We think we've got forever to do, say, and give the things we want. When the truth is tomorrow or even all of today isn't gauranteed to us. After I got sick in 2009 I started to realize how precious my life is. How fragile and unexpected life is. It made me live more. It made me try harder. It made me braver. It made me kinder. It continues to make me wiser. Life is only going to be as good as you make it, as good as you choose for it to be. So my wish and hope is that you have no regrets. No skeletons in your closet. No unsaid words that live on in your heart. No I wish I dids. Just no regrets that leave you in an ocean of wonder of what could have been if only I'd said this, done that, given...

Last night a few friends and I had another goodbye dinner for a friend leaving for the States. On my way home I saw this old man trying to put this huge tv on his cart while everyone just passed by him. Even I walked past him looking at him but then I stopped. I turned around, walked back and told him let's do it together. He smiled in thanks and a bit of surprise. The two of us lifted that heavy tv onto his cart. I smiled at him, and he thanked me, and I went to my apartment. I knew I had done the right thing. It didn't take much time from my life to help him out. It wasn't just the right thing to do, it was the kind thing to do. That's the kind of person I want to always be. Someone who gives not because she has to but because it is the kind and right thing to do.

This morning I called my family to wish my Big Mummy and my cousin a happy birthday. I called my Big Mummy first, and it felt so good to take some time to make her laugh and smile. To let her know even through the distance I remembered her day. As I talked to her I realized how important it is to do little things like this. To take or make time in our days to let the people in our lives know how much we love them, how knowing them makes life so much better. After, I called my cousin, he's been my big brother since we were kids. When I called his voice sounded so sad, and I found out that a good friend of his had died the night before. I'd met the friend a few times, he was a great guy. Even now I can't help but smile when I think about him. He was so full of laughter, and was always smiling. He was so kind, funny, and sweet. Now he's gone, and all we have are those beautiful memories of him.

I had talked to my cousin a few hours before I called this second time, and it never ceases to amaze me how delicate time is. In a few hours everything changed. Sadness overtook happiness for his birthday. Now we are all a little quieter, and a little wiser of how precious our time is. My cousin said to me, "he kept in touch with his friend but he should have done more." I told him that I'm sure he knew he was loved by him, and that now he has the chance to do more, love more, and be there for the people in his life. His wife, his friends, his soon to be child.

Death is a reminder of not we lossed but what we have. That we should cherish them, and not take them for granted. That we need to make time even when we feel like there is none to give. We should give more than we take. Say the words in our hearts instead of ignoring them. Take chances and risks because you never know until you try. We must live genuine and good lives because this one is all we have. So live it splendidly. Live it kindly. Live it well. Let peace be in your soul and laughter in your heart. Don't waste time not doing the things you love, not being with the person you love, and please don't waste time with grudges. Let those old wounds heal. Let those scars fade away. Time is such a blessing, be thankful for it! Your time won't last forever. So please, enjoy the time you have. Love deeply. Dream without limits. Live genuinely. Laugh often. Always smile. Give more. Be kind. More than anything let the people in your life know you love them.

Make someone's day. It's not the big moments that count it is the little ones. Those little slips of time we share laughing over coffee, debating tv shows, embracing in a warm hug, giggling about love, talking on Skype about our lives, and especially saying and showing  "I love you!!!!" Those moments of togetherness in even the smallest ways have such a large place in a person's heart.

So call someone up, tell them how awesome and loved they are. Spend time with someone you love; a friend, a lover, a family member. Don't just make today different, make all the tomorrows different as well. Don't have regrets, and don't ever feel like you should have said more, done more, or given more. Do it now. Say it now. Give it now. Now is what we have, please use it wisely.

We will miss you friend, but I know you are smiling and laughing down on us. Another guardian angel to watch over us. Thank you for the laughter and the smiles! Thank you for even the little moments of time we shared together. I smile when I think of you because I see your big, warm, and welcoming smile in my memories. Rest in heavenly peace. You are missed, and you are so very loved!!!! Always be blessed.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

There are so many things I need to write about. Come Friday I will have been in Seoul for one month, and boy has the time flown by me, leaving me breathless and a little dazed to say the least. I promise to write more about my experiences here, but first I want to talk about my feelings so far; the highs and the lows. This post is geared towards people thinking of coming to Korea, or just changing something in their lives. If you read my Living entry, I think you will understand me a bit more.

Today, as I was riding the subway to the Seoul Global Center I looked out the train window and saw the world passing me by in a blurry haze as I sat inside the safety of the train. I thought about everything I have been through up to that point and the thought of butterflies fluttered through my thoughts.

I started this life as a caterpillar, crawling through this earth searching for something. I followed the path laid out for me and stuck to it. Then I was absorbed into the cocoon of life and the transformation took over. I wasn't really sure of who or what I would become after the change, but I wasn't turning back. Little cracks began to form in my cocoon of life and I came out a butterfly. I was different, and it was hard to recognize myself. I realized it was okay to be different from what I was before. It was time to start a new life, and instead of crawling on the earth. I would try flying through the sky.

Even though I have these butterfly wings, they are delicate and fragile things. With enough force they could be pulled out, and then I would come crashing down to the earth again. Even if they are fragile, they will strengthen over time with each experience that comes my way. I kept on thinking of how I am beginning to truly rely on my own strength, the one inside and outside of me. Growing up and growth in general is a painful and beautiful process of life that never ends. If we are not constantly growing in our thoughts, lives, and relationships then I don't think you can say that you are truly living. At some point you have to stop fighting yourself, life...everything. Just take a deep breathe and jump into the madness of life.

I say all of that, because getting to Seoul was a long journey, but now that I am here, the journey begins again. It isn't easy being away from everything I know and love, but at the same time being here makes me appreciate what I already have, and at the same time look for new things to cherish within myself, others, and life in general.

I don't want to go into details about the feelings I have so far. These feelings don't really need an explanation. So here are the words that give you a taste of how I have felt for the past few weeks here in Seoul.


On Friday, I will have been in Seoul for one month, and so much in my life has changed in just this one month that it has worn me out. Each day is filled with surprising moments, plenty of new experiences, and opportunities for growth and learning. For those thinking of changing themselves and their lives I want to say that change starts with you, and doesn't happen quickly and things won't always go as planned. You can have determination but if you don't have an open-mind and heart then change won't last. I'm learning everyday what I am capable of and everyday change approaches me, sometimes I welcome it and other times I dread it. I'm changing myself, and being changed by my environment and the people around me. Choose what is best for you, what will make you happy, and what will make you feel alive.

I'm following a path, I didn't plan on taking, but I am enjoying the journey because for the first time in my life I am doing something completely of my own choice and learning the good and bad that comes with each one we make. I'm excited to see what this year holds for me, but I know that I cannot wait for things. people, or experiences to come my way. I have to seek and go after what I want. Sitting idly by isn't going to get me anywhere in this life.

Someone told me it takes six weeks to truly get adjusted and settled here in Seoul, and I think they are right. You have to give yourself time to absorb all the changes happening to you both on the inside and the outside. I learned over the last three weeks to be patient with myself, and not expect too much from myself. Everything takes time, and you cannot rush things. Give yourself time to take everything in, and catch your breathe again. Don't be too hard on yourself, and more importantly remember to laugh at the confusion. Things are going to happen, no matter how well you plan or research. You just have to let go and everything you thought you knew, and start opening your eyes to the new world around you.

You will have moments of highs and others filled with lows. You'll be homesick at the most random times, and lonely sometimes. Let things run their course, and figure it out in your own time and way. This is your journey, do it the way you like. Lastly, I want to share with all of you something I jotted down in my notebook one morning while sitting at a cafe in second week here.

The thing about taking a leap of faith on life and yourself is that you have no idea where of if you will land. You just have to leap in the moment and let everything else play out in its own way and time. I am learning to just have that trust in myself that no matter what comes my way I will figure it out. So there is no point agonizing over it, worrying about it, or playing what if games. We live now, and deal with the rest when the time comes.

I have no idea if any of what I wrote makes sense, but I have you see that I am trying to say is that life is unpredictable and always changing. We have to live our lives for us, and do our best not to step on others in the process. You have to believe in yourself, and understand that things won't always go the way you want it, the way you've imagined it, or the way you planned it but that doesn't mean it isn't right for you, or that you have to give up or that you can't end up in the same place by taking a different path. At the end of the day, this is your life and the fewer regrets the better. Just remember it won't be easy, but most likely it will be so worth it.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~



I've been crazy about this song for the past couple of weeks. I don't know what it is but this song makes me feel like my butterfly wings are soaring through the skies. It makes me smile and wonder when I listen to it. Hopefully, it does the same for  you:)!!!

Originally posted on my Six Months Till Korea blog, but I thought it should be shared with a wider audience. Enjoy:)

One of the main reasons I write my thoughts down is so I can reflect on them in the future, but even more importantly to see how far I have come and how much farther I need to go. This week has been a week of reflection, dreams, chances, but more importantly it has been a week of living and enjoying the moment.

I tend to wear my thinking cap way too much, and can get wrapped up in my head without seeing what is really going on in my life. I made a promise to myself that 2010 is going to be my year, my season, my time to shine and bloom, and I am doing my best to stay true to myself and to keep that promise.

Maybe it is just me, but it felt like for a long time I was just existing in life and not really living it, not letting myself enjoy it for all its flaws and wonder. I always thought I had to be someone other than the person I am. Always trying to change myself for the better, when sometimes it was more about accepting myself than changing me. I can smile now when I say that, because I am finally becoming the woman I want to be, and doing it in my own way and in my own time.

Everyone of us has a journey to take, and mine has taken me in different directions on the way to where I am now. I don't know what the future holds but I know I am excited to live my life going towards it. I think it all comes down to how you see yourself, and how you want the world to see you. That should be your choice and only yours to make. I keep thinking about my favorite Thoreau quote about living your life the way you have imagined it to be and it is so true.

This is your life, and as far as I know we only get this one chance to live it. So why live a life you don't want, a life you don't love? One day we will all return to the earth, and I for one don't want to be tangled up in regrets upon regrets. I'm 22 years old, and for the first time in my life I feel in sync with myself as far as who I am now and who I want to be in the future. I understand myself better. Accept myself with every flaw, scar, and beauty inside of me.

When I got into college I had a plan for how I wanted my life to be, but I am realizing that it wasn't necessarily me following my dreams, but more of me following the safe path to success. I don't regret the path I chose, because it has helped me get to this point in my life, and I have met wonderful people along the way, and have had opportunities that shaped me into the present version of myself.

I feel comfortable in my own skin, and even in those moments of doubt and insecurity I know that I am going to be just fine because like my mom says, "It is well with my soul." We all stumble, we all fall, but we all have to remember to pick ourselves back up and take it one step at a time, one moment at a time, and one day at a time. Living is about choices, leaps of faith, and chances. Sometimes we wait too long to do something that we miss out on it entirely.

It always comes down to fear; the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of pain, the fear of everything and anything you can imagine. Fear is like a plague on the human soul. It crushes our spirits, steals our dreams, and leaves us broken. Fear is friend to no one, and an enemy to all, but for me I am realizing that fear will always be there and it is up to me to overcome it, and live the life I have imagined. It is never and easy thing to overcome fear, but it is as necessary as breathing.

Over two years ago, I decided to not go straight to law school after graduation, and instead to let myself explore what else life has to offer. My family wasn't exactly excited about that decision, but they supported me and have always supported me. Something I am deeply thankful to them for. It was scary changing course like that, but it felt right, it still feels right. I was walking along a path that wasn't clear and felt more like a burden than a gift. Anyone that knows me, knows that when I make up my mind about something it rarely changes.

So deciding not to apply for law school  was a big deal, but it was the best decision I could have made for me. I was young, I am young, and I had barely experienced what life has to offer outside of a classroom. There is so much to see, so much to do, that it makes me tremble with all those endless possibilities. It feels right to go to Seoul, to travel outside of my comfort zone and give myself this year to bloom. To stretch myself, and test my limits away from the comforts I have now.

Sure I am scared, but even that fear is a beautiful thing. Like Eleanor says, "we must do the things we are afraid to do," only then will we ever know what we are capable of. If we all stay in our little boxes we will never know what is beyond those cardboard walls. Going to Seoul is a chance to explore more of the world while discovering more of me. Going to Seoul is a choice that will take me down a new path and lead me towards another. I'm excited to be doing this, to be making one dream into my reality.

But for me it is not just about going to Seoul, it's about being the young woman I want to be. This quotes sums it up best:

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on. -Unknown-

Years from now I don't want to regret not saying what was in my heart, not traveling to places I dreamed of seeing, and I don't want to regret not living the life I have imagined for me. I was thinking yesterday about my future and where I see myself years from now. I kept thinking about what exactly am I going to do for a living in the future. I always wanted to practice law, and it is still my dream but there is a part of me that is still searching for that career that feels like it was made just for me.

There is so many possibilities in this world, so many places we can go, and so many things we can do, that I worry that I will get lost in the choices and never find the one for me. Before, I thought success was measured by the amount of money I would make, but as I got older I realized that success is defined by me and no one else. Success for me is not about money, but the way I choose to live my life. I know I want to help people like me, people searching, people drifting, people who are lost, and people who come from fragmented families like me.

I know I want to help others discover themselves, and make their own dreams a reality. I know I want to do something and be someone that inspires others to live their life the way they have imagined it to be. I know I want to be the advocate for those whose voices are silenced. I know I want to leave a legacy of positive change, and inspire people to lift their voices, and use their bodies to help those that cannot. The problem is that even though I know this much, I have no idea how to make that into a career for me.

I've always felt my calling was law, and in a lot of ways I still do. The question then is what kind of lawyer should I be. I have been thinking a lot lately about being a human rights lawyer and focusing on helping the youth whether in domestic cases or international ones. I've always advocated and looked out for the people around me, and I feel like my voice could be the voice they need. But then, there are so many other careers besides law that I could be the one for me...

I don't know, these are just some thoughts racing circles inside of me. I'm at that point in my life where it is  feels okay to feel this unsure about my future, and to get a little lost along the way, because I believe with all my heart that one day in a moment all will be revealed to me. I just have to continue living my life and letting my footsteps lead me closer to where I am supposed to be.

I'm sharing all of this because I know there are other people out there, who like me are trying to figure out their place in this world. Who are beating themselves up for being lost, when they should remember that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find and be found. We are always changing so don't hold yourself back, take a deep breathe and jump. Jump, and let yourself go...