Happy Friday lovely readers. I hope your Friday has been/goes splendidly.

This happy bubble I'm in hasn't popped yet despite the shennanigans my students and life throws my way. The sun is shining, life has been sweet to me, and despite coming down with a bit of a cold I feel good inside and out.

I haven't been really writing about my life these days, maybe because I've been living it. Life has been busy these past few weeks. I went to an apple festival, ziplining, hosted a yummy Thanksgiving dinner at my place, and tomorrow I'm going to the YG Family concert. I'm practically dancing inside and sometimes on the outside with excitement. I'm hoping I'll feel better, but no matter what I'll be singing and dancing my heart out to Se7en, Big Bang, Taeyang, Gummy, 2NE1, and PSY. I'm super happy I scored a VIP seat. I plan on getting as close as I can to the stage...okay Taeyang.

I'm looking forward to it, and the weather is supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow. The concert is at Olympic Park Stadium, which is like an hour away from me. I'll be jamming to K-pop on the way there. After this weekend things will cool down. Lately life has been go, go, go, and I'm looking forward to a few weekends without any major plans. I need to figure out what to do for Christmas. I've never been huge on Christmas because it never goes my way. All I want to do is spend time with the people in my life, no presents, just their time, and do whatever, preferably in my comfy pajamas. I'm not really into the whole dress up and go out Christmas that my family tends to do. This will be my first Christmas away from home, so I want it to be a great one.

I'm going on a ski trip for New Years. I've never been skiiing, so this is a chance to do something new and celebrate 2011 with my friends. Looking forward to it. More than anything I am looking forward to being in the states for a few weeks and spending time with my lovely family and friends back home. I'm looking forward to eating my mama and grandma's delicious cooking, hanging out with my close friends, going to New York and Maryland with my sister, seeing all the babies everyone is having. I'm excited to eat, shop, and laugh a lot when I go home. I want to soak it all up, because everyday I have with them won't be enough. So I want to make the most of it, and pamper them all.

So life right now in bits and pieces...

I caught a glimpse of the first snow in Seoul. The cars outside were coated in it, but it was gone by morning. I'm dreading the real snow to come. Hopefully most of it will happen when I'm back in the states. This morning I was walking to school and this 4th grader was screaming my name until I finally noticed (was listening to music) just to say hello to me. IDK..but she seems to have taken a liking to me, and gets really excited everytime she sees me. We have a hard time communicating, but we manage. It makes me smile and feel all happy inside. As I walked into school, I saw a few of my students in a circle. Curious I walked over to see this adorable puppy jumping around playfully licking and biting students. No one knew who she belonged to, but she was tied up so I assumed she had a home to go to. I'm allergic to dog hair, but not all dog hair so I didn't have a problem with this dog or so I thought. Haha, later my nose was running and so stuffy. I'd like to have a dog one day. I've never had a pet. My mom doesn't like dogs or cats, or any animals. I firmly believe every kid deserves to grow up with a pet. I want a dog and a turtle one day. Need to find a dog with hair that doesn't send me into an allergy attack, or I should take shots for it. I've always wanted a Siberian Husky. That was so random.

Anyways, as Fridays go this was a pretty easy one. The kids are getting antsy these days so we changed their seats in hopes of them calming down. We'll see how that goes next week. I've got to start planning for winter camp, do my medical check for renewing, buy my plane tickets home, plan my trip home, blog about my recent trips, and upload all the photos and videos I have sitting on my hardrive. Hopefully I'll conquer the photos and videos on Sunday.

My family has been freaking out about North Korea. To the point that some of them have been pressuring me not renew, but I'm going to still renew. You won't ever be completely safe anywhere, and I'm not going to be pressured into leaving. I've tried to calm them down, and assure them that if things escalate to a point where my safety is compromised I'd get on the first plane home. I'm happy here, and I am looking forward to another year of adventures, discoveries, and growth.

Haha, I just feel like doing a happy dance. Life is good. I'm good. I hope you are good too.

Happy Friday everyone. Remember to laugh, smile, and breathe.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

One of my favorite songs by the great Nell...


Edit: I just read through this entry, so zippy. It's amazing how much your writing can reflect your current state.

I love those sunny days, when everything has this beautiful tint to it. When it passes through your windows and makes you smile. I love sunny days, and  even more I love sunny Fridays:). Haha, I'm feeling really light and happy today. A lot better than I was yesterday mostly due to 1) a card from my bestie 2) laughing with my sister 3) watching Smallville (I've been watching it since I was twelve) 4) Pumpkin soup, and 5) a really peaceful sleep.

 Last Friday, I went to my friend's place for a Game Night, I haven't done that since college but it was a really good time. I needed that. The laughter, the silliness, the people. It was a good end to a semi-exhausting week.

Then on Saturday I had a little freak out about my life, my future, and what the heck I'm doing about all of it. It all started when I read this...okay I've been having these thoughts ever since I decided I am for sure renewing for a second year in Seoul. After making that decision, I've been freaking out a lot about it, about being away for another year, about delaying grad school or whatever I'm going to do as a career. I always wanted to stay for 2 years, and I'm going to but I'm still freaked out. Dollop Of Solipsism was asking the same questions I've been asking myself about what comes next after Seoul. I have another year to think things over, figure out where I want to be, want to do, and so on. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm wasting time by staying another year. An honest question. I don't believe I am. I'm not ready to go to grad school, or to decide what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I don't want to live that kind of 9-5 life yet. Especially when I'm still figuring out what I want to do as far as work goes. I enjoy my life here. I want to travel some more. I'm happy with my life right now. So I ask myself if that's okay? If living like this is really okay? It's not that I need permission to live my life the way I want, but sometimes it feels...I feel like I do.

So I freaked out Saturday night, and I just told myself I'll go to sleep and deal with everything in the morning. I finally went to sleep after spending an hour or two looking into careers I'm interested in. After sleeping on things, I woke up without any new clarity just some peace of mind. I'm okay, and I won't be an utter failure or spend my life wandering and never making a difference, never having a purpose, never making my dreams/golas come true. I just have to give myself time to figure things out, and while I have this time to wander, explore, and discover I can look into things, talk to people, and come to a decision when I'm ready. I think I really need to have a conversation with my mom about all of this, but I don't want to do it over the phone. My mom's opinion really matters to me, and I feel like she isn't okay with my decisions and that makes me doubt myself. I know we won't always agree, but I need her to believe that I'm doing well, and to trust that I'm making the right decision for me, for my happiness and peace of mind. This is a face to face conversation that has to wait till my winter vacation. I really want to sit down and talk to her about everything, and have her blessing and support. For her to be okay with me staying another year, not going to law school, and just changing from the daughter she always knew. I spent the rest of the weekend in seclusion in my partment because I needed time to sort myself out, and just breathe.

People are always saying to me that I'm only 23, I have plenty of time. I don't agree or believe that. I don't want to waste time. I don't want to avoid things. I don't want to live carelessly. I know that I will have to apply to grad schools and so on during my second year, which freaks me out, but I'm going to cross that bridge after crossing the ones before it. I've never lived thinking I have endless amount of time to do whatever I want. Time ends for all of us, and before mine is up I want to know that I've used it to help people, to help our youth; to inspire, comfort, understand, and aid them. Which is why I'm thinking towards counseling specifically guidance couseling, but then I wonder does that really allow me to make a difference? Am I really going to be in a position to help students/youth? Ahhhh....so many things to consider. I know what I want to do, but not how to do it or go about it. My sister and I talked a bit about all of this the other day, and it was good to get it all out. The thing is my sister always supports me in whatever I do, so she is kind of biased as far as advice goes. I'm going to talk to a few other people and ask them what they think, but at the end of the day the determining factor is what I think, feel, want, and need to be happy and feel successful in my life.

Enough of that, this week has been a really fantastic week at school. We've made it a Halloween week for all the grades we teach. Nothing but fun, fun, fun for all the kids and they've been loving it. I've scared the crap out of them each class sneaking up on them and spooking them. Some kids even fell to the floor in fear. They've been trying to scare me but it hasn't worked yet. I'm just happy they are so happy and having a good time. We had students become mummies, did mummy tag, made trick or treat baskets, did halloween worksheets, watched videos/ songs, and gave out so much candy. Some students even wore costumes they made for extra candy. I'm not big on Halloween, but from a kid's perspective I think it's a great time for their imaginations to go wild and for them to be carefree, and of course eat loads of candy. I felt like a kid again this week, the laughter, freedom, and high of youth. We are planning to do a Christmas Week for the kids too.

The weather has been sooooo cold this week, and I hope it doesn't stay like this. I want my Fall to stay for awhile before Winter comes and makes me miserable. I haven't used the ondol in my apartment yet. I'm trying to hold out until it gets really cold, but I am tempted to start using it. Especially when my feet are freezing from the wood floors even with two pairs of socks on. Are you already using yours?

Today, I had two of my 5th grade classes canceled which is a nice break for me, but I feel bad that they will miss out on Halloween till next Tuesday. On my way to school this morning I was carrying a large bag filled with candy, and one of the teachers just drove past me, picked up another teacher, and went on her way to school. She knows me, and it's not like she doesn't see me walking, but everytime she always keeps going, and only stops for other teachers. It kind of grates on my nerves, especially today when I had so much candy to carry up the steep hill. I don't understand her, but yeah it bugs me that she will pick up a teacher walking 10 feet ahead of me, but never me. Whatever.

I'm really happy today because I got my VIP ticket to the YG Family Concert last night. You have to buy the ticket on Gmarket, and everything is in Korean, but I know enough to figure out how to purchase a ticket. The site went down for almost an hour after it opened at 8 because everyone including me was sitting at their computer trying to get a good VIP seat. It was worth it, because I've got a good seat to see Taeyang, 2NE1, Se7en, Gummy, PSY. and hopefully Big Bang will have some new songs by then. I'm so excited since I couldn't  go to Taeyang's Solar concert last month. I like all of YG's artists so this should be a really good time. Haha...I plan to go to as many concerts as I can while I'm in Seoul because once I leave my chances to see them perform live are slim to none. I have to wait till December 4th, but now I have an early Christmas present to look forward to:)!!!

This weekend, my friend is having a scary movie night tonight. I don't like scary movies, so my eyes will  probably be covered during the goreathon, but it will be a good time with friends. Besides that I don't know what the weekend will hold. I need to take care of a few things, maybe do some winter shopping, and try to go somewhere I've never been yet.


It's hard to live in the now, when you are so aware of the future. So I still have to figure out "what comes next" for me. For now, it's another year in Seoul. After that, it gets blurry...

Okay, if you have not seen this video you need to stop whatever you are doing and watch it.


Have a great weekend everyone!!!!
FYI Yeoungdongpo Costco has Pumpkin pie, and it is D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S....^____^

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Fall came to Seoul swiftly, but I hope it doesn't leave just as fast. I love this season. This time of the year when the leaves fall, the wind gains a chill, and things begin to change in preperation for winter. It's exciting, this kind of atmosphere. A time of change, of color, of transformation, of joy. I love sitting in my apartment, reading, drinking tea, and just letting the breeze slip through my screens and wrap around me. So I hope I get to enjoy Fall for awhile before scary Winter decides to make an appearance.

I'm in my eight month of living in Seoul. I remember when I first got here, didn't really know anyone, wasn't sure whether being here was the "right" decision to make, and I was scared of being away from home for a whole year. Away from the comforts of my family, my friends, my "normal" life, but I've not only survived the last eight months, I've lived them, enjoyed them, and I'm looking forward to the next four months here. Maybe even another year abroad.

So many dreams have come true in the last eight months. I used to write those dreams down in my notebook, on a list, in my journal, but instead of them just being words, wishes, hopes, they've become my reality and I am so unbelievably thankful for the last eight months. The good times, the bad times, and the inbetween. I've done a lot but there is still so much I want to do, still so much I want to see, discover, and enjoy while I can.

I keep thinking that in a few months I'll be back home, and I'm excited about it. I've missed home (my family, friends, community). I cannot wait to catch up with them and share stories of this past year of our lives. So much has happened and I want to treasure each moment I get to spend with them while I'm there. I do know that I have no intention of staying right now. Even if I don't stay here another year, I'll go somewhere else, do something else, and just let myself wander for a little more.

There is a part of me that wants to stay with them, and go back to what I knew, but the bigger part of me wants to let go of all I knew and just let myself fly a little more, and see where the wind carries me. I'm not ready to be grounded again. Right now, right here I feel like I'm living "my life" on my own terms and in my own way. I'm happy here and I don't want this chapter to end after four more months. For now I'd like to stay in the midst of these pages if I can.

I'm finished with classes for the day. How I love Fridays, only four classes compared to my regular 5-6 classes. I look out the window to my left to see some sort of insect crawling up the screen. The leaves shiver from the wind, but the sky is bright and it makes me smile. The Arizonan in me loves the sun. There is something especially soothing about clear skies. Makes me feel like everything that is unclear in my life, will become just as clear and bright in time. I'm sleepy, but that seems to be my things these days.

This week was uneventful, and before it started I wanted it to be over. I'm still in the vacation mode, and work just feels wrong. Lol. As I look around my desk and see the things students have given me I smile and I feel glad to be here. As I walk through the hallways and students greet me left and right I smile and laugh at their never ending enthusiasm. I feel lucky to be here, and thankful that I got a good school. I'm just feeling thankful today.

It's the first day of a new month. I love firsts, because it's a great time/day to change, to take a chance, to do things differently. It's like an automatic clean slate to get things right this month/time. My mom is going to turn 50 this month. I'm sad I won't be there in person, but I've got some things cooked up to show her I'm thinking of her. I'm looking forward to hugging her when I get home, and seeing her smile, feeling that warmth that only moms can give. I love you mom:)!!! Yeah...besides that I like that we have lots of holidays coming up, so at least I have that to look forward to since no more vacation time will be coming my way till winter. I have a few days off here and there, so maybe I can do a weekend trip somewhere.

I'd say that the most resonating feeling over the last eight months, has been the feeling of growth into the woman, person, human being I want to be. I'm on my own here, making my own decisions and choices, living with the consequences and rewards of my actions, and it's helped me to find myself, discover what I want, explore who I want to be, and just understand what living means to me. Falling and failing and picking myself back up or having others help me stand again. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror, I want to smile at my reflection, so I try to live well so I can face myself, so I can figure out what happiness, life, and my future means to me. With each day, moment, experience, crossroad I gain another piece to this infinite life puzzle.

When I was younger I never expected I'd turn 23 in Seoul. I'd have been in my second year of law school if I'd stuck with that plan. We can make all the plans we want, but life will always throw us curveballs to challenge us to discover if that is what we really want for ourselves. It turned out it wasn't what I wanted in the end, and I'm happy to be discovering what feels right to me as far as my career goes. Something I can enjoy, and use to help specific people. I never would have thought I'd be switching things up, but now everything feels right, clear, and meant to be.

I hope this year brings even more clarity my way, and that the future I desire solidifies into more than just a dream. I'm looking forward to the next four months here, and after that we'll see what comes next...

Happy Friday lovely readers!!! Have a fantastic weekend



Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello Friday, I've been waiting for you all week. Seriously, since I woke up Monday morning I've been hoping it would magically turn into Friday, and even though I had to wait, you are finally here.

The weather is pretty fabulous right now. Chilly and windy, with plenty of rain. I seem to be the only one at school enjoying it. I feel like Autumn is just around the corner, and Summer is washing away with the rain. I hope it keeps getting colder, because I am so beyond done with humidity. Not looking forward to Winter, can Autumn just stay here all year?

On an even better note, my niece was born (9/9/10) and I am overjoyed to have her in this world. It was the first thing I saw when I got to school after having a semi-annoying morning getting ready and it brightened my day immediately. I am dying for some pictures, I want to put a face to her name because that's all I've got to hold me for the next few months till I get to meet her in person and hold her and my other niece in my arms. It's a weird feeling for two of my best friends to have daughters and husbands already, but life has no clear path and we each choose our own. A lot of people I graduated with ended up getting married this past year. I guess some marry younger and some older. Sometimes my family is like when are you going to get a boyfriend and get married, or the I have someone I'd like you to meet, and blah blah. When I was younger I thought I'd be married by 25, but not anymore. I don't want to get married till I'm like 30. Sorry mom and grandma, thank goodness I have an older sister to keep them happy...hehe. I've got so many things to do and discover in my own life, that I am not ready or willing to make that committment. I still want to go back to school, travel more, and just not be married yet. Who knows, some man might come along and change my mind, but for now it is firmly set.

I'm sad to have not been there for these big moments in their lives, but I know I'll be there for the others. Seriously, babies make me go gaga, I cannot wait to see them in person, and get to know them. Best birthday present ever. My mom, and Amanda said they'd each be sending me a birthday package, and I'm excitedly anticipating them. I miss home, and it will be nice to have something to tide me over till I go back. I've been really craving my monthly Cosmopolitian and Glamour magazine sessions. I love reading magazines, and I don't get to do that here. Limited selection, and overpriced here in Seoul. Speaking of things I miss and look forward to besides the obvious of my family and friends. I miss driving my car. I miss my grandma's special sauce she makes because I love it. I miss living 5 minutes away from Camille, and going to her house for movie nights and venting sessions. I miss my GMI church family. I miss that feeling of knowing (here, even the simplest thing can become complicated). I miss being there for the big moments, but even more the small everyday moments. I miss my bedroom aka my Sanctaury. I miss my brother's reluctant but wonderful hugs. I miss talking to my sister everyday. I miss laying in my mom's bed and watching tv with her. I miss it all, but I know when I leave Seoul that I'll miss things here too.

I'm looking forward to seeing some of my friends this weekend and catching up on our vacations and how life's been treating us since we last saw each other. We've also got to plan for Tokyo. I have so much catching up to do. I need to get re-organized and back into the swing of things. I've been really tired since I got back to Seoul. Back to the world of alarms and schedules. I'm already craving Chuseok's reprieve from working. I'm starting to think about what I will do during my winter vacation. I'd like to go somewhere that will not be cold. So if you have a hot spot to recommend please send it my way! Hopefully, I'll have at least one traveling companion to enjoy the trip with. I also want to plan some weekend getaways to other parts of Korea, so feel free to recommend some places to check out.

These days I wish that I could pause time so I could do things at my own pace, instead of life's pace, but that hasn't happen. So I fumble, and I stumble, but I'm making it through. Wishing all of you a stress-free Friday, and a fun filled weekend.



Out of all the girl groups, of which there are wayyyy too many. I like 2NE1 because they depart from the norm and pretty much all YG artists amaze me. I have to say Minzy is my favorite, because she even though she is the maknae of the group she's got a lot of spunk and talent.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I love rainy days most of the time, especially when my mood needs a little cleansing. I was talking to my friend back home the other day about how I feel like rainy days are magical. I don't know about you, but for me rainy days have this atmosphere of possibilities. I love hearing the rain beating against my windows, cleansing our earth, and just giving me a chance to wash away whatever is bothering me. So....

I'm loving the downpour we are having today. It suits my mood just fine. Last night, I made the commute to Itaewon to have dinner with a friend. We went to Gecko's Garden (overpriced but nice atmosphere). After we went to this bar and had a chill rest of the night. I didn't get home till around midnight, but I got a nice purse, plantains, found a Nigerian restaurant, splurged on American foods at the Foreigner's Market (no Gingerale though:(), and has a much needed night out with my friend and his friend. I didn't get to sleep till around 1 and unfortnately woke up around 5:30 unable to fall back asleep. I have so much on my mind right now, that it is stressing me out which causes me to be restless and lose sleep. I haven't been able to get my external to work again. Will try a few more things before I give up. I just keep thinking about all my phots and music trapped in there. It makes me feel so upset but I can't do anything about it, and crying won't make it better.

I have no classes to teach today which is fabulous since I am insanely tired and cranky. I'm going out to Hongdae tonight. I deserve and need a night out with my ladies. I am planning to let all my stress out on the dance floor, so watch out:)!!! I'm really lookig forward to going out. I'm not into the club scene or the drinking scene, but when I do go out I like to have a very good time. I'm itching to do some dancing, I was jamming to my music and my student looked over at me smiling...haha it was cute. When I have a really bad day, I go home, turn up the music loud to my dance songs and just let loose in my apartment. It's fun and goofy, but so liberating.

The rest of my weekend will be dedicated to school matters, which sucks. I hate bringing work home with me, but I have no time or motivation after classes these days to work on it. I plan to buckle down and get my summer camp and vacation plans finalized. I'm looking forward to it, now that I've decided where to go.

Lola Side note: Bad things are always going to happen you can either fight back or back down! Last night I enter the stairwell and wanted to take the elevator because I had all these bags with me. I see this huge black spider start crawling as the elevator opens and I scream and  leap to the stairs and run up to my apartment. Seriously, can I catch a freaking break? I already deal with enough creepy crawlers at school. So I get to my apartment, and decide to deal with the spider because I don't want to see it there in the morning. I grab some bug spray, go down the stairs with my bravado ready to go, and almost step on it. My soul left my body for a second due to shock and fear. It escaped out the door. I go back up to my apt and there is this little spider crawling on the ceiling. I was so close to tears, it was like some sick joke on me. I was pissed by now, and grabbed the mop and killed it. I am going to clean my whole apartment this week, using plenty of bleach. I cannot handle any creepies in my place. Honestly, I was so upset, I mean all I wanted to do was get some sleep and I had to deal with two spiders...soooooo gross. I know, I'm such a girl.

Okay, you have to listen to my favorite song off Taeyang's Solar album:)


Have a fabulous weekend everyone:)

P.S...Does anyone know a place to get rain boots for big feet? I'm a 255-260  here.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Happy Friday lovely readers:)!!!! I am super happy this week is over. It's been long, hectic...and blah blah blah. I'm feeling a lot better today.

I finished my second open class of the semester about an hour ago and I am hoping that it will the the last one until school starts back up at the end of August. I can't really say if it went well or not, but I was surprised to see the P and VP there. I thought it was just going to be the 6th grade teachers. Oh well, it's over and my co-teacher and I are going to watch SATC2 and grab some Italian to celebrate. We both need some fun, and this will be the first time we're hanging out together outside of school.

Yesterday, I got out of school and I was riding the bus back home and thinking to myself why am I letting all this negativity take over me. I don't like being or feeling negative. I try my best to take things in stride and be positive but like every human being I have my dark days. I decided I needed some "fresh air" (something that doesn't seem to exist in Seoul..hehe) and walked to meet my friend for dinner. That's what I do when I feel like I am seconds away from either screaming or crying. I get up, put on my sneakers, grab my Ipod, and walk. Sometimes I have a destination and other times I stumble upon one. Thirty minutes and gallons of sweat later I'm feeling lighter and more clear-headed.

There is this path I take to get to where I need to go. It's this brick path that is shaded by trees on both sides. For me, I find it a really peaceful place. It's like the trees are sheltering me and giving me space to breathe at the same time. It made me smile all the way to my core. We had seoullentang (beef bone soup) for dinner, and went to this really pretty cafe for some patbingsu. I enjoyed both but the seoullentang stood out, because like juk it feels/tastes like a comfort food.

After a nice dinner and some good conversation I headed home. I originally planned on taking the bus back home, and headed to the bus stop. For some reason, I stopped, turned around, and started walking back to my apartment. I guess I knew that I still needed some time to just be. I arrived home a sweaty mess, turned on the fan, and collapsed on the couch. I woke up around three, moved to my bed, and passed out again till my alarm yanked me out of dreamland. (I was having a super weird dream take took place on a deserted Island and it featured two of my friends from back home and Taylor Lautner ( I don't even like him : ( !)...it was mix between Survivor and Lost...random and weird)!!

I got through this Friday. My 5th graders were a bit insane today but we managed to get it together for open class. My friend posted this on facebook which was nice treat and made my giggle and smile. However, the best part of my day was when one of my students walked in with a postcard for me. I don't really get mail at school so I thought at first it was for my co-teacher, I went through this second of smiling when I saw her walking, frowning thinking it was for my co-teacher, and going back to smiling seeing that it said The University of Arizona and was for me. (Thank you Indu for making my day ten times better).

So this brings me to the title of this post "Comfort," there is nothing like those things, people, places, and moments that make you feel comfortable down to your soul.  I think for a lot of us it's hard to let ourselves be comforted as oppsed to giving comfort. I realized as I walked home yesterday that I needed some comfort. I needed someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. I needed someone to cheer me on, and just listen even if I don't end up speaking one word. Sometimes though, we need to be the person doing the comforting. It's not always another person we need. Yesterday I comforted myself, and did that inner cheering. "You can do this!!" "Hold your head up, and stop frowning!" Like my mother always says, "It is well with my soul." I needed to get myself out of my funk. My friend and I were talking over dinner about how life is a journey, and as we talked I was thinking about how sometimes on our journey we have to stop and take a rest before we can continue. We need a moment to collect ourselves, recharge our batteries, and renew our reasons to keep going down that road or to travel down a new one. Yesterday was all about me doing just that. Recollecting myself, picking up the pieces that had fallen out, taking a moment to breathe, giving myself time to breakdown and reform once again.

So back today...
As I was reading her postcard I was smiling ,and my co-teacher commented on how happy I look. It's not that I am starved for sweetness, but I relish knowing that someone took some time out of their life/day to write me a postcard and mail it my way. I've appreciated every one I've received so far from back home. It makes me feel like I'm remembered, and it just feels like a piece of home came to Seoul to stay with me. I miss my friends, the people who have known me through the good and bad, sticking by my side and loving me period. I miss them, and I know that life goes on whether I am there or not. A bittersweet kind of truth. I'm missing out on those things, but at the same time I am doing things here that I've never done before. Sometimes I wish I could be in two places at once.

I know that when I go back whether for a visit or permanently things won't be the same, I won't be the same, and I wonder sometimes if I'll still have my place there. Change is already here, and I just wonder how much damage it will do in the next 9 months. This past month has definitely been hard on my insides. I've been plagued with homesickness, and just that feeling of belonging somewhere. Which is kind of funny since I always thought I never really belonged back home. It's funny how we have to go away to realize that we might just end up right back where we started. Maybe it is just the familiarity of Arizona and my life there that I am missing.

Knowing and understanding the world around me. I guess things make sense there. I make sense there. Even still, for now I want to try making sense in other places, around other people, and so on. For me home has never been a place, it has always been a feeling of comfort, of security, of belonging. Home for me has always been my mom. She is home foer me, being around her, having her hold me in her arms is home. I can't imagine a life without that home. She's my home, the place I belong, she's where I feel secure, safe, and welcomed. She's my home. She's that center piece that if it didn't exist everything else would crumble. My brother, sister, family, and friends form the outer parts of that entity. My home is where the people I love are and most if not all are back in Arizona. Home is the most comfortable place to be, but the whole point of this journey is to get outside of my comfort and see how I'll do without those people, places, and things that have shaped me till now.

My friend said to me yesterday, that I need to get outside of my head. If only she could tell me how to shut down once in a while.

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Be blessed,
~Lola O.~