Yesterday was such a good day, but today not so much. My 5th graders have gone over the deep end and came back out of control. I guess since there is only a month left in the semester they think they can act however the want, talk back, and pretty much ignore whatever my co-teacher or I say. 5-4 is my worst class. They are the loudest, and have the most troublemakers in a class. Even some of my favorite students have decided to stop caring and act up in class. They drained my already depleting energy in 40 minutes. I feel like a zombie today.

I went to bed around 11:30 PM after watching Mary Stayed Out All Night, and slept fine but woke up around 4:30 AM feeling a bit sick, and tossed and turned till I had to get up for school. Tuesday is my longest day, with two 3rd grade classes and four 5th grade classes. I feel so exhausted right now, and every sound grates on my frazzled nerves. The incessant chatter of my 5th graders made me feel like I was going to pass out during class. It was just so loud, and they wouldn't stop talking and do their work. I had to have them close their eyes and put their hands on their heads at least twice, and yet they just didn't care.

I made some stay after and clean the classroom, but if I had it my way they'd stay and do busy work till I decide to let them go home. I feel so sleepy and weak right now. All I want to do is go home, curl up in my bed, and fall asleep to some Coldplay songs. I've got a lot of things on my mind right now besides school. I was zoning in and out of teaching with the thoughts dancing around in my head. Thoughts of things I need to do, want to do, should do, etc. Just lots of things to do. I think I need to take a step back, give myself some room to breathe, and then tackle it all piece by piece.

I have open class tomorrow, and I'm worried about whether all my kids will show up or not. I don't understand them this semester, they just don't show up or they come 20 minutes late and I make them make up the time by staying later and cleaning or doing some writing practice. They hate that, but they still come late. I just don't get it, and I seem to be the only one who cares about them not coming. Then I have to remind myself they have so many things on their plates, that sometimes it means ASP isn't their priority. Let's just hope they come tomorrow and do a good job. If not for me, then for their parents who came to see them. Life seems busier than usual right now, or maybe I'm just feeling lazier these days.

I was telling my co how I want to go into hibernation for the winter like bears do. I'm so sleepy when the weather is cold. I feel the chill all the way to my bones. Which is why after Seoul, I will never live in a cold place. I might not stay in AZ but I will not live where it snows. I like the abundance of sunny days and good weather we get on the west coast. I'm looking forward to going home, to going back to my family and friends and making the most of every moment I have with them.

Lots of thoughts running inside my head this Tuesday. Well the day is over, all that is left is lesson planning, and that should be quick and easy. Then I can go home, make some tea, and take a nap. For now, I'll listen to some music to soothe me after this long Tuesday.

I hope your Tuesday is going better than mine!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

The hardest part of teaching for me, is when I have to give directions for an activity. Even the simplest directions can go wrong depending on...everything...

Just finished teaching for the day. Mondays and Tuesdays are my longest/worst teaching days. It is just nonstop, and I barely have time to rest or think. The only break time is during lunch time. It's not a big deal for me..just tiring. I know that once Tuesday is over, my week will only get better. Today has just been an extremely long Tuesday.

Lately, I have been feeling really tired no matter how much sleep I get. I'm not sure if it is all due to me being anemic, or because I am constantly doing something. Teaching definitely tires me out, but usually only when I am teaching 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders. They require a lot more energy (usually class management) than my 5th and 6th graders. Mondays and Tuesdays are mixed days for me. I teach 3rd (M(1)/T(2)), 5th( T(4)), and 6th (M(3)) plus I have two hours of afterschool on Mondays. By the time I get home on those days I just want to eat and sleep the rest of the day away.

Okay, so today I had my 3rd graders, two classes first thing in the morning. They were loud, cute, and fun as usual. Then I had four classes of 5th graders the rest of the day. We were doing the last period of Lesson 3, and I was in charge of the game part. Basically it was an information gap activity where the students had two strips of paper with object names on it (pen, book, bag..etc). They had two identical pictures. In the first picture, they can place the objects wherever they want. Then in the second picture they have to ask each other Where is the (object)? and then place the object where their partner tells them. So the first picture matches the other student's second picture.

Only the first class understood how to do this activity, in the other three classes it was confusion upon confusion. I felt mostly frustrated with myself. I really wished that I spoke Korean well enough to help them understand what I am saying. I know a bit of Korean, so it helped in the end, but honestly I can understand and relate to the kids being frustrated when they don't understand something. I took Korean for a semester in college and sometimes I would have those same blank stares of confusion mixed with frustration. I don't want the kids to rely on Korean to understand what is going on in their English class, but I do believe using some Korean is a good idea when all else fails. Most of the time we only use English unless it is a hard activity. This activity turned out to not be as easy as we had thought.

I explained the directions one more time, and basically pointed at the picture going cut strips, stick stick, anywhere in Korean. Then after they did that, I explained the second part. In the end (after three variations of the directions) it worked out, since my co-teacher and I walked around  and helped them as they did it. I don't know I just felt a little bit like a failure today. My energy is gone, and my mood is a pale blue right now.

Inside I was feeling all frustrated, and thinking about how I can be a better teacher next class, when some of the students came up to me with their big smiles, and happy faces. Giving me high fives and saying "See you on Friday!!!" Their happy smiles were/are contagious and I returned them feeling a bit lighter.

I realized two things today...
One, teaching is full of stumbling blocks both as the teacher, and as the student. We have to decide whether or not we are going to stay down, or rise up and try again next time. I'm going to try again next time, and take the things I noticed and learned today with me.

Two, communication isn't just about words. My body language and attitude make a big difference. I want to do my best to stay positive for myself and my students. I want them to understand that I understand it can/will be confusing and frustrating at times, but no matter what trying is better than not trying.

I hope my students are learning from me as much as I am learning from them. I am thankful for their positivity, smiling faces, and enthusiasm everyday. I guess I've had it pretty easy so far, because today is the first day I have felt like this. I know that there will be more days where things are a little off kilter, I just hope they will be few and far between.

This is just one of many moments where I am stumbling an figuring out how to get back up again. I know other expats that are teachers can relate to this feeling of failing their students. So any tips or advice would be great. Less than two hours to go, I think I will watch something funny after dinner with a friend. Laughter, always makes me feel better. That, and dessert:)! Thanks for reading...kind of a somber post.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~