Its funny how the walk of life
Can take you down without a fight
So many years can lay behind
Regretfully until its time
To realise the moment
When you turn around

I'm coming home to breathe again
To start again
I'm coming home from all the places I have been
With nothing but a voice within
That calls me, calls me home

Back in the day when I was younger
I was lost and proud
I've gained the world but it will never
Compare to what I've earned
In a quite moment
When the earth holds still

I'm coming home to breathe again
To start again
I'm coming home from all the places I have been
With nothing but a voice within
That calls me, calls me home
Calls me home

I'm coming home, to breathe again
To start again
I'm coming home from all the places I have been
With nothing but a voice within
That calls me 

I was listening to this song yesterday and was struck again by how much it speaks to me at this point in my life. This year of transition has shrunk down to less than six months before this dual chapter in my life closes and another one begins. I am so excited to start fresh and to do things that are going to lead me to the life I want and the path I want to walk on.

As much as I have enjoyed my time in Seoul I have that urgent feeling stirring in me again. That my time is running out here. That I am ready to move past this place. That a transformation is looming before me. It makes me smile, this feeling inside of me. Two years ago all I wanted to do was leave home, but now all I want to do is return. Not to a specific place or person but just to return to my roots and grow something new, something me.

I am looking forward to life after Seoul. To the chapters that await me once this one is finished. To the new places I will go, the new friends I will meet, and to who I will transform into this time around. That doesn't mean I'll forget about this chapter, all the pages I have written here. How can I? They have given me so much room to grow and have nourished my once aching soul. I am so thankful for my time here, and plan to enjoy ever last bit of it before I say, "see you later!" There will be no goodbye because even though I will be going home I will still take this place and the memories of life here with me.

There is a voice inside of me that is preparing me for the transformation, for the change, for the future. She is steady, patient, and wise. I am trusting her to lead me in the rest of my time here, and to guide my footsteps in whatever comes next.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello everyone:)! How has your week been?

So far so good for me. I am elated that it is Friday. I've been getting my days mixed up all week, and just realized that it was Friday. I don't have any exciting plans for the weekend but I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, making myself a yummy breakfast, and exploring a bit. Sunday will just be church, and relaxing at home.

It's been a bit since my last post but life hasn't had any radical changes. This year is turning out to be a quieter one so far, and I'm liking it. I've been doing this year in a lower key so far. Just hanging out with friends, working, writing, a lot of self reflection, and cooking. I'm trying to get more cooking and have been trying out new recipes. Last night I made dinner ( pasta w/ a homemade meat sauce and a salad). I was really hapy and pround of myself for not being lazy and eating something premade. There is joy in cooking yourself a meal. I put some music on, and let it be the soundtrack to my cooking adventure. It turned out pretty well. Tonight I'm going to try out a sweet mashed potato recipe I found with the leftovers of my curry shrimp rice. I might try some baking on Sunday if I can get the energy for it. These days I feel tired all the time. I think it's because my mind tends to always be cluttered and I can't figure out how to turn its switch off.

I feel like these days I'm a bit boring, but then I have to laugh because it's okay to be boring to others if I'm happy with myself, and I am. This year I'm going to try to see as much as I can in Korea but also in the world around me. To explore my immediate environment and find things to love about it. I want to carry my camera around and take photos of everyday things I find interesting. I want to go on walks around parts of Seoul I have not been to, and weekend trips to other parts of Korea. I have a trip coming up in May that I'm looking forward to. This month I'm on a tight budget because I used my bonus to make myself debt-free. I'm really happy about that. Now I can focus on saving money for my future somethings.

A few randoms...
On Wednesday as I walked to the bus stop some of my students came up to me. These two adjummas were getting into a scuffle. It was really uncomfortable to see. I always feel embarrased by that because I just don't see things like that back home. All the men that were around just stood around as they screamed and hit each other. One adjumma was really beating the other one up. I didn't stay, and I told my students they better get their butts home too. Honestly, I just think there is no reason to be acting like that at any age. Settle differences with words and not fists. They were really going at it, and I can't believe none of the people around tried to help settle things. The men just watched like they were at some fight placing bets. I think that is what made me really mad. If I were to butt in no one would listen to me because I'm younger and a foreigner but they could have stepped in and brought it to a resolution. They didn't.

On Thursday as I walked to school this grandfather started walking next to me, and then we started talking. He has a daughter in San Jose and has been to America many times. His grandson is studying political science and wants to be a lawyer. It made me smile because he was just so excited and happy telling me about his family. I felt bad because a teacher stopped and gave me a ride the rest of the way so our conversation ended abruptly and he seemed a bit sad. I hope I run into him again. I used to feel bothered by the random attention on the way to and from school, but then I realized their is a certain beauty in those stand alone moments. They come and they go, and most of the time they leave me feelin brighter. I've always appreciated the wisdom and beauty of old people. Most people my age feel uncomfortable with them, but I always enjoy talking to them. I find them cute, wise, and I love their stories and words of advice. Maybe it's because I've always felt like an old soul...

Actually this week has been one of random ecounters. I was running late coming home and ran into another foreigner who lives 3 floors up and is from Brooklyn. I had seen her at the bus stop a few weeks back and never saw her after. Only to find that we live in the same building. I love when stuff like that happens. We'll be having dinner soon. She seems like a cool chick. Then on Wednesday after the adjumma smackdown I met a friend for dinner and we went to church. On the way in I saw this familiar looking girl. I only saw her side profile and she was with a familiar looking guy. I recognized them from ziplining and we ended up sitting next to each other. Small world again. It was such a coincidence because it was both of our first times coming on Wednesday and we attend Sunday service at different times.

I love when life conspires like that to give you an opportunity to meet new people and see where it leads. You never know until you give them a try. So we shall see what happens there. I am a firm believer that coincidence is just life giving you a chance to see what could be. This week has been one of coincidences and discovery. At least more than usual.

I'm still a bit homesick. It's slowly leaving my system. I'm falling in love with my life here all over again, and remembering to be thankful for this moment, and to live in the here and now. To stop worrying about a year from now and start reveling in a day from now. Life is in the present. My life is in these moments that make up my today. I want to be excited and hungry for all the todays I get. My life is in the choices and experiences I make now. I don't want to miss out on it because I'm so wrapped up in the future. I always remind myself that the future is created by my present. The future is always transforming and growing as I do. It's not decided or static. It's like a never ending canvas of possibility. I like it that way...

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~



I won't dwell baby on my failures
It won't help baby it won't bring changes
I won't run baby when all I want is to run
I won't forget the morning's sure to come

Last Friday I went to do my follow-up with my GI doctor, and I don't know why I was expecting to get the "everything is fine" speech so soon. I mean I finished up my medication last week so I just thought everything would be fine. I need him to give me a letter of good health to submit to KC/SMOE with the rest of my application stuff. So instead of getting that letter of good health, he decided he wanted to run some more tests to make sure all the bacteria (H. pylori) is out of my system and to see if my blood count has improved.

You don't know how sick I am of tests especially blood tests. I hate needles! I close my eyes and try not to whimper like a baby when they do it. The sight of blood makes me want to gag. So now I have to go to the lab and run a few more tests. I have had a problem with anemia for the past year, and I am still anemic. I cannot describe the utter tiredness that consumes me because I'm anemic. I have fatigue like no other, so I am still on iron supplements/ iron-rich foods until my blood count goes up significantly.

I just feel nervous about all these tests and all the waiting I have to do. I hate going to the doctor and I have been to the doctor's office way too much in these past 3 months. I am just praying to God that 1. No more h.pylori in my body 2. My blood count improves 3. I finally leave for Korea at the end of February with good health. I have another doctor's appt in December and then based on how that goes we shall see what happens next.

It just feels weird, being 22 and dealing with this kind of stuff. I mean I used to be so healthy, before all this unraveled. I just want to feel like a normal 22 year old. Healthy and alive and just having fun. I don't want to feel so tired and weak all the time. It seriously sucks! But I am keeping positive and trusting that as long as I keep my focus everything will work out in my favor. I guess I am also nervous that something like this could/will happen again.

I got my SMOE 2010 contract in an email today, and felt nervous and excited all over again. Excited for things to start happening again. It's been almost 3 months since my trip to the hospital and I am just happy to be on my way to doing what I want to do with my life. For me, going to Seoul is the only thing I am sure about right now so I want to go for it, take that risk, and see what the results are. I was nervous for the same reason I am excited, it's all starting again.

KC/SMOE have been great for me and very understanding of my situation. Let's just hope that continues and that they don't have the debacle they did for Fall 2009 with the 100 teachers that got screwed. I think they've learned from that and won't repeat their mistakes again (hopefully). I feel like the next three months will go by fast (thankfully) with weddings, Christmas, New Years, and just lots of family time. I think God had a reason for me to stay here right now. I know I am here to help the people around me and share their special moments with them.

Everything has its season, and mine will start soon. I am not looking forward to paying for my visa, ticket, and other expenses all over again. That really makes me annoyed when I think about it. Especially since I haven't found a job yet. I kind of get the feeling God doesn't want me working right now, especially with me being constantly tired. I just hope though that I can find something, even if it's just for the holidays that can add a little cushion to my bank account.

I really need to practice my Korean, and getting back into the learning about Korea mood. I am excited to finally go and meet people there, and just live. I guess I am most nervous that something else will happen to keep me here, but I trust that God knows my heart and will make my path smooth. I cannot wait to explore, enjoy, and learn there. I hope going there will help me figure out what I'm going to do with my life.

Seoul, Korea here I come!!!!
~Lola O.~

Currently Loving:

So its been over a month since I got out of the hospital and I am doing a lot better physically. I am still on meds for at least another month before the doctor clears me. I am just praying nothing like this happens ever again to me!

I have 5 more months here before I finally get to go to Seoul by God's grace. I have to do a lot of the paperwork over like my CRC, Visa, Contract, and other things, plus get cleared to travel by my GI doctor. SMOE said they would hold my spot for the March orientation so lets just hope nothing gets screwed up (major pray for me time)! I think I am just really nervous about losing my spot or something else getting in the way of me going to Korea.

My life is pretty much in limbo right now, since a lot of my stuff is packed up in suitcases and I have no desire to unpack. So I am just using the stuff I wasn't planning to take with me. I just hope the next 5 months goes by fast and at the end of February I buy my plane ticket (again) and finally get on that plane and start my Korean adventure.

I'm just taking it one step at a time and focusing on my health right now. But I cannot wait till I can leave and go to Seoul. This six month limbo is an unexpected situation but it is better than being dead or sick in Korea. It is pretty boring being here without a job or anything constructive to do besides watching dramas and television and reading books. I need some fun distractions and lots of money. Anyway, check out my previous blog entry for the link to my other blog for regular updates on my moody self over the next 5 months. I will do monthly updates on this blog.

More importantly, even though I am not blogging regularly make sure you check out the helpful links on the side bar about living and teaching in Korea and if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.

Keep me in your prayers,
~Lola O.~