My body is back here in Seoul, but my heart is still at home with the family and friends I've left behind for another year. Leaving this second time around was so much harder and more emotional. There were so many instances I wanted to cry, like when my grandma started crying as she prayed for me, as I prayed for her, and we said our goodbyes. Or when I looked back down the escalators to see my mom still standing there watching me head to my gate. I really wanted to cry but I held it in, and tried to smile as I waved back at her and told her I loved her.

My mom drove me to the airport, we left the house around 6:00 AM, and got there around 6:30 AM. Everything was going fine until it came time to check in my two luggages. I knew already I'd have to pay excess because both were 70lbs. I had brought a lot of my favorite foods, seasonings, and such to last me a year. I told the counter lady it was $50 per bag, because that is what it says in the airline baggage policy. She said she had to check and called Asiana Airlines. She told me to get into this other line and when I get up to the counter she'd let the person know how much they would be. As we waited in the other line, another woman came and told us to come with her, and tried to do everything all over again. I tried to explain to her there was another woman already doing it, but she wasn't really listening. Thank goodness the other woman came, and what would you know the bags were $50, like I said. It took forever to check in, they did a lot of running around, and all I could do was laugh. This is life's unexpected curve balls.

I hugged my mom goodbye and went up the escalator stairs and heard her call out to me to take care of myself and that she loved me. I told her not to cry and that I loved her, and would see her in a year. I got in line for security, got all my stuff ready, and went through the monitor. It kept beeping. Great...not. I had nothing on me, so the lady was like it has to be the under wire in my bra. She said I'd have to wait and do a full body scan before I could leave. I just smiled, and said let's do this. Honestly, I was laughing wondering if the whole journey would be like this, and it turned out to be full of unexpected moments.

She did the scan, cleared me and I headed to my gate. I waited half and hour and then we boarded. Everything seemed fine, but as the plane taxied out they suddenly said something was wrong with the fuel indicators and we would have to have it looked at. This led to a two hour delay. We waited on the plane as they had people come out and check what was wrong with the plane. I wasn't too mad over this since I had a whole exit row to myself on this flight. Pure heaven. So comfortable! The only problem was I had a connecting flight in Seattle at 1:20 PM. Originally I was supposed to arrive at 10:31 PM, I didn't arrive till 12:10 PM. Thank goodness Asian delayed the flight because of connecting flights like mine. I made my flight. It was a full flight so no exit row for me, but at least I got my aisle seat this time around.

The flight was fine. These kind men all stood up to help me with my carry-on, as we boarded and as we landed. The food was okay. I watched Charlie St. Cloud, Cyrano Agency, and Step Up 3. I really liked Step Up 3 because Moose is sooooo adorable:)! Hahaha...I slept when I didn't watch movies, and walked around to get the stiffness out of my legs. I arrived in Seoul around 6:30 PM. 20 minutes behind schedule. I went through immigration and when I got to customs I had the pleasure of being chosen to have my carry-on searched. Got that done, found the bus home, and headed back to my apartment.

As I headed home on the bus I felt a feeling of not belonging here, but it soon changed just as the roads changed the closer I got to my place. This is my life right now, for the next year this is my life and I am going to embrace it. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to live it. As I got to the bus stop by my place my friend came to help me with my luggages. I got to my apartment and when I got inside I had this overwhelming urge to cry. I just wanted to cry because I was missing home so much, I am still missing it so much. I never realized how much I'd enjoy being back home. I think sometimes you need to go home to remember where you came from, who you were, and to bring back those pieces of yourself you left behind there. That's how it felt for me. Home really is where my heart is, where it will remain.

Before I left Seoul, I wrote a letter to myself to read when I got back. I smiled as I saw the letter waiting for me on the table. As I read the words I wrote on 1/14/2011 I smiled because everything I wanted from myself happened in the past three weeks, and will continue to happen. I wanted to be brave, to be honest, to be bold, and true in everything I do and that is how I am living. Being myself, and trying my best. This is happiness, and it won't disappear no matter where in the world I am.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Only three more days left in AZ before I leave for Seoul!!!

The last few days have been filled with bittersweet moments and lots of nostalgia. Yesterday, I went on a mini-road trip with my good friends from college. We went to Tucson, to see a friend and it was just a great experience/day. From the moment I got in the car and we were on our way I had so much happiness and peace inside of me. We saw a movie, ate some delicious Vietnamese food, and ended the night with Amanda's delicious brownies (no brownies I have had beat hers), sparkling cider, and lots of reminiscing and laughter. I have an amazing group of friends and I am soooooo very thankful and grateful to them for being in my life. They keep me sane, grounded, and centered, and I love them for that. I just hope I give even more than I take from them.

As we made the two-hour journey back to Phoenix, I looked out the rain splattered window and watched Tucson fade away. I had spent the past four years there, and it held a lot of wonderful memories, and now that chapter has ended and a new and exciting one is about to open. I can't help but smile, because inside I feel amazing and so at peace with who I am, where I am going, and what my future holds for me. I don't have everything figured out, but that's the great part. I'll figure it out with each new experience I have. It's not so much the destination anymore but the journey that gets me there.

Today, at church my pastor and brethren prayed for me, and I felt so loved by them. They are my family, and have helped me become the young woman I am today and I am very thankful and blessed by their love and concern for me. There were a lot of hugs and farewells today, but I left smiling because I knew that wherever I am in this world I know they will always be wishing me well. It feels like everyday is even more precious now that there are only a few more days before I leave. I'm doing my best to make the most out of each one, and let them people in my life have good memories to make them smile.

I just keep thinking how everything feels so right this time around compared to August. The small bowel x-ray results came back normal, and I have noticed that I feel really good these days. Lots of energy:)! I feel  deeply blessed to be surrounded by my wonderful family and friends, and thankful for all their support in everything and anything I do. A friend said to me today, that she knows wherever I go, my light will shine brightly, and it made me smile. I know that no matter where I am in this world I will and can succeed because everyone I love is cheering me on, encouraging me, believing in me, and supporting me. I will leave knowing that and it gives me a lot of strength.

I am not fearful or nervous anymore because I know I can and will overcome and triumph in the end. I know God is guiding and watching over me as I take this next step in my life and start a new chapter in Seoul. I am thankful to everyone out their supporting me, helping me, and uplifting me. I hope to always do the same for you.

With only three more days left, it feels like time is racing ahead of me, but I know these three days will be blessed with wonderful memories. I'm going to enjoy my family and friends, eat lots of Nigerian food, and get plenty of rest. The next time I write to you will be from Seoul, so look forward to it. Thank you for supporting me.

I'm looking forward to all the amazing people I will meet and experiences I will have in Seoul. Keep me in your prayers, and you are always in mine.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

The lyrics in this song describe who I am at this point in my life now...

Only 8 more days before my journey to Seoul begins and I am surprisingly very calm about everything. For me that is a very weird state to be in. I am the kind of person who is checking and re-checking everything, running a zillion errands, and just making list after list of every possible thing that could happen. But for some reason, I am doing nothing of that sort right now.

I've just been watching tv shows, sleeping in, and being completely lazy. I was planning to do this and that, but everyday I am just taking it easy, and spending my days in a mellow kind of mood. It just feels weird, and last night as I was drifting to sleep it came to me that maybe this is the calm before the storm. Like something is going to set me off in the next 8 days into some kind of panic mode that will last till I leave.

I don't know it just feels weird to be so relaxed and at ease. I just feel like what will be, will be, and that when the time comes I will deal with it the best I can. Maybe I am really changing into one of those laid back sorta people (highly unlikely)! It feels good not to be all wound up and going a million miles per hour. I really hope this calm lasts and that I can leave in this kind of peaceful state of being. It feels like someone places their hand on my heart and steadied it. I just know that everything is going to be okay. I am going to be okay.

Everything just feels right this time, and I am scared this feeling of serenity is just an illusion. I feel great these days, and I am crossing my fingers it lasts. I told myself 2010 is my year to shine brightly, grow into my own person, and live my life the way I want. I just don't want anything getting in my way again. Sometimes when it feels to good to be true, it turns out to be completely false and I don't want that to be my story.

Six months ago I was in over my head in a lot of ways, and now I just feel right. Life makes sense. The future looks so promising and full of possibilities. I don't want to lose this feeling of purpose and direction that I have now. It feels good to know that even though I might not know exactly where I am going, or what I will be doing, at least I am giving it my all, and doing my best to live well in every way.

I am happy, peaceful, and no longer drifting or lost in this maze of life. I'm excited to finally jump into life and it all starts with Seoul. I just have this feeling that this is only the beginning of even more amazing experiences for me. I feel like I am finally starting to bloom and take root in this world. It is a fragile feeling, and I am doing my best to keep it alive each day.

I guess this is what it means to feel alive, and boy do I fee alive these days. I look at the world and see it with so much more clarity. I see myself with so much more color and depth, and I just know that I can do this, I can and will do this. That I am strong enough to handle whatever and whoever comes my way.

Life is wonderful, and I have a feeling it will only get better with each passing day. I 'm excited to finally make this all a reality and take it all in one day at a time, one step at a time. I'm ready to be challenged, to make mistakes, to stretch myself in surprising directions. I am ready to do walk on this path of life with my own two feet and see where the road takes me.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

I wanted to have some concrete goals for the next year so that I don't forget why I decided to go on this journey to Seoul. These are not maybe goals but are of the MUST HAPPEN kind.

• Travel
• Japan (Tokyo, Okinawa)
  
• China
• Other places in Asia if I get the opportunity
  
• Friends
• Be open-minded while staying true to myself
• Don't just hang out with one type or group of people, but make an eclectic group of friends that are interesting in more than just drinking/partying every weekend.
  
• Personal
• Open-mind: Approach each situation, place, person, challenge with an open-mind and heart. Don't be too hard on yourself if you screw up...take it as a learning opportunity. Observe. Learn. Reflect. Start again.
  
• Positive Attitude: Smile, laugh, and have FUN EVERY DAY. No matter what happens do not sink into sadness, loneliness, bitchiness, IHATEKOREA-ness, or anything of that sort. Remember that a positive attitude goes a long way. Be respectful, flexible, but never be a doormat.
  
• Relax: It's okay if you screw up, have a bad day, make a mistake, or just feel down once in a while but you must remember to: enjoy each moment, day, and experience. Don't get lost in thoughts. Don't try to always have it planned out. Go with the flow, be spontaneous, and let yourself enjoy EVERYTHING and EVERYONE!!!
  
• Growth: Be flexible, learn, and positive change. Try new things, meet different kinds of people, and just take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. Don't forget why you are here.
• Acoustic Guitar: Buy a left-handed guitar and find someone to give you lessons.
  
• Seoul
• Do everything on my list of things to do and places to go within the next year. Every week explore/discover something new about Seoul.
  
• Money
• Save at least $7000
• Pay off my credit card before my 23rd B-day (9/19/2010)
• Spend more on traveling, trying new food, than clothes or accessories.
  
• Culture
• People: Learn as much as I can about the history and customs of the Korean people. Don't always think I am right and they are wrong. Remember to be flexible, open-minded, and understanding of the differences between us.
  
• Food: BE OPEN-MINDED and try everything once!!!
  
• Language
• Take a Korean Class
• Practice Korean for at least 30 minutes everyday
  
• Find a reliable Korean Conversation Partner

I feel like these are reasonable goals for my journey to Seoul. I will print them out and place them somewhere I can see on a daily basis so I don't lose track of my goals. Well this is the last blog entry in the Journey To Seoul series. Thanks for reading!!!

Be Blessed,
Lola O.

Originally posted on my Six Months Till Korea blog, but I thought it should be shared with a wider audience. Enjoy:)

One of the main reasons I write my thoughts down is so I can reflect on them in the future, but even more importantly to see how far I have come and how much farther I need to go. This week has been a week of reflection, dreams, chances, but more importantly it has been a week of living and enjoying the moment.

I tend to wear my thinking cap way too much, and can get wrapped up in my head without seeing what is really going on in my life. I made a promise to myself that 2010 is going to be my year, my season, my time to shine and bloom, and I am doing my best to stay true to myself and to keep that promise.

Maybe it is just me, but it felt like for a long time I was just existing in life and not really living it, not letting myself enjoy it for all its flaws and wonder. I always thought I had to be someone other than the person I am. Always trying to change myself for the better, when sometimes it was more about accepting myself than changing me. I can smile now when I say that, because I am finally becoming the woman I want to be, and doing it in my own way and in my own time.

Everyone of us has a journey to take, and mine has taken me in different directions on the way to where I am now. I don't know what the future holds but I know I am excited to live my life going towards it. I think it all comes down to how you see yourself, and how you want the world to see you. That should be your choice and only yours to make. I keep thinking about my favorite Thoreau quote about living your life the way you have imagined it to be and it is so true.

This is your life, and as far as I know we only get this one chance to live it. So why live a life you don't want, a life you don't love? One day we will all return to the earth, and I for one don't want to be tangled up in regrets upon regrets. I'm 22 years old, and for the first time in my life I feel in sync with myself as far as who I am now and who I want to be in the future. I understand myself better. Accept myself with every flaw, scar, and beauty inside of me.

When I got into college I had a plan for how I wanted my life to be, but I am realizing that it wasn't necessarily me following my dreams, but more of me following the safe path to success. I don't regret the path I chose, because it has helped me get to this point in my life, and I have met wonderful people along the way, and have had opportunities that shaped me into the present version of myself.

I feel comfortable in my own skin, and even in those moments of doubt and insecurity I know that I am going to be just fine because like my mom says, "It is well with my soul." We all stumble, we all fall, but we all have to remember to pick ourselves back up and take it one step at a time, one moment at a time, and one day at a time. Living is about choices, leaps of faith, and chances. Sometimes we wait too long to do something that we miss out on it entirely.

It always comes down to fear; the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of pain, the fear of everything and anything you can imagine. Fear is like a plague on the human soul. It crushes our spirits, steals our dreams, and leaves us broken. Fear is friend to no one, and an enemy to all, but for me I am realizing that fear will always be there and it is up to me to overcome it, and live the life I have imagined. It is never and easy thing to overcome fear, but it is as necessary as breathing.

Over two years ago, I decided to not go straight to law school after graduation, and instead to let myself explore what else life has to offer. My family wasn't exactly excited about that decision, but they supported me and have always supported me. Something I am deeply thankful to them for. It was scary changing course like that, but it felt right, it still feels right. I was walking along a path that wasn't clear and felt more like a burden than a gift. Anyone that knows me, knows that when I make up my mind about something it rarely changes.

So deciding not to apply for law school  was a big deal, but it was the best decision I could have made for me. I was young, I am young, and I had barely experienced what life has to offer outside of a classroom. There is so much to see, so much to do, that it makes me tremble with all those endless possibilities. It feels right to go to Seoul, to travel outside of my comfort zone and give myself this year to bloom. To stretch myself, and test my limits away from the comforts I have now.

Sure I am scared, but even that fear is a beautiful thing. Like Eleanor says, "we must do the things we are afraid to do," only then will we ever know what we are capable of. If we all stay in our little boxes we will never know what is beyond those cardboard walls. Going to Seoul is a chance to explore more of the world while discovering more of me. Going to Seoul is a choice that will take me down a new path and lead me towards another. I'm excited to be doing this, to be making one dream into my reality.

But for me it is not just about going to Seoul, it's about being the young woman I want to be. This quotes sums it up best:

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on. -Unknown-

Years from now I don't want to regret not saying what was in my heart, not traveling to places I dreamed of seeing, and I don't want to regret not living the life I have imagined for me. I was thinking yesterday about my future and where I see myself years from now. I kept thinking about what exactly am I going to do for a living in the future. I always wanted to practice law, and it is still my dream but there is a part of me that is still searching for that career that feels like it was made just for me.

There is so many possibilities in this world, so many places we can go, and so many things we can do, that I worry that I will get lost in the choices and never find the one for me. Before, I thought success was measured by the amount of money I would make, but as I got older I realized that success is defined by me and no one else. Success for me is not about money, but the way I choose to live my life. I know I want to help people like me, people searching, people drifting, people who are lost, and people who come from fragmented families like me.

I know I want to help others discover themselves, and make their own dreams a reality. I know I want to do something and be someone that inspires others to live their life the way they have imagined it to be. I know I want to be the advocate for those whose voices are silenced. I know I want to leave a legacy of positive change, and inspire people to lift their voices, and use their bodies to help those that cannot. The problem is that even though I know this much, I have no idea how to make that into a career for me.

I've always felt my calling was law, and in a lot of ways I still do. The question then is what kind of lawyer should I be. I have been thinking a lot lately about being a human rights lawyer and focusing on helping the youth whether in domestic cases or international ones. I've always advocated and looked out for the people around me, and I feel like my voice could be the voice they need. But then, there are so many other careers besides law that I could be the one for me...

I don't know, these are just some thoughts racing circles inside of me. I'm at that point in my life where it is  feels okay to feel this unsure about my future, and to get a little lost along the way, because I believe with all my heart that one day in a moment all will be revealed to me. I just have to continue living my life and letting my footsteps lead me closer to where I am supposed to be.

I'm sharing all of this because I know there are other people out there, who like me are trying to figure out their place in this world. Who are beating themselves up for being lost, when they should remember that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find and be found. We are always changing so don't hold yourself back, take a deep breathe and jump. Jump, and let yourself go...

Maybe it is the writer in me that it the cause of my daydreaming. I spend a lot of time floating around inside my mind going from thought to thought, dream to dream. These days most of them are about Seoul.

My hope for going to Seoul is that it a year of HAPPINESS overflowing with personal growth, laughter, fun, and positive change. I am excited about being in Seoul in 2010. I just feel like this is my year/time to shine brightly and my season to bloom. I am 22 years old, and I feel like this is the first time in my life that I am going to be doing something just for me. I've spent the better part of my short life taking care of others, worrying for others, and making my family happy, that it feels like I forgot about my own.

I'm doing something a little crazy, but more importantly something I want to do. Something different and unusual for me, and that is what makes it great. I've done everything the way everyone around me wanted/expected me to do it, and for once in my life I am taking a different path and seeing where it takes me.

Anyone that knows me, knows I am a planner and I rarely change course. When I entered college I planned to graduate and then go to law school and become a corporate lawyer, and then a judge. That had been my plan since I was 12 years old, and then things changed... I changed. I began to become interested in traveling and the place I wanted to go to the most was Seoul. I started tutoring and working with international students, and I realized how much I enjoyed helping students.

I had the urge to explore what else was out there, and that desire made me decide to wait on  law school and test the waters to see what else is out there. It was scary at first, because I was steering off the path I had chosen for myself and leaping onto a new one. It is still scary, but it feels right. I am 22 years old, and I have every right to go at my own pace, go my own way, and figure things out in my own time.

I have no idea if I will still end up going to law school, because I have so many dreams and desires inside me that I want to explore more. I am giving myself time and my hope is that all the fogginess inside my mind will clear over the next year and little by little I will discover and create the future that is right for me.

My hope is that over the next year I learn, discover, and create myself through each experience I go through, and begin to paint that portrait of myself, my life, and the future I want for me.

Next on Journey To Seoul: Personal Goals...

Change: Nothing will be like it was over the next year, including me.

Exploration: Of Seoul, Me, South Korea, Food...of everything

Independence: First time where I am truly on my own, figuring things out for myself, and making my own decisions, mistakes, and dealing with the consequences and rewards of both.

Challenges: Including students, culture shock, co-teachers, new culture, my own perceptions, and just having to deal with the everyday differences from the life I led before Seoul.

Discovery: Of places, people, passions, myself, and those little things and moments that can make or break you.

Friends: I think the friends I make in Seoul will be the highlight of my journey so I want to do my best to choose the people around me wisely. I want to be open-minded and get outside my comfort zone. I don't want to just hang out with other foreigners, but embrace an eclectic group of people. I want people around me who like and accept me in all my flawed beauty. Friends that are going to be the people I lean on and laugh with over the next year.

Growth: This is all about personal growth for me. Going to Seoul is my chance to do something crazy and different in my life. To find out what I am capable of. To create and shape myself into the woman I want to be. To learn more about the world, and the differences that lie in it. To challenge myself to do more, be more, and see more. To bloom, shine, and make 2010 my season of growth.

Memories: This is what is going to sustain me when I leave Seoul. Memories of laughter, loneliness, challenges, friends, growth, change, and most of all memories of me and everything I have gone through. I want to make sure I create beautiful and warm memories to enjoy. That is why I want to make the most of my time by trying new things, getting involved, traveling as much as possible, and surrounding myself with good friends.

Travel: This might be last, but this is the thing I look forward to the most. Just the fact that I am going to take on this journey and travel to Seoul. To be able to visit other places like Japan or China, and having this opportunity to become more of a global citizen.

I'm looking forward to everything that is going to happen over the next year. I feel like doing this is going to be a stepping stone towards my future.

Next on Journey To Seoul: A Dreamer's Hope...

I tend to be an excessive worrier when it comes to changes in my life. I try to plan and control every little detail, and so when there is so much that is out of my control it freaks me out. I used to be a hardcore perfectionist, and have learned to let go slowly, but there is still that worrier inside of me that I need to let go of completely.

Writing has always been my form of therapy, so I am going to tell you with complete honesty all about the things I am worried and fearful about when it comes to traveling, living, and teaching in Seoul.

Airport/Flying: I have a serious anxiety problem when it comes to airports/flying. I won't go to the airport to pick someone up or drop them off unless someone goes with me, and that someone also drives. Airports freak me out because 1) They are huge and complicated structures, there are so many twists and turns and I hate it 2) Checking in is the biggest pain in the world, because something is always screwed up. For me I am worried about my luggage. Will they get lost? Will they be overweight? I am planning to bring 3 suitcases because trying to fit my life into two suitcases wasn't happening so I am doing it with 3 and although it will be a bit of a pain getting it through the airport it will be worth it once I am settled in my apartment. Going through security makes me anxious because you have to take things out, take shoes off, and you have this whole line of people behind you...you can tell I am freaked out by moving crowds huh!! :( Lastly, I am not a huge fan of flying, I always end up wondering if I am going to make it back to land. Whenever there is turbulence I start getting panicky and praying we land safe and sound. Landing is the scariest part for me though, my stomach is doing flip flops and I just concentrate on breathing. I do my best to fall asleep and stay asleep through out the flight...so you can see why I am a worried about this close to a day journey to Seoul.

Living: Anyone looking into teaching in Seoul hears some kind of horror story about someone's apartment and I am worried that I might end up having an apartment like that. I could care less how small or large my apartment is because I am used to small spaces. My worry is the cleanliness of the place and the accessibility of it to other places. I know I will make the most of whatever place I end up in but I just hope it is a decent place. I would have to say my biggest worry/fear about living is Seoul is whether or not I will be able to adjust well to living there. Will I hate it? Will I be crazy homesick? Will it feel really lonely? Will I make good friends? Those sort of worries that come with moving to a new place come to mind.

Teaching: This is probably my biggest area of worry just because I have this huge responsibility ahead of me and I don't want to mess it up. I have had teaching experience in both small and large numbers, but there is just so many unknowns like grade level, co-teachers (biggest worry), school expectations, and most of all available resources. I am pretty much going to be thrown into this situation and I wonder if I will sink or swim. I'm just worried about how exactly I am going to teach my students and teach them well.

Other: Some questions that run through my mind every now and then:
-Am I doing the right thing?
-Is this what I should be doing?
-Will I be safe there?
-Am I bringing too much stuff?
-Will people like me, will I like them?
-What the hell am I getting myself into?

I've always been a thinker, and so that leads to over-thinking and excessive worrying. I have learned that writing it down helps me get perspective and clear up the fogginess in my head. In spite of all my worries and fears about going to Seoul I still believe that this is what I want to do in this moment of my life. I know things won't be perfect, and I will make mistakes along the way, hell I meet even fail quite a bit, but in the end this journey will be worth every stumble along the way.

Next on Journey To Seoul: Things I Am Looking Forward To...