As always hello my lovely readers:) I hope this last week of 2010 has been going smoothly for you, and with many moments of happiness and reflection.

Right now I'm chilling in my apartment after the third day of winter camp listening to music and relaxing before I pack for my first ever ski trip. Living in AZ you don't really ever get a chance to do this, so I wanted to give it a go. I don't really like the snow but it should be a nice way to spend New Year's weekend with my friends. I head out tomorrow afternoon. I can't remember the name of the place but it is supposed to be one of the nicest ski resorts in SK. I didn't help with the planning, so I'm just going with the flow and we shall see how things turn out. I'm just worried about how cold it's going to be. I don't want to bring too much or too little. I just want to stay warm:)! Eh, I'm sure it will be fine. If it gets to be too cold I will just relax in the hostel.

So since my last post, I spent Christmas in Itaewon, and started my first week of winter camp. So far so very good. The kids have been great, good attendance and attitudes, and since this is an art themed camp we have lots of creativity and fun for the kids to enjoy. Tomorrow is probably the highlight of all three weeks. We are making chocolate chip cookies, and spending the class decorating and of course eating them:). As for Christmas it was in one word, weird. It was a very bittersweet Christmas. I went with friends for the Rocky Mountain Tavern Christmas buffet, which was okay but it was just weird not being at home eating with my family.

I'm thankful for my friends though, because it was a lot less lonely and sad with them. After the buffet we grabbed dessert at Dunkin Donuts, made a side stop to a bar and Taco Bell, and ended the night with some Norebang. All in all a weird but good Christmas day. I got home around 1 AM and spent all night calling my family and friends back home to wish them a very Merry Christmas. At this point I am soooooo excited to go home and see all of them. To catch up with their lives and see all the kids people have been having. So many babies to hug and spoil when I get home. I just cannot wait to see everyone. Its been too long, and the time with them will be bittersweet because it won't be long enough, but at least it will be something. I need to start making a list of all the thing to do, eat, and buy while I'm home. I'm dying for my grandma's cooking. She makes all my favorite foods so well. I cannot wait to devour them.


Goodbye 2010: Thank You For The Wonderful Memories

Alright, so on to 2010, all in all 2010 has been a year of transformation and growth for me. Like a seed that is planted and grows into a flower. I feel like I finally found my season to bloom. Haha, I'm so cheesy right! I've changed and grown is so many ways and each of them makes me proud. I've made some of my dreams come true, created new ones, and achieved ones I never even knew I wanted. All because I chose to come to South Korea and start a new chapter here, but more than that I started to choose the life I wanted to live. I came to Korean on February 26, 2010 and in less than two months I will have been here for a year. The beginning of 2010 was hard for me because of my health, but as it comes to an end I am so thankful that I am all better and healthy. I remember sitting at home on December 31, 2010 dreaming of being here, and now that precious dream is my living reality. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm thankful. I'm full of joy and gratitude for everything and everyone that got me here, that helped me grow.

My motto for 2009 was "finding the beauty in the breakdown". My motto for 2010 was/is "no resolutions, just (positive) change." I will carry that motto into my 2011. I think resolutions just set you up for failure. Instead of making resolutions I'll break I just decided in my heart to take small steps to create the changes I wanted in my life. No details. No time limits. Just the willpower and hope for change. 2010 was the year I began to live and understand what it means to live the life I imagine. The one I look forward to everyday. The one of my choosing. These are the snippets of the things I hoped for in 2010...

I want 2010 to be a year for me. A year of positive change, new journeys, and lots of positive self-discovery. I want 2010 to be a year of liberation from my scars, burdens, fears, and self-criticism. I want 2010 to be a year for me to transform, find, and create myself into the person I was always supposed to be. I don’t want to limit who I am, where I can go, or what I can do anymore. I want to take a risk and see what happens. I want to find the strength to always stay true to myself, and know there is nothing wrong with just being me.


2010 to me is a year full of closure, discover, opportunities, God, liberation, transition, freedom, travel, growth, promises, hope, dreams, goals, love, positive change, newness, exploration…and so many other things. It’s time for this flower to finally bloom and take root in this world. I want people to know me as I am, not as they want me to be. I want to be seen and to see the reality not the selectivity of the world. I want to laugh, love, dream, hope, fight, discover, grow, learn, fail, triumph, and find pieces of my puzzle in each experience, friendship, loss, opportunity, memory, and person I come across.

As I look back on the things I wrote in my journal for 2010 I smile to myself, happy that I stepped outside of my box, out of my comforts, and tried. There is so much beauty in the act of trying. Whether we succeed or fail we can say we tried. We gave it the best we could in that moments, and that counts for a whole lot more than doing nothing. I've still got many things I want to try, but I acknowledge all the things I've tried so far. Those small steps we take are what gets us to the bigger ones.

Hello 2011: Keep Living The Life I've Imagined:)

In this new year all I ask of myself is to keep that same attitude, that same courage and will power to try, to risk, to discover. I want to keep making my dreams into my reality. I want to keep exploring and creating who I am. I think we forget that the answer to who we are is a dynamic one. We are constantly transforming, growing, changing, redefining who we are, and we should do that. It's okay not to have a definite answer to an indefinite question. Who I am is always going to have a different answer, and I'm excited to see what gets added or subtracted as more chapters of my life come to pass.

In this new chapter I'll be spending another year in Seoul. I am excited and optimistic about staying for another year. To some it may come as a surprise, but even before I stepped foot in Seoul I knew that I wanted to stay for two years. To give myself these two years to immerse myself into life here and see where it takes me. I've done a lot of things in this past year and yet not enough. There is still so much to see, to enjoy, to taste and even with another year I know it will not be enough, but it will still be something.

I don't have any lofty goals or big plans for 2011. I look forward to turning 24, to exploring more, to having my brother and sister here in August, and being happy inside out. I look forward to many firsts, to more beginnings and endings. I look forward to it all, and can only hope that I'll greet 2012. If I can wake up everyday and smile, laugh, give, enjoy my life and the people in it then I am already so very lucky.

My New Year's Wish For You...
Whatever it is you want to do, wherever it is you want to go, whoever it is you are waiting for I hope 2011 brings you to it. I hope that you stay healthy, happy, and loved each and every day. Let it be a year of beauty, joy, peace, lots of opportunities, and endless laughter. I really hope it is a wonderful chapter in your story.

Lastly, I just wanted to say thank you so very much for following my story in 2010. However short or long you've been on this journey with me it is my sincere hope to have you along for the next chapter in 2011.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I'd like to leave you with this song by one of my favorite bands. Pay attention to the lyrics, and I hope it inspires you for 2011

Paper Route "Sing You To Sleep"


"Each new year brings hope and meaning..."

Originally posted on my Six Months Till Korea blog, but I thought it should be shared with a wider audience. Enjoy:)

One of the main reasons I write my thoughts down is so I can reflect on them in the future, but even more importantly to see how far I have come and how much farther I need to go. This week has been a week of reflection, dreams, chances, but more importantly it has been a week of living and enjoying the moment.

I tend to wear my thinking cap way too much, and can get wrapped up in my head without seeing what is really going on in my life. I made a promise to myself that 2010 is going to be my year, my season, my time to shine and bloom, and I am doing my best to stay true to myself and to keep that promise.

Maybe it is just me, but it felt like for a long time I was just existing in life and not really living it, not letting myself enjoy it for all its flaws and wonder. I always thought I had to be someone other than the person I am. Always trying to change myself for the better, when sometimes it was more about accepting myself than changing me. I can smile now when I say that, because I am finally becoming the woman I want to be, and doing it in my own way and in my own time.

Everyone of us has a journey to take, and mine has taken me in different directions on the way to where I am now. I don't know what the future holds but I know I am excited to live my life going towards it. I think it all comes down to how you see yourself, and how you want the world to see you. That should be your choice and only yours to make. I keep thinking about my favorite Thoreau quote about living your life the way you have imagined it to be and it is so true.

This is your life, and as far as I know we only get this one chance to live it. So why live a life you don't want, a life you don't love? One day we will all return to the earth, and I for one don't want to be tangled up in regrets upon regrets. I'm 22 years old, and for the first time in my life I feel in sync with myself as far as who I am now and who I want to be in the future. I understand myself better. Accept myself with every flaw, scar, and beauty inside of me.

When I got into college I had a plan for how I wanted my life to be, but I am realizing that it wasn't necessarily me following my dreams, but more of me following the safe path to success. I don't regret the path I chose, because it has helped me get to this point in my life, and I have met wonderful people along the way, and have had opportunities that shaped me into the present version of myself.

I feel comfortable in my own skin, and even in those moments of doubt and insecurity I know that I am going to be just fine because like my mom says, "It is well with my soul." We all stumble, we all fall, but we all have to remember to pick ourselves back up and take it one step at a time, one moment at a time, and one day at a time. Living is about choices, leaps of faith, and chances. Sometimes we wait too long to do something that we miss out on it entirely.

It always comes down to fear; the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of pain, the fear of everything and anything you can imagine. Fear is like a plague on the human soul. It crushes our spirits, steals our dreams, and leaves us broken. Fear is friend to no one, and an enemy to all, but for me I am realizing that fear will always be there and it is up to me to overcome it, and live the life I have imagined. It is never and easy thing to overcome fear, but it is as necessary as breathing.

Over two years ago, I decided to not go straight to law school after graduation, and instead to let myself explore what else life has to offer. My family wasn't exactly excited about that decision, but they supported me and have always supported me. Something I am deeply thankful to them for. It was scary changing course like that, but it felt right, it still feels right. I was walking along a path that wasn't clear and felt more like a burden than a gift. Anyone that knows me, knows that when I make up my mind about something it rarely changes.

So deciding not to apply for law school  was a big deal, but it was the best decision I could have made for me. I was young, I am young, and I had barely experienced what life has to offer outside of a classroom. There is so much to see, so much to do, that it makes me tremble with all those endless possibilities. It feels right to go to Seoul, to travel outside of my comfort zone and give myself this year to bloom. To stretch myself, and test my limits away from the comforts I have now.

Sure I am scared, but even that fear is a beautiful thing. Like Eleanor says, "we must do the things we are afraid to do," only then will we ever know what we are capable of. If we all stay in our little boxes we will never know what is beyond those cardboard walls. Going to Seoul is a chance to explore more of the world while discovering more of me. Going to Seoul is a choice that will take me down a new path and lead me towards another. I'm excited to be doing this, to be making one dream into my reality.

But for me it is not just about going to Seoul, it's about being the young woman I want to be. This quotes sums it up best:

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on. -Unknown-

Years from now I don't want to regret not saying what was in my heart, not traveling to places I dreamed of seeing, and I don't want to regret not living the life I have imagined for me. I was thinking yesterday about my future and where I see myself years from now. I kept thinking about what exactly am I going to do for a living in the future. I always wanted to practice law, and it is still my dream but there is a part of me that is still searching for that career that feels like it was made just for me.

There is so many possibilities in this world, so many places we can go, and so many things we can do, that I worry that I will get lost in the choices and never find the one for me. Before, I thought success was measured by the amount of money I would make, but as I got older I realized that success is defined by me and no one else. Success for me is not about money, but the way I choose to live my life. I know I want to help people like me, people searching, people drifting, people who are lost, and people who come from fragmented families like me.

I know I want to help others discover themselves, and make their own dreams a reality. I know I want to do something and be someone that inspires others to live their life the way they have imagined it to be. I know I want to be the advocate for those whose voices are silenced. I know I want to leave a legacy of positive change, and inspire people to lift their voices, and use their bodies to help those that cannot. The problem is that even though I know this much, I have no idea how to make that into a career for me.

I've always felt my calling was law, and in a lot of ways I still do. The question then is what kind of lawyer should I be. I have been thinking a lot lately about being a human rights lawyer and focusing on helping the youth whether in domestic cases or international ones. I've always advocated and looked out for the people around me, and I feel like my voice could be the voice they need. But then, there are so many other careers besides law that I could be the one for me...

I don't know, these are just some thoughts racing circles inside of me. I'm at that point in my life where it is  feels okay to feel this unsure about my future, and to get a little lost along the way, because I believe with all my heart that one day in a moment all will be revealed to me. I just have to continue living my life and letting my footsteps lead me closer to where I am supposed to be.

I'm sharing all of this because I know there are other people out there, who like me are trying to figure out their place in this world. Who are beating themselves up for being lost, when they should remember that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find and be found. We are always changing so don't hold yourself back, take a deep breathe and jump. Jump, and let yourself go...

That's my motto for 2010. I've never been the resolution type, so I just want to have positive change in myself, my life, and my environment for 2010. Here are some of those  positive changes I look forward to in 2010. These are day by day, bit by bit things for me...

Great Health: I learned a lot in 2009 about how fragile life is and I want to take that knowledge into 2010 and do everything in my power to be and stay healthy.

Seoul 2010: The second most important change in my life. This one is long overdue but I am just so excited to go to Seoul and have new experiences, learn more about Korean culture and Hangul, teach, and just live on my own as my own person.

*Growth*: For some reason I feel like 2010 is my year to shine. To do things I haven't done before, stretch myself in different directions, discover more and more about what I want in my life, but mostly just a year of positive growth into adulthood. 2010 is my season to bloom. It will be a year of independence, challenges, discover, and plenty of mistakes. I'm looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life and seeing where it leads me.

Personal: All of those things lead up to positive change on a personal level. 2010 is a year of transitions for me. I'm going from the very sheltered life I lead to throwing myself into a new country filled with it own challenges. That alone is going to stretch and change me in a lot of ways. My positive change for 2010 is to take it all in with an open mind and heart, and not let myself get lost in the details. I've always been a deep thinker, and in 2010 to give my mind a rest and just enjoy each moment for what it is, without delving too deep into what it means at that particular moment. Have no idea if that makes sense to you, but that is where I am coming from.

All in all, whatever I do, wherever I go, and whoever I meet, I always want to stay true to myself and not let anyone overshadow who I am and what I want to do with my life. After all this is my life, and I have every right to live the life I have imagined.

February could not get here soon enough. I am starting to have than antsy feeling of waiting again. I want to make the most of my time here, so I have few regrets when I leave. My sister is coming into town for a week on Monday. Since this will be the last time I will see here till she comes to visit me in August I plan to make the most of the week and create fun memories till we can make even better ones.

Besides that January is looking to be a pretty boring month, with lots and lots of free time (which mean I should study Korean more) for me. I guess I can catch up on all the Asian dramas sitting on my External HD.

I'm looking forward to this year with faith, hope, and a big smile for what is ahead. 2010 is going to be a year to remember for all the right reasons.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

I called my doctor's office today, and found out that everything looks normal no active or inactive signs of Crohn's or Lymphoma. I didn't get to speak with my actual doctor so I am waiting for him to call me, hopefully sometime today but everything is looking good. I definitely want to ask about what the lumps were doing there, but I'm not going to worry about it.

These two weeks have been so tiring, and now I just feel so damn happy (Cloud 9 Happy). No more worrying, anxiety, or fear. I can finally enjoy knowing that I get to go to Seoul at the end of February. It feels good to write that, and to say it out loud. I have a huge smile on my face that is going to stay there for the next two months and beyond.

2009 has been a really hard year for me as far as my health is concerned, so my only wish for 2010 is a year of abundantly great health. No more doctor visits, hospitals, test after test, or anything of that sort. I want to enjoy my life, and live long enough to give back more than I have been given.

I'm not holding my breath anymore; I've been released and it feels good. I'm looking forward to 2010, and cannot wait to go to Seoul and just finally start this new chapter of my life. A heartfelt thank you for all the support and encouraging words I received.

Seoul, here I come...
~Lola O.~