On my way back home, by chance I thought of
All my favorite songs, where I'd gone wrong
The only words that I could think of
I'm pissing my life away in the form of a song
On my way back home

Every step, a victory it was
I was cheating death, just in time I woke
My memories start to wander off
Come to me, the remembrance of
On my way back home

I came in this way and here now I'll stay
If the unknown have to wait one more day
There's often times that it comes out wrong
But luckily I, I got a mind to know
On my way back home

As always hello everyone! I hope that life has been very kind to you so far in the New Year! I'm back in Phoenix, Arizona:)! I got back Friday night, and the jet lag is still messing with me.

Okay, so I ended up packing at the last minute, because I fell asleep on Thursday night. I woke up Friday around 4AM and just got all the packing, cleaning, and last minute errands done. So I ended up having to bring 2 luggages, a carry-on, and my backpack because all the souvenirs and things I wanted to bring back for good wouldn't fit into one. Oh, the consequences of being a shopaholic! All my friends who lived by me were working so I had no help to the bus stop to take the airport bus. I took a purse strap tied the carry-on to one luggage and rolled everything to the bus stop by myself. People kept staring at me, it would have been great if they offered me some help! I got to the airport around 4 PM and found out my flight would be leaving at 6 PM instead of 6:20, great news for me! The earlier I leave the better.


I went through security with no problems, boarded the plane, and that is when things started to go wrong and weird. I requested an aisle seat. They put me in a middle seat. I always need to sit in the aisle. I hate flying, too many people in a small space. It makes me extremely anxious to be stuck between people, especially if I don't know them. Well I sat down, and the guy who was in the window seat started talking to me a mile a minute, and asking weird questions. He gave me bad vibes, so I asked the attendant if an aisle seat became available could I change my seat? She told me the flight was full, so it was unlikely. I just said to her, if one does become available please give it to me. Not to mention my row was by the bathrooms which just made it even less appealing. Middle seat, creepy guy, and bathrooms. No, No, and NO!

The guy who had the aisle seat came and sat down. I noticed an empty seat in front of me in the exit row, it was a window but with plenty of leg space so I was going to sit there. He asked me what was up, because he saw me looking so anxious and I told him I hate sitting in the middle. Aisle guy was really nice, and said he'd trade seats with me. The guy was like 6'3 so I felt bad and asked him if he was sure. He said no problem. Great! Then the creepy window guy said he'd take the exit row seat. Even better. So aisle guy became window guy, and  I got my aisle seat, with no one in the middle. Perfect! The only problem for the next 10 hours was creepy guy. He stared at me so often it made me really uncomfortable. He would keep turning around to glance at me, and then get up to get something out of the overhead bin above me over and over. He just made me really freaked out.

I will probably never fly again without using Korean Air or Asiana. It is worth the money for a more comfortable journey. This flight had no individual screens to choose what you want to watch, and so I was dying of boredom the whole time. For some reason I thought it would be the same as when I first traveled to SK, so I hadn't prepared anything. I got to San Fransisco in one piece. I went through immigration and then I went to get my luggage to go through customs. I was trying to pull my luggage but there were too many luggages under mine and I cut my pinky finger. At first it seemed to not be a big deal, but then so much blood started coming out. I had nothing but wet wipes so I wrapped my finger, got my other luggage, and went to customs. The security guy could tell something was wrong. I'm pretty sure I looked like I was going to cry, because that is how I felt. He took me to another security guy who bandaged me up, the cut was pretty deep and painful. He also let me take a shortcut out.

After, I rechecked my luggage, went through security again, and made it to my gate almost two hours later. Seriously, you have to have a layover coming into the US. Immigration and customs takes so much time. I had about two hours before my next flight so I just watched Grey's Anatomy and skyped my family. The second flight I got my aisle seat, and the only bad thing was the crazy turbulence we went through. I arrived in Phoenix the same time I left Seoul. Time differences are such a mind trip. I got to baggage claim, and all of a sudden my brother was behind me. I was so happy to see him. I kept hugging him over and over. It felt and still feels like I am awake in a dream right now. Somethings are different, and somethings are the same. It feels a bit alien to me because I've been out of the loop.

My brother and I got my luggage and headed to my mom waiting in the car. Wow! My mom was looking so beautiful. I couldn't stop staring at her. I was so happy to see her. It was a great moment. Phoenix is so hot right now. I packed all the wrong stuff. You can even wear shorts if you wanted to. As we drove on the highway  to my mom's house I had that feeling of returning to home. I think no matter where I go AZ will always be where home is. It's so beautiful here. The sky is beyond lovely. The air is fresh and clean. The roads open and not filled with people or cars. There is room to breathe, to be, to think. I've missed home. I've missed these open spaces. I've missed my family and friends. It feels good to be home. Although the time is short, even being here for one moment, is a moment that counts.

There are a lot of people I need to see, and places I need to go to while I'm here. I want to make the most out of my days. I cannot wait to drive my car. Hopefully tomorrow. The only thing I miss is the stillness and solitude of having my own space. Right now everyone is sleeping so I have a moment to catch my breathe, and put my thoughts down. I feel different. I have to ask myself, is this for real? Am I really here? It's as if my vision is blurry and my head is filled with clouds. I'm kind of floating around in this waking dream.

I'm happy to be back. To be here. To eat my grandma's cooking. See my mom's gorgeous smile. Look at my little brother living on his own. Just seeing them in their element, living their lives it makes my heart feel happy, feel peace. It just feels good to see all the people who mean so much to me, who have been there with me through everything, who continue to be my reasons for making my life something wonderful. This is home to me. Not a state, not a city, not a house. Home is people I love. It will always be found in them no matter where I go or they go. When I'm with them, I am at home. It feels great to be home!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello Friday, I've been waiting for you all week. Seriously, since I woke up Monday morning I've been hoping it would magically turn into Friday, and even though I had to wait, you are finally here.

The weather is pretty fabulous right now. Chilly and windy, with plenty of rain. I seem to be the only one at school enjoying it. I feel like Autumn is just around the corner, and Summer is washing away with the rain. I hope it keeps getting colder, because I am so beyond done with humidity. Not looking forward to Winter, can Autumn just stay here all year?

On an even better note, my niece was born (9/9/10) and I am overjoyed to have her in this world. It was the first thing I saw when I got to school after having a semi-annoying morning getting ready and it brightened my day immediately. I am dying for some pictures, I want to put a face to her name because that's all I've got to hold me for the next few months till I get to meet her in person and hold her and my other niece in my arms. It's a weird feeling for two of my best friends to have daughters and husbands already, but life has no clear path and we each choose our own. A lot of people I graduated with ended up getting married this past year. I guess some marry younger and some older. Sometimes my family is like when are you going to get a boyfriend and get married, or the I have someone I'd like you to meet, and blah blah. When I was younger I thought I'd be married by 25, but not anymore. I don't want to get married till I'm like 30. Sorry mom and grandma, thank goodness I have an older sister to keep them happy...hehe. I've got so many things to do and discover in my own life, that I am not ready or willing to make that committment. I still want to go back to school, travel more, and just not be married yet. Who knows, some man might come along and change my mind, but for now it is firmly set.

I'm sad to have not been there for these big moments in their lives, but I know I'll be there for the others. Seriously, babies make me go gaga, I cannot wait to see them in person, and get to know them. Best birthday present ever. My mom, and Amanda said they'd each be sending me a birthday package, and I'm excitedly anticipating them. I miss home, and it will be nice to have something to tide me over till I go back. I've been really craving my monthly Cosmopolitian and Glamour magazine sessions. I love reading magazines, and I don't get to do that here. Limited selection, and overpriced here in Seoul. Speaking of things I miss and look forward to besides the obvious of my family and friends. I miss driving my car. I miss my grandma's special sauce she makes because I love it. I miss living 5 minutes away from Camille, and going to her house for movie nights and venting sessions. I miss my GMI church family. I miss that feeling of knowing (here, even the simplest thing can become complicated). I miss being there for the big moments, but even more the small everyday moments. I miss my bedroom aka my Sanctaury. I miss my brother's reluctant but wonderful hugs. I miss talking to my sister everyday. I miss laying in my mom's bed and watching tv with her. I miss it all, but I know when I leave Seoul that I'll miss things here too.

I'm looking forward to seeing some of my friends this weekend and catching up on our vacations and how life's been treating us since we last saw each other. We've also got to plan for Tokyo. I have so much catching up to do. I need to get re-organized and back into the swing of things. I've been really tired since I got back to Seoul. Back to the world of alarms and schedules. I'm already craving Chuseok's reprieve from working. I'm starting to think about what I will do during my winter vacation. I'd like to go somewhere that will not be cold. So if you have a hot spot to recommend please send it my way! Hopefully, I'll have at least one traveling companion to enjoy the trip with. I also want to plan some weekend getaways to other parts of Korea, so feel free to recommend some places to check out.

These days I wish that I could pause time so I could do things at my own pace, instead of life's pace, but that hasn't happen. So I fumble, and I stumble, but I'm making it through. Wishing all of you a stress-free Friday, and a fun filled weekend.



Out of all the girl groups, of which there are wayyyy too many. I like 2NE1 because they depart from the norm and pretty much all YG artists amaze me. I have to say Minzy is my favorite, because she even though she is the maknae of the group she's got a lot of spunk and talent.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Happy Friday lovely readers:)!!!! I am super happy this week is over. It's been long, hectic...and blah blah blah. I'm feeling a lot better today.

I finished my second open class of the semester about an hour ago and I am hoping that it will the the last one until school starts back up at the end of August. I can't really say if it went well or not, but I was surprised to see the P and VP there. I thought it was just going to be the 6th grade teachers. Oh well, it's over and my co-teacher and I are going to watch SATC2 and grab some Italian to celebrate. We both need some fun, and this will be the first time we're hanging out together outside of school.

Yesterday, I got out of school and I was riding the bus back home and thinking to myself why am I letting all this negativity take over me. I don't like being or feeling negative. I try my best to take things in stride and be positive but like every human being I have my dark days. I decided I needed some "fresh air" (something that doesn't seem to exist in Seoul..hehe) and walked to meet my friend for dinner. That's what I do when I feel like I am seconds away from either screaming or crying. I get up, put on my sneakers, grab my Ipod, and walk. Sometimes I have a destination and other times I stumble upon one. Thirty minutes and gallons of sweat later I'm feeling lighter and more clear-headed.

There is this path I take to get to where I need to go. It's this brick path that is shaded by trees on both sides. For me, I find it a really peaceful place. It's like the trees are sheltering me and giving me space to breathe at the same time. It made me smile all the way to my core. We had seoullentang (beef bone soup) for dinner, and went to this really pretty cafe for some patbingsu. I enjoyed both but the seoullentang stood out, because like juk it feels/tastes like a comfort food.

After a nice dinner and some good conversation I headed home. I originally planned on taking the bus back home, and headed to the bus stop. For some reason, I stopped, turned around, and started walking back to my apartment. I guess I knew that I still needed some time to just be. I arrived home a sweaty mess, turned on the fan, and collapsed on the couch. I woke up around three, moved to my bed, and passed out again till my alarm yanked me out of dreamland. (I was having a super weird dream take took place on a deserted Island and it featured two of my friends from back home and Taylor Lautner ( I don't even like him : ( !)...it was mix between Survivor and Lost...random and weird)!!

I got through this Friday. My 5th graders were a bit insane today but we managed to get it together for open class. My friend posted this on facebook which was nice treat and made my giggle and smile. However, the best part of my day was when one of my students walked in with a postcard for me. I don't really get mail at school so I thought at first it was for my co-teacher, I went through this second of smiling when I saw her walking, frowning thinking it was for my co-teacher, and going back to smiling seeing that it said The University of Arizona and was for me. (Thank you Indu for making my day ten times better).

So this brings me to the title of this post "Comfort," there is nothing like those things, people, places, and moments that make you feel comfortable down to your soul.  I think for a lot of us it's hard to let ourselves be comforted as oppsed to giving comfort. I realized as I walked home yesterday that I needed some comfort. I needed someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. I needed someone to cheer me on, and just listen even if I don't end up speaking one word. Sometimes though, we need to be the person doing the comforting. It's not always another person we need. Yesterday I comforted myself, and did that inner cheering. "You can do this!!" "Hold your head up, and stop frowning!" Like my mother always says, "It is well with my soul." I needed to get myself out of my funk. My friend and I were talking over dinner about how life is a journey, and as we talked I was thinking about how sometimes on our journey we have to stop and take a rest before we can continue. We need a moment to collect ourselves, recharge our batteries, and renew our reasons to keep going down that road or to travel down a new one. Yesterday was all about me doing just that. Recollecting myself, picking up the pieces that had fallen out, taking a moment to breathe, giving myself time to breakdown and reform once again.

So back today...
As I was reading her postcard I was smiling ,and my co-teacher commented on how happy I look. It's not that I am starved for sweetness, but I relish knowing that someone took some time out of their life/day to write me a postcard and mail it my way. I've appreciated every one I've received so far from back home. It makes me feel like I'm remembered, and it just feels like a piece of home came to Seoul to stay with me. I miss my friends, the people who have known me through the good and bad, sticking by my side and loving me period. I miss them, and I know that life goes on whether I am there or not. A bittersweet kind of truth. I'm missing out on those things, but at the same time I am doing things here that I've never done before. Sometimes I wish I could be in two places at once.

I know that when I go back whether for a visit or permanently things won't be the same, I won't be the same, and I wonder sometimes if I'll still have my place there. Change is already here, and I just wonder how much damage it will do in the next 9 months. This past month has definitely been hard on my insides. I've been plagued with homesickness, and just that feeling of belonging somewhere. Which is kind of funny since I always thought I never really belonged back home. It's funny how we have to go away to realize that we might just end up right back where we started. Maybe it is just the familiarity of Arizona and my life there that I am missing.

Knowing and understanding the world around me. I guess things make sense there. I make sense there. Even still, for now I want to try making sense in other places, around other people, and so on. For me home has never been a place, it has always been a feeling of comfort, of security, of belonging. Home for me has always been my mom. She is home foer me, being around her, having her hold me in her arms is home. I can't imagine a life without that home. She's my home, the place I belong, she's where I feel secure, safe, and welcomed. She's my home. She's that center piece that if it didn't exist everything else would crumble. My brother, sister, family, and friends form the outer parts of that entity. My home is where the people I love are and most if not all are back in Arizona. Home is the most comfortable place to be, but the whole point of this journey is to get outside of my comfort and see how I'll do without those people, places, and things that have shaped me till now.

My friend said to me yesterday, that I need to get outside of my head. If only she could tell me how to shut down once in a while.

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Be blessed,
~Lola O.~