Only 8 more days before my journey to Seoul begins and I am surprisingly very calm about everything. For me that is a very weird state to be in. I am the kind of person who is checking and re-checking everything, running a zillion errands, and just making list after list of every possible thing that could happen. But for some reason, I am doing nothing of that sort right now.

I've just been watching tv shows, sleeping in, and being completely lazy. I was planning to do this and that, but everyday I am just taking it easy, and spending my days in a mellow kind of mood. It just feels weird, and last night as I was drifting to sleep it came to me that maybe this is the calm before the storm. Like something is going to set me off in the next 8 days into some kind of panic mode that will last till I leave.

I don't know it just feels weird to be so relaxed and at ease. I just feel like what will be, will be, and that when the time comes I will deal with it the best I can. Maybe I am really changing into one of those laid back sorta people (highly unlikely)! It feels good not to be all wound up and going a million miles per hour. I really hope this calm lasts and that I can leave in this kind of peaceful state of being. It feels like someone places their hand on my heart and steadied it. I just know that everything is going to be okay. I am going to be okay.

Everything just feels right this time, and I am scared this feeling of serenity is just an illusion. I feel great these days, and I am crossing my fingers it lasts. I told myself 2010 is my year to shine brightly, grow into my own person, and live my life the way I want. I just don't want anything getting in my way again. Sometimes when it feels to good to be true, it turns out to be completely false and I don't want that to be my story.

Six months ago I was in over my head in a lot of ways, and now I just feel right. Life makes sense. The future looks so promising and full of possibilities. I don't want to lose this feeling of purpose and direction that I have now. It feels good to know that even though I might not know exactly where I am going, or what I will be doing, at least I am giving it my all, and doing my best to live well in every way.

I am happy, peaceful, and no longer drifting or lost in this maze of life. I'm excited to finally jump into life and it all starts with Seoul. I just have this feeling that this is only the beginning of even more amazing experiences for me. I feel like I am finally starting to bloom and take root in this world. It is a fragile feeling, and I am doing my best to keep it alive each day.

I guess this is what it means to feel alive, and boy do I fee alive these days. I look at the world and see it with so much more clarity. I see myself with so much more color and depth, and I just know that I can do this, I can and will do this. That I am strong enough to handle whatever and whoever comes my way.

Life is wonderful, and I have a feeling it will only get better with each passing day. I 'm excited to finally make this all a reality and take it all in one day at a time, one step at a time. I'm ready to be challenged, to make mistakes, to stretch myself in surprising directions. I am ready to do walk on this path of life with my own two feet and see where the road takes me.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~