I tend to be an excessive worrier when it comes to changes in my life. I try to plan and control every little detail, and so when there is so much that is out of my control it freaks me out. I used to be a hardcore perfectionist, and have learned to let go slowly, but there is still that worrier inside of me that I need to let go of completely.

Writing has always been my form of therapy, so I am going to tell you with complete honesty all about the things I am worried and fearful about when it comes to traveling, living, and teaching in Seoul.

Airport/Flying: I have a serious anxiety problem when it comes to airports/flying. I won't go to the airport to pick someone up or drop them off unless someone goes with me, and that someone also drives. Airports freak me out because 1) They are huge and complicated structures, there are so many twists and turns and I hate it 2) Checking in is the biggest pain in the world, because something is always screwed up. For me I am worried about my luggage. Will they get lost? Will they be overweight? I am planning to bring 3 suitcases because trying to fit my life into two suitcases wasn't happening so I am doing it with 3 and although it will be a bit of a pain getting it through the airport it will be worth it once I am settled in my apartment. Going through security makes me anxious because you have to take things out, take shoes off, and you have this whole line of people behind you...you can tell I am freaked out by moving crowds huh!! :( Lastly, I am not a huge fan of flying, I always end up wondering if I am going to make it back to land. Whenever there is turbulence I start getting panicky and praying we land safe and sound. Landing is the scariest part for me though, my stomach is doing flip flops and I just concentrate on breathing. I do my best to fall asleep and stay asleep through out the flight...so you can see why I am a worried about this close to a day journey to Seoul.

Living: Anyone looking into teaching in Seoul hears some kind of horror story about someone's apartment and I am worried that I might end up having an apartment like that. I could care less how small or large my apartment is because I am used to small spaces. My worry is the cleanliness of the place and the accessibility of it to other places. I know I will make the most of whatever place I end up in but I just hope it is a decent place. I would have to say my biggest worry/fear about living is Seoul is whether or not I will be able to adjust well to living there. Will I hate it? Will I be crazy homesick? Will it feel really lonely? Will I make good friends? Those sort of worries that come with moving to a new place come to mind.

Teaching: This is probably my biggest area of worry just because I have this huge responsibility ahead of me and I don't want to mess it up. I have had teaching experience in both small and large numbers, but there is just so many unknowns like grade level, co-teachers (biggest worry), school expectations, and most of all available resources. I am pretty much going to be thrown into this situation and I wonder if I will sink or swim. I'm just worried about how exactly I am going to teach my students and teach them well.

Other: Some questions that run through my mind every now and then:
-Am I doing the right thing?
-Is this what I should be doing?
-Will I be safe there?
-Am I bringing too much stuff?
-Will people like me, will I like them?
-What the hell am I getting myself into?

I've always been a thinker, and so that leads to over-thinking and excessive worrying. I have learned that writing it down helps me get perspective and clear up the fogginess in my head. In spite of all my worries and fears about going to Seoul I still believe that this is what I want to do in this moment of my life. I know things won't be perfect, and I will make mistakes along the way, hell I meet even fail quite a bit, but in the end this journey will be worth every stumble along the way.

Next on Journey To Seoul: Things I Am Looking Forward To...

That picture pretty much describes how I am feeling right now about leaving for Korea in SIX days. I am a bundle of nerves and nervous energy and if I end up exploding at some people I am not myself right now.

Start of Mini-Rant Session:
Honestly I don't know why I thought packing for Korea would end up being an easy task. I think I might have been a little insane when I had that thought. I mean knowing me I should have had warning that this would not go smoothly. So I decided in the last entry that I was going to bring 3 luggages instead of two. Well, the third luggage was a smaller one but after trying to pack my supplies into it and not being able to zip it up I decided to go for one that is the same size as the other two. I have the Samsonite 30 inch Mobile Spinners and although I am probably bringing too much stuff I think I would rather be comfortable than sorry. I am going to do packing attempt 2.5 in a bit and see how that goes. With six days left it feels like time is speeding up and working against me.

END of Rant:)

I am trying to remember to breathe, have fun, and just take it one step at a time. I know God will make my path smooth over the next year and that any obstacles that come my way will not be ones I cannot overcome. Today I just laid in bed and thought about the next year and why I am feeling so nervous. I think with all new things you can't help but wonder because no matter what you can never be prepared enough. I think my biggest fear is all the unknowns that I will have to take on one by one. I wonder if I am strong enough to really do this. However, I know if I didn't at least try I would regret it forever.

After praying and thinking I found some clarity and strength in myself. I just needed to tell myself it was going to be okay...I was/am going to be okay. I kind of gave myself a little pep talk to decrease my stress level. I think all I can do it try, and keep trying when/if I fall. I want to try and finish all this packing stuff latest Wednesday so I can spend Thursday hanging out with my family and friends and just relaxing.

I don't think I will be able to sleep Thursday night...I never can fall asleep the night before a big event and this is a really big event for me! I am leaving my house at 6:30 AM on Friday to give myself time in case of any airport issues. I am praying to God I have none of those. I think I just need to take a break from all this Korea stuff and hang out with my family and friends to clear my mind.

I have been having a music pick me up session and this song really describes how I am feeling about going to Korea.



Keep me and my travels in your prayers!
~Lola O.~