I'm sitting in my apartment skyping my sister, and waiting for My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho to premiere. All the stress and nervousness I've been feeling today is slowly drifting away. I love those moments when everything begins to settle down again, and you wonder why you felt so overwhelmed in the first place.

Today was the last day of my afterschool program until school starts back up again. Tomorrow is the last day of camp. I am so excited for it to be over. Overall it was a pretty good experience. I had no more than ten students in both classes, and I got to do whatever I wanted so we had a lot of creative teaching. I love being able to make my students laugh and enjoy themselves, and I think I was able to accomplish that in the past 3 weeks. I know they are looking forward to some relaxation, and they sure deserve it. I'm feel really sleepy right now, but it's a good kind of tired. Like I just finished working hard, and now I can rest.

Since the stress of camp is over, the stress of traveling comes to play. I'm trying to not get anxious, or stressed out. I am a nervous traveler. Airports and airplanes make me anxious with all the people and the rush of everything. I guess I must have a bit of a phobia, since I don't like crowds and never go to the mall or drive in peak hours. Yeah....I'm a weird one:)! I haven't really started packing yet, I am only bringing a carry-on and a backpack for Hong Kong. I have a list of things to do tomorrow, but I'm going to try and enjoy the experience of planning and preparing for my vacation.

I think once I am sitting in aisle seat on the plane I will feel all the tension release and I can really begin to relax and enjoy myself. I was planning to stay in a hostel but I might get to stay with a friend of a friend while I'm there, which would be a lot nicer than the 8-female dorm I booked at least I think/hope so. We'll see how that works out. I'm going to be flexible and just go with the flow. I don't really have a detailed plan for my time in Hong Kong. I do have things I want to see and do, but I'll decide as I go where I want to end up each day. The weather doesn't seem very good in HK right now (just like Seoul) but I'm hoping it with clear up and sunshine will fill my days. I'm dreading the humidity, but I've got to take the good with the bad.

I am really looking forward to my first solo travel adventure. I've never done this before, and I'm glad to finally be able to go and afford a real vacation to somewhere I've never been. I feel like the more experiences I have doing things solo or things I've never done before I grow a little more into the person I want to be. I'm a cautious person by nature, but I am learning to let life guide me, and not spend so much time lost in my thoughts. Every little step I take leads me closer to the next page in my story.

I've got a lot of things to look forward to up till the end of September. Hong Kong, Jeju, Incheon Wave Festival, and Tokyo. Sometimes it feels so unreal being here and having the opportunity to see and do so many things. I'm really happy and thankful that I get to see more of this world we live in. I get to see and do things I used to only dream about. I love how those dreams are becoming a reality. I want to enjoy it and soak up as much of its awesomeness as I can.

I probably won't write anything about my travels till I get back, but I have scheduled photo diaries to fill the void until I get back on the 26th. Wish me luck, and I hope you are enjoying your vacation(s) as well.

Alrighty my drama is about to start i.e Lee Seung Gi time:)

Death Cab For Cutie: Transatlanticism


Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I just finished booking my lodgings for Jeju Island. I decided to stop procastinating last night and booked my tickets for Hong Kong, and a hostel. This was my first time using hostelworld.com so I hope everything works out and I have a great experience. But why am I NOT excited to finally have gotten everything done and in 2 weeks I will be on my way to a hopefully amazing adventure. I'm so strung out right now from the frustration of planning a trip. Seriously, it is not easy you have to find the best deal, you have to figure out where to stay, I still don't know what I'm going to do there so I need to buckle down and plan it flexibly. It's just not fun doing the planning. I'm waiting on tickets to Tokyo for September, I really hope the seat becomes available on my return flight. I won't get to spend my birthday in Tokyo, but I am for sure going there for Chuseok. That's a dream I'm going to grab onto and make happen. So HK (8/12-8/21), Jeju (8/22-8/26). I'm really doing this, I'm proud of me for trying, and I'm looking forward to it.

Last night I tried to book my flight to HK on Cathay Pacific, and no matter how many times I tried they kept rejecting my Korean and American cards. I called and got the run around and hours later I still didn't have a ticket and the flight I wanted was full. I literally wanted to say screw this and just go somewhere else. I started around 8 last nigt and I didn't go to sleep till around 3AM. It's 9:11 AM and I am so groggy but I wanted to finish this up. I was using my card and hostelworld and then it stopped working when I tried to book for Jeju. I woke up this morning to an email from my bank and fraudulent transactions. Lol...I cleared that up and was able to book my trip to Jeju. Everything is booked but why do I feel so nervous, anxious, and not at all excited to do this.

I'm such a baby. I know, but I'm trying to be brave and make my dreams and adventures come true one step at a time. I'm proud of myself for where I am and proud of myself for where I am going. I'm doing it on my own and even though I get scared I still perservere. Like Mandela said, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man (I'll add woman since we should be included) is not he (she) who does not feel afraid, but he (she) who conquers that fear." That is what I am trying to do by being here and traveling to other places. Conquering my fears and building up my courage over and over with every new experience I have, every fear I overcome. I'm doing it, even when I am trembling and feel sick to my stomach I am doing this. I just need to pat myself on the back and not get caught up in my own fears.

I'm feeling better. I'm not okay, but I am feeling better, stronger, calmer, and I am going to do my best to be thankful for him, and not let my sadness overwhelm me anymore. I got back from school on Friday, and collapsed onto my bed and didn't get up for the rest of the day. As day faded into night I cried, I cried so much that day. Everything I had been holding back all week came out, my sadness, my anger, my confusion, my...everything. I  let it all out that day, and I woke up yesterday feeling refreshed. I called my sister, and I poured my heart out to her, and being the person she is she gave it to me straight. I though she was cold, but her honesty and love for me really broke through my sadness. Basically she said you have to accept that he's dead, but that doesn't mean the love you have for him or the love he had for you is gone. You just have to be thankful, to not let the sadness you feel consume you. He wouldn't have wanted that. You can't keep pretending he's still here, he's gone and that's the truth. At first I was angry with her, I wanted comfort and she was giving me a lecture, but it was exactly what I needed and I knew it later on that she was right. I started to accept that he's really dead, and that my life still goes on.

I called my mom on Saturday, I hadn't called her all week because I didn't want my sadness to make her sadder. I can't describe the feeling my mom gives me, it's such a soothing comfort talking to her, hearing her voice, knowing how much she loves me. I am so thankful for my mother, and I pray I get a lot of time to show her how much I love her. You hear me God?! We talked about him, she got my letter to read at his wake/funeral which was changed till this coming Friday since so many people are coming from Nigeria, London, all over to be there. My heart is home, but I have responsibilities here and I know Big Daddy is smiling down on me and so I'll get through this sadness. I'll laugh, smile...I'll live brightly because that is what he wanted. I'm thankful for the past 10 years, and everything he gave me and taught me will still be here within me. On my wedding day in the far far future I'll feel his presence, I know it. So I won't cry too much, I won't keep myself locked in my apartment anymore. I'm going to let you go, and I'll miss you, but I know you'll always be a part of me. Thanks for being my dad, I love you forever and always Big Daddy:)!!!

I'm going to live thankfully, and just keep moving forward and reaching for my dreams like he always believed I could. I've got a lot of things I want to do, so I'm going to try my best to achieve them one at a time, one day at a time. I'm going to triumph over my fears one challege at a time. Cheer me on, support me, encourage me, and lets see what adventures lie ahead...

Thanks for all the love, it's made my heart lighter:)

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~