In Korea you celebrate your child's first 100 days, or for couples their 100 day anniversary. Well for me I am celebrating that I have 100 days left before I finally leave for South Korea. I've had a countdown going ever since I got out of the hospital, but I try not to look at it often because it makes time seem like it is going slower.

From today I have those 100 days left to enjoy my family, explore my surroundings, and discover bits and pieces of myself before I start something new. I am itching to go and finally do this, but I have learned that sometimes we have to wait before we finally get to go.

Today I will be mailing out my contract for SMOE, so I hope I will get my Notice of Appointment in December so I can get things rolling and get my visa so I can purchase my ticket. I'm sure it will feel weird doing it all over again, but I appreciate it more this time around. I don't have the same fears I had last time, but I am definitely more cautious with my enthusiasm.

Last night I was lying down thinking about how we all have to take risks in our lives to go beyond our limitations. I could stay here, and have my "safe" little life, but at the end of the day I would regret never taking the chance to see what else is out there. To see what I am capable of. To discover, create, and maybe confirm some things about myself.

I'm ready to do something on my own, without my family, and test myself. Pop the bubble, leave my comfort zone, and so on. I saw my future so clearly before, but now I just question it all, so I need time to figure it out, and I hope being in Seoul does that for me. However long that might take. I know the road to clarity won't be smooth, but it will be an experience that brings about other experiences both good and bad.

I think my biggest concern is hoping I pack enough warm clothes, to not freeze to death there. Being from Arizona, I am definitely worried about how cold it might get there. I guess it will be an experience!

Check it out: There is something very soothing about this song. The singer's voice is wonderful.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Last Friday I went to do my follow-up with my GI doctor, and I don't know why I was expecting to get the "everything is fine" speech so soon. I mean I finished up my medication last week so I just thought everything would be fine. I need him to give me a letter of good health to submit to KC/SMOE with the rest of my application stuff. So instead of getting that letter of good health, he decided he wanted to run some more tests to make sure all the bacteria (H. pylori) is out of my system and to see if my blood count has improved.

You don't know how sick I am of tests especially blood tests. I hate needles! I close my eyes and try not to whimper like a baby when they do it. The sight of blood makes me want to gag. So now I have to go to the lab and run a few more tests. I have had a problem with anemia for the past year, and I am still anemic. I cannot describe the utter tiredness that consumes me because I'm anemic. I have fatigue like no other, so I am still on iron supplements/ iron-rich foods until my blood count goes up significantly.

I just feel nervous about all these tests and all the waiting I have to do. I hate going to the doctor and I have been to the doctor's office way too much in these past 3 months. I am just praying to God that 1. No more h.pylori in my body 2. My blood count improves 3. I finally leave for Korea at the end of February with good health. I have another doctor's appt in December and then based on how that goes we shall see what happens next.

It just feels weird, being 22 and dealing with this kind of stuff. I mean I used to be so healthy, before all this unraveled. I just want to feel like a normal 22 year old. Healthy and alive and just having fun. I don't want to feel so tired and weak all the time. It seriously sucks! But I am keeping positive and trusting that as long as I keep my focus everything will work out in my favor. I guess I am also nervous that something like this could/will happen again.

I got my SMOE 2010 contract in an email today, and felt nervous and excited all over again. Excited for things to start happening again. It's been almost 3 months since my trip to the hospital and I am just happy to be on my way to doing what I want to do with my life. For me, going to Seoul is the only thing I am sure about right now so I want to go for it, take that risk, and see what the results are. I was nervous for the same reason I am excited, it's all starting again.

KC/SMOE have been great for me and very understanding of my situation. Let's just hope that continues and that they don't have the debacle they did for Fall 2009 with the 100 teachers that got screwed. I think they've learned from that and won't repeat their mistakes again (hopefully). I feel like the next three months will go by fast (thankfully) with weddings, Christmas, New Years, and just lots of family time. I think God had a reason for me to stay here right now. I know I am here to help the people around me and share their special moments with them.

Everything has its season, and mine will start soon. I am not looking forward to paying for my visa, ticket, and other expenses all over again. That really makes me annoyed when I think about it. Especially since I haven't found a job yet. I kind of get the feeling God doesn't want me working right now, especially with me being constantly tired. I just hope though that I can find something, even if it's just for the holidays that can add a little cushion to my bank account.

I really need to practice my Korean, and getting back into the learning about Korea mood. I am excited to finally go and meet people there, and just live. I guess I am most nervous that something else will happen to keep me here, but I trust that God knows my heart and will make my path smooth. I cannot wait to explore, enjoy, and learn there. I hope going there will help me figure out what I'm going to do with my life.

Seoul, Korea here I come!!!!
~Lola O.~

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