Wednesday was another not so great day. Only two students showed up for ASP class, and no parents came for the open class. I was really frustrated about my students continually not coming to class, and no one doing anything about it. I got to leave early for once since the other teachers had already left for their monthly outing and I never get to go because of ASP. I was walking to the bus stop and suddenly decided to walk home in hopes of my frustration disappearing with each step. I guess I just care too much, and everyone else doesn't care enough. It just bugs me, because as I walked out of the school two of them showed up like class was just starting, and only because they didn't want to go home and get in trouble for not coming. I told them class is over, and that they need to go home and deal with their mothers.

The only excuse they have for not coming is that they just don't want to. Well if I'm going to prepare all these activities and games then you better get your butt in a chair and be there. Seriously, I can't keep having only one or two students come to class, because what fun is that to be the only student there? I've told my co time and time again, she sees what happens, and yet nothing changes. She tells them to come, I tell them to come, and they just don't. I've got three classes left of ASP and so I'm not going to get frustrated anymore. I have other things to get frustrated about besides their lack of attendance. I'm going to do my best and then go home and forget about it.

As I walked home yesterday, it felt good. The weather was pretty nice, the sky beautiful and cloudy, and as I walked my thoughts began to clear, and I felt better. I decided to visit somewhere I've been wanting to go but never did. There is this huge waterfall I pass on the bus to school, and on the top my co told me there is a little park up there. I trudged up the steps a bit disappointed that today of all days they were cleaning out the waterfall. The leaves were so gorgeous on the way up, and when I got to the top there wasn't much except for a few benches and tables to sit at. The gorgeous part was the view of life below. Next time, I'll bring my camera along and snap some fall colors. I sat there for a bit, did a little writing, and just took a moment to breathe. It bothers me that I get so frustrated about these kids. They don't care, and yet I do, but that's me I can't stop caring even if everyone else does. A blessing and a curse.

I stopped and got some pastries, went home and made some tea, and after a while I fell asleep on the couch. Sleep really is a natural antidote to a lot of life's problems. I woke up to knocking on my door, and lo and behold it was some adjumma bearing my YG Family concert ticket. Finally, and perfect timing. A little sunshine on a cloudy day. I got up, did some cleaning and decorating. Then I made myself dinner, and for once sat at the table, and watched A Cinderella Story since it was on tv. I made some lists for my Thanksgiving shopping, got things ready for tomorrow, and went to sleep early. I woke up around 4 AM from a nightmare with tarantulas. Not fun!!! I couldn't really sleep after that, and just drifted in and out until it was time to get ready for school.

As I walked to school this morning, I looked up at the sky like I always due and realized that no matter what comes my way I can and will handle it. None of my problems are as deep or a immense as the sky. I will overcome what comes my way. Today is another day, a clean slate to try things again. As I walked into school my students greeted me with their warm smiles and sweet hellos, and I thought to myself  "let yesterday, and focus on making today wonderful" that is what I am trying to do.

Today is Thanksgiving day back home, and I have sooooo much to be thankful for. I'm thankful for my supportive family, my amazing friends both here, back home, and spread out around the world. I'm thankful for all the dreams I've made come true this year. I'm thankful to be alive, and relatively healthy. I'm thankful that I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. All those things far outweigh the bad moments

I'm not going to get frustrated or angry. I'm not going to get  disappointed or sad. I'm just going to do the best I can, and live with that. Trying is so much better than doing nothing. So I'll keep trying in everything and do and trust that overall everything will turn out great.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL. I hope you have a great time with your loved ones.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

"Shelter" by The xx
And I'll cross oceans, like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
And I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Fall came to Seoul swiftly, but I hope it doesn't leave just as fast. I love this season. This time of the year when the leaves fall, the wind gains a chill, and things begin to change in preperation for winter. It's exciting, this kind of atmosphere. A time of change, of color, of transformation, of joy. I love sitting in my apartment, reading, drinking tea, and just letting the breeze slip through my screens and wrap around me. So I hope I get to enjoy Fall for awhile before scary Winter decides to make an appearance.

I'm in my eight month of living in Seoul. I remember when I first got here, didn't really know anyone, wasn't sure whether being here was the "right" decision to make, and I was scared of being away from home for a whole year. Away from the comforts of my family, my friends, my "normal" life, but I've not only survived the last eight months, I've lived them, enjoyed them, and I'm looking forward to the next four months here. Maybe even another year abroad.

So many dreams have come true in the last eight months. I used to write those dreams down in my notebook, on a list, in my journal, but instead of them just being words, wishes, hopes, they've become my reality and I am so unbelievably thankful for the last eight months. The good times, the bad times, and the inbetween. I've done a lot but there is still so much I want to do, still so much I want to see, discover, and enjoy while I can.

I keep thinking that in a few months I'll be back home, and I'm excited about it. I've missed home (my family, friends, community). I cannot wait to catch up with them and share stories of this past year of our lives. So much has happened and I want to treasure each moment I get to spend with them while I'm there. I do know that I have no intention of staying right now. Even if I don't stay here another year, I'll go somewhere else, do something else, and just let myself wander for a little more.

There is a part of me that wants to stay with them, and go back to what I knew, but the bigger part of me wants to let go of all I knew and just let myself fly a little more, and see where the wind carries me. I'm not ready to be grounded again. Right now, right here I feel like I'm living "my life" on my own terms and in my own way. I'm happy here and I don't want this chapter to end after four more months. For now I'd like to stay in the midst of these pages if I can.

I'm finished with classes for the day. How I love Fridays, only four classes compared to my regular 5-6 classes. I look out the window to my left to see some sort of insect crawling up the screen. The leaves shiver from the wind, but the sky is bright and it makes me smile. The Arizonan in me loves the sun. There is something especially soothing about clear skies. Makes me feel like everything that is unclear in my life, will become just as clear and bright in time. I'm sleepy, but that seems to be my things these days.

This week was uneventful, and before it started I wanted it to be over. I'm still in the vacation mode, and work just feels wrong. Lol. As I look around my desk and see the things students have given me I smile and I feel glad to be here. As I walk through the hallways and students greet me left and right I smile and laugh at their never ending enthusiasm. I feel lucky to be here, and thankful that I got a good school. I'm just feeling thankful today.

It's the first day of a new month. I love firsts, because it's a great time/day to change, to take a chance, to do things differently. It's like an automatic clean slate to get things right this month/time. My mom is going to turn 50 this month. I'm sad I won't be there in person, but I've got some things cooked up to show her I'm thinking of her. I'm looking forward to hugging her when I get home, and seeing her smile, feeling that warmth that only moms can give. I love you mom:)!!! Yeah...besides that I like that we have lots of holidays coming up, so at least I have that to look forward to since no more vacation time will be coming my way till winter. I have a few days off here and there, so maybe I can do a weekend trip somewhere.

I'd say that the most resonating feeling over the last eight months, has been the feeling of growth into the woman, person, human being I want to be. I'm on my own here, making my own decisions and choices, living with the consequences and rewards of my actions, and it's helped me to find myself, discover what I want, explore who I want to be, and just understand what living means to me. Falling and failing and picking myself back up or having others help me stand again. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror, I want to smile at my reflection, so I try to live well so I can face myself, so I can figure out what happiness, life, and my future means to me. With each day, moment, experience, crossroad I gain another piece to this infinite life puzzle.

When I was younger I never expected I'd turn 23 in Seoul. I'd have been in my second year of law school if I'd stuck with that plan. We can make all the plans we want, but life will always throw us curveballs to challenge us to discover if that is what we really want for ourselves. It turned out it wasn't what I wanted in the end, and I'm happy to be discovering what feels right to me as far as my career goes. Something I can enjoy, and use to help specific people. I never would have thought I'd be switching things up, but now everything feels right, clear, and meant to be.

I hope this year brings even more clarity my way, and that the future I desire solidifies into more than just a dream. I'm looking forward to the next four months here, and after that we'll see what comes next...

Happy Friday lovely readers!!! Have a fantastic weekend



Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello lovely readers:).

I hope your Monday morning (Sunday night) is humming along nicely. Today is my first day back to the land of children, and I have no classes. I woke up this morning with 15 minutes to get ready for school, I was the last person to enter the building. It was weird because I didn't see any kids as I walked to school and it was such an eerie feeling. I guess they all came early since it's the first day of school. I'm really happy that I have no classes because I am super tired from the last three weeks. I will upload pictures and stories of my travels when I get back into the groove of things. Hong Kong and Jeju were wonderful; the people were warm, the weather was hot, I lost/got my camera stolen in Jeju, went horse-back riding for the 1st time, did some shopping, and overall just enjoyed myself. So my first solo adventure was a success thanks to the people and experiences that made my three weeks special.

I got back on Thursday afternoon, and holed myself up in my apartment watching tv shows and movies, reading articles and stories, and just being a lazy person trying to enjoy my last few moments of bliss before school begins. Seriously, it is hard to come back after a vacation filled with no schedule, alarms, or have to do's. I'm looking forward to my birthday and Tokyo for Chuseok, so that is keeping me from getting antsy being back. Saturday I emerged from my apartment and went to Itaewon with some friends. We went to Budha's Belly, it was my first time and I will be going back. Very delicious food and the atmosphere is good. We had some drinks at Bricks (also nice), and ended the night/early morning at Luv. Itaewon has been growing on me lately, and Saturday was a great night out.

Sunday, I went to the Incheon Wave Concert, it was interesting. I didn't like most of the acts, since I was only really there for Taeyang and Se7en, but 2PM and BOA were also good. Honestly, I felt kind of old with all the teenie boppers around me. On a hilarious note, once KARA performed a lot of boys got up and left. I had asked some of the guys next to me who they liked and they said KARA, those girls didn't perform till near the end but they stayed like troopers looking so bored until KARA came on. They pulled out their binoculars and their faces lit up, and all I thought was that will be me when Taeyang comes on stage. Overall it was a good time, I liked that everyone behaved themselves, except for the girls drinking below us who seemed to only be in highschool. I went to bed around 1 AM and barely woke up for school.

It's nice to be back, okay its not really nice to be back, I would love to do nothing but whatever I want everyday of my life. Haha, but this girl has to work, and this job isn't so bad. I'll be teaching 4th grade this semester, so I told them no more 1st graders. Everyone4 says they love 4th grade, so I'm hoping they will be a good buch of kids. My VP came to visit me to tell me he's sorry I didn't get to see my family since I've been here, so I told him about the awesomeness of Skype, and then he thanked me for summer camp. It was nice, but whenever I get an unexpected visit from the P/VP I freak out inside a little wondering what's up. I have not missed the hilly walk to school, or the lack of A/C, or the mutant bees/wasps. I hope this semester goes well. My co-teacher wrote me a letter about giving me more responsibilities in terms of preparing for lessons, tests, and open-class so yay to more work, not really, but I've got to pull my own weight. I'm crossing my fingers the kids haven't turned into monsters in the last month, and I am looking forward to seeing my 5th graders since they are my favorites.

I think this time of the year is exciting and the months fly by with holidays, birthdays, and fall weather. I have a niece on the way in the next few days, and I cannot wait to see her and my other niece when I get back. So many babies to see, and there will be at least one wedding when I get back home. I haven't decided yet whether I will stay for another year. I want to stay, but my family (mostly my mom) factors into my decision. I miss them a lot, but I know being here is a good place for me right now. I'm not ready to go back to school, or get a "real" job, or give up traveling. I'm leaving those thoughts in the back of my head and will pcik through them when I have to.

Have a great week, and welcome back my fellow teachers. I hope you all had a lovely vacation.

Be Blessed,
Lola O.

This week has been dragging by, but finally Friday has come and I know the weekend will go even faster. That's the funny thing about our perception of time. When we want it to be slow, it feels fast, and when we want it to be fast, it feels slow. Time is static, but we aren't. I've been feeling overwhelmed this week because all of a sudden there is so much that needs to be done.

I had an open class on Wednesday for my after school program kids (1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders). I was nervous about it because I had to do it alone sinch I teach ASP alone, but it wasn't the teaching part that worried me it was the behavior of my students. They're so young and my lack of Korean and their lack of English can get in the way of classroom management. Plus since their moms were there I couldn't be as disciplinary as I usually am with them. Overall it went well, the first graders has the most parents (mothers) show up. There wasn't a single dad present which made sense since they are most likely at work. I was expecting to see some grandma's there since they are the ones I usually see walking the kids to school but none came.

My first graders were louder than usual and I think it was because of the extra attention from their moms. It was like they were trying to show off by being the loudest kid to answer questions. My 2nd & 3rd graders were definitely better behaved but less parents showed up for them. I had a lot of fun with the kids in both classes. I pay attention to my co-teacher's ideas in my 3rd grade classes and it helps me come up with fun activities for my ASP. I couldn't focus on anything but open class this week so I haven't finished preparing for summer camp. Which has been given the name Glee camp courtesy of me:)!!!

I'm planning to incorporate Glee into my lesson where I can. I'm doing mixed grades so I want to have a overall theme for each week, and then subthemes for each day to keep the kids busy yet entertained since I have the same group of kids for ALL three weeks. I feel bad for the kids having to spend their summer time at school so I want to try to make it as fun as possible while teaching them a few things. Thank goodness for all the resources/ideas on the internet and from fellow expats. It's really helping me plan my summer camp. My co-teacher and I are teaching separately but at the same time and doing our own lesson plans. Not sue how that will work out. So if I am teaching middle level she'll be teaching high level and then we'll switch for second period. I'm also doing ASP everyday doing sumer camp, the extra money will be nice for my vacation but I've told them once second semester starts I will only do ASP with the 2nd and 3rd graders. I like the 1st graders but teaching them is exhausting and not as fun as the 2nd and 3rd graders. Plus I'll also be teaching 4th graders next semester and I want to keep my hours the same as this semester.

Last night I talked to my sister and she could tell from my voice that something was off so I opened up to her about how even though I'm doing pretty well, I still feel like I should be doing more...that I should be more or better than I am now. She said to me, " instead of looking at how far you have/wish to go, remind yourself of how far you've come." I know she's right, but it's something in me that always feels like even when I've climbed to the top of the mountain, I still have to figure out how to fly up to the sky. It's my personality and I'm trying to tone that  kind of thinking down because it can lead to a lot of self criticism and negativity which I don't need to place on myself. I guess it comes from spending so much time lost in my thoughts.

I've been feeling off ever since my grandma got sick and I haven't been able to fully pick myself back up. I'm slowly getting there. It wasn't just her getting sick, but that sparked this funk that I've been in. I mean I was thinking the other day when was the last time I went out exploring another part of Seoul, snapping pictures of things I like, and so on. I feel like I'm getting too comfortable with how things are and I don't want it to be like that. I want to keep expanding and discovering what I know, love, and see in my life.

I was thinking about how life gets in the way of living. I have all these things I want to do but then I have all these things I need to do and I have to find a balance between my wants and needs, between where I've been and where I want to go, and mostly between who I am and who I want to be. I was reading "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou to my co-teacher yesterday and as I was explaining to her what the meaning of the poem was (at least to me) I thought about that's how I want to always be. Strong, happy, confident, and certain of who I am where it counts the most. A huge part of the reason I came to Korea was to figure me out. To be the only voice guiding me on my path. It's like going through puberty all over again with all the growing pains and moments of clarity.

I used to think I knew exactly who I was, where I was going, what I wanted to do with my life, and after realizing that there is so much I still need to figure out about who I am, where I want to go, and what I truly want to do with my life I know I have so many more chapters to write in my life. Slowly but surely I am learning more and more about myself, my wants and needs, and what happiness means to me. I'm trying to live in the now, letting go of my past, and being flexible about my forever changing future. I guess I'm trying to be like a sponge soaking up moments, people, and experiences and finding out what I like and don't like. Being here is helping me to open myself up to what this world has to offer, both the good and the bad. So that with each new experience or revelation I get another piece of the puzzle to complete my portrait.

There is so much to learn and I want to learn everything, but I know that I won't be able to. We have to pick and choose what we can delve into because there is so much and not enough time for it all. A lot times here, I learn something new from the people around me. A new way of getting to the same place, or somewhere different to explore. I love that. I love that what I know isn't the whole picture, that someone else has something valuable to offer me. I think if I see the world like that, I'll learn a lot, and meet a lot of people who help me grow through good and sometimes bad experiences.

This weekend I have to lesson plan, but I don't want to stay cooped up in my apt all week. So I'm going to probably go see Ecplise and laugh my butt off. I mean seriously the movies should be in the comedy category:)!!! Hehe...this is coming from someone who read the books first. I don't like any of the actors in it, but since I read the books I have to see the movies. I want to explore a park I noticed on the bus ride to Itaewon. Supposedly it's supposed to rain this weekend, but I won't let that stop me from getting out to explore more of Seoul. I really have been lax on that since the trip to Muudio a few weeks back. Most importantly, I am going to book my tickets to Hong Kong, and hopefulyl Jeju as well. I think if I do that I will get more interested in the details of my trip, like where I'm going to stay:)! It sucks though that during my schools mini break at the end of July I have to do some desk warming so I don't use up all my vacation days.

I finished up my second week of Korean tutoring. I like it, it makes me focus on learning more Korean instead of letting it slide. I don't want to keep being lazy and slacking off on learning more Korean. I love the way the language sounds, and want to absorb as much as I can.

Mini-randoms:
- My external has gone to it's cyber grave :(
- I love coming home and randomly hearing my neighbor singing in his apt. It's cute and funny!
- I'm starting to dislike Itaewon a lot less
-I've given in and started using my AC at home, it feels fabulous:)

Note: I've been wanting to do a weekly blog series to kind of wrap up my week and give my wonderful readers more insight into weekly, daily live here. I wrote up one last week, but never posted it. Since this is my 100th post:) I thought it would be a great introduction to Imprints & Inklings. I chose that title because I like those two words and I think they sum up what I'm aiming for by being her in Seoul. Moments that leave imprints and stir up inklings in me.

I hope your week has gone by well, and have a fabulous weekend!!!

"You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got and remember what you had. Always forgive and never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change, things go wrong, just remember life goes on."

-Mother Theresa-

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

From the first time I witnessed my students pick up a pair of scissors and cut something...anything it has been driving me crazy. Whether they are 1st graders or 6th graders they are all perfectionists when it comes to cutting. I hate it. The way they cut, is the way they live. Slowly, with no room for error. Perfectly symmetric lives. If you are teaching here, then most likely you get what I am saying.

They cut so slowly, and it has to be perfect or they want to start all over again. Most of the time they aren't going to keep what they are cutting up because we are using it for a game, but they have to cut it perfectly, glue it perfectly, the lines must be perfectly straight. It's one of those things that irritates the life out of me. I mean come on, you are a bunch of kids. Be messy for goodness sake. Have ragged lines in what you do. They take a million years to cut one piece of paper and something that should take 10 minutes takes 20 minutes because of cutting. We have to include that cutting time when we are planning activities because they never go fast even if we tell them to.

I'm like guys, just cut it up, it's just for a game, you are going to throw it in the trash can after but it's like something is hardwired in them that they HAVE to cut it perfectly. I tell them it doesn't matter but for them it matters. It's the same with the way they write...pretty much everything they do. I thought I was a neatfreak but these kids are light years beyond me when it comes to organization and perfection.

They don't know how to let loose, and it pains me because I feel like they are really missing out on having fun. Life is not perfect, and simple things like cutting a paper for a game doesn't need to be perfect. Who cares if you mess up, or there is a wrinkle in your paper, it is not the end of the world!!!

Everyone is so wound up tight and I'm wondering what's going on inside these kids. What are they thinking, dreaming, and worrying about. They have so much work and pressure at such a young age and it really rubs me the wrong way. I have one 5th grader who doesn't get home till around 10 because she goes to 5 different hagwons after school. Stuff like that makes me really sad for my kids, and what's sadder is that I can't do a single thing about it.

It's not even about the cutting, but about the mentality behind it. That you have to stay within the lines, and that is such a limited way of thinking.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

I tend to be an excessive worrier when it comes to changes in my life. I try to plan and control every little detail, and so when there is so much that is out of my control it freaks me out. I used to be a hardcore perfectionist, and have learned to let go slowly, but there is still that worrier inside of me that I need to let go of completely.

Writing has always been my form of therapy, so I am going to tell you with complete honesty all about the things I am worried and fearful about when it comes to traveling, living, and teaching in Seoul.

Airport/Flying: I have a serious anxiety problem when it comes to airports/flying. I won't go to the airport to pick someone up or drop them off unless someone goes with me, and that someone also drives. Airports freak me out because 1) They are huge and complicated structures, there are so many twists and turns and I hate it 2) Checking in is the biggest pain in the world, because something is always screwed up. For me I am worried about my luggage. Will they get lost? Will they be overweight? I am planning to bring 3 suitcases because trying to fit my life into two suitcases wasn't happening so I am doing it with 3 and although it will be a bit of a pain getting it through the airport it will be worth it once I am settled in my apartment. Going through security makes me anxious because you have to take things out, take shoes off, and you have this whole line of people behind you...you can tell I am freaked out by moving crowds huh!! :( Lastly, I am not a huge fan of flying, I always end up wondering if I am going to make it back to land. Whenever there is turbulence I start getting panicky and praying we land safe and sound. Landing is the scariest part for me though, my stomach is doing flip flops and I just concentrate on breathing. I do my best to fall asleep and stay asleep through out the flight...so you can see why I am a worried about this close to a day journey to Seoul.

Living: Anyone looking into teaching in Seoul hears some kind of horror story about someone's apartment and I am worried that I might end up having an apartment like that. I could care less how small or large my apartment is because I am used to small spaces. My worry is the cleanliness of the place and the accessibility of it to other places. I know I will make the most of whatever place I end up in but I just hope it is a decent place. I would have to say my biggest worry/fear about living is Seoul is whether or not I will be able to adjust well to living there. Will I hate it? Will I be crazy homesick? Will it feel really lonely? Will I make good friends? Those sort of worries that come with moving to a new place come to mind.

Teaching: This is probably my biggest area of worry just because I have this huge responsibility ahead of me and I don't want to mess it up. I have had teaching experience in both small and large numbers, but there is just so many unknowns like grade level, co-teachers (biggest worry), school expectations, and most of all available resources. I am pretty much going to be thrown into this situation and I wonder if I will sink or swim. I'm just worried about how exactly I am going to teach my students and teach them well.

Other: Some questions that run through my mind every now and then:
-Am I doing the right thing?
-Is this what I should be doing?
-Will I be safe there?
-Am I bringing too much stuff?
-Will people like me, will I like them?
-What the hell am I getting myself into?

I've always been a thinker, and so that leads to over-thinking and excessive worrying. I have learned that writing it down helps me get perspective and clear up the fogginess in my head. In spite of all my worries and fears about going to Seoul I still believe that this is what I want to do in this moment of my life. I know things won't be perfect, and I will make mistakes along the way, hell I meet even fail quite a bit, but in the end this journey will be worth every stumble along the way.

Next on Journey To Seoul: Things I Am Looking Forward To...