Last Friday I went to do my follow-up with my GI doctor, and I don't know why I was expecting to get the "everything is fine" speech so soon. I mean I finished up my medication last week so I just thought everything would be fine. I need him to give me a letter of good health to submit to KC/SMOE with the rest of my application stuff. So instead of getting that letter of good health, he decided he wanted to run some more tests to make sure all the bacteria (H. pylori) is out of my system and to see if my blood count has improved.

You don't know how sick I am of tests especially blood tests. I hate needles! I close my eyes and try not to whimper like a baby when they do it. The sight of blood makes me want to gag. So now I have to go to the lab and run a few more tests. I have had a problem with anemia for the past year, and I am still anemic. I cannot describe the utter tiredness that consumes me because I'm anemic. I have fatigue like no other, so I am still on iron supplements/ iron-rich foods until my blood count goes up significantly.

I just feel nervous about all these tests and all the waiting I have to do. I hate going to the doctor and I have been to the doctor's office way too much in these past 3 months. I am just praying to God that 1. No more h.pylori in my body 2. My blood count improves 3. I finally leave for Korea at the end of February with good health. I have another doctor's appt in December and then based on how that goes we shall see what happens next.

It just feels weird, being 22 and dealing with this kind of stuff. I mean I used to be so healthy, before all this unraveled. I just want to feel like a normal 22 year old. Healthy and alive and just having fun. I don't want to feel so tired and weak all the time. It seriously sucks! But I am keeping positive and trusting that as long as I keep my focus everything will work out in my favor. I guess I am also nervous that something like this could/will happen again.

I got my SMOE 2010 contract in an email today, and felt nervous and excited all over again. Excited for things to start happening again. It's been almost 3 months since my trip to the hospital and I am just happy to be on my way to doing what I want to do with my life. For me, going to Seoul is the only thing I am sure about right now so I want to go for it, take that risk, and see what the results are. I was nervous for the same reason I am excited, it's all starting again.

KC/SMOE have been great for me and very understanding of my situation. Let's just hope that continues and that they don't have the debacle they did for Fall 2009 with the 100 teachers that got screwed. I think they've learned from that and won't repeat their mistakes again (hopefully). I feel like the next three months will go by fast (thankfully) with weddings, Christmas, New Years, and just lots of family time. I think God had a reason for me to stay here right now. I know I am here to help the people around me and share their special moments with them.

Everything has its season, and mine will start soon. I am not looking forward to paying for my visa, ticket, and other expenses all over again. That really makes me annoyed when I think about it. Especially since I haven't found a job yet. I kind of get the feeling God doesn't want me working right now, especially with me being constantly tired. I just hope though that I can find something, even if it's just for the holidays that can add a little cushion to my bank account.

I really need to practice my Korean, and getting back into the learning about Korea mood. I am excited to finally go and meet people there, and just live. I guess I am most nervous that something else will happen to keep me here, but I trust that God knows my heart and will make my path smooth. I cannot wait to explore, enjoy, and learn there. I hope going there will help me figure out what I'm going to do with my life.

Seoul, Korea here I come!!!!
~Lola O.~

Currently Loving:

That picture pretty much describes how I am feeling right now about leaving for Korea in SIX days. I am a bundle of nerves and nervous energy and if I end up exploding at some people I am not myself right now.

Start of Mini-Rant Session:
Honestly I don't know why I thought packing for Korea would end up being an easy task. I think I might have been a little insane when I had that thought. I mean knowing me I should have had warning that this would not go smoothly. So I decided in the last entry that I was going to bring 3 luggages instead of two. Well, the third luggage was a smaller one but after trying to pack my supplies into it and not being able to zip it up I decided to go for one that is the same size as the other two. I have the Samsonite 30 inch Mobile Spinners and although I am probably bringing too much stuff I think I would rather be comfortable than sorry. I am going to do packing attempt 2.5 in a bit and see how that goes. With six days left it feels like time is speeding up and working against me.

END of Rant:)

I am trying to remember to breathe, have fun, and just take it one step at a time. I know God will make my path smooth over the next year and that any obstacles that come my way will not be ones I cannot overcome. Today I just laid in bed and thought about the next year and why I am feeling so nervous. I think with all new things you can't help but wonder because no matter what you can never be prepared enough. I think my biggest fear is all the unknowns that I will have to take on one by one. I wonder if I am strong enough to really do this. However, I know if I didn't at least try I would regret it forever.

After praying and thinking I found some clarity and strength in myself. I just needed to tell myself it was going to be okay...I was/am going to be okay. I kind of gave myself a little pep talk to decrease my stress level. I think all I can do it try, and keep trying when/if I fall. I want to try and finish all this packing stuff latest Wednesday so I can spend Thursday hanging out with my family and friends and just relaxing.

I don't think I will be able to sleep Thursday night...I never can fall asleep the night before a big event and this is a really big event for me! I am leaving my house at 6:30 AM on Friday to give myself time in case of any airport issues. I am praying to God I have none of those. I think I just need to take a break from all this Korea stuff and hang out with my family and friends to clear my mind.

I have been having a music pick me up session and this song really describes how I am feeling about going to Korea.



Keep me and my travels in your prayers!
~Lola O.~

I am not a patient person at all. To say I was one would be an utter lie. So this whole waiting process to go to Seoul is driving me nuts. I hate waiting because it leaves too much room for thinking, analyzing, and questioning.

Ever since I graduated I have had plenty of time to think about my decision to go to Seoul to teach and the fear is starting to crawl in. I keep thinking what the heck am I doing and wondering if this is the right decision. Other times I have a deep belief that I am doing what I need to do to grow into my own person. I know that this might not be what my family wants for me, but I know that you cannot live your life through the eyes of others even if they are your loved ones.

I have to pursue my own happiness, and this is something I have been wanting to do for a while now. Yes, I am scared, and yes I don't know if this is the right decision...but isn't the point to get there and find out? You are never going to be completely sure about it but you have to trust yourself and take a risk. Isn't that what living is all about! I keep trying to tell myself not to rush anything and to enjoy my time in the states because although it feels like time is passing slowly in a matter of 2 months my whole world is going to change hopefully for the better.

I just feel kind of bored and spend my days researching life in Korea, getting everything together,and dreading the idea of packing all my stuff into 2 suitcases. I like clothes and shoes and purses and I like all of my stuff so packing is going to be a pain in the butt! I keep telling myself things will all work out and you know what it always does.

I am a worrier but I know that God always comes through for me! I sent my documents to Korea Connections yesterday and it cost me $60. Getting things ready to go to Korea is not cheap so prepare for all the little fees that add up when you are making the decision to come to South Korea. I just want things to get rolling. I want to get my visa so I can buy my plane tickets, and make sure I get to see my sister in Florida before I leave. I want to buy all the things I think I will need there.

I just want it to feel more real. I keep thinking what if something goes wrong and I end up not leaving August 21...that is a scary thought. I am excited and nervous to do this but even so I am taking a deep breathe and doing it. Life is supposed to be about experiences, mistakes, and growth and I feel like I am a late bloomer in all those areas. Playing it safe leaves me wanting more and I hope that I have the strength to do this and do it well.

May the Lord guide my way and make things smooth for me. I just want it to be August already!

Best,
~Lola O.~