Hello everyone I hope you are having a better day than I am. I'm really upset right now and it's taking everything in me to not cry. Deep breaths...

For some reason this week has been overwhelmingly emotionally taxing and it's like my feelings are so raw and exposed right now. I wish my face wasn't so readable because the last thing I want to do it talk about it with my co-workers. So I'm sitting at my desk, with my music soothing away today's stress, and writing it all down. That's my outlet. Always has been and always will be.

So what happened? My 6th graders. Parents get the terrible twos and teachers get the terrible pubescents also known as 6th graders for the sake of this entry. To say they are bad this year would be an understatment. They don't listen. They don't shut up. They don't have any respect. It's like it was all taken during winter vacation leaving them well what I have to deal with on a daily basis this year. It's the rudeness and lack of respect that is really eating away at my patience with and for them. Today was just the icing and a very yucky cake.

I have three 6th grade classes today, and of all of my four classes 6-2 is by far the rudest. They are the ones I started my day with. They made me so upset that I gave them a huge amount of homework and no game during class. What made me so upset? They could not or should I say would not be quiet no matter how many times I or my co-teacher told them to. I'm the kind of person that doesn't feel the need to keep repeating myself with my students. Being quiet is not an option or a suggestion. It's a fact. We can't get to games if they don't stop talking. I have to be stricter and meaner if I keep having to tell you to be quiet. It eats up time and I can't stand that.

The second class was a little better but not by much. I keep having to keep students after to clean as a punishment but that doesn't do anything. Even when we change their seats the chatting still continues. I never had this kind of problem last year. They are so rude. You tell them to do something or call them and they are like, "WHAT!!! WHY?!?! and roll their eyes. I had them as 5th graders so I know these kids, and they have really changed. In a very bad way. The kids come to class late every single day. I don't know if it's the homeroom teachers or other teachers that are responsible for this.

It's things like this that I need my co-teacher to get answers, but she doesn't seem to feel she has that kind of power since she is new. I don't think it's a big deal to ask the homeroom teachers to make sure the kids are coming on time and in their seats before the bell rings, and I don't think it's a big deal to talk to them about the behavior of their students in our class. It's moments like this that I wish I spoke Korean fluently to get my point across. Whether with my students or with the homeroom teachers I want to get things in order.

So what made me feel like crying? My third class. It all started with Listen & Speak. The second dialogue is Peter and Nami talking about what seasons they like. All the classes including this one laughed during the whole thing not because it was funny but because of Peter. This kind of thing happened last year but I let it roll of my shoulders but today it really got to me. The ignorant racism my kids display right in front of me. I could handle the lauging at first, but after I said time and time again to stop and just listen it continued. So I stopped and asked them what was so funny and they said to me, "Peter! Peter looks like a monkey!" All the while laughing their heads off. I stood there in silence until they stopped and I said to them, "Peter looks like a monkey? How can you compare a person to a monkey?" So one students said, "his skin is black like a chimpanzee!" Bringing more laughter to the students. I could feel this overwhelming ache inside of me for them. A feeling of hurt and at the same time pity that they see this world through such narrowed eyes. All they've known are people that look "just like them" but because Peter has "black skin" he is a monkey and worth laughing at.

So I said to them, "if Peter is a monkey are you saying I'm a monkey too? One kid had the nerve to keep laughing. I continued, "since I have `black` skin too doesn't that mean I must be a monkey too? How can you call another human being a monkey and insult them because of how they look? How can you say this in front of me who has the same skin color as Peter?" I said to them, "talking like that is not right. You can't say things like this about people or talk badly about them because they look differently than you!" I got myself under control and finished my part of the lesson. All I wanted to do was cry. I don't know why it took this to set me off but it really hurt and it still does.

I get that they are kids and ignorant about this kind of thing but they know right from wrong and should know how they behaved was all kinds of wrong. To Peter and even more so to me, their African-American teacher. After class finished I sat down at my desk, and my co came up to me and said, "Are you upset about what the kids said? You shouldn't be bothered they are just kids." All I could think was that is just an excuse. They should know better. They should know that what they said and how they acted was wrong and offensive. Their parents should teach them not to judge a person by how they look and that sometimes what you think should not be spoken. Their parents should teach them what racism means and how wrong it is. They should know that in this world there are plenty of people who don't look like them and that doesn't make them any less or any more. It makes them human just like them. They should...

I'm just really upset about it all. The rudeness. The insults. The racism. It just got to me today and I guess it has been building up. I am not my skin color. I am not the color of a crayon. I am Nigerian-American and proud of it but that doesn't define me. I am not a monkey. I am a human being and I should be treated like one. I get their ignorance but I don't get their wrongness. If that even makes sense. I'm tired of being stared at or having my skin and hair touched. I'm not some exotic thing on display for people to gawk at and make jokes about. Yes. I look different. Yes my hair isn't like yours. So what?! Get over it!

I'm not going to go on. Deep breaths. Thank goodness today is Friday. I have to suffer through a teacher's dinner and then I'm going to go home and spend time doing things I enjoy. Hopefully this emotional rawness will leave me soon. There is so much to enjoy and I don't want a negative attitude to spoil the beauty of all that is around me.

Today hasn't been the best of days but it hasn't been the worst of days.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello everyone:)! How has your week been?

So far so good for me. I am elated that it is Friday. I've been getting my days mixed up all week, and just realized that it was Friday. I don't have any exciting plans for the weekend but I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, making myself a yummy breakfast, and exploring a bit. Sunday will just be church, and relaxing at home.

It's been a bit since my last post but life hasn't had any radical changes. This year is turning out to be a quieter one so far, and I'm liking it. I've been doing this year in a lower key so far. Just hanging out with friends, working, writing, a lot of self reflection, and cooking. I'm trying to get more cooking and have been trying out new recipes. Last night I made dinner ( pasta w/ a homemade meat sauce and a salad). I was really hapy and pround of myself for not being lazy and eating something premade. There is joy in cooking yourself a meal. I put some music on, and let it be the soundtrack to my cooking adventure. It turned out pretty well. Tonight I'm going to try out a sweet mashed potato recipe I found with the leftovers of my curry shrimp rice. I might try some baking on Sunday if I can get the energy for it. These days I feel tired all the time. I think it's because my mind tends to always be cluttered and I can't figure out how to turn its switch off.

I feel like these days I'm a bit boring, but then I have to laugh because it's okay to be boring to others if I'm happy with myself, and I am. This year I'm going to try to see as much as I can in Korea but also in the world around me. To explore my immediate environment and find things to love about it. I want to carry my camera around and take photos of everyday things I find interesting. I want to go on walks around parts of Seoul I have not been to, and weekend trips to other parts of Korea. I have a trip coming up in May that I'm looking forward to. This month I'm on a tight budget because I used my bonus to make myself debt-free. I'm really happy about that. Now I can focus on saving money for my future somethings.

A few randoms...
On Wednesday as I walked to the bus stop some of my students came up to me. These two adjummas were getting into a scuffle. It was really uncomfortable to see. I always feel embarrased by that because I just don't see things like that back home. All the men that were around just stood around as they screamed and hit each other. One adjumma was really beating the other one up. I didn't stay, and I told my students they better get their butts home too. Honestly, I just think there is no reason to be acting like that at any age. Settle differences with words and not fists. They were really going at it, and I can't believe none of the people around tried to help settle things. The men just watched like they were at some fight placing bets. I think that is what made me really mad. If I were to butt in no one would listen to me because I'm younger and a foreigner but they could have stepped in and brought it to a resolution. They didn't.

On Thursday as I walked to school this grandfather started walking next to me, and then we started talking. He has a daughter in San Jose and has been to America many times. His grandson is studying political science and wants to be a lawyer. It made me smile because he was just so excited and happy telling me about his family. I felt bad because a teacher stopped and gave me a ride the rest of the way so our conversation ended abruptly and he seemed a bit sad. I hope I run into him again. I used to feel bothered by the random attention on the way to and from school, but then I realized their is a certain beauty in those stand alone moments. They come and they go, and most of the time they leave me feelin brighter. I've always appreciated the wisdom and beauty of old people. Most people my age feel uncomfortable with them, but I always enjoy talking to them. I find them cute, wise, and I love their stories and words of advice. Maybe it's because I've always felt like an old soul...

Actually this week has been one of random ecounters. I was running late coming home and ran into another foreigner who lives 3 floors up and is from Brooklyn. I had seen her at the bus stop a few weeks back and never saw her after. Only to find that we live in the same building. I love when stuff like that happens. We'll be having dinner soon. She seems like a cool chick. Then on Wednesday after the adjumma smackdown I met a friend for dinner and we went to church. On the way in I saw this familiar looking girl. I only saw her side profile and she was with a familiar looking guy. I recognized them from ziplining and we ended up sitting next to each other. Small world again. It was such a coincidence because it was both of our first times coming on Wednesday and we attend Sunday service at different times.

I love when life conspires like that to give you an opportunity to meet new people and see where it leads. You never know until you give them a try. So we shall see what happens there. I am a firm believer that coincidence is just life giving you a chance to see what could be. This week has been one of coincidences and discovery. At least more than usual.

I'm still a bit homesick. It's slowly leaving my system. I'm falling in love with my life here all over again, and remembering to be thankful for this moment, and to live in the here and now. To stop worrying about a year from now and start reveling in a day from now. Life is in the present. My life is in these moments that make up my today. I want to be excited and hungry for all the todays I get. My life is in the choices and experiences I make now. I don't want to miss out on it because I'm so wrapped up in the future. I always remind myself that the future is created by my present. The future is always transforming and growing as I do. It's not decided or static. It's like a never ending canvas of possibility. I like it that way...

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~



I won't dwell baby on my failures
It won't help baby it won't bring changes
I won't run baby when all I want is to run
I won't forget the morning's sure to come

Happy Friday lovely readers!!!

To those who are already on the 24th, HAPPY Christmas Eve to you. I hope you'll be spending the day with loved ones, good food, and an endless flow of laughter.

The shades are up in my classroom, and the sun is peeking in lighting up the place, casting shadow puppets along the surfaces, and just making me smile because although it is very cold outside it is also really beautiful outside. I can't help but smile at that. The sky is clear, the sun is warm, and I'm very much in the holiday spirit. I gave my co-teachers small Christmas presents and made them both Christmas cards. The smiles and looks of pleasant surprise was the icing on a very delicious cupcake.

I love giving presents. I spend a lot of time choosing what to give or make for them, but when they recieve it and they enjoy it, that makes it soooo worth it. I've got presents for my lovely people back home who I will see in January, and I look forward to giving it to you all. I will be going home in about 3 weeks and the excitement is bubbling up inside of me. Although my plane ticket hasn't been purchased yet, and I've got 3 weeks of camp to do, everything feels great, and I know it will all turn out amazing.

I cannot wait to go home. I'm crossing my fingers we get to leave early since the kids have already gone home. One of my students gave me a really sweet handmade Christmas card yesterday telling me how she loves and respects me, and that even though she'll go on to be a 7th grader she won't forget me and will miss me. I gave her a big hug of appreciation. She totally made my day so bright because it was really unexpected and I could see how much effort and care she put into it. I was talking to my sister on the phone about it, and she said to me "you see, you never seem to realize how much of a difference you make in people's lives" and it just made me think a lot about recognizing my importance and my impact on the people around me both in small and big ways. To take the time to notice and nurture those relationships.

I'm looking forward to this Christmas weekend. I'm really hoping we'll get snow here. This is the one time I actually want it to snow. I haven't had a white Christmas in ten years, and it would be nice to see one here in Korea. So for my Christmas wish I hope it snows and I get to have a white Christmas. I'm going to cook myself a fabulous dinnner and dessert, watch my favorite X-mas movies; Love Actually, The Family Stone, and The Holiday, and listen to Christmas tunes tonight. Then tomorrow, watch more movies, and have a Christmas dinner with friends in Itaewon and see where the night takes me.

This is my first Christmas away from my mom and the rest of my family, but I am doing my best not to get homesick and just enjoy the holidays with the wonderful people around me. I'm going to try and spread some holiday cheer wherever I go. I've never been a huge Christmas person, but I do love the idea of giving and just the kindness of the holiday season.

Two years ago I wrote this...

In seven minutes it will be Christmas Day 2008... Let's hope and pray that in Christmas 2010, you will be surrounded by people you love and who love you. That you will be happy and fulfilled with what you are doing, and that you will have found the answer to the question of your life...

I think my younger self would be proud of me! I'm enjoying my life here, I've got a great group of friends both here and back home, and I'm finding that there is no one answer or one questions to my life. My life is a series of answers and questions that change as I travel farther down this road called Life. There is this happiness bubbling inside of me on the brink of spilling out and splashing all over. I'm excited for what my future holds.

Wishing you all a very...

Merry Christmas!!! Happy Hanukkah!!! Happy Kwanzaa!!! Happy Holidays!!! Happy Everything!!!!

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

My favorite Christmas song)


All the Christmas songs sung by Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra are also really wonderful.
Be healthy and happy this holiday season!!!

Happy Friday lovely readers. I hope your Friday has been/goes splendidly.

This happy bubble I'm in hasn't popped yet despite the shennanigans my students and life throws my way. The sun is shining, life has been sweet to me, and despite coming down with a bit of a cold I feel good inside and out.

I haven't been really writing about my life these days, maybe because I've been living it. Life has been busy these past few weeks. I went to an apple festival, ziplining, hosted a yummy Thanksgiving dinner at my place, and tomorrow I'm going to the YG Family concert. I'm practically dancing inside and sometimes on the outside with excitement. I'm hoping I'll feel better, but no matter what I'll be singing and dancing my heart out to Se7en, Big Bang, Taeyang, Gummy, 2NE1, and PSY. I'm super happy I scored a VIP seat. I plan on getting as close as I can to the stage...okay Taeyang.

I'm looking forward to it, and the weather is supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow. The concert is at Olympic Park Stadium, which is like an hour away from me. I'll be jamming to K-pop on the way there. After this weekend things will cool down. Lately life has been go, go, go, and I'm looking forward to a few weekends without any major plans. I need to figure out what to do for Christmas. I've never been huge on Christmas because it never goes my way. All I want to do is spend time with the people in my life, no presents, just their time, and do whatever, preferably in my comfy pajamas. I'm not really into the whole dress up and go out Christmas that my family tends to do. This will be my first Christmas away from home, so I want it to be a great one.

I'm going on a ski trip for New Years. I've never been skiiing, so this is a chance to do something new and celebrate 2011 with my friends. Looking forward to it. More than anything I am looking forward to being in the states for a few weeks and spending time with my lovely family and friends back home. I'm looking forward to eating my mama and grandma's delicious cooking, hanging out with my close friends, going to New York and Maryland with my sister, seeing all the babies everyone is having. I'm excited to eat, shop, and laugh a lot when I go home. I want to soak it all up, because everyday I have with them won't be enough. So I want to make the most of it, and pamper them all.

So life right now in bits and pieces...

I caught a glimpse of the first snow in Seoul. The cars outside were coated in it, but it was gone by morning. I'm dreading the real snow to come. Hopefully most of it will happen when I'm back in the states. This morning I was walking to school and this 4th grader was screaming my name until I finally noticed (was listening to music) just to say hello to me. IDK..but she seems to have taken a liking to me, and gets really excited everytime she sees me. We have a hard time communicating, but we manage. It makes me smile and feel all happy inside. As I walked into school, I saw a few of my students in a circle. Curious I walked over to see this adorable puppy jumping around playfully licking and biting students. No one knew who she belonged to, but she was tied up so I assumed she had a home to go to. I'm allergic to dog hair, but not all dog hair so I didn't have a problem with this dog or so I thought. Haha, later my nose was running and so stuffy. I'd like to have a dog one day. I've never had a pet. My mom doesn't like dogs or cats, or any animals. I firmly believe every kid deserves to grow up with a pet. I want a dog and a turtle one day. Need to find a dog with hair that doesn't send me into an allergy attack, or I should take shots for it. I've always wanted a Siberian Husky. That was so random.

Anyways, as Fridays go this was a pretty easy one. The kids are getting antsy these days so we changed their seats in hopes of them calming down. We'll see how that goes next week. I've got to start planning for winter camp, do my medical check for renewing, buy my plane tickets home, plan my trip home, blog about my recent trips, and upload all the photos and videos I have sitting on my hardrive. Hopefully I'll conquer the photos and videos on Sunday.

My family has been freaking out about North Korea. To the point that some of them have been pressuring me not renew, but I'm going to still renew. You won't ever be completely safe anywhere, and I'm not going to be pressured into leaving. I've tried to calm them down, and assure them that if things escalate to a point where my safety is compromised I'd get on the first plane home. I'm happy here, and I am looking forward to another year of adventures, discoveries, and growth.

Haha, I just feel like doing a happy dance. Life is good. I'm good. I hope you are good too.

Happy Friday everyone. Remember to laugh, smile, and breathe.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

One of my favorite songs by the great Nell...


Edit: I just read through this entry, so zippy. It's amazing how much your writing can reflect your current state.

I love those sunny days, when everything has this beautiful tint to it. When it passes through your windows and makes you smile. I love sunny days, and  even more I love sunny Fridays:). Haha, I'm feeling really light and happy today. A lot better than I was yesterday mostly due to 1) a card from my bestie 2) laughing with my sister 3) watching Smallville (I've been watching it since I was twelve) 4) Pumpkin soup, and 5) a really peaceful sleep.

 Last Friday, I went to my friend's place for a Game Night, I haven't done that since college but it was a really good time. I needed that. The laughter, the silliness, the people. It was a good end to a semi-exhausting week.

Then on Saturday I had a little freak out about my life, my future, and what the heck I'm doing about all of it. It all started when I read this...okay I've been having these thoughts ever since I decided I am for sure renewing for a second year in Seoul. After making that decision, I've been freaking out a lot about it, about being away for another year, about delaying grad school or whatever I'm going to do as a career. I always wanted to stay for 2 years, and I'm going to but I'm still freaked out. Dollop Of Solipsism was asking the same questions I've been asking myself about what comes next after Seoul. I have another year to think things over, figure out where I want to be, want to do, and so on. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm wasting time by staying another year. An honest question. I don't believe I am. I'm not ready to go to grad school, or to decide what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I don't want to live that kind of 9-5 life yet. Especially when I'm still figuring out what I want to do as far as work goes. I enjoy my life here. I want to travel some more. I'm happy with my life right now. So I ask myself if that's okay? If living like this is really okay? It's not that I need permission to live my life the way I want, but sometimes it feels...I feel like I do.

So I freaked out Saturday night, and I just told myself I'll go to sleep and deal with everything in the morning. I finally went to sleep after spending an hour or two looking into careers I'm interested in. After sleeping on things, I woke up without any new clarity just some peace of mind. I'm okay, and I won't be an utter failure or spend my life wandering and never making a difference, never having a purpose, never making my dreams/golas come true. I just have to give myself time to figure things out, and while I have this time to wander, explore, and discover I can look into things, talk to people, and come to a decision when I'm ready. I think I really need to have a conversation with my mom about all of this, but I don't want to do it over the phone. My mom's opinion really matters to me, and I feel like she isn't okay with my decisions and that makes me doubt myself. I know we won't always agree, but I need her to believe that I'm doing well, and to trust that I'm making the right decision for me, for my happiness and peace of mind. This is a face to face conversation that has to wait till my winter vacation. I really want to sit down and talk to her about everything, and have her blessing and support. For her to be okay with me staying another year, not going to law school, and just changing from the daughter she always knew. I spent the rest of the weekend in seclusion in my partment because I needed time to sort myself out, and just breathe.

People are always saying to me that I'm only 23, I have plenty of time. I don't agree or believe that. I don't want to waste time. I don't want to avoid things. I don't want to live carelessly. I know that I will have to apply to grad schools and so on during my second year, which freaks me out, but I'm going to cross that bridge after crossing the ones before it. I've never lived thinking I have endless amount of time to do whatever I want. Time ends for all of us, and before mine is up I want to know that I've used it to help people, to help our youth; to inspire, comfort, understand, and aid them. Which is why I'm thinking towards counseling specifically guidance couseling, but then I wonder does that really allow me to make a difference? Am I really going to be in a position to help students/youth? Ahhhh....so many things to consider. I know what I want to do, but not how to do it or go about it. My sister and I talked a bit about all of this the other day, and it was good to get it all out. The thing is my sister always supports me in whatever I do, so she is kind of biased as far as advice goes. I'm going to talk to a few other people and ask them what they think, but at the end of the day the determining factor is what I think, feel, want, and need to be happy and feel successful in my life.

Enough of that, this week has been a really fantastic week at school. We've made it a Halloween week for all the grades we teach. Nothing but fun, fun, fun for all the kids and they've been loving it. I've scared the crap out of them each class sneaking up on them and spooking them. Some kids even fell to the floor in fear. They've been trying to scare me but it hasn't worked yet. I'm just happy they are so happy and having a good time. We had students become mummies, did mummy tag, made trick or treat baskets, did halloween worksheets, watched videos/ songs, and gave out so much candy. Some students even wore costumes they made for extra candy. I'm not big on Halloween, but from a kid's perspective I think it's a great time for their imaginations to go wild and for them to be carefree, and of course eat loads of candy. I felt like a kid again this week, the laughter, freedom, and high of youth. We are planning to do a Christmas Week for the kids too.

The weather has been sooooo cold this week, and I hope it doesn't stay like this. I want my Fall to stay for awhile before Winter comes and makes me miserable. I haven't used the ondol in my apartment yet. I'm trying to hold out until it gets really cold, but I am tempted to start using it. Especially when my feet are freezing from the wood floors even with two pairs of socks on. Are you already using yours?

Today, I had two of my 5th grade classes canceled which is a nice break for me, but I feel bad that they will miss out on Halloween till next Tuesday. On my way to school this morning I was carrying a large bag filled with candy, and one of the teachers just drove past me, picked up another teacher, and went on her way to school. She knows me, and it's not like she doesn't see me walking, but everytime she always keeps going, and only stops for other teachers. It kind of grates on my nerves, especially today when I had so much candy to carry up the steep hill. I don't understand her, but yeah it bugs me that she will pick up a teacher walking 10 feet ahead of me, but never me. Whatever.

I'm really happy today because I got my VIP ticket to the YG Family Concert last night. You have to buy the ticket on Gmarket, and everything is in Korean, but I know enough to figure out how to purchase a ticket. The site went down for almost an hour after it opened at 8 because everyone including me was sitting at their computer trying to get a good VIP seat. It was worth it, because I've got a good seat to see Taeyang, 2NE1, Se7en, Gummy, PSY. and hopefully Big Bang will have some new songs by then. I'm so excited since I couldn't  go to Taeyang's Solar concert last month. I like all of YG's artists so this should be a really good time. Haha...I plan to go to as many concerts as I can while I'm in Seoul because once I leave my chances to see them perform live are slim to none. I have to wait till December 4th, but now I have an early Christmas present to look forward to:)!!!

This weekend, my friend is having a scary movie night tonight. I don't like scary movies, so my eyes will  probably be covered during the goreathon, but it will be a good time with friends. Besides that I don't know what the weekend will hold. I need to take care of a few things, maybe do some winter shopping, and try to go somewhere I've never been yet.


It's hard to live in the now, when you are so aware of the future. So I still have to figure out "what comes next" for me. For now, it's another year in Seoul. After that, it gets blurry...

Okay, if you have not seen this video you need to stop whatever you are doing and watch it.


Have a great weekend everyone!!!!
FYI Yeoungdongpo Costco has Pumpkin pie, and it is D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S....^____^

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

To dream anything that you want to dream. That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed. - Bernard Edmonds

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. - Nelson Mandela

Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.-Belva Davis

Fall came to Seoul swiftly, but I hope it doesn't leave just as fast. I love this season. This time of the year when the leaves fall, the wind gains a chill, and things begin to change in preperation for winter. It's exciting, this kind of atmosphere. A time of change, of color, of transformation, of joy. I love sitting in my apartment, reading, drinking tea, and just letting the breeze slip through my screens and wrap around me. So I hope I get to enjoy Fall for awhile before scary Winter decides to make an appearance.

I'm in my eight month of living in Seoul. I remember when I first got here, didn't really know anyone, wasn't sure whether being here was the "right" decision to make, and I was scared of being away from home for a whole year. Away from the comforts of my family, my friends, my "normal" life, but I've not only survived the last eight months, I've lived them, enjoyed them, and I'm looking forward to the next four months here. Maybe even another year abroad.

So many dreams have come true in the last eight months. I used to write those dreams down in my notebook, on a list, in my journal, but instead of them just being words, wishes, hopes, they've become my reality and I am so unbelievably thankful for the last eight months. The good times, the bad times, and the inbetween. I've done a lot but there is still so much I want to do, still so much I want to see, discover, and enjoy while I can.

I keep thinking that in a few months I'll be back home, and I'm excited about it. I've missed home (my family, friends, community). I cannot wait to catch up with them and share stories of this past year of our lives. So much has happened and I want to treasure each moment I get to spend with them while I'm there. I do know that I have no intention of staying right now. Even if I don't stay here another year, I'll go somewhere else, do something else, and just let myself wander for a little more.

There is a part of me that wants to stay with them, and go back to what I knew, but the bigger part of me wants to let go of all I knew and just let myself fly a little more, and see where the wind carries me. I'm not ready to be grounded again. Right now, right here I feel like I'm living "my life" on my own terms and in my own way. I'm happy here and I don't want this chapter to end after four more months. For now I'd like to stay in the midst of these pages if I can.

I'm finished with classes for the day. How I love Fridays, only four classes compared to my regular 5-6 classes. I look out the window to my left to see some sort of insect crawling up the screen. The leaves shiver from the wind, but the sky is bright and it makes me smile. The Arizonan in me loves the sun. There is something especially soothing about clear skies. Makes me feel like everything that is unclear in my life, will become just as clear and bright in time. I'm sleepy, but that seems to be my things these days.

This week was uneventful, and before it started I wanted it to be over. I'm still in the vacation mode, and work just feels wrong. Lol. As I look around my desk and see the things students have given me I smile and I feel glad to be here. As I walk through the hallways and students greet me left and right I smile and laugh at their never ending enthusiasm. I feel lucky to be here, and thankful that I got a good school. I'm just feeling thankful today.

It's the first day of a new month. I love firsts, because it's a great time/day to change, to take a chance, to do things differently. It's like an automatic clean slate to get things right this month/time. My mom is going to turn 50 this month. I'm sad I won't be there in person, but I've got some things cooked up to show her I'm thinking of her. I'm looking forward to hugging her when I get home, and seeing her smile, feeling that warmth that only moms can give. I love you mom:)!!! Yeah...besides that I like that we have lots of holidays coming up, so at least I have that to look forward to since no more vacation time will be coming my way till winter. I have a few days off here and there, so maybe I can do a weekend trip somewhere.

I'd say that the most resonating feeling over the last eight months, has been the feeling of growth into the woman, person, human being I want to be. I'm on my own here, making my own decisions and choices, living with the consequences and rewards of my actions, and it's helped me to find myself, discover what I want, explore who I want to be, and just understand what living means to me. Falling and failing and picking myself back up or having others help me stand again. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror, I want to smile at my reflection, so I try to live well so I can face myself, so I can figure out what happiness, life, and my future means to me. With each day, moment, experience, crossroad I gain another piece to this infinite life puzzle.

When I was younger I never expected I'd turn 23 in Seoul. I'd have been in my second year of law school if I'd stuck with that plan. We can make all the plans we want, but life will always throw us curveballs to challenge us to discover if that is what we really want for ourselves. It turned out it wasn't what I wanted in the end, and I'm happy to be discovering what feels right to me as far as my career goes. Something I can enjoy, and use to help specific people. I never would have thought I'd be switching things up, but now everything feels right, clear, and meant to be.

I hope this year brings even more clarity my way, and that the future I desire solidifies into more than just a dream. I'm looking forward to the next four months here, and after that we'll see what comes next...

Happy Friday lovely readers!!! Have a fantastic weekend



Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello Friday, I've been waiting for you all week. Seriously, since I woke up Monday morning I've been hoping it would magically turn into Friday, and even though I had to wait, you are finally here.

The weather is pretty fabulous right now. Chilly and windy, with plenty of rain. I seem to be the only one at school enjoying it. I feel like Autumn is just around the corner, and Summer is washing away with the rain. I hope it keeps getting colder, because I am so beyond done with humidity. Not looking forward to Winter, can Autumn just stay here all year?

On an even better note, my niece was born (9/9/10) and I am overjoyed to have her in this world. It was the first thing I saw when I got to school after having a semi-annoying morning getting ready and it brightened my day immediately. I am dying for some pictures, I want to put a face to her name because that's all I've got to hold me for the next few months till I get to meet her in person and hold her and my other niece in my arms. It's a weird feeling for two of my best friends to have daughters and husbands already, but life has no clear path and we each choose our own. A lot of people I graduated with ended up getting married this past year. I guess some marry younger and some older. Sometimes my family is like when are you going to get a boyfriend and get married, or the I have someone I'd like you to meet, and blah blah. When I was younger I thought I'd be married by 25, but not anymore. I don't want to get married till I'm like 30. Sorry mom and grandma, thank goodness I have an older sister to keep them happy...hehe. I've got so many things to do and discover in my own life, that I am not ready or willing to make that committment. I still want to go back to school, travel more, and just not be married yet. Who knows, some man might come along and change my mind, but for now it is firmly set.

I'm sad to have not been there for these big moments in their lives, but I know I'll be there for the others. Seriously, babies make me go gaga, I cannot wait to see them in person, and get to know them. Best birthday present ever. My mom, and Amanda said they'd each be sending me a birthday package, and I'm excitedly anticipating them. I miss home, and it will be nice to have something to tide me over till I go back. I've been really craving my monthly Cosmopolitian and Glamour magazine sessions. I love reading magazines, and I don't get to do that here. Limited selection, and overpriced here in Seoul. Speaking of things I miss and look forward to besides the obvious of my family and friends. I miss driving my car. I miss my grandma's special sauce she makes because I love it. I miss living 5 minutes away from Camille, and going to her house for movie nights and venting sessions. I miss my GMI church family. I miss that feeling of knowing (here, even the simplest thing can become complicated). I miss being there for the big moments, but even more the small everyday moments. I miss my bedroom aka my Sanctaury. I miss my brother's reluctant but wonderful hugs. I miss talking to my sister everyday. I miss laying in my mom's bed and watching tv with her. I miss it all, but I know when I leave Seoul that I'll miss things here too.

I'm looking forward to seeing some of my friends this weekend and catching up on our vacations and how life's been treating us since we last saw each other. We've also got to plan for Tokyo. I have so much catching up to do. I need to get re-organized and back into the swing of things. I've been really tired since I got back to Seoul. Back to the world of alarms and schedules. I'm already craving Chuseok's reprieve from working. I'm starting to think about what I will do during my winter vacation. I'd like to go somewhere that will not be cold. So if you have a hot spot to recommend please send it my way! Hopefully, I'll have at least one traveling companion to enjoy the trip with. I also want to plan some weekend getaways to other parts of Korea, so feel free to recommend some places to check out.

These days I wish that I could pause time so I could do things at my own pace, instead of life's pace, but that hasn't happen. So I fumble, and I stumble, but I'm making it through. Wishing all of you a stress-free Friday, and a fun filled weekend.



Out of all the girl groups, of which there are wayyyy too many. I like 2NE1 because they depart from the norm and pretty much all YG artists amaze me. I have to say Minzy is my favorite, because she even though she is the maknae of the group she's got a lot of spunk and talent.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Happy Friday, I hope your week has been all kinds of lovely!!!

This week has been dragging on, with unstable weather and even more unstable students:) but it's coming to an end and I cannot wait for summer camp to be finished so I can go on my vacation. I think this is the first "real" vacation I've taken in my life. It's the first time I've been able to afford one, and I am starting to get excited about it.

Let's start with today and work our way back.

I had a mini-rebellion with my second grade after school kids. It was kind of hilarious but still unnerving. We were doing nursery rhymes and when I asked them to repeat the lyrics of the song, they remained silent. I'm not sure if it was because they didn't get it, or they just were tired, or if they wanted to be little brats on a Friday. I didn't budge and they didn't budge, but they wouldn't explain the sudden attitudes they were having. It was weird, it lasted a few minutes but when we moved on to the next activity they were fine. So I'm guessing nursery rhymes are a no-no with them or at least Baa Baa Black Sheep is.

So after school I ended up going to the hospital. Let's rewind. It started last week when I noticed a rash/skin discoloration on my stomach. I called my mom a little freaked out because I noticed red spots/bumbs under my....she said it was a heat rash due to the humdity and to go to the doctor or get some talcum powder. I figured if it was a heat rash it would heal quickly, and just focused on keeping that area dry. Stupid me!!! I don't know when it started, but it looked like more than a heat rash to me, and I decided I wanted to go to the doctor. I wanted a female doctor. I don't feel comfortable with male doctors (they just don't get it) and for this particular area I wanted a fellow female to handle my case. I've only had male dentists though and I love them.

Doctors, hospitals, anything medical freaks me out, like to the point that breathing gets a bit diffficult. Last night, I felt like I needed to get this checked out before going on vacation, because it would be worse if something happened where I have no medical insurance or anyone to help me out. So I worked up my courage and headed there after school today. The hospital is less that 5 minutes from where I live and is an English/Foreigner friendly one. Hmm...I didn't feel that way when I got there. The sign by the receptionist said English available, but the receptionists couldn't understand me, and for some reason they found this situation funny, all the laughing was grating on my fragile nerves. In the midst of laughter the receptionist I was talking to, found another one who spoke some English. I told her in English and in Korean that I needed to see a female doctor, and she told me only male doctors work here (LIAR). Another man who I assume worked there stepped in to help me out, and told them there is a female doctor, and that they should get my information so I can see her. Thank you kind stranger!!! Note: I didn't have to wait like the other people there, which was nice.

The receptionist kept asking me what was wrong and why I didn't want a male doctor, and I told her that I have a rash on my stomach, which she thought meant I'm having stomach pains. NOOOOOOO. I seriously was getting emotional as we walked and she kept pestering me about what was wrong with me, and I kept trying to explain to her it was a rash and not stomach pain. This male doctor saw us walking, and I assume he noticed the troubled look on my face because he came up to us and asked if I needed help. I was like "I NEED a female doctor, because I have a rash on my stomach and under my boobs, and I don't want a male doctor looking at me ie my boobs!!!! He smiled at me, and kindly said not to worry that I would see a female doctor, and that there was only one available but I would be taken to her. I said thank you and we kept going. The receptionist said as we kept walking that she understood. I just thought, finally.

We get to the female doctor, and I am so happy to be able to talk to her and tell her what is wrong. She understands enough English, and I understand enough Korean to fill in the blanks. Well it turns out I don't have a heat rash. I have a fungual infection/exema. I should have recognized it was exema. I have had dishydrotic exema since high school, but I've only ever had it on my hands, and I haven't had a major outbreak it quite some time. Exema is painful, itchy, and easily infected. Everytime I had a major outbreak I would also get an infection because the skin is so vulnerable, and it was just miserable. Exema is like tiny little blisters in clumps, and usually swollen and painful. Sometimes it would get so swollen and painful I couldn't write or do anything with that hand. The exema I have there is because of this disgusting humidty that is making me sweat so much, and since I have laa rge boobs (thanks mom) it makes this humidity even more miserable. Seriously, my body is my enemy. She asked me if I have diabetes, and I was like no I have anemia, and she was saying how my immune system doesn't seem to be very strong, and blah blah. Stuff I already know. After examining me, she prescribed me one medication, one antibiotic, and an ointment. I have to come back on Monday and see if it's cleared up. I'm glad I didn't wait any longer, and hopefully I'll be all better before Friday. I'm going to go over the meds and stuff with my mom who is a nurse, but I' m sure it's all legit. The female doctor was saying to wear cotton bras and I was like do those even exist, no do those even exist on my size? I'm going to see if my mom can find some and mail them to me. Oh, the bill was less than man won, and then I got the meds for about 7 won. So it wasn't expensive. I don't know if it is cheaper to go to practice rather than the hospital.

One more reason to hate the weather here. Today was especially weird. I woke up and it was pouring, so I put on some boots, took out my big umbrella, and made my way outside, where I was greeted with heat and sunshine. I was like wasn't it pouring 5 minutes ago? That is how insane it is right now. It rained on and off today. I find it uber weird when it rains while the sun is still brighty displayed. As I left school is started to rain and then it began to pour, and as I waited for the crosswalk light to turn green  the rain was sneaking under my umbrella. I noticed that when it rains it seems to be at an angle or something because my legs always get drenched. I cross the street, and rain to catch the bus. In the 5 seconds it took me to close my umbrella and get on the bus I got soaked, but by the time I got to my stop (2 stops away) the sun was shining again, and the heat was intense. Seriously it's like the weather is having pms or something. I just want it to rain all day, and give us a little reprieve from the humidity.

The other day as I was hiking the steep hill that leads to my school, I was thinking I cannot wait till I have a break from this walk to school. In the 10 minute hike/walk up the hill I am drenched in sweat before I get into school. I can't explain how disgusiting sweating is to me. It's just nasty, that wet feeling of perspiration. Humidty is is my enemy, and it seems that I will not be escaping it in Hong Kong or Jeju, but at least I'll be on vacation.

The other day my friend messaged me saying he hasn't heard from me in a while, and did I forget about them. I laughed a bit, because I could never forget the people who have been there for me, but life here gets in the way of reaching out and keeping in touch with people back home. That's not an excuse but hopefully they understand. When I first got here, I was like I'm going to send a postcard every month to everyone, and blah blah blah, but it's easier said than done. You get immersed in your life here, and though I haven't forgotten them, I have neglected them, thinking to myself everything is fine. I don't want to have more regrets and missed opportunities to let people know who they are and what they mean to me. I don't want to be lazy? Or neglectful? So I hope all of you back home know that I'm always thinking of you, cheering you on, and wishing you well. I know that life goes on back home, as it does here, and I wonder to myself where will I be when I go back. I honestly don't know if I will stay in Arizona. Being here, makes me want to see where else I can go in the States. My mom is the only reason I'd make Phoenix my permanent home, but I'm not sure if that is the best place for me. I've always felt a bit out of the loop, and I kind of want to make a fresh start. That's something that will be figured out when it needs to be. I do think I'd rather live in Tucson than Phoenix though.....hmmmm

This week I've been thinking a lot about balance. I want to feel balanced, but at the same time I ask myself what does that even mean. These days I usually end up with I don't know about a lot of things. It's funny how much I don't know about life, myself, and so on. I used to think I knew a lot, but as I get older I realized how naive and confused I am. Everything I was sure about I'm not sure about. I don't know is pretty much my currrent status about everything. I don't know, and I'm figuring it out. I'm learning over and over that not knowing isn't a bad thing, you don't know until you know. When I know, I know, so I won't rush myself into making things black and white, when there are so many gray areas to explore. I'm tipping the scales until I figure out where my balance fits in.

I've also been thinking a lot about fear. I don't know when I became so tangled up in fear. Fear of this, fear of that. I don't want fear of the unknown or what ifs to keep me from dreaming, from reaching, from trying...
I don't want to live my life with fear following me around everywhere I go. I think about Nelson Mandela's quote about not getting rid or fear, but overcoming it and that is what I'm trying to do with my life. To overcome my fears, one at a time. Even if I am afraid, even if I feel paralyzed, I still need to do it. I still need to try, because trying and failing is the worst case scenario, but never trying and regretting it for the rest of my life is an unbearable scenario.  I don't think I'm a coward, but I don't feel brave either. I'm just trying to be better, do better, live better. I'm just trying to figure me out. Being here is giving me that extra push to find my courage over and over again and see what I'm capable off.

I don't want to keep repeating the same cylce that leads to nowhere. I don't want to run away or pretend. I want to deal with it, break it down piece by piece, and usolve it/me/life step by step. I used to think I had everything under control, now I realize that sense of control was only a figment of my imagination. The only thing I have control over is me, everything else is left up to...





Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Happy Friday:)!!!

I hope your week went/is going splendidly. I have no classes today which is fabulous because I have a killer headache, a bad allergy attack, and my legs hurt from standing up for 3 hours straight just to catch glimpses of Taeyang at his fan signing yesterday which took place at Yeongdongpo Times Square. Here's the story...

On Monday my co-teacher came in and said that she saw a poster at Times Square saying that Taeyang would have a fan signing on July 15th at 8:30 PM. Being the fan that I am I was stoked about finally being able to tell him how awesome I think he is, and shake his hand. I ordered his CD online on Tuesday, praying it would get to me in time to get it signed. I spent the week elated at the thought of finally meeting Taeyang, something that is on my While in Korea dream list. Okay, so on Thursday, I chose my outfit carefully, put on my Big Bang Taeyang socks (yes I have them), and I practically skip to school excited for it to end. I spend the day listening to his album online, and call Kyobo at Times Square to ask where the signing will take place. I get home around 5PM, and my CD is not there.

So I decide to test my Korean and find out where it is. I call the delivery service but we can't communicate. Then I realize that it is with another delivery, and they end up having someone who speaks English there. I tell him I need my package/CD because I am going to a fan signing and I really need to have it with me. He finds outs where it is, but sadly tells me it won't be at my place till 8PM. I was like dude is there anyway to get it earlier? As if they can change their route to get me a CD. Well, they can't. I decide not to let that deter me, and head to Times Square with a notebook. Man, I'm naive. I get there, and meet up with a friend of a friend, and we head to the location. We see a crapload of school girls and a few school boys already there. Then we see all these people in line, but there are signs with numbers on it, and we find out you have to have freaking tickets to be able to get your CD signed, and only 150 people have them. All the happiness of finally meeting Taeyang died in that moment. My co-teacher had no idea about it when I asked her today about needing tickets. I blame the Kyobo lady for not telling me I need tickets. I'm not even sure how they got those tickets, but I'm betting they are VIPS (offical fan club).

In a hilarious bit, there was this crazy school girl standing next to me, and she was pissing me off with her incessant screaming like a banshee, so I had enough and told her she better cut that crap out (all in Korean), she looked scared that I knew Korean and said yes to me in Korean. Thankfully, she really did cut her crap out and I had a pleasant time just looking at Taeyang. OMG, he is one fine short Korean man. Seriously, there is something about him that is so charismatic I feel like he or I will burst into flames from his hottness. Haha...total fangirl:)! It's his smile and his confidence that I find so attractive. I'm sad I didn't get to tell him how wonderful I think he is, but I hope he noticed the afro-licious girl in the crowd waving at him in a sea of Korean school girls and a few boys.

I stayed for the whole thing, I got home after 11, and am beyond exhausted today, but was it worth it? Heck yes it was. I mean being in Korea is about moments like this. Sure I didn't get to meet Taeyang, but having him that close is still fantastic. I've been able to see Big Bang perform, and see plenty of Taeyang off my tv/laptop screen. That alone is a dream come true. I get to enjoy all my Korean loves here in Seoul and I love it. I hope though that somehow before I leave Korea whether in 1 year of 2 I finally get to meet him in person and tell him how much he rocks:)!!! I think we'd be good friends and laugh a lot...okay enough about Taeyang anf how smexy he is.

Besides that my week has been pretty low-key. No classes M-W and F. I got to see some of my 6th graders in class on Thursday, and it was bittersweet cause I'm going to miss them over the summer but am really looking forward to a break from them. I got some teacher evals which said I had high marks but it's all in Korean so I can't really understand it. As long as it says I'm doing well then that is good. If my school is happy with me, then my job will be a lot easier and pleasant. My co-teacher translated some of the comments the kids left for me, ranging from how pretty they think I am, how funny I am, how much they love having me as their teacher, how they want to get closer to me. It was so sweet I might have a cavity from it:)! I don't care as much about other teacher's evaluating me because what matters to me is whether my students like me or not. I'm happy that they do, and I want to continue being likable maybe even loveable.

I still haven't bought my HK tickets, I've been looking around at prices. I'm glad I waited because my school changed around my vacation dates ( I know WTH) and it would have been a mess if I had bought the ticket I wanted to buy. So my goals this weekend is to get my HK ticket purchased, get the 1st week of summer camp under wraps, do some exploring around Seoul, maybe watch Eclipse, hopefully upload the gazillion pictures I have (I need to edit them first), and most importantly sleep and relax. My mind is overflowing with thoughts and stress (IDK why I feel so stressed) and I can feel the tension in me. I feel like I don't know how to truly relax, because my mind is constantly running. Which is contributing to me not sleeping well this week and feeling tired when I get to school. I'm thinking about my family back home, my life here, my students/teaching, and what I want in the future. I've been thinking/writing about happiness a lot lately. Wha makes me happy? What doesn't?..e.t.c All of those things are jumbled up in my head and I'm a little okay a lot on edge.  I know just relax right, if only it was that easy or possible. At the same time I feel like I am being lazy about getting things done, and that makes me get mad at myself which doesn't help make anything better. I guess I'll figure the answer out once I ask myself the right question...I feel like my mojo has disappeared and I feel very uninspired. When I first got here I made sure to make every moment count, but these days I am too busy with other things. I need to remember to take time out to explore and get out of my orbit and see what else lies out there.

Mini-Randoms:
-My favorite song off of Taeyang's Solar album is "Superstar"
-I finally gave in and bought a fridge with a freezer, yay for ice cream and frozen food yumminess
-I'm currently listening to Coldplay's "Yellow"
-GMH
-I'm actually a really shy person(at least when it counts the most)...for reals yo:)...no really I am!
- I read this article today and loved this part "In the end people only see what the want to see. The second I realized that, it didn't bother me anymore. Everyone has that part of them that wants to be acknowledged by a person. It's enough to go forward with that one thing." -Kim Jae Wook
- 20-something letters (Must Read)
-On a really random note I need to buy a new external and I refuse to buy another Western Digital. So what brands would your recommend? Maxtor and Seagate seem to be good, but who knows
-If you've been to HK recommend me some sights to see off the beaten tourist path:)

- Fan mv of "I Need A Girl" V.3


Enjoy the rest of your Friday and have a wonderful weekend. I'm hoping for some rain, so I can wear my cool rainboots and cleanse my mind a bit.

Be blessed.
~Lola O.~

This week has been dragging by, but finally Friday has come and I know the weekend will go even faster. That's the funny thing about our perception of time. When we want it to be slow, it feels fast, and when we want it to be fast, it feels slow. Time is static, but we aren't. I've been feeling overwhelmed this week because all of a sudden there is so much that needs to be done.

I had an open class on Wednesday for my after school program kids (1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders). I was nervous about it because I had to do it alone sinch I teach ASP alone, but it wasn't the teaching part that worried me it was the behavior of my students. They're so young and my lack of Korean and their lack of English can get in the way of classroom management. Plus since their moms were there I couldn't be as disciplinary as I usually am with them. Overall it went well, the first graders has the most parents (mothers) show up. There wasn't a single dad present which made sense since they are most likely at work. I was expecting to see some grandma's there since they are the ones I usually see walking the kids to school but none came.

My first graders were louder than usual and I think it was because of the extra attention from their moms. It was like they were trying to show off by being the loudest kid to answer questions. My 2nd & 3rd graders were definitely better behaved but less parents showed up for them. I had a lot of fun with the kids in both classes. I pay attention to my co-teacher's ideas in my 3rd grade classes and it helps me come up with fun activities for my ASP. I couldn't focus on anything but open class this week so I haven't finished preparing for summer camp. Which has been given the name Glee camp courtesy of me:)!!!

I'm planning to incorporate Glee into my lesson where I can. I'm doing mixed grades so I want to have a overall theme for each week, and then subthemes for each day to keep the kids busy yet entertained since I have the same group of kids for ALL three weeks. I feel bad for the kids having to spend their summer time at school so I want to try to make it as fun as possible while teaching them a few things. Thank goodness for all the resources/ideas on the internet and from fellow expats. It's really helping me plan my summer camp. My co-teacher and I are teaching separately but at the same time and doing our own lesson plans. Not sue how that will work out. So if I am teaching middle level she'll be teaching high level and then we'll switch for second period. I'm also doing ASP everyday doing sumer camp, the extra money will be nice for my vacation but I've told them once second semester starts I will only do ASP with the 2nd and 3rd graders. I like the 1st graders but teaching them is exhausting and not as fun as the 2nd and 3rd graders. Plus I'll also be teaching 4th graders next semester and I want to keep my hours the same as this semester.

Last night I talked to my sister and she could tell from my voice that something was off so I opened up to her about how even though I'm doing pretty well, I still feel like I should be doing more...that I should be more or better than I am now. She said to me, " instead of looking at how far you have/wish to go, remind yourself of how far you've come." I know she's right, but it's something in me that always feels like even when I've climbed to the top of the mountain, I still have to figure out how to fly up to the sky. It's my personality and I'm trying to tone that  kind of thinking down because it can lead to a lot of self criticism and negativity which I don't need to place on myself. I guess it comes from spending so much time lost in my thoughts.

I've been feeling off ever since my grandma got sick and I haven't been able to fully pick myself back up. I'm slowly getting there. It wasn't just her getting sick, but that sparked this funk that I've been in. I mean I was thinking the other day when was the last time I went out exploring another part of Seoul, snapping pictures of things I like, and so on. I feel like I'm getting too comfortable with how things are and I don't want it to be like that. I want to keep expanding and discovering what I know, love, and see in my life.

I was thinking about how life gets in the way of living. I have all these things I want to do but then I have all these things I need to do and I have to find a balance between my wants and needs, between where I've been and where I want to go, and mostly between who I am and who I want to be. I was reading "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou to my co-teacher yesterday and as I was explaining to her what the meaning of the poem was (at least to me) I thought about that's how I want to always be. Strong, happy, confident, and certain of who I am where it counts the most. A huge part of the reason I came to Korea was to figure me out. To be the only voice guiding me on my path. It's like going through puberty all over again with all the growing pains and moments of clarity.

I used to think I knew exactly who I was, where I was going, what I wanted to do with my life, and after realizing that there is so much I still need to figure out about who I am, where I want to go, and what I truly want to do with my life I know I have so many more chapters to write in my life. Slowly but surely I am learning more and more about myself, my wants and needs, and what happiness means to me. I'm trying to live in the now, letting go of my past, and being flexible about my forever changing future. I guess I'm trying to be like a sponge soaking up moments, people, and experiences and finding out what I like and don't like. Being here is helping me to open myself up to what this world has to offer, both the good and the bad. So that with each new experience or revelation I get another piece of the puzzle to complete my portrait.

There is so much to learn and I want to learn everything, but I know that I won't be able to. We have to pick and choose what we can delve into because there is so much and not enough time for it all. A lot times here, I learn something new from the people around me. A new way of getting to the same place, or somewhere different to explore. I love that. I love that what I know isn't the whole picture, that someone else has something valuable to offer me. I think if I see the world like that, I'll learn a lot, and meet a lot of people who help me grow through good and sometimes bad experiences.

This weekend I have to lesson plan, but I don't want to stay cooped up in my apt all week. So I'm going to probably go see Ecplise and laugh my butt off. I mean seriously the movies should be in the comedy category:)!!! Hehe...this is coming from someone who read the books first. I don't like any of the actors in it, but since I read the books I have to see the movies. I want to explore a park I noticed on the bus ride to Itaewon. Supposedly it's supposed to rain this weekend, but I won't let that stop me from getting out to explore more of Seoul. I really have been lax on that since the trip to Muudio a few weeks back. Most importantly, I am going to book my tickets to Hong Kong, and hopefulyl Jeju as well. I think if I do that I will get more interested in the details of my trip, like where I'm going to stay:)! It sucks though that during my schools mini break at the end of July I have to do some desk warming so I don't use up all my vacation days.

I finished up my second week of Korean tutoring. I like it, it makes me focus on learning more Korean instead of letting it slide. I don't want to keep being lazy and slacking off on learning more Korean. I love the way the language sounds, and want to absorb as much as I can.

Mini-randoms:
- My external has gone to it's cyber grave :(
- I love coming home and randomly hearing my neighbor singing in his apt. It's cute and funny!
- I'm starting to dislike Itaewon a lot less
-I've given in and started using my AC at home, it feels fabulous:)

Note: I've been wanting to do a weekly blog series to kind of wrap up my week and give my wonderful readers more insight into weekly, daily live here. I wrote up one last week, but never posted it. Since this is my 100th post:) I thought it would be a great introduction to Imprints & Inklings. I chose that title because I like those two words and I think they sum up what I'm aiming for by being her in Seoul. Moments that leave imprints and stir up inklings in me.

I hope your week has gone by well, and have a fabulous weekend!!!

"You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got and remember what you had. Always forgive and never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change, things go wrong, just remember life goes on."

-Mother Theresa-

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~