world outside
Is spinning, and spinning

Be blessed.
~Lola O.~

Poison & Wine

2010-11-09T15:49:00.000+09:00

Currently one of my students is sitting in my classroom till 3:30 PM after cleaning all the table and chairs twice because of his continous bad behavior today and every single day I teach him. He's a problem student, and today I needed to show him the consequences. I've learned that the worst kind of punishment is taking time from my students. If they misbehave I add extra time that is taken from hanging out with their friends, taking a rest, or in this case going home.

It all started at 6th period. I really like my 5-4 kids, but they are loud and tend to veer off course a lot. My co just left for a teacher training so I had the "pleasure" of teaching them all by myself. No biggie, I just knew they'd act up even more than usual. We had a lot to do today (test, new words, ppt...) and I didn't have time for any nonsense. Students came late, they wouldn't be quiet so I had them put their hands on their heads and close their eyes to calm down. I had to count down from 30 seconds, and if they kept shuffling, talking, or whatever the clock would start again. After that I handed out their test, and that part went fine. Then came the time to grade and record their scores. They decided this was time to socialize, so I wrote on the board 2:25 PM.

At first they didn't understand what was going on, but as the time went to 2:27, 2:29, 2:30, they finally got it together. Since they were taking my teaching time, I'd take their fun time. We got through the new words and the key expressions powerpoint landing on a class ending time of 2:35 PM. You had to complete the writing assignment before you could leave, and have it checked by me. If that meant staying later than 2:35 then I made them stay. During class I warned them that if they kept acting up they'd stay after to clean. I had about 5 students, all boys that had to stay after and clean. Most left by 2:50 PM. This one, the worst one is staying till 3:30 PM because of his misbehavior and disrespect while all the other boys cleaned and he just did as he pleased. I hate having to do this, but he's got a big lesson to learn and I plan on teaching him. He might not get it today, but I will keep teaching him respect as long as I'm his teacher. There's "being a kid" and then there is "being a ......." and he is acting like the later. I'm annoyed that I feel bad for punishing them, but hell they've got to realize that I'm serious when I tell them to sit down, be quiet, and do their work. If they did that we wouldn't have had a problem, but they didn't so we/they/I had a problem. I will tell my co all about today, so that she makes it clear to 5-4 when we see them on Friday that they better get their act together. It's moments like this when I doubt my teaching abilities. I need to learn more Korean classroom commands to help me out. Hmm....

It's only Tuesday, but school life is hectic. M/T are my craziest days but thank goodness it all ends after today and my week gets shorter and my life brighter. I'm doing a lot of open class planning right now. Since my co is doing this training in the afternoons that means more work for me, but it's no biggie since this open class is for my renewal. I feel wiped out, not to mention I have a killer tummy ache and chills. I'm fighting getting sick cause I'm so tired of being sick so often here. At least this week is a four day week at my school. I plan to spend my Friday sleeping in, decorating my apartment some more, and doing some winter shopping. I need that. I'm so glad I don't have to go with the other teachers on some 1N2D trip they are doing that weekend. It would be so awkward for me, even more than teacher dinners are. I don't think I could handle a weekend of that, and I'm glad they aren't asking me to. I'd love to get to know the other teachers better but not in some campsite:)!

I had a great weekend before this hectic week started. On Friday I went to the Lantern Festival. If you haven't gone you have till he 14th to check it out. I enjoyed walking around, snapping up photos, and hanging out with my friends. I didn't enjoy the crowds that push. I got really anxious at one point because there was just too many people shoving me around as we walked. The Lantern Festival is definitely a date spot, hence the overload of couples and their lovey dovery business:). I'm so not jealous. Haha. The best part of the night was after the festival when my friends and I had a D&M four hour conversation at McDonalds that went from one topic to another but was all kinds of wonderful and interesting. Lots of laughter, McFlurries, and bonding. I needed that. After, we got into a taxi with a driver that laughs like the killer in Wolf Creek. As we went he would start pointing at things and getting excited. He also didn't seem to know where he was going. He was weird and freaked me out a bit especially since I was getting dropped off last. Well his weirdness didn't turn psycho and I got home safe.

I got home after 3:30 AM. I was going to go to sleep, but then my dear friends from back home got on skype and we tried out the group video chatting so I didn't get to sleep till around 6 AM. It was worth it. I woke up around 5PM and spent the rest of the day watching tv shows and being lazy. I spent all Sunday cleaning and decorating my aparment adding little slivers of art to make it more me...more than it already was. I love my apartment. I look forward to going home and knowing that for now this place has me written all over it.

The student has left now, and as the sun shines through my window I feel better. Teaching is trial and error, and today was a trial filled with errors and triumphs. Now it is over, and tomorrow will start soon enough. So I'm going to enjoy the rest of today. Get myself a mango smoothie from Paris Baguette, cook myself something scrumptious, and just enjoy. I hope you enjoy your day too!!!

The Civil Wars "Poison & Wine"

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Imprints & Inklings

2010-11-05T13:39:00.000+09:00

(Source: musicalitina)

I love those sunny days, when everything has this beautiful tint to it. When it passes through your windows and makes you smile. I love sunny days, and even more I love sunny Fridays:). Haha, I'm feeling really light and happy today. A lot better than I was yesterday mostly due to 1) a card from my bestie 2) laughing with my sister 3) watching Smallville (I've been watching it since I was twelve) 4) Pumpkin soup, and 5) a really peaceful sleep.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, and then a four day week at school next week. We have the 12th off at my school. This month is really busy for me with school, but these little breaks are helping a lot. I'm going to the Seoul Lantern Festival tonight. I'm really excited for it, I've seen pictures of previous years and it looks cool. Besides that, I need to practice Korean, clean, figure out TG, and upload pictures. We shall see what actually gets done. It's going to be a chill at home kind of weekend. Watching movies, catching up on sleep and my tv shows, and talking to my lovely people back home. Sometimes I wish I could bottle up this light and happy feeling that flows through me once in a while. I'd swallow a bit of it on the crappy days.

Right now my school and I are trying to figure out (agree) on winter camp dates. I've already turned in my "suggestion" for winter camp's schedule and hopefully the VP approves it so I can by my plane ticket home asap. I'm hoping I'll know by next week. A lot of my 5th grade students are sporting rings these days. Friendship rings, couple rings, whatever rings. So many kids are dating each other, it's weird but cute. I think they are a little young for couple rings, but they love wearing them. That is the easiest way for me to tell that they are an item. One of my favorite students who I affectionately call Toto the little cow (his name choice) has moved away. A lot of my good students are moving, and it makes me really sad. I'm going to miss our banter.

Nothing else really going on this week, just life. Happy weekend everyone, and remember to SMILE ^___^

Be blessed,

~Lola O.~

2010-11-04T15:06:00.000+09:00

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~Elisabeth Foley~

I wasn't having a great day because it seems that I'm coming down with something. My stomach is in misery, and my whole body is aching. I'm freezing no matter how many layers I have on. I woke up like that, went to school like that, and am still feeling yucky. At one point I thought I was going to throw up during lunch, but thankfully it didn't happen. I should have asked for sick leave, but I stubbornly didn't tell anyone I wasn't feeling well. I'm not one to use my sick days unless it's realyl dire because for some reason I feel guilt. Ahhh...this conscience of mine is annoying. I had five classes today, and after I was sitting at my desk browsing the internet when one of my students comes bearing today's mail and I had real mail. Not a bill, but a lovely card from my bestie back home. God, I love her:)!!!!

Seriously, even with this distance she's there when I need her, an it is always an unexpected but much needed surprise. I wasn't feeling blue because I'm not feeling well, and seriously I was sick like a month ago. Give me a freaking break Universe!!! Anyway, I wanted to share what the card said, it's one of those quoteable ones because maybe when you are reading it you'll feel better too about your day, life, anything and everything going on with you.

"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Rocketeer

2010-11-03T15:16:00.009+09:00

I've been having another hectic day at school. Lots of grading for thThis song made me feel a little lighter, not to mention the lovely Hobaek guk (pumpkin soup) I had for lunch. Nothing like my favorite soup to comfort me inside and out. Anyway check out the song by Far East Movement ft. Ryan Tedder (I have a little crush on him..okay his voice)!!!

The video is nothing special, but it has that feel good feeling to it. I'm digging the lyrics...

Here we go, come with me

There's a world out there that we should see

Take my hand, close your eyes

With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)

Up, up here we go, go

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)

Up, up here we go, go

Where we stop nobody knows

[Prohgress:]

Where we go, we don't need roads

And where we stop nobody knows

To the stars if you really want it

Got a jetpack with your name on it

Above the clouds and the atmosphere

Say the words and we outta here

Hold my hand if you feelin scared

We're flyin up, up outta here

Here we go, come with me

There's a world out there that we should see

Take my hand, close your eyes

With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)

Up, up here we go, go

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)

Up, up here we go, go

Where we stop nobody knows

[Kev Nish:]

Baby, we can stay fly like a G6

Shop the streets of Tokyo, get your fly kicks

Girl, your always on my mind

Got my head up in the sky

And I'm never lookin down, feelin priceless

Yeah, where we at? only few have known

Were on some next level, super mario

I hope this works out, cardio

Until then let's fly

Geronimo

Here we go, come with me

There's a world out there that we should see

Take me hand, close your eyes

With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly

[J-Splif:]

Yo, now I ain't ever been to space before

But I ain't never seen a face like yours

You make me feel like I can touch the planets

You are the moon girl, watch me grab it

See, I ain't ever seen a star this close

You got me stuck by the way you glow

I'm like oh, oh, oh, oh

Here we go, come with me

There's a world out there that we should see

Take my hand, close your eyes

With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)

Up, up here we go, go

Let's fly (fly,fly,fly,fly)

Up, up here we go, go

Where we stop nobody knows

Set Phasers To Stun...

2010-11-02T15:54:00.000+09:00

It's only Tuesday, but the last two days have been so hectic. My class schedule has changed for the next two weeks, and I only found out two minutes before I had to start teaching them. I usually have Monday 1st period free, but when I came to school Monday, I did what I usually do, eat breakfast, catch up on blogs/news, and settle into my day. At 8:58 AM my co told me that for the next two weeks I have to teach 3rd graders first period. I didn't finish my breakfast, had no clue what lesson they were on, and it just kind of threw me off. The upside is that I'll have two less classes next Tuesday. Today I found out I have an open class coming up for my afterschool class. Does anyone else do OC for afterschool? None of my teacher friends do this at their schools.

At least this time I only have one class and not two. I also have an open class for the 5th/6th grade teachers, one for SMOE, and maybe one more in the next few weeks. I'm in the midst of the renewal process to start another year and the lack of concrete information is really getting on my nerves. The new visa regulations have been delayed a year, but I've already done the work and mailed it out to the FBI so I'm just going to get it done because I was told we could turn it in early if we completed it. We have all this paperwork to do, but no one is telling me what forms we need, when it's due, and so on. My co and my school are unaware of all these changes or things that need to be done. The communication gap between my school, my district, SMOE, and immigration is causing a lot of confusion. I'm just going to breathe, and figure it out one thing at a time. I asked SMOE but they keep telling me my school has the information, forms, etc, but my co doesn't seem to know what is going on. Right now I need to do a health check/health report and a Korean police check. I'm going to work on getting that completed in the next two weeks. I don't want to chance anything to the last minute and have a problem renewing. I just want to get everything done, and then find out my vacation dates so I can plan my visit to see my family and friends.

On Friday, my friend had a dinner and then a scary movie night for Halloween. We watched Wolf Creek and The Poltergeist (1977 version). The first one had its scary moments, but spent way too much time with them just driving. The second one was pretty hilarious since special effects back then weren't what they are now. I had a good time, and I'm liking these small get togethers rather than some big outing. I slept with the lights on after. I woke up Saturday morning with the shopping virus and headed to the Express Bus Terminal shopping arcade to get some clothes for winter. Okay, that was just an excuse to shop. I love subway shopping and the EBT has a lot of stores to browse through and the prices are very good. I'm running out a room in my place for clothes. I know that when I leave Seoul, I'll miss the shopping like crazy so I'll have to come back for a shopping trip or two. I had planned to relax at home for Halloween because I've never been into it, but I ended up going to Itaewon with a few friends for what was supposed to just be dinner and people watching but as the night went on we ended up at Wolfhound Pub (semi-naked guys dressed up as Indians, orange jello shots, a hell of a lot of people, pretty good music, all equaled a good time.

After that we went to Club Naked for a while. It was my first time there and I enjoyed it, but it was too crowded. Getting home was a pain in the butt! I've never had that much trouble getting a cab in Itaewon but I should have realized ahead of time how insane it was going to get. It took us over 40 minutes to get a taxi going to our area, mostly because there weren't a lot of available taxis and they didn't want to go to our area, and partly because we didn't want to pay 40,000 won when it should cost around 15,000 won. We finally got one, and he gave us a deal for 25,000 because we let him take another guy with us. Whatever, it all worked out, and I got home. I can't even remember what I did for Sunday, besides cook some delicious tacos, do nothing productive, and catch up with my sister. These days weekend days blur one into the other and I don't/can't keep track of what I do or don't do. I feel like I'm becoming a lazy person. I mean when is the last time I explored a new part of Seoul? Uploaded photos? ETC...am I really too busy/lazy to do the things I enjoy? I am constantly making lists and to do's but when am I going to stop writing/thinkin and just do? IDK...sometimes I wonder if I lost my "mojo"! I think we all have to renew and recharge ourselves every once in a while to get back up to speed.

I don't want to get comfortable and routine about my life here. I want to keep renewing it, and finding even more things to like/love about my life, Seoul...everything. So that is my current state and I'm trying to get my "mojo" back and/or renew it. Besides that, I need to figure out about Thanksgiving in Seoul. I know they have buffets and different things, so I want to look into doing something with friends. I love this time of the year, because there are so many holidays happening that there is always something to enjoy and look forward to you if you open your eyes to it.

I realized the other day that I've been in my 9th month of living in Seoul. Two thirds almost completed and it feels like time has gone by really fast. In 9 months a lot of dreams I'd only dreamed about became reality. I've met a lot of wonderful people who've made my time here so memorable and fun. I've let go and moved on from things that held me back in my past. I was talking to my mom yesterday about how I've become calmer, and I don't know if she believes me. I'm a bit a a spitfire I guess when it comes to certain things, but teaching has made me a more patient person. There is something beautiful and honorable about being someone's teacher, and my students remind me time and time of those things. I never really saw myself as a teacher even still I don't think I'd be an official teacher when I get back home, but I do hope to teach and inspire in my own way.

Teaching is so much more than lecturing on a particular subject to me, it's about giving someone tools to explore things further for themselves. My favorite teacher in high school was my senior English teacher Ms. Butler. She made English so interesting because she allowed us to be creative, discover something we could relate to in the books, poems, essays, and etc that we read. She just made it fun, and it didn't feel like work. I looked forward to her class, her stories, and all the interesting things we'd talk about. That's the kind of teacher I'd want to be. The kind that leaves little seeds that grow far after my students leave my classroom. I'm trying to figure out what comes next for me as far as my career goes. The road I paved for myself years ago, isn't the one I'm choosing to walk on now, and it's not the one I want to step foot on. I'm slowly creating this new path, and with each step it feels more and more like the one I should keep walking on. Hmmm...so many things to ponder these days.

On a random note, my students think I've got the hots for the only male teacher under 35 at my school. All because we walked to the bus stop, took the bus together, and talked till it was my stop. She was going to her hagwon so she witnessed everything and the very next day came to my class asking in all seriousness what's the deal between us. I told her we just walked and talked, and she said "Teacher, men and women are not just friends, they are either together or nothing!" I sighed because it made me sad that at least in Korea that holds true for the most part. I don't like that my 5th and 6th graders are wearing couple rings and dating each other, or that they think boys and girls can't be friends. Korean men and women for the most part are not friends. They're either together, related, or nothing. Whenever I hang out with a male friend, my co and the other teachers ask if he's my boyfriend, and when I saw we are just friends they have that look like "she's crazy, that is just not possible!" Or they say, "oh, he must be a gay friend!"

Another sigh, this really makes me miss my guy friends back home. I like hanging out with women, but all my life I've had a lot of guy friends. So here, it is weird to constantly hang out with women, and have only a few guy friends I see once in a while. I miss just hanging out with the guys. I like their honestly and lack of drama. I'm not saying women are liars and always catty, but you know what I mean. Lately, I've been talking to the new teacher because we live around each other and usually are both running late in the morning so we end up catching each other on the bus. Nothing big, or special, and I don't have the hots for him, even though he is quite tall. Anyone that knows me knows my weakness for the tall ones. It's just nice to be making more "friends" at my school. More teachers are talking to me this semester, and I really enjoy those little snippets of conversation. Here, it is hard to have that co-worker friendship that you form back home. The langauge barrier keeps them from approaching me, even though I'd be thrilled with just a hello and a goodbye. I love that my VP makes an effort to include me, and every morning greets me with an enthusiastic "Good morning!!" and says something that makes me laugh. Little things like that make me feel just a little closer to being a part of this school.

I have my Korean tutoring today, so I need to go and study. Have a great day everyone, and a fabulous rest of your week.

Your famous last words started once your fingers hit the snooze

Just nine more minutes, please..
(And they) They all know where to find me
Every word that I said, what a big mistake
It's the words you left out, That's keeping me away
"Set Phasers To Stun" -Taking Back Sunday-

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Stomping

2010-10-29T16:21:00.000+09:00

Mini-Rant: I will never understand why my school has the GYM on the top floor. I can hear the parade of students stomping and racing on my classroom ceiling. Sounds like thunder and it is so annoying when you are trying to get stuff done. Couldn't they have made it soundproof, or built it in the basement? It's been over an hour of stomping and since school is finished at 2:20 I think the people above should call it a day and GO HOME!!!

Whatever. I've got 21 minutes left till my weekend starts. I need to do some cleaning, prepare some scary movies, and pick people up at the station. Saturday and Sunday will be my "do whatever I want" days. Sounds like a plan:)

Imprints & Inklings

2010-10-29T10:33:00.002+09:00

You ask yourself there’s got to be something else
Something more, more, more
Well let the sun shine on your face
And don’t let your life go to waste
Now is the time, got to make up your mind
Let it shine on you, let it shine on you
Feel like there’s nothing nowhere to go

You try and fight but you can’t let go
Roll the pain, got so much to gain
Now is the time

Laura Izibor "Shine"

Last Friday, I went to my friend's place for a Game Night, I haven't done that since college but it was a really good time. I needed that. The laughter, the silliness, the people. It was a good end to a semi-exhausting week.

Then on Saturday I had a little freak out about my life, my future, and what the heck I'm doing about all of it. It all started when I read this...okay I've been having these thoughts ever since I decided I am for sure renewing for a second year in Seoul. After making that decision, I've been freaking out a lot about it, about being away for another year, about delaying grad school or whatever I'm going to do as a career. I always wanted to stay for 2 years, and I'm going to but I'm still freaked out. Dollop Of Solipsism was asking the same questions I've been asking myself about what comes next after Seoul. I have another year to think things over, figure out where I want to be, want to do, and so on. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm wasting time by staying another year. An honest question. I don't believe I am. I'm not ready to go to grad school, or to decide what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I don't want to live that kind of 9-5 life yet. Especially when I'm still figuring out what I want to do as far as work goes. I enjoy my life here. I want to travel some more. I'm happy with my life right now. So I ask myself if that's okay? If living like this is really okay? It's not that I need permission to live my life the way I want, but sometimes it feels...I feel like I do.

So I freaked out Saturday night, and I just told myself I'll go to sleep and deal with everything in the morning. I finally went to sleep after spending an hour or two looking into careers I'm interested in. After sleeping on things, I woke up without any new clarity just some peace of mind. I'm okay, and I won't be an utter failure or spend my life wandering and never making a difference, never having a purpose, never making my dreams/golas come true. I just have to give myself time to figure things out, and while I have this time to wander, explore, and discover I can look into things, talk to people, and come to a decision when I'm ready. I think I really need to have a conversation with my mom about all of this, but I don't want to do it over the phone. My mom's opinion really matters to me, and I feel like she isn't okay with my decisions and that makes me doubt myself. I know we won't always agree, but I need her to believe that I'm doing well, and to trust that I'm making the right decision for me, for my happiness and peace of mind. This is a face to face conversation that has to wait till my winter vacation. I really want to sit down and talk to her about everything, and have her blessing and support. For her to be okay with me staying another year, not going to law school, and just changing from the daughter she always knew. I spent the rest of the weekend in seclusion in my partment because I needed time to sort myself out, and just breathe.

People are always saying to me that I'm only 23, I have plenty of time. I don't agree or believe that. I don't want to waste time. I don't want to avoid things. I don't want to live carelessly. I know that I will have to apply to grad schools and so on during my second year, which freaks me out, but I'm going to cross that bridge after crossing the ones before it. I've never lived thinking I have endless amount of time to do whatever I want. Time ends for all of us, and before mine is up I want to know that I've used it to help people, to help our youth; to inspire, comfort, understand, and aid them. Which is why I'm thinking towards counseling specifically guidance couseling, but then I wonder does that really allow me to make a difference? Am I really going to be in a position to help students/youth? Ahhhh....so many things to consider. I know what I want to do, but not how to do it or go about it. My sister and I talked a bit about all of this the other day, and it was good to get it all out. The thing is my sister always supports me in whatever I do, so she is kind of biased as far as advice goes. I'm going to talk to a few other people and ask them what they think, but at the end of the day the determining factor is what I think, feel, want, and need to be happy and feel successful in my life.

Enough of that, this week has been a really fantastic week at school. We've made it a Halloween week for all the grades we teach. Nothing but fun, fun, fun for all the kids and they've been loving it. I've scared the crap out of them each class sneaking up on them and spooking them. Some kids even fell to the floor in fear. They've been trying to scare me but it hasn't worked yet. I'm just happy they are so happy and having a good time. We had students become mummies, did mummy tag, made trick or treat baskets, did halloween worksheets, watched videos/ songs, and gave out so much candy. Some students even wore costumes they made for extra candy. I'm not big on Halloween, but from a kid's perspective I think it's a great time for their imaginations to go wild and for them to be carefree, and of course eat loads of candy. I felt like a kid again this week, the laughter, freedom, and high of youth. We are planning to do a Christmas Week for the kids too.

The weather has been sooooo cold this week, and I hope it doesn't stay like this. I want my Fall to stay for awhile before Winter comes and makes me miserable. I haven't used the ondol in my apartment yet. I'm trying to hold out until it gets really cold, but I am tempted to start using it. Especially when my feet are freezing from the wood floors even with two pairs of socks on. Are you already using yours?

Today, I had two of my 5th grade classes canceled which is a nice break for me, but I feel bad that they will miss out on Halloween till next Tuesday. On my way to school this morning I was carrying a large bag filled with candy, and one of the teachers just drove past me, picked up another teacher, and went on her way to school. She knows me, and it's not like she doesn't see me walking, but everytime she always keeps going, and only stops for other teachers. It kind of grates on my nerves, especially today when I had so much candy to carry up the steep hill. I don't understand her, but yeah it bugs me that she will pick up a teacher walking 10 feet ahead of me, but never me. Whatever.

I'm really happy today because I got my VIP ticket to the YG Family Concert last night. You have to buy the ticket on Gmarket, and everything is in Korean, but I know enough to figure out how to purchase a ticket. The site went down for almost an hour after it opened at 8 because everyone including me was sitting at their computer trying to get a good VIP seat. It was worth it, because I've got a good seat to see Taeyang, 2NE1, Se7en, Gummy, PSY. and hopefully Big Bang will have some new songs by then. I'm so excited since I couldn't go to Taeyang's Solar concert last month. I like all of YG's artists so this should be a really good time. Haha...I plan to go to as many concerts as I can while I'm in Seoul because once I leave my chances to see them perform live are slim to none. I have to wait till December 4th, but now I have an early Christmas present to look forward to:)!!!

This weekend, my friend is having a scary movie night tonight. I don't like scary movies, so my eyes will probably be covered during the goreathon, but it will be a good time with friends. Besides that I don't know what the weekend will hold. I need to take care of a few things, maybe do some winter shopping, and try to go somewhere I've never been yet.

It's hard to live in the now, when you are so aware of the future. So I still have to figure out "what comes next" for me. For now, it's another year in Seoul. After that, it gets blurry...

Okay, if you have not seen this video you need to stop whatever you are doing and watch it.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!
FYI Yeoungdongpo Costco has Pumpkin pie, and it is D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S....^____^

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Wonder...

2010-10-23T17:25:00.000+09:00

I have these once in a while moments, when I'm going about my life and suddenly I stop and my subconscious whispers to me "how did I get here?" "what am I doing here?" "is this really my life?" "is this real?"

One minute I'm walking down a flight of stairs at school, and the next I'm wondering. I'm shopping at Home Plus buying my favorite snacks and then I drift into this wonder. I'm hanging out with friends, laughing and smiling, and my thoughts end up in this wonder. I'm riding the bus home from somewhere, and as I watch the lives passing me by I wonder about these things. Ordinary moments that happen all the time get interrupted by these thoughts and sometimes I feel like I'm a dream, like my life now is a dream.

It's not that it's glamorous, or that it's extraordinary or something out of the ordinary. I think the wonder comes from realizing time and time again that this is my life, and I like it. I end up smiling when the answers to these questions come to mind. I'm here. I'm living. It's real. I'm happy. I am free.

I guess it's some kind of safety check in my brain reminding me to reassess where I am, decide where I want to go, and remember not to take what I have for granted. I smile as I sit in my apartment writing this. I'm doing okay. I'm filling up my life canvas with colors and it's coming together in it's own way. I'm alive, and doing my best to live my life as I've imagined it to be.

I guess it's the feeling of being my own person. Of being the one in the driver's seat. Of just having room to discover me. To decide for myself who I am, who I want to be, and all the lingering inbetween.

I love it.

Just The Way You Are...

2010-10-21T10:22:00.001+09:00

The constant though running through my head is how cold I am. I should have brought my jacket. The minute I walked outside my apartment building I realized my mistake but since I was running later than usual I decided to brave the cold and head off to school. Now I sit at my desk thinking just how cold I am, and wishing I had a nice fleece blanket at my desk. Seriously, coming from Arizona to Seoul I get cold so easily, so you know I am beyond dreading the winter here. I fear it so much, it's become a bit of a joke between my co teachers and I, even though it's not funny to me.

I mailed off my fingerprint package to my sister to handle it for me back in the States. I used the EMS (Express) mail so it should get to her by Monday at the latest. I'm crossing my fingers that the FBI gets it back to her quickly. Now I need to figure out how to get the diploma part done. I have my diploma with me, and I've looked into getting it verified here but it costs around 60,000 Won, pricey much! So I want to see if I can go through my University to get it done. I emailed them, but they haven't gotten back to me, so it's time for a phone call. I'm not sure if I can just make a photo copy and mail it to the Registar's office, and then go from there which is a lot cheaper but more timely. These new visa regulations give me migraine, but I gotta do what needs to be done.

Oh, on a random note I had a really strange, more than the usual strange bus encounter on Tuesday. It always happens on Bus 150. I took the 150 heading to Itaewon because I wanted to get one of those mink blankets since it is getting colder (I ended up getting one with a red dragon on it). Anyway this woman got on the bus and immediately started staring at me. I only noticed because I had that feeling of being watched. She decided to sit down in front of me. Whatever. I put on my music, and tuned out everyone else. Well this lady, decided to be a pain in my butt. Every other minute she would crank her head around to stare at me with this creepy smile. Let's call her the Creepy Adjumma.

The CA did it so often that I started to get mad. I usually don't bother about it, but that day it was just a little too much to take. I mean can I not sit on the bus, and be left alone like everyone else? Staring at me repeatedly is ridiculous! I'm not going to perform some kind of magic trick if you keep looking or transform into a monster. I decided to let her know I was aware of her creepy staring by catching her eye when she did it again. She didn't blink or stop staring, she just smiled at me in a creepy manner. I just looked out the window and tried to ignore her, but I couldn't. I could feel her eyes on me, until about 10 stops later when she FINALLY got off making sure to give me one last look.

It really bothered me. I wish I could always ignore the people who stare at me like I'm a freak of nature here, who make it a point to make me feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it gets to me. I don't want to get angry or hurt by their ignorance and rudeness but sometimes I do. I get it, I'm different from you. There is no need to make it so obvious. I'm never going to "fit in" here and I don't plan on trying to. I can't change my skin tone, or my hair and I wouldn't want to, but when people stare at me like that it really makes me aware of just how different I am here. I think I was so upset by it, because I wasn't doing anything wrong to be stared at so blatently. I was sitting on the bus, minding my business like everyone else, and you just had to make a spectacle out of me. People started noticing her turning back to stare at me, but no one did anything or said anything. I didn't expect them to. Even when I made it clear to her by glaring that I was aware of her, she did as she pleased and the bus was too crowded for me to move. Why should I have to change seats, or change buses because of her? She doesn't have that kind of power over me.

It bothered me, and I still see her creepy smile as I type this out. I've been here for almost 9 months and the staring is still there. I've gotten used to it, and I've become more oblivious to it because it's mostly just curiousity and I accept that. I don't accept, like, or tolerate the rude ones. I really wanted to say to her why are you looking at me, but I knew if I opened my mouth in this bus full of people I'd be the one at fault. I'm not going to cause a scene, so I sat there, raging, and closed my eyes trying to get away from that feeling of being watched.

My friends ask me how I put up with the staring. I just do. But some days it gets to me, and it can really ruin my mood. A part of me felt hurt, that she couldn't just leave me alone. Why keep staring at me like that? It's just so rude and disrespectful as a human being to another human being. The upside to all of this, is that it's taught me not to do that to other people. Not to stare at them if they are different because I know those feelings of discomfort, anger, hurt, and insecurity that comes from being stared at.

I love my life here, but time and time again in moments like this I'm reminded that this will never be home to me. I'll never have a place here where I "fit in." I will never be able to go to the local open market without being pestered or heckled at just because I look different. I accept that, but I'm still going to enjoy my life here. I'm still going to live it, and those people who stare a little too long will feel ashamed of themselves.

Even with bad moments there are a lot of good ones to overwhelm the bad ones. Yesterday I went to get some dukbokki from my local kimbap adjumma and we talked for a bit in Korean. She was mad that I cut my afro hair. Asking me why I cut my beautiful hair, that I shouldn't have done that. I smiled, and laughed and explained to her I just needed a change. It was getting too long, and tangled. I wanted something new. She tsked and tsked and I told her it will grow back fast. It was a nice beat in time, and made me think that I don't need to "fit in" here. I just need to be me, be kind, be open, and the people that matter will notice.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Fingerprinting Adventures...

2010-10-18T18:48:00.001+09:00

For those who haven't been informed there are new visa regulations that are coming into play. Please read the following for detailed and very helpul information that lessens the confusion of these new rules. If you are planning to renew or are coming for the first time this applies to you.

KMK: New E-2 Visa Regulations
CISK: New E-2 Visa Regulations
FJ: Fingerprinting

So onto my adventure...

I decided to stop being a lazy couch potato and go and take care of this fingerprinting business before time runs out. I hear it takes like 2 months to get it back so I need to send this out of soon as possible because I don't want to have a problem renewing. Yes, I am officially planning to stay for another year!!!

I left school about an hour early to head to the police station. I knew of one in my area, and it happened to be the one my co-teacher found for me to go to. I head there, and once I walk in the tiny room goes silent. Yes, they all stare and I probably look like a deer caught in headlights. One of the police officers gruffly asks me why am I here. I tell him I need to get fingerprints done, and show him the name my co wrote down in Korean, the Science Investigation Unit. Grumpy started murmuring in Korean, and I had a feeling I wasn't in the right place. I call my co to talk to Grumpy, but the kinder police officer takes it and talks to my co teacher as Grumpy sits there being grumpy.

Well it turns out I am not in the right place. I am feeling a little stressed at this point because today is the best day to get this done for me this week, and I don't want anything to screw it up. I ask them where do I need to go, and if they can show me. I'm thinking that it must be around here, so I can either walk or take the bus to get there. The problem was that this was just a police center not station, so they didn't have the fingerprinting technician. The kind police officer tells me he will take me there. I'm thinking still we are walking there, until he grabs his keys and we head off in his police car. Haha...I have this love of police cars. I've always wanted to drive one, but it has yet to happen. Anyways I laugh inside thinking this better be the only time I am in a police car in Korea.

We head off to the place, making small talk. I have no idea where we are going, but I place my trust in the kind officer and just go with it. He drives a little crazy. It probably takes 30 minutes to get there, but we got there in 20 because he drove in the bus lanes skipping traffic. Ahh...to be a cop. There turned out to be Gumcheon Police Station. He took me up to the Foreign Affairs office, where a kind staffer who later I find out is Jin Hee helps me out. I was lucky because she spoke English. We walked down the stairs, out the station to another part called CSI. CSI Gumcheon:)! My favorite CSI is Miami!

She reaches to open the CSI door, and it doesn't .My face falls. The CSI team are out in Gasan because of a fire, so I have to wait an hour. I decide to wait, because I made up my mind to get this done today. The kind police officer is waiting for me, and I tell him he should go because I have to wait an hour. He gives me his seat, says goodbye to everyone, and heads off. He was a really nice person!!! I'm thinking what am I going to do for an hour, and Jin Hee brings me a guide to Korea..muhahaha. I had told her before that I have been here for 9 months, but hey I learned some new things from that guide. She offers me coffee, I decline, and just settle in to the hour. Then after a bit another staffer comes in, a really sweet adjusshi. He offers me coffee again, tries to talk to me in Korean, checks that I'm comfortable, and tells me only 10 more minutes left.

After 10 minutes, Jin Hee and I head out after saying our goodbyes, and my thank you to everyone. The fingerprint technician has me sit down in his seat while he gets everything ready, next he exams my fingers a few times, then has me wash them, and finally we begin the fingerprinting. It was an easy process for me, because he did all the work. He folded the cards over a ruler, rolled my fingers for me, and just did everything. I just sat there. We ended up doing all five cards. I felt bad for him, and said we could only do three, but he ended up doing them all. He had a bit of a hard time, because in Korea they fingerprint starting with the index finger, so he would forget about my thumb and I'd gently remind him. It became quite comical.

He wanted a sample to show in the future to the other CSI members, so I showed him the FBI website, and gave him the completed sample I printed off of Foreigner Joy's blog. Another CSI guy came in, and greeted me in English. Pretty much everyone knew a little English, which made things a lot smoother for me. We talked a bit about the new visa process, and fingerprinting. He kept on complimenting me on my voice, that it was easy to understand me, unlike other foreigners. Haha, I get that a lot from people here. He went on to show me the person who came the day before a Mr.Sheppard and how he wasn't very easy to understand. Jin Hee stayed with me the whole time, and translated when needed.

I thanked them for their hard work and left. Jin Hee walked me to the bus stop, we chatted for a bit, exchanged numbers, and said goodbye. I almost missed the bus 500 to get home, but the driver saw me running and stoppped for me. Seriously, today has been filled with the kindness of Koreans. Everyone went out of their way to help me get this finished, and in the end I made a new Korean aquaintance.

I didn't get a chance to mail it out because the post office closes at 6 so I will have to wait till Wednesday to mail it out since I have no time tomorrow. I need to get the diploma part done too, which seems tedious as well. I don't really like the new regulations, it's a lot more work than the first time around, and it isn't easy to get things done out of the country but I'm going to count on my friends and family to help me out.

Not that being lazy is a good thing, but I'm glad I waited till today to get it done because it ended up being a really good experience with kind people each step of the way. If you are planning to renew or come in March you should get this done ASAP.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

Imprints & Inklings...

2010-10-15T14:17:00.001+09:00

10/11/10-10/15/10

Happy Friday everyone. I hope your Friday has been all smiles and laughter. The weather is fantastic today, even with the chill. I'm dreading not wearing socks today because my feet are really cold right now while the rest of me is warm. I think I'm catching a cold again, but I'm going to try and nip it in the bud before it gets any worse. I'm noticing a lot more coughing and sneezing this week which means even more hand sanitizer for me.

My 5th graders were extremely rowdy today, which made me go into strict mode for the Super Mario game they played. I want them to have fun, but I also want them to respect me, and respect their fellow classmates when a team is answering a question. That kind of rudeness is just unacceptable. I give them a warning but once it gets out of hand then minus points come out, and they hate that so they stop talking. So competitive.

I love Friday, only four classes that are all finished by lunch, and then I can rest for the rest of the day. My week is really busy this semester since I'm teaching 4th grade now. Even though I'm teaching the same hours, it feels like a lot more work this semester. I'm staying at school till around 8PM today so I can watch my students in the school art festival. It's the first time I get to see them do something outside of the classroom so I'm happy to stay and be cheering them on from the audience. There's going to be lots of singing, dancing, and artwork so plenty of cuteness to awww at. I went to the gym yesterday to look at the artwork of students and their parents and wow the kids are talented and so are their parents. It was nice to catch a glimpse of their artsy side.

The coolest art piece was "The Shell House" by a parent. It must have taken a really long time because they only used really tiny shells and the detail of the house is amazing. Hopefully I can snap a photo of it tonight. After that, I'm off to a birthday party in Hongdae, but I'm planning to make it an early night/morning because I am not feeling very well and I'd like to accomplish something tomorrow besides sleeping. The days go by so fast these days, and I'm glad when I'm at work but when I'm out I wish time would slow down and let me do as I please a little longer. Free time is a luxury I'd like to possess more often.

My friend and I are doing the 30 Days of Truth together, and she reminded me of the importance of finding excitement and joy in the little, simple things we take for granted. Like that perfect cup of coffee, or the great weather, getting to work a few minutes early, getting a row of green lights, just little everyday things we find insignificant or expected. I'd like to do that more, appreciate the little simple things that life gives us. Those everyday mini gifts of joy.

Lately I've been sketching/doodling again. It started off with a little whiteboard drawing for my students, and I realized how much fun it was to draw. When I was younger, before I got into writing all I did was doodle. I would take the comics out of the newspaper and try to replicate it in my sketchbook. I loved doing that, I loved drawing whatever came to mind. Ever since then I've been itching to get a sketchbook and see what I come it. I don't plan to show them to anyone. No, it's just my personal moment of joy. It took a bit to finally go and get the sketchbook because I was thinking well what's the point of doing it when it won't be great? Why even bother, when I'm not that good at it?

That is the kind of thinking that destroys people, and I was like wow what is up with this negativity Lola O. I don't want to not try things or do things I enjoy because I might not be great at it. It's not always supposed to be about how awesome you are at something, especially when you are just doing it for yourself. What matters is that I like it, I have fun doing it, and because I want to do it. I don't know why I feel that need to be great at everything I do, even sometimes forsaking my joy on the path to greatness, but I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be that kind of person who only does things I'm good/great at, playing it safe because I don't want to fail at something. You never know, if you don't give it a try, and even if I'm horrible at it I can learn to be better, and I can still have fun trying. So I bought the sketchbook and I'd like to open it up over the weekend and revisit my inner child.

I went out to dinner with the other three English teachers at my school on Monday. We went to Outback Steakhouse because they wanted to make sure I'd have something I'd enjoy. Very sweet of them. I liked that we all shared what we ordered, and even though I was tired it was nice to see them outside of work. It was the first time I've eaten a meal with my 3rd & 4th grade teacher. I find myself very curious about her. I'd like to have some tea and here more about her story. I'm meeting her niece for the first time on Sunday for lunch and conversation. It will be interesting for sure. I think we are the same age so it shouldn't be awkward...hopefully. My co wants her to have a foreign friend since she will be studying in the states soon. I'm up for meeting new people, you never know we might just end up being good friends.

I need to buckle down and get some important things done this weekend. I've become a lazy bum since summe vacation and it's getting out of hand. I always get into this couch potato after time off, and I just don't want to do anything, even though it needs to be done. I guess I just need some inspiration to stop being so lazy and start getting things in order. I need to go take care of this visa thing so I can have everything I need to renew. I need to send postcards home. I need to edit and post my travel photos/diaries...etc However, when I think of all the things I want/need to get done I just feel overloaded and end up waiting till the last minute. This is when I miss the days of my perfectionist overachieving younger self. It's easy to be lazy when no one is on your case about anything, even though I know it will just make me more stressed in the end because eventually laziness meets it's match in time.

This morning I put on a ring I bought from Hong Kong. It was the first time I wore it. It was a little too big, and I was worried about losing it. Everything was fine till I left the bakery and was halway up the hill to my school. I felt the lightness of my index finger and realized the ring was gone. I was so pissed at myself. because I thought I'd lose it and I did. So I backtracked hoping I'd find it on the ground and trying to not get too upset if I didn't. I had put my jacket on because it was too cold so maybe it fell of them I thought to myself. I couldn't find it and I needed to get to school. As I walked back up the hill I hoped that I'd find it in my bag once I got to my desk. I'd looked in there already and hadn't seen it. Luck was on my side, because it ended up being in my bag. Before I found it, I thought to myself that it's not something I can't live without so even if I don't find it I won't crumble into pieces. Which made me think about those situations we get into that feel like they'll eat us up but in reality they are nothing worth shedding tears over. I'm glad I found my ring, but if I hadn't it wouldn't have been the end my world.

On a funny note, before the ring incident I was on the bus enjoying my ride to school. We stopped at a red light and this army guy was talking loudly, and I and the other passengers were staring/glaring at them in a silent threat if he doesn't shut up. I realized how Korean I was being. I mean I talk on the bus, but here I was getting all pissed that he was ruining my morning silence with his loud voice. He kept on talking as I got off the bus, and it just made me realize how living her rubs off on me. I even went so far as to think that they shouldn't talk on the bus in the morning, but afternoon or evening is fine. Oh Korea, what are you doing to me?

So I was watching OTH (don't judge me) and my other favorite charcter talked about fortitude, "strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage" and ever since then that word has been wrapping itself around my thoughts all week which led me to a few of my favorite quotes...

To dream anything that you want to dream. That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed. - Bernard Edmonds

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. - Nelson Mandela

Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.-Belva Davis

These days I'm working on having fortitude, especially when it comes to the dreams I have...

Alrighty, enough of my rambling, enjoy the song below and have a fantastic rest of your day and weekend!!!

The Randoms: 6th Edition

2010-10-14T15:10:00.000+09:00

Fall is my favorite season, because I like all the colors and layers people wear
My students still think I got an adjumma perm
The state of my enviroment shows the state of my mind/life
I'm debating whether to be a guidance couselor, a therapist, or something else in that arena
6-1 is my worst class. I'm looking forward to them going to middle school.
My mom is going to be 50 on the 14th
After teaching here I like kids more than I did
Kraft mayonnaise is sorely missed right now. I miss sandwiches so much!!!
Lately I've been drinking milk tea more than usual, probably because of Hong Kong
I feel the most free when I am...dancing or writing
I'm a 260 in Korean shoes which makes me unable to buy all the lovely shoes I see
I miss you Tiffany oma :)
When I was a little kid before the lawyer/judge years I wanted to be a therapist
Everyday I read GMH, Six Billion Secrets, LGMH, because they remind me that the choices I make, the words I say, the attitude I have can lift someone up or break someone down
I like sushi that is cooked not raw
I thought Tokyo would be more, but I think my expectations were to high because of Seoul
The only time I like to listen to rap is when I'm driving, exercising, or dancing
Sometimes when I'm teaching I have that feeling of wanting to be a kid again
I'm currently listening to Mumm-ra's "Light Up This Room"
My foreign neighbors both moved out so I have no clue who lives by me
I've been wearing red everyday lately to remind myself to be strong when and where it counts
The lady I bought plantains from has disappeared to somewhere
The other day I told one of my best friends that all I really want in life is to be happy everyday, and to make others happy everyday. That's the simple yet complicated truth.
I write everything down because if I don't I feel like I'll forget it
My students are constantly trying to capture me in a picture or a drawing. The results are hilarious.
It wasn't until I started teaching that I realized with out a doubt the power and beauty of being someone's teacher. Whether in a professional or personal way, being someone's teacher is a great honor.
Lately I've developed the habit of making a wish whenever I chance upon the time being the same digits. Most of time it ends up being 2:22 when I look at the time.
My mom is 50 years old today. Happy Birthday to my lovely mom!!!
I'm becoming really lazy these days. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's just me. But it's getting out of control and my neat freak self is having none of that.
Little by little I'm finding simple things I like, just by taking a chance and trying it out, and I like that. Start with the small everyday risks and eventually I'll be able to jump on the big ones.
I was reading my Mighty List the other day in my journal, and it was amazing to realize I'd already made some of those goals/dreams/hopes/wishes happen.
I'm really into Sungkyunkwan Scandal these days...seriously I cannot imagine a life without kdramas!
I had a student say F*** you today, but he didn't understand what he'd done wrong. What was really great about the situation was that the other students told him why it was wrong, and called him out for it. I didn't have to, it made me go all happy inside.
Currently listening to Massive Attack's "Teardrop"
I've been really forgetful today. I thought it was lunch time when it was only 4th period. I even offed the lights and made my way to the door, until my co was like what are you doing.
It feels like a Friday...and that's a good kind of feeling to have:)

Morning Randoms

2010-10-13T08:52:00.000+09:00

I woke up from a dream where I was being taken to China against my will with a bunch of other people.
I really like my outfit today..muhahaha
I got out of my apartment on time for once
The crosswalk turned green as soon as I got there:)..no waiting
When I got to the bus stop there was this elementary school aged boy in his baseball uniform practicing with an imaginary bat and ball. The joy and determination on his face made me smile. I hope his team wins.
I gave him my seat on the bus, just because he was so adorable.
I went in to this convienence store I always pass on the way to school, and once the adjusshi rang me up he said arigato gozaimasu to me. I laughed because it was so random, either he thinks I'm from Japan or he thinks he is funny.
As I was walking up the steps the 6th grade head teacher came up to me to compliment me on my Korean skills because she is always calling for my co-teacher and I know enough Korean to explain that she isn't here or where she is. Makes me want to further build my Korean knowledge
This all happened in about 15 minutes, but it was a nice way to start my Wednesday!!
Currently listening to...

The Observer

2010-10-11T14:59:00.000+09:00

Written 10/9/10

I'm sitting at DeChocolate by Ewha Uni, and observing the people below as they come and go. I really should have brought my camera. There were only three people in here when I first arrived, myself included and now their is 5 of us (later I discovered that there was another floor). I love cafes, especially ones with great views of lives. I love cafes even more when they are so close to being empty, where you feel like it belongs to you. This space is yours to enjoy, and the silence too.

The view in front of me is lovely. The sky, the clouds, and the gorgeous Ewha is a feast for my eyes. They're playing Rachel Yamagata's "Be Be Your Love" pulling me out of my solitude and peace, and reminding me where I am, Seoul "The Land Of Coupledom." Even so I like the song.

I woke up this morning with the remants of a dream hazing my mind. I decided to get out of my apartment since the weather was so fantastic, and maybe do some winter shopping. I like coming to Ewha when I want to walk around. I like the people, the food, and the shops. Tomorrow I want to go somewhere I've never been.

END

I ended up getting sicker Saturday night after meeting my friends for dinner and dessert. I don't know if there was something in the air but my allergies/cold went crazy and I ended up with a bit of a fever. I never got to go somewhere I've never been. I spent the day catching up with my family, and solving dilemas. Actually I did go to My Chelsea for dinner with Sarah and her friend who just moved here Sandy. So I guess I did follow through. Next time I'd like to do it in a bigger way. I want to check out Hapjeong and Sillim since I see lots of people getting off at these stops. I want to travel the subway lines checking out new stops along the way.

I'm waiting for my afterschool kids who are already 5 minutes late and who knows if they will show up. They really seem to be neglecting this class, but who can blame them when they already have so much on their plate. I'm having dinner with all the English teacher, which is four of us including me. I think they decided on Outback Steakhouse thinking of me, super sweet.

My day started off shaky due to my late night laziness, but I've recovered and for the most part my students were better behaved than last week. Now they are 8 minutes late...will they come or won't they?

Imprints & Inklings

2010-10-08T14:39:00.001+09:00

10/4/10 -10/8/10

Today was a rough day, but I'm not going to let bad moments ruin my whole mood or day. I teach only 5th graders on Fridays and they are usually my favorite bunch out of all the grades I teach, but today I had a few moments that made me pretty upset. My students see me as the fun, laid back teacher because that is who I try to be with them. Even so, I make it clear that they have to earn and keep that kind of teacher. I don't tolerate or accept repeat offenses of disrespect once I've called you out on your actions. But today, I had a few kids try to push their luck with me, and I had to make them into examples of what happens when you go too far. There is a time to play, and a time to shut up and listen to the teacher, but today they didn't seem to understand that or they just didn't care, and I really couldn't put up with it.

I find that the best punishment is public speaking in front of the class. I figure if they like to talk, then let me give them a chance to do so in English, and the trouble makers are usually the ones lacking in their skills so it kills two birds with one stone. Once I tell a student to stop, I do not repeat myself. If they do not stop then they have to do some sort of extra task or present something in class, and I had to do that a lot today. I have these two boys that sit in the front of the class, and they are always goofing off and playing around. I'm okay with a little of both, but when it is incessant and disruptive I put a stop to it. I was nice and gave them two warnings but they didn't get it so I made them stand up, and repeat every single answer on the worksheet over and over in front of everyone. If they messed up, they had to repeat it, and then I made them sit back down and the silence from both of them was awesome. Even their classmates called them out on their behavior.

My students know I don't usually get upset or mad when it comes to them, because they don't usually push me that far, but today they saw another side of me. Not just these two students, but some other ones in other classes. I talked to all of them after class too, and made them explain their behavior. Of course they are always silent then with no explaination. I told them if they come to class next time and disrupt me when I am teaching they will be disciplined a lot worse. If they think I'm joking they better think again. I was fuming over all the nonsense that happened today, that I couldn't even finish lunch. You know what is really ridiculous is that I feel bad when I have to punish a student. I always feel guilty over such things, even though they deserved it, and that just makes me even more mad.

I'm feeling better/calmer after teaching my 4th graders. They made me laugh a lot and all the tension is mostly gone. I think it is good for them to see me be a little mean once in awhile so they don't get out of line too often. Plus, I try to make it an educational punishment. Moving on...

The weather is fabulous for the second day in a row, and I am hoping it stays like this all weekend so I can do some exploring. I'm just itching to walk around new places, take pictures, and just soak up the good weather. Oh, I took my yearbook photo for the graduating 6th graders, and I'm hoping I can get a copy of the yearbook. It would be a nice way to remember my students once this semester is over. I've been looking into the renewal process, and it is a lot more complicated this time around with the new visa regulations so I want to get started on that ASAP to make sure I have no problems in the future.

I just feel really stressed today for external reasons, and I am counting down the minutes till school is over so I can watch something funny, cook myself something delicious, and do some journaling. It would really help if I was a cold hearted person, because then I could ignore the mess people make around me, but I can't. I've always cared too much, and that's not going to change just because I'm far from home. I'm just going to try and do my best, because I can't do more than that.

I've been really tired this week, recovering from a cold and another bout of tonsilitis. I'm doing better, but my body is still achy from being sick and the ever changing weather. Last night I got home from work to discover I hadn't closed my fridge all the way and I had to throw away quite a few things since the fridge had been like this for over 8 hours. It wasn't working so I turned to Google for answers and read something about unplugging it for 20 minutes and then plugging it back in, it worked!!!

I was really worked up over some things so I cleaned my whole apartment to de-stress after fixing my fridge. I went to take out the trash, and as I walked to the trash area I looked up at the dark starless sky and thought that as long as I keep trying everything will figure itself out. No matter what the problem is it can't cover the whole sky, it can't diminish the sun, or hide the moon. It's manageable and solvable.

This week I've been thinking a lot about what makes me feel the most free and trying to make sure those places, things, and people are constanstly in my orbit. I want to feel free all the time, but I don't know if that's really possible. It's something to strive for though. I don't want to someone who lives just to survive, dreading what each day brings, apprehensive and pensive. I never want to be that kind of person. I want to wake up and look forward to what could happen, go through my day learning from the good and bad moments...having that kind of positive attitude and mindset.

I'm a firm believer that the state of your mind determines the state of your life. Life is always going to have pitfalls and roadblocks but if you see things in a positive way then you have the willpower and determination to get up, find another way, and just not give up. I guess I've just been thinking a lot about things like that this week.

I'm falling asleep at my desk, so I'll end with wishing all of you a sunny and lovely weekend:)

Be blessed,

~Lola O.~

Lovely Day

2010-10-07T14:57:00.000+09:00

Geez it's gorgeous outside today.

I'm itching for school to end so I can enjoy some of this lovely weather. After all the rain and cold we've been having today is more than welcome in my book. I wish there was a park around my area so I could cozy up on a bench and just enjoy the sunny day. It's absolutely gorgeous outside today, so make sure you get out and enjoy it!!!

Bus 150

2010-10-07T11:28:00.000+09:00

Whenever I am with my friend Sarah we always end up in laughable situations with Korean adjusshis. On Sunday we were on the bus heading back home from Itaewon, and as usual people/men were staring. There were no seats left so we were standing and this adjusshi took my bag to hold it for me before I could even say no. He seemed sketchy and I didn't want my property to be desecrated..LOL. Then he started talking to me in Korean about how he has a 12 year old son, and then he took out his phone, and called this supposed 12 year old so, and handed the phone to me.

This really deep voice came on and I was like in my head this is not a 12 year old kid, what is this dude up to. Then I kindly shoved the phone back at him asking why he's doing this, and he started talking really loudly to his "son" on the phone, to my embarrassment because everyone was looking at us on the bus. His son obviously didn't like what his dad was doing and hung up, and then the dad apologized to me, and I took my bag and sat down with Sarah in the now vacant back row. Before he got off the bus, he said bye to me. It was a weird but interesting experience...aren't they all.

Precious Things...

2010-10-06T11:24:00.001+09:00

Here are my favorite parts of some of the speeches from my 5th and 6th graders...

"In school everyone can see the lonely student. Maybe he doesn't have friends. That person may be very hurt but his family and teachers cannot heal his hurt. The hurt is caused by a lack of friendship, so we need to heal his hurt with friendship."

"When I wrote this essay, I remembered one public tv advertisement. In that public tv advertisement, there was a wonderful line that said, 'we multiply the pleasure, we divide the sad, we plus the happiness, and we minus the misery with friends.' I felt a deep impression after reading this. I think friends can give us these feelings, so I think we all need friendships."

"You might think the most important thing would be something we can see or touch but the most important thing to me is something we cannot see and we cannot touch. However, it could be the most important thing to all of you as well."

"...if I have a positive mind, it can make other people around me happy. I learned this from my grandfather. He said if a person has a positive mind, he makes a yellow light from inside his body. This yellow light has a power to make other people around me happy as well."

"He always gives me the present of happiness"

"Time always passes us by and never returns. It never gives me or anyone a second chance."

"My dream is very important to me because it is the engine that drives my life."

Currently Listening To...

2010-10-05T09:00:00.035+09:00

This one goes out to all the lovely people in my life that make me feel thankful everyday to have crossed paths with them. Maybe it was just for a moment, a day, a year, but hopefully we'll know each other for our lifetimes.

This one makes me smile and giggle a bit when I listen to it. It's a great anthem for youth, discovery, and rebellion.

Her voice is so captivating and hauting. I just love it!

I've been crazy about Gavin since I first heard "I Don't Wanna Be" on OTH. He's back to his awesomeness with his album "Free" and this song. It's soothing and very him...

Love The Cary Brothers, and this song just wraps itself around my insides and squeezes me tight.

I smile and dance around my apartment to this jam. It's got a great message, and Bruno's voice is daebak:)!!!

Hans Zimmer. Inception. Enough said!

I've been enjoying Jimmy Eat World for years, and this song is on the top of my list as far as favorites go. Plus it really resonates with the 23 year old me.

Music is a gigantic part of me, and these are just a few songs I'm really digging right now. Hope your enjoyed, and Happy Tuesday to you!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

My Most Precious Thing...

2010-10-04T10:07:00.002+09:00

Before I tell you about my precious thing, I want to thank all of you for sharing with all of us the precious thing(s) you have in your life. Whether it is your family, health, teaching, dream, cell phone, friend, or pet if it is precious to you then it is also very precious to me.

Thank you for telling us your story. Thank you for having the courage to stand up in front of everyone and give your speech. Thank you for spending all the time it took to write and then memorize your speech. Thank you for letting me and everyone get to know you a little bit better. You are all amazing students and I am so thankful and grateful to have the honor of being your English teacher. Whether or not you win, you have done something spectacular and brave. No matter what, remember to appreciate, thank, love, and take care of your precious thing(s). If you do, then those precious things will last for a very long time.

Since you took the time to share your precious thing(s) with me I’d like to share mine with you. Like many of you the most precious thing to me is my family. Without them all the other precious things I hold dear like my dreams, friends, and future would be meaningless. My family is the most precious thing to me because they love, encourage, protect, and support me unconditionally in everything I do. Without them I’d be nothing. They are my everything. I’ll always do my best to make them smile, laugh, and feel at peace when I am at their side.

My family is made up of my grandmother, mother, older sister, younger brother, and me. I’m sure a lot of you are wondering about my father, he left us when I was seven years old, and my mom has raised us as a single mother since then. That is why I love my mother more than anything in this universe. She has sacrificed and suffered so much for the three of us and I am forever thankful to her for the love she continues to shower on us.

I didn’t meet my maternal grandmother Florence Olasogba till I was in high school, but ever since she came into my life I’ve been able to understand and feel the love of a grandparent. She cooks my favorite foods, tells me stories, listens to me, gives me advice, and is just a blessing to have. I’m lucky to have such a strong and beautiful grandmother with me. Her warm hugs and sweet smile make all the sad moments fade away.

My mother is the most precious person to me on this earth. The love and affection I feel for her goes beyond words but I’ll try to describe it for you. My mother has always believed in me. Everything and anything I want to do she would always say “it is well” “you can do it!!!” “just believe in yourself” and those words would give me the courage to go after my dreams. My mom raised me to be strong, and the strength she planted inside of me has helped me grow into the woman I am now. She is my biggest inspiration and greatest gift, and I love her immensely.

My older sister is so beautiful and amazing from the inside out that sometimes I wonder if she’s even from this planet. She has always been like a second mom to me. Growing up she would do a lot of mom things for my brother and I like make dinner, check our homework, tuck us into bed, and just be there when we needed her. She’s always been the one with the heart of gold even if she doesn’t realize that. She’s someone who knows who she is and won’t let anyone make her feel like anything less. My sister and I are very close, like two peas in a pod. I can tell her anything and know that she’ll always be there to help me.

My younger brother is the baby in our family. When we were growing up we fought like “cats and dogs” but even then we still loved each other. As we grew up we became kinder to each other, and I feel like we are very close even though we are very different. My brother is quiet, and keeps to himself most of the time, but when he does speak you better listen up because it is usually important unless he’s talking about video games!

These four people are the most precious things I have in this world. They are my heart and my soul. Forever and always they will be my precious things.

Thank you for listening, and I hope that you never forget to cherish your precious thing(s)!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I wrote this speech this morning to share with my students who are participating in the English speech contest tomorrow.

Imprints & Inklings...

2010-10-01T13:49:00.000+09:00

Fall came to Seoul swiftly, but I hope it doesn't leave just as fast. I love this season. This time of the year when the leaves fall, the wind gains a chill, and things begin to change in preperation for winter. It's exciting, this kind of atmosphere. A time of change, of color, of transformation, of joy. I love sitting in my apartment, reading, drinking tea, and just letting the breeze slip through my screens and wrap around me. So I hope I get to enjoy Fall for awhile before scary Winter decides to make an appearance.

I'm in my eight month of living in Seoul. I remember when I first got here, didn't really know anyone, wasn't sure whether being here was the "right" decision to make, and I was scared of being away from home for a whole year. Away from the comforts of my family, my friends, my "normal" life, but I've not only survived the last eight months, I've lived them, enjoyed them, and I'm looking forward to the next four months here. Maybe even another year abroad.

So many dreams have come true in the last eight months. I used to write those dreams down in my notebook, on a list, in my journal, but instead of them just being words, wishes, hopes, they've become my reality and I am so unbelievably thankful for the last eight months. The good times, the bad times, and the inbetween. I've done a lot but there is still so much I want to do, still so much I want to see, discover, and enjoy while I can.

I keep thinking that in a few months I'll be back home, and I'm excited about it. I've missed home (my family, friends, community). I cannot wait to catch up with them and share stories of this past year of our lives. So much has happened and I want to treasure each moment I get to spend with them while I'm there. I do know that I have no intention of staying right now. Even if I don't stay here another year, I'll go somewhere else, do something else, and just let myself wander for a little more.

There is a part of me that wants to stay with them, and go back to what I knew, but the bigger part of me wants to let go of all I knew and just let myself fly a little more, and see where the wind carries me. I'm not ready to be grounded again. Right now, right here I feel like I'm living "my life" on my own terms and in my own way. I'm happy here and I don't want this chapter to end after four more months. For now I'd like to stay in the midst of these pages if I can.

I'm finished with classes for the day. How I love Fridays, only four classes compared to my regular 5-6 classes. I look out the window to my left to see some sort of insect crawling up the screen. The leaves shiver from the wind, but the sky is bright and it makes me smile. The Arizonan in me loves the sun. There is something especially soothing about clear skies. Makes me feel like everything that is unclear in my life, will become just as clear and bright in time. I'm sleepy, but that seems to be my things these days.

This week was uneventful, and before it started I wanted it to be over. I'm still in the vacation mode, and work just feels wrong. Lol. As I look around my desk and see the things students have given me I smile and I feel glad to be here. As I walk through the hallways and students greet me left and right I smile and laugh at their never ending enthusiasm. I feel lucky to be here, and thankful that I got a good school. I'm just feeling thankful today.

It's the first day of a new month. I love firsts, because it's a great time/day to change, to take a chance, to do things differently. It's like an automatic clean slate to get things right this month/time. My mom is going to turn 50 this month. I'm sad I won't be there in person, but I've got some things cooked up to show her I'm thinking of her. I'm looking forward to hugging her when I get home, and seeing her smile, feeling that warmth that only moms can give. I love you mom:)!!! Yeah...besides that I like that we have lots of holidays coming up, so at least I have that to look forward to since no more vacation time will be coming my way till winter. I have a few days off here and there, so maybe I can do a weekend trip somewhere.

I'd say that the most resonating feeling over the last eight months, has been the feeling of growth into the woman, person, human being I want to be. I'm on my own here, making my own decisions and choices, living with the consequences and rewards of my actions, and it's helped me to find myself, discover what I want, explore who I want to be, and just understand what living means to me. Falling and failing and picking myself back up or having others help me stand again. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror, I want to smile at my reflection, so I try to live well so I can face myself, so I can figure out what happiness, life, and my future means to me. With each day, moment, experience, crossroad I gain another piece to this infinite life puzzle.

When I was younger I never expected I'd turn 23 in Seoul. I'd have been in my second year of law school if I'd stuck with that plan. We can make all the plans we want, but life will always throw us curveballs to challenge us to discover if that is what we really want for ourselves. It turned out it wasn't what I wanted in the end, and I'm happy to be discovering what feels right to me as far as my career goes. Something I can enjoy, and use to help specific people. I never would have thought I'd be switching things up, but now everything feels right, clear, and meant to be.

I hope this year brings even more clarity my way, and that the future I desire solidifies into more than just a dream. I'm looking forward to the next four months here, and after that we'll see what comes next...

Happy Friday lovely readers!!! Have a fantastic weekend

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Sunshine & Smiles

2010-09-30T12:48:00.000+09:00

Hello lovely readers!!! I hope your week has been going smoothly with no hiccups to throw you off. I'm sitting at my desk watching my 6-3 students studying for a little quiz we are giving them, and I just feel really happy and lucky to be here having a few pages and maybe even a chapter in their books of life.

I was really dreading going to school today. I've been sick since Tokyo, because it ended up being rainy and cold for 3.5/5 days and I didn't pack for that kind of weather. Also, I'm just feeling lazy since having so much time off, but today one of my students reminded me of why being here is so wonderful, and as most inspiration goes it wasn't intentional.

There is this student who is pretty quiet, doesn't say much in class, and really doesn't make much of an impression at first glance, but today I got to discover a little part of him. There is this English speech contest going on, and I am one of the four judges. The kids have been turning in their essays to my co-teacher, but today she was somewhere and Hyun turned it into me. I was just going to glance at it, to see what his precious thing is (the topic of the essay) and I was really captivated by his writing because I didn't expect such deepness in his words. It was a really beautiful essay, and it just made me feel honored to have been able to read it, and I am so excited to hear the other speeches next week. I also have to give one as well, about my life, teaching, and the things that are precious to me. It will be nice to let the kids learn more about me, and to learn more about them in return.

I look around the classroom and I wonder what each of my students stories are. What are their families like, where do they see themselves in the future, what dreams do they have, what are they afraid of...and so on. I'm a curious person about everyone and everything, but we don't always get to know another person's story, and sometimes they just don't want to share or they're afraid to.

You think you know someone, but you've barely scraped the surface of them, and people change too. Reading about his precious things made me realize I have to dig deeper, look a little harder, and don't assume someone is some way until they show or tell me. It was a nice moment on this sunny Thursday afternoon.

That's the thing about life, we assume someone is someway, and miss out on getting to know who they really are, even when their just your students. It's funny how little moments can have a such a big impact.

Wishing you a fantastic rest of your week!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

P.S. Travel posts will be coming your way soon!!!

Can't Nobody...

2010-09-20T09:47:00.001+09:00

"Can’t nobody, can’t nobody hold us down

Cuz we keep rockin’, we rock rockin’, yeah" -2NE1

Happy Monday morning to you lovely people. It's a rainy one, but I like it. I thought I wasn't going to teach today but I am. I'm so jealous of my fellow teachers who have this day off. Alrighty, enough with the whining.

I'm feeling a lot better and less homesick. I took a half-day sick leave on Friday, and went home only to spend the next 4 hours talking to one of my best friends back home. I think I just need a mental health day, and the best cure was talking to my friend. We haven't really been able to talk the way we did back home because instead of living 5 minutes away from each other we are on different sides of the world. We talked about nothing and everything, and it was just what I needed. I was in such a good mood that I cleaned my entire apartment, twisted my hair, and cooked.

I woke up on Saturday and met my friend in Anguk for lunch and of course some shopping. If you haven't been there I highly recommend it for a day outing. Lots of coffee shops, cool little shops, and it's just a nice place to walk around away from the hustle and bustle of most of Seoul. Go out of Exit 1, walk straight, and turn right at the corner, and keep walking straight. I'd recommend Homestead Coffee place for lunch. Now before I got there I had a bad moment. I got on the subway, and then they made us all get off, I got on the next train, only to see that it was going to Kkahistan (?) and then I had to pay again to transfer. I get to the other station, have to pay again, and this old man touched my butt, not once but three times. The first time I thought it was a mistake, and then he did it again as if he was just clumsy, and I glared at him and moved, and then as he left the train he "accidently" did it again. I wanted to get off and give him a piece of my mind. I don't think it was a mistake, and it made me even more pissed off. Besides those two hours of nonsense, everything else was great.

I went to Forever 21, and bought a few more things. I got home with less than an hour to get ready for my birthday party. I made a reservation at Macaroni Market, and I will definitely be going there again. The food was delicious, although I think the Macoroni is overrated, or maybe I just don't love Mac that much. It was too cheesy, and the taste wasn't macalicious enough for me. Lol, but all the other things I ate were really good. The place has a nice atmosphere to it. We headed off to a place called Loft that gives free drinks for ladies, but it way too loud. Then we went to Scrooges, and finally ended up at Luv. Luv was a lot of fun, the guys were fun to dance with, we got free drinks for some reason, and I dig the music and the DJ:). I got home around 4AM I think and passed out. I woke up around 1:30 PM and called home.

My mom and grandma sang me happy birthday, and I could feel the love and joy in their voices. It was the best part of my day, besides opening up Amanda's package of goodies to find my favorite snacks in there, and the cutest card ever. Love you Bam Bam:)!!! I stayed home because it was raining, and watched Merlin, Life Unexpected, and Nikita. I spent the day being lazy and just lounging around until I was hungry and got something to eat. I straighted my hair last night, which just means one giant poof ball. Everyone seems to like it. I want to try to find a hat that fits my head/hair today so I had to straighten my afro but it is already reverting back to an afro-ish style.

22 was about the fragility of life, and learing to find my own happiness. I'd like 23 to be about enjoying my happiness, and exploring what I'm capable of. I'm thankful to be alive, to be loved, to be healthy, and to be here. My hope for this year and all of my life is summed up in this song...

Not Afraid To Be Me : By Kendall Payne

I’ve got a new way of living now a little less of a lot

A little more of nothing

Thought you might have seen the change in me

Little quicker to listen little slower to speak

I was wrong when I said I was strong I am weak and I need

All that you have to give

I cannot keep the voices quiet inside

Hear them sing hear the scream, at least I know I’m alive

Now I am meeting myself and I am liking what I see

I am not afraid anymore Not afraid to be bored

Not afraid to be me

Every battle leads to another war

Every day I’m reminded of what I’m fighting for

It’s never easy and it’s never the same

But it’s worth all I’ve got and so I’ll give it again

Now I don’t know why, I don’t know why

But it makes me want to cry, cry

I am meeting myself and I am ready to see

Truth can break our heart that is when it will start
To set us free

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

P.S. Happy Chuseok!!! I'm heading to Tokyo tomorrow and I'm so excited to be making that dream a part of my reality!

Birthday Blues

2010-09-16T15:15:00.000+09:00

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm feeling so emotional and blue today, well actually all week. I guess that since it's my birthday week I thought the universe would comply and give me a break for the week. I just wanted to have a really good week, but I haven't. It's not that anything major that has happened, but small things put together are weighing me down a bit. I think I'm coming down with something, because I haven't been feeling well all week. Today, for some reason, I have been feeling really homesick all day. No wonder I'm known as the emotional child.
I've been thinking of my sister all week, and I called her yesterday but she sounded so tired, that I told her we could talk later. Back home, my sister and I talked everyday on the phone, probably at least 3 times if not more during the day. She lives in Florida, so the phone is our bridge that connects our lives. I used to get annoyed about that, saying we didn't need to know every little detail of each others lives, and would limit her to twice a day for updates. Lol...now with this time difference it's hard to find a good time to catch up on everything going on with us. I just miss her a lot these days, and like they say you don't know what you have until it's gone, or until you are far from it. I miss the comforts of the people, places, and things that are back home in AZ. I feel out of touch, out of the loop, with everyone and everything, and unable to hold onto what was. Everything and everyone is changing, including me, but not together. I get that we all have our seperate lives, but I don't want us to drift apart as each of us follows our own path. Long distance anything is a challenge.

I think a big part of my homesickness is my worry and concern for the people back home that I love. It's not that I think I have the power to fix everything, but I know that I can help, and that they need me, but I need me too. It's all about that balance I'm trying to find. Between my needs/wants, and theirs. I'm going to be 23 but I feel so much older than my age. I went to dinner with some friends yesterday, and I was telling them I wonder what it feels like to be young. They said that I am young, and I laughed because I might be young in age, but not in my mind or in my life. I feel like I was born old, and as I grew up all the responsibilities and situations didn't leave much room to be a kid. Being here though, I have moments where I get that sense of youth. The mistakes we make, the insecurities we have, the experiences we cultivate, and the people who shape us along the way, but most of all I see the beauty of our youth. It's a time given to us to hit the roughest patches in our journey and pull ourself out. We can reinvent ourselves time and time again. We fall in and out of friendships, love, jobs...etc. There is so much freedom in youth. I'm finally tasting that freedom, but that feeling of responsibility makes me feel guilty sometimes. It's like I'm giving myself this time to play around for and then after I'll back to reality.

Last night, I got off on the wrong stop on my way home and decided to walk the rest of the way to my apartment. At first I was mad I got off early, but then I thought of it as an opportunity to let my thoughts wander a little while longer. As they wandered I thought of what home means to me, or what I want it to be. Home is a place where I feel like I belong, not just a place I feel needed. I haven't reached that place yet, and maybe all this traveling and wandering will lead me back to where I started. Who knows, I surely don't. Maybe instead of finding a place, I should be creating one. Like most life questions, there isn't a black and white, right or wrong answer to my thoughts. Honestly, I don't know what my deal is, but I'm just feeling a lot, missing a lot, and wondering about a lot. I do know that I shouldn't try to hold it all, or pretend it away. Even though I chose to leave it doesn't make being away easier. The chapters of my life that came before this one are all grounded in AZ and that's all I've known. This will be the first time I'll spend my birthday without my family and DABA. It's weird not to share it with them. I'm thankful for the friends I have here who have been like family these past months. I know we'll have a good time, but there is that weird feeling of something missing. Ahhh...I've really got the blues today. Let me just stop there before I get even more whiny and wheepy on you.

As I walked to school this morning, I looked up at the sky, and thought to myself "everything is going to be okay" for everyone. This moment, this season, this feeling, this... all passes in time. They are but brief interludes in the grand scheme of things. Those were the thoughts that started my day, and I'm not going to let any blues keep me down. As I look out the windows of my classroom I see the sun smiling down from the sky and reflecting off the glass, it warms my heart. I take a deep breath and I hear my mom's favorite thing to day, "it is well" and so it is. Time is the best cure.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

"Each new year brings hope and meaning." -Paper Route "Sing You To Sleep"

All We Can Do Is...

2010-09-15T10:44:00.000+09:00

Keep Breathing!!!

My day hasn't started well, but I am determined not to let it stay that way. Tuesdays are always busy, because I have 6 classes, and then tutoring after school. I came home, did my mom's homework, ate dinner, and went straight to bed. Even so, I'm really sleepy this morning. I went to bed around 11PM and for some annoying reason I woke up at 2:50 AM and could not fall back asleep. I just laid in bed listening to music, willing myself to sleep but it didn't happen. So I am feeling a bit shaky this morning. My eyelids keep drooping, but I've got 4 classes left before my day is done. I'm going to try not to pass out on my students or get too cranky with them.

So, if you are also having a less than stellar morning, check this song out. It always gives me a boost and sheds some light on a bad day.

The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that I know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.

All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I'm breathing.

All I can do is keep breathing.

All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing.

All we can do is keep breathing now.

Be blessed,

~Lola O.~

Peaceful

2010-09-13T09:08:00.000+09:00

Yippie, my birthday week officially started yesterday. Haha, I like to give myself a week of birthday treats instead of just a day. Yes, I am full of excuses to pamper myself, but why not. I got some good deals:)

Side rant: On Friday I went to Times Square to meet some friends for dinner, and as I was walking through I suddenly tripped flat on my butt, boy did it hurt. It was so embarrasing because all the people around me just gawked and stared but not a single person came to my aid to help me pick up my things or ask if I was okay. Seriously, that is one thing I don't like here, is that people just ignore unpleasant situations. I've seen grandma's fall and no one does anything, but I'll help them up. I mean it's the decent, and human thing to do, but that kind of thinking doesn't flow there. That was my mortifying moment on Friday, and boy did those times hurt. I guess it was slippery there because one minute I was up, and the next I was down split style. Only, I can't do the splits so it was awkward and painful.

Besides that my weekend was good. Meeting up with friends, watching Vampire Diaries, planning for Japan, finding a really yummy restaurant in Ewha, and ending things with some BBQ last night. Good times with good people. Every Sunday night, I dread Monday. I just want to stay on vacation for the rest of my life, is that too much to ask for? I had a really bad headache last night, but I slept very well, so I feel very relaxed and peaceful. Like when you take anesthesia and you are just really calm. I've been tired since I got back to Seoul, but I think my body is readjusted to being back. We'll see what happens after Tokyo.

I'm feeling good this morning. I found out I have school next Monday, lame. It seems my friends have that day off, but I only have from Tuesday till Friday + the weekend off. I'm excited for Tokyo, and I get to test out my new camera while I'm there. Birthday + Tokyo = Funtastic:)!!!

I hope this week breezes by. Wishing you all a fabulous Monday/week!!!

My favorite song off To Anyone by 2NE1

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Imprints & Inklings

2010-09-10T11:00:00.000+09:00

Hello Friday, I've been waiting for you all week. Seriously, since I woke up Monday morning I've been hoping it would magically turn into Friday, and even though I had to wait, you are finally here.

The weather is pretty fabulous right now. Chilly and windy, with plenty of rain. I seem to be the only one at school enjoying it. I feel like Autumn is just around the corner, and Summer is washing away with the rain. I hope it keeps getting colder, because I am so beyond done with humidity. Not looking forward to Winter, can Autumn just stay here all year?

On an even better note, my niece was born (9/9/10) and I am overjoyed to have her in this world. It was the first thing I saw when I got to school after having a semi-annoying morning getting ready and it brightened my day immediately. I am dying for some pictures, I want to put a face to her name because that's all I've got to hold me for the next few months till I get to meet her in person and hold her and my other niece in my arms. It's a weird feeling for two of my best friends to have daughters and husbands already, but life has no clear path and we each choose our own. A lot of people I graduated with ended up getting married this past year. I guess some marry younger and some older. Sometimes my family is like when are you going to get a boyfriend and get married, or the I have someone I'd like you to meet, and blah blah. When I was younger I thought I'd be married by 25, but not anymore. I don't want to get married till I'm like 30. Sorry mom and grandma, thank goodness I have an older sister to keep them happy...hehe. I've got so many things to do and discover in my own life, that I am not ready or willing to make that committment. I still want to go back to school, travel more, and just not be married yet. Who knows, some man might come along and change my mind, but for now it is firmly set.

I'm sad to have not been there for these big moments in their lives, but I know I'll be there for the others. Seriously, babies make me go gaga, I cannot wait to see them in person, and get to know them. Best birthday present ever. My mom, and Amanda said they'd each be sending me a birthday package, and I'm excitedly anticipating them. I miss home, and it will be nice to have something to tide me over till I go back. I've been really craving my monthly Cosmopolitian and Glamour magazine sessions. I love reading magazines, and I don't get to do that here. Limited selection, and overpriced here in Seoul. Speaking of things I miss and look forward to besides the obvious of my family and friends. I miss driving my car. I miss my grandma's special sauce she makes because I love it. I miss living 5 minutes away from Camille, and going to her house for movie nights and venting sessions. I miss my GMI church family. I miss that feeling of knowing (here, even the simplest thing can become complicated). I miss being there for the big moments, but even more the small everyday moments. I miss my bedroom aka my Sanctaury. I miss my brother's reluctant but wonderful hugs. I miss talking to my sister everyday. I miss laying in my mom's bed and watching tv with her. I miss it all, but I know when I leave Seoul that I'll miss things here too.

I'm looking forward to seeing some of my friends this weekend and catching up on our vacations and how life's been treating us since we last saw each other. We've also got to plan for Tokyo. I have so much catching up to do. I need to get re-organized and back into the swing of things. I've been really tired since I got back to Seoul. Back to the world of alarms and schedules. I'm already craving Chuseok's reprieve from working. I'm starting to think about what I will do during my winter vacation. I'd like to go somewhere that will not be cold. So if you have a hot spot to recommend please send it my way! Hopefully, I'll have at least one traveling companion to enjoy the trip with. I also want to plan some weekend getaways to other parts of Korea, so feel free to recommend some places to check out.

These days I wish that I could pause time so I could do things at my own pace, instead of life's pace, but that hasn't happen. So I fumble, and I stumble, but I'm making it through. Wishing all of you a stress-free Friday, and a fun filled weekend.

Out of all the girl groups, of which there are wayyyy too many. I like 2NE1 because they depart from the norm and pretty much all YG artists amaze me. I have to say Minzy is my favorite, because she even though she is the maknae of the group she's got a lot of spunk and talent.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Speed Of Sound

2010-09-08T14:25:00.000+09:00

I love Wednesdays. Maybe even more than I love Fridays. Okay, maybe not! Haha, what I love is that Wednesday marks the halfway point for me in my work week. Mondays and Tuesdays are long and busy days for me. Even though Wednesday is a semi long day I feel recharged knowing I've made it through Monday and Tuesday and that Thursday and Friday will be a lot easier to handle. Luckily, my ASP classes haven't started yet so I have no classes after lunch today, and no lesson planning since I have 6th grade on Wednesdays and Thursdays. So the next few hours are mine to bask in. It's a nice feeling.

The weather has been really lovely today...at least to me. My students didn't seem to like it. I love Autumn. It's my favorite season, and I cannot wait to start wearing more cardigans and blazers as the weather gets cooler. Haha, I love the weather too, but I'm more about the fashion of Autumn. Even its name is pretty to me. There haven't been any real hiccups in my week so far, and I'm looking forward to a weekend of catching up with friends I haven't seen in ages. I need to get back into the groove of things, and reach out to people. Sometimes I feel like I neglect my friends, but then I realize they've been busy too. I think if they know I'm thinking about them, then that's better than nothing. So if you haven't heard from me, friend, you are still in my thoughts. Life has just been hectic with a new semester, family matters, and just finding time to breathe and keep my head above water.

On Monday, I was thinking about my mom, so I decided to call her, and leave her an "I Love You" voicemail that she would get when she wakes up. It was 3 AM her time, and I didn't expect her to pick up but she did (life's little blessings) and we talked for over an hour about our lives, our worries, and just bonded. I have a deep respect and love for my mom, not just because she is my mom, but because her life, her sacrifices, pretty much everything about her inspires me to live well, do well, and be happy. As we talked she said to me, "...if you want to stay for another year, then stay for another year, don't worry about me, and don't make your decision based on me, do what you want to do, it's okay with me if you stay for another year." Honestly, hearing her say that made me tear up. My mom and I are really close, and it has been hard for me to be away from her, but I know it's been even harder for her not having me home. So for her to give me her blessing meant a lot to me, because even though I didn't ask for it, it was something I needed. I'd like to stay another year, but my hesitation has been primarily being away from my mom for another year, and not being there to share in the experiences of my family and friends.

Even though I am having my own adventures and experiences. I'm missing out on theirs, but I know that now is the time to do all the things I want to do, while I can, because after this chapter ends, the next one won't be as free. I want to enjoy this freedom, the lack of any real responsibility, and my youth for a while longer, before I go back home and re-enter the "real world." I'd love to spend my whole life traveling and seeing more of our world, but I know that I also have other dreams I want to make happen. I made a promise to myself though, that when I do go back. I have to take a trip every year to somewhere I've never been. Whether it's another city, state, or country. I have to keep traveling. Letting my eyes, mind, and feet be in other places. It won't be the same as living abroad, but it will keep me from becoming too grounded or comfortable wherever I am.

With each new discover I come to the realization all over again of how much I haven't figured out about myself, my life, life in general, and my place. That's okay. I have to keep telling myself it's okay not to know, because I'll figure it out when I'm supposed to. I won't figure it all out, but the things I really need to know will find their way to me, or I'll find my way to them. Living is about all those discoveries, so I don't want to rush it. It will happen...period.

I can't believe I'm going to be 23 years old next week. Haha, I know that is nowhere near old, but it is older. I still have that image of my younger self writing all my dreams down in my journal, wondering what the older me would be like. I think I've blended my dream me with the real me. I'm still writing, still dreaming, still weird and silly, but I'm finding my footing, my place, and I think my younger me would be proud of who I am, and who I will be in the future.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain-

I love this quote. It inspired me to take risks, to try the things I think I cannot do. I've seen that I can do a lot of things I didn't think I could do, or didn't dare to do. It's always that feeling of not knowing what comes after that leap of courage that sometimes keeps me from taking the leap. But in those moments when I do, I realize that my fear was more terrifying than the real thing. So as I turn 23, I want to keep exploring, dreaming, and discovering more of myself, the people I come across, and the places I travel to. I'd like to spend more time writing, letting my feet carry me to interesting places, and figuring out what happiness means to me, and letting myself grow with everything that happens. I'd like to be braver, to really let myself go, and to laugh and make others laugh and smile. I wish for...

I can't tell you or it won't come true...hehe. This wasn't what I planned to write when I started, but I guess it was what I needed.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

The song below is one of my favorite songs by Coldplay. One of these days, I hope I get to meet Chris Martin, just to say thank you for creating music that continues to inspire me.

"Speed Of Sound"

...

If you never try, then you'll never know.

...

Climb up, up in the trees,

every chance that you get,

is a chance you seize.

Windy Mornings

2010-09-06T09:34:00.000+09:00

My morning started great. Left my apartment at 8:10 AM to find that the wind was blowing all around me. A nice way to start my morning. Wind=less/no sweating. I got to my school area around 8:20 AM and I decided to stop by Tous Les Jours for a blueberry bagel (yummy) for breakfast. I picked out my bagel, some strawberry bread thing, and a milk. I had noticed this woman with quite a few sandwiches. We get up to the counter and the cashier is ringing her order up. After the cashier already rang it up and the lady paid, she started saying something about a 25% discount. She should have asked about it before it happened, she made the cashier ring the order over, and in the end the discount card didn't work, and then she started moaning about it. I was really annoyed because this lady made me wait 10 minutes before I could be rung up. Which made me get to school ten minutes later ie 8:40. I'm supposed to be at school at 8:40 but I always try to get there by 8:30, and no later than 8:35 because on time is late at my school. Seriously, I'm the only person walking up the hill, and the principal is out there, and I feel like I'm going to be reprimanded. So to save myself from the feeling I try to get there early, but because of this adjumma and her non-existant 25% discount my morning took a bad turn.

As I walked up the hill to my school, I thought to myself today is a day I really could use a ride to school. There is this one teacher who gives rides to other teachers when she sees them walking, but she never gives me one. Well today, that teacher passed right by me and kept going as I walked up the hill. I'd usually ignore it, but today it kind of pissed me off. I mean it's not like I'm going to eat up her gas if she stops and lets me hitch a ride with her the 2 minutes it would take driving vs the 7 minutes it would take walking. Whatever!!!

I finally get to school, and one of the crosswalk guys starts saying something to me in Korean, but I didn't really understand what he was saying. I think it was along the lines of taking a different way to school, but who really knows. I go up to my classroom to find a box by my desk area. My co-teacher told me it was from the teacher who retired last week. It totally cheered me up, because inside was a lavender soap, and some all natural chapstick. More importantly, I've never said two words to this teacher before her retirement party and it made me feel all warm inside to be given a gift like all the other teachers. I also got a new name tag that has my name engraved in it, instead of just some typed piece of paper shoved into a name tag holder. My day is looking up. I love not having a class first period. It gives me time to get back into the groove of things and plan my week out.

This weekend I was a lazy bum when I wasn't doing my mom's Statistics homework and her take home test part. Seriously, my MOM's homework. I hate statistics, but I tried my best to help her out so hopefully she gets a good grade on it. I went out with my Korean tutor/friend on Saturday to the Express Bus terminal for what else but shopping. I still think Yeongdongpo/Times Square is better. After, we went to Banpo Park so we could see the Han River light show. It was a really nice day/night. I love being around water, listening to it ripple is very soothing and peaceful. It wasn't too coupledom until the light show started and cheesy love songs started to play. All the couples started moving closer to the water, and taking photos. Yeah, not feeling that, we started walking around the park. People were riding bikes, playing basketball, eating and drinking, and of course making out in dark corners.

I'm defnitely going to go there again. I want to also go to the various cafes that are along the Han River bridges. I would have take pictures, but the new camera I ordered hasn't arrivd yet. I got the Samsung ES25 from GMarket. I needed something that wasn't too expensive because I need to save up for Japan and other mini-trips I want to take over the next few months. I spend a good chunk of Sunday skyping with my friends from back home (Go DABA and sometimes BANDA) hehe :P!!! Those 4 hours of bantering back and forth were really wonderful for me. I love my friends, and am so thankful for the ones I have here and back home. They keep me grounded, while letting me fly off into my own world sometimes. It was great, because we always laugh when we are together whether in the real world or the cyber world. I love people who make me laugh, and they always do. My other Faith hasn't arrived yet. She's taking her time coming into our world, and I am super excited to catch a glimpse of her when she does. It's weird sometimes having two of my closest friends who are like sisters to me married and with kids. Our lives are completely different right now, and I worry that we'll drift apart, but I won't let that happen. They'll never be able to get rid of me:)

I'm already ready for this week to be over, so that my birthday week can arrive. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for my birthday, but I want to spend it with my friends. I'm going to do something nice for myself each day of next week; see a movie, go shopping, eat delicious foods....whatever comes to mind. Just small things that make me feel happy.

Right now I'm in the 7-8 month part of my time here. Time seems to be picking up speed and the days slip into each other silently. I'm busy, but I'm enjoying myself. I'm trying to spend more time exploring more of Seoul. This place feels like my home for now, and I see myself her for another year. I'm not ready to go back to the states, but who knows what the next four months will hold.

Alrighty, I hope your Monday goes by flawlessly and with bits of laughter in there. Have a great day everyone. Here's to a speedy week!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

An Uncomfortable Position...

2010-08-30T13:53:00.000+09:00

Today started off well, but it is slowly getting a little bumpy. Right now there is a teacher I have never met before, requesting that I personally tutor her middle school son because he is going abroad next year. I'm actually a little pissed off because she is still asking, and not taking my clear no as an answer. Sorry to be mean but 1) I can and will get fired if caught 2) I don't freaking want to go out of my way to tutor your son!!!

I don't know her, and even if I did I'd still say no. This is the second time I've been requested by a teacher to privately tutor her son. I get the motherly love, but still either send them to a hagwon, or tell them to pay attention in school. I just feel really uncomfortable right now because she keeps smiling at me with pleading eyes even though my answer will not change to yes. I feel upset too because she is putting my co-teacher in an uncomfortable position as the middle woman.

I had to go to another seafood filled outing, this time with only the 6th grade teachers, my feet were numb from sitting on the floor. I don't mind sitting on the floor, but today I wore a dress, so it was all kinds of uncomfortable. Then I find out, that we have a teacher's dinner afterschool today, and I am dreading it. My stomach is doing flip flops. Honestly, I really just wanted to celebrate my 1st day by going to Times Square, doing a little shopping, eating some Italian food, and relaxing for the rest of the day.

Today is going to be a long day!!!

The Real World: Seoul

2010-08-30T10:57:00.000+09:00

Hello lovely readers:).

I hope your Monday morning (Sunday night) is humming along nicely. Today is my first day back to the land of children, and I have no classes. I woke up this morning with 15 minutes to get ready for school, I was the last person to enter the building. It was weird because I didn't see any kids as I walked to school and it was such an eerie feeling. I guess they all came early since it's the first day of school. I'm really happy that I have no classes because I am super tired from the last three weeks. I will upload pictures and stories of my travels when I get back into the groove of things. Hong Kong and Jeju were wonderful; the people were warm, the weather was hot, I lost/got my camera stolen in Jeju, went horse-back riding for the 1st time, did some shopping, and overall just enjoyed myself. So my first solo adventure was a success thanks to the people and experiences that made my three weeks special.

I got back on Thursday afternoon, and holed myself up in my apartment watching tv shows and movies, reading articles and stories, and just being a lazy person trying to enjoy my last few moments of bliss before school begins. Seriously, it is hard to come back after a vacation filled with no schedule, alarms, or have to do's. I'm looking forward to my birthday and Tokyo for Chuseok, so that is keeping me from getting antsy being back. Saturday I emerged from my apartment and went to Itaewon with some friends. We went to Budha's Belly, it was my first time and I will be going back. Very delicious food and the atmosphere is good. We had some drinks at Bricks (also nice), and ended the night/early morning at Luv. Itaewon has been growing on me lately, and Saturday was a great night out.

Sunday, I went to the Incheon Wave Concert, it was interesting. I didn't like most of the acts, since I was only really there for Taeyang and Se7en, but 2PM and BOA were also good. Honestly, I felt kind of old with all the teenie boppers around me. On a hilarious note, once KARA performed a lot of boys got up and left. I had asked some of the guys next to me who they liked and they said KARA, those girls didn't perform till near the end but they stayed like troopers looking so bored until KARA came on. They pulled out their binoculars and their faces lit up, and all I thought was that will be me when Taeyang comes on stage. Overall it was a good time, I liked that everyone behaved themselves, except for the girls drinking below us who seemed to only be in highschool. I went to bed around 1 AM and barely woke up for school.

It's nice to be back, okay its not really nice to be back, I would love to do nothing but whatever I want everyday of my life. Haha, but this girl has to work, and this job isn't so bad. I'll be teaching 4th grade this semester, so I told them no more 1st graders. Everyone4 says they love 4th grade, so I'm hoping they will be a good buch of kids. My VP came to visit me to tell me he's sorry I didn't get to see my family since I've been here, so I told him about the awesomeness of Skype, and then he thanked me for summer camp. It was nice, but whenever I get an unexpected visit from the P/VP I freak out inside a little wondering what's up. I have not missed the hilly walk to school, or the lack of A/C, or the mutant bees/wasps. I hope this semester goes well. My co-teacher wrote me a letter about giving me more responsibilities in terms of preparing for lessons, tests, and open-class so yay to more work, not really, but I've got to pull my own weight. I'm crossing my fingers the kids haven't turned into monsters in the last month, and I am looking forward to seeing my 5th graders since they are my favorites.

I think this time of the year is exciting and the months fly by with holidays, birthdays, and fall weather. I have a niece on the way in the next few days, and I cannot wait to see her and my other niece when I get back. So many babies to see, and there will be at least one wedding when I get back home. I haven't decided yet whether I will stay for another year. I want to stay, but my family (mostly my mom) factors into my decision. I miss them a lot, but I know being here is a good place for me right now. I'm not ready to go back to school, or get a "real" job, or give up traveling. I'm leaving those thoughts in the back of my head and will pcik through them when I have to.

Have a great week, and welcome back my fellow teachers. I hope you all had a lovely vacation.

Be Blessed,
Lola O.

Photo Diary: Muuido

2010-08-27T12:00:00.001+09:00

Last photo diary, I'm back in Seoul by now but probably super exhausted. Look forward to entries and photos from my vacation. I'm hoping to was a good one filled with fun, relaxation, and clarity. I found all of those things when I went to Muuido, it was a great place to spend the day at the beach. Not crowded and just lovely. I will be doing more island hopping once the weather gets nicer.

Slideshow: More Photos...

Photo Diary: Taeyang (Sol/Youngbae/HOT)

2010-08-25T12:00:00.004+09:00

Slideshow: More Photos

By now, I'm enjoying my last day in Jeju before I head back. A new semester awaits me, hopefully I'm recharged and ready for it. At least I get to enjoy the Incheon Wave festival as a last hooray:).

Photo Diary: World Cup, Big Bang, Olympic Park...

2010-08-23T12:00:00.005+09:00

That day was one of my best days here in Korea. We had decent seats, bu after I pretended to be from South Africa we got to sit in the VIP section, and the only people between us (me) and the stage (Taeyang) was security and photographers. I was really thankful that day for being a foreigner.

The photos of Big Bang are biased and reflect my appreciation for Taeyang:) if only he was taller this appreciation would become infatuation muahahaha...enjoy

This adjussi was hilarious with his dancing and cheering. Cool dude!!!

When the Big Bang boys came off stage during their performance, G-dragon was like 5 feet away from me, he is sooooooooo skinny, short, and feminine looking. I still like his voice though. Oh and the crazy VIPS sandwiched me, seriously the girls were insane, so much pushing and shoving. A securty guy came and tackled a girl, it got scary and that was when it was time to peace out. I only wish the photos were better, but look forward to a post from Taeyang's fan signing with more pictures. Click below for my photos...

Slideshow

Photo Diary: Lotus Lantern Festival

2010-08-21T12:00:00.000+09:00

By the time you see this I will be on a plane back to Seoul. I'll leave the next day for Jeju Island, so more photo entries to keep you entertained till my vacation wraps up. After Jeju I have 3 days before school starts, and I get to spend my last vacation day at the Incheon Wave Festival (Kpop/rock/TAEYANG).

Now for a preview... (be sure to click on Slideshow for all the photos)

Slideshow: Photos Galore...

Video Diary: Lotus Lantern Festival

2010-08-19T12:00:00.001+09:00

By the time I figured out how to make a video on my camera it was already filled with pictures (which will be in the next post) but hopefully those 30 seconds weren't a waste of time:)....

Photo Diary: Olympic Park

2010-08-17T12:00:00.000+09:00

I love Olympic Park, it holds up to its name. You can spend the whole day there, have a picnic, and get away from the hustle and bustle of Seoul.

Slideshow...

Photo Diary: Nambu Cultural Event

2010-08-15T12:00:00.005+09:00

I'm in the Nambu District, and twice a year they have a day for all the teachers to get together and experience Korean culture. Since this is my first year, it's also my first Nambu event. It was a lot of fun, we went to got to play traditional Korean instruments, explore Insadong, saw the musical Miso, ate Bibimbap, and got the day off of work:)!!!

More Photos...

I've got some more photo diaries schedules while I'm on vacation so enjoy them, and look forward to Hong Kong & Jeju posts when I get back:)!!!

Photo Diary: Field Trip

2010-08-13T12:00:00.002+09:00

By the time you see this I will be on a plane to Hong Kong, so look forward to photo diaries while I'm on vacation from today till the 26th. These photos are long overdue, no excuses on my part, so enjoy and wish me luck on my solo adventure:)!!!

Welcome to my school...

Some of my students...

We're heading on our way to a museum...

Everyone's tired from the long day...

These are the 6th grade teachers, they love to laugh...

More Photos...