Lola O.
Fall came to Seoul swiftly, but I hope it doesn't leave just as fast. I love this season. This time of the year when the leaves fall, the wind gains a chill, and things begin to change in preperation for winter. It's exciting, this kind of atmosphere. A time of change, of color, of transformation, of joy. I love sitting in my apartment, reading, drinking tea, and just letting the breeze slip through my screens and wrap around me. So I hope I get to enjoy Fall for awhile before scary Winter decides to make an appearance.

I'm in my eight month of living in Seoul. I remember when I first got here, didn't really know anyone, wasn't sure whether being here was the "right" decision to make, and I was scared of being away from home for a whole year. Away from the comforts of my family, my friends, my "normal" life, but I've not only survived the last eight months, I've lived them, enjoyed them, and I'm looking forward to the next four months here. Maybe even another year abroad.

So many dreams have come true in the last eight months. I used to write those dreams down in my notebook, on a list, in my journal, but instead of them just being words, wishes, hopes, they've become my reality and I am so unbelievably thankful for the last eight months. The good times, the bad times, and the inbetween. I've done a lot but there is still so much I want to do, still so much I want to see, discover, and enjoy while I can.

I keep thinking that in a few months I'll be back home, and I'm excited about it. I've missed home (my family, friends, community). I cannot wait to catch up with them and share stories of this past year of our lives. So much has happened and I want to treasure each moment I get to spend with them while I'm there. I do know that I have no intention of staying right now. Even if I don't stay here another year, I'll go somewhere else, do something else, and just let myself wander for a little more.

There is a part of me that wants to stay with them, and go back to what I knew, but the bigger part of me wants to let go of all I knew and just let myself fly a little more, and see where the wind carries me. I'm not ready to be grounded again. Right now, right here I feel like I'm living "my life" on my own terms and in my own way. I'm happy here and I don't want this chapter to end after four more months. For now I'd like to stay in the midst of these pages if I can.

I'm finished with classes for the day. How I love Fridays, only four classes compared to my regular 5-6 classes. I look out the window to my left to see some sort of insect crawling up the screen. The leaves shiver from the wind, but the sky is bright and it makes me smile. The Arizonan in me loves the sun. There is something especially soothing about clear skies. Makes me feel like everything that is unclear in my life, will become just as clear and bright in time. I'm sleepy, but that seems to be my things these days.

This week was uneventful, and before it started I wanted it to be over. I'm still in the vacation mode, and work just feels wrong. Lol. As I look around my desk and see the things students have given me I smile and I feel glad to be here. As I walk through the hallways and students greet me left and right I smile and laugh at their never ending enthusiasm. I feel lucky to be here, and thankful that I got a good school. I'm just feeling thankful today.

It's the first day of a new month. I love firsts, because it's a great time/day to change, to take a chance, to do things differently. It's like an automatic clean slate to get things right this month/time. My mom is going to turn 50 this month. I'm sad I won't be there in person, but I've got some things cooked up to show her I'm thinking of her. I'm looking forward to hugging her when I get home, and seeing her smile, feeling that warmth that only moms can give. I love you mom:)!!! Yeah...besides that I like that we have lots of holidays coming up, so at least I have that to look forward to since no more vacation time will be coming my way till winter. I have a few days off here and there, so maybe I can do a weekend trip somewhere.

I'd say that the most resonating feeling over the last eight months, has been the feeling of growth into the woman, person, human being I want to be. I'm on my own here, making my own decisions and choices, living with the consequences and rewards of my actions, and it's helped me to find myself, discover what I want, explore who I want to be, and just understand what living means to me. Falling and failing and picking myself back up or having others help me stand again. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror, I want to smile at my reflection, so I try to live well so I can face myself, so I can figure out what happiness, life, and my future means to me. With each day, moment, experience, crossroad I gain another piece to this infinite life puzzle.

When I was younger I never expected I'd turn 23 in Seoul. I'd have been in my second year of law school if I'd stuck with that plan. We can make all the plans we want, but life will always throw us curveballs to challenge us to discover if that is what we really want for ourselves. It turned out it wasn't what I wanted in the end, and I'm happy to be discovering what feels right to me as far as my career goes. Something I can enjoy, and use to help specific people. I never would have thought I'd be switching things up, but now everything feels right, clear, and meant to be.

I hope this year brings even more clarity my way, and that the future I desire solidifies into more than just a dream. I'm looking forward to the next four months here, and after that we'll see what comes next...

Happy Friday lovely readers!!! Have a fantastic weekend

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~
1 Response
  1. DengKe He Says:

    It's good to know you're comfortable in Seoul. Korea is a nice country, I like it too.
    Life is full of surprises, I also did not expect I'd be in Korea. But now I'm here.
    Life is wonderful mostly because of this. We don't know what happens next...
    Happy weekend~