We think we've got forever to do, say, and give the things we want. When the truth is tomorrow or even all of today isn't gauranteed to us. After I got sick in 2009 I started to realize how precious my life is. How fragile and unexpected life is. It made me live more. It made me try harder. It made me braver. It made me kinder. It continues to make me wiser. Life is only going to be as good as you make it, as good as you choose for it to be. So my wish and hope is that you have no regrets. No skeletons in your closet. No unsaid words that live on in your heart. No I wish I dids. Just no regrets that leave you in an ocean of wonder of what could have been if only I'd said this, done that, given...

Last night a few friends and I had another goodbye dinner for a friend leaving for the States. On my way home I saw this old man trying to put this huge tv on his cart while everyone just passed by him. Even I walked past him looking at him but then I stopped. I turned around, walked back and told him let's do it together. He smiled in thanks and a bit of surprise. The two of us lifted that heavy tv onto his cart. I smiled at him, and he thanked me, and I went to my apartment. I knew I had done the right thing. It didn't take much time from my life to help him out. It wasn't just the right thing to do, it was the kind thing to do. That's the kind of person I want to always be. Someone who gives not because she has to but because it is the kind and right thing to do.

This morning I called my family to wish my Big Mummy and my cousin a happy birthday. I called my Big Mummy first, and it felt so good to take some time to make her laugh and smile. To let her know even through the distance I remembered her day. As I talked to her I realized how important it is to do little things like this. To take or make time in our days to let the people in our lives know how much we love them, how knowing them makes life so much better. After, I called my cousin, he's been my big brother since we were kids. When I called his voice sounded so sad, and I found out that a good friend of his had died the night before. I'd met the friend a few times, he was a great guy. Even now I can't help but smile when I think about him. He was so full of laughter, and was always smiling. He was so kind, funny, and sweet. Now he's gone, and all we have are those beautiful memories of him.

I had talked to my cousin a few hours before I called this second time, and it never ceases to amaze me how delicate time is. In a few hours everything changed. Sadness overtook happiness for his birthday. Now we are all a little quieter, and a little wiser of how precious our time is. My cousin said to me, "he kept in touch with his friend but he should have done more." I told him that I'm sure he knew he was loved by him, and that now he has the chance to do more, love more, and be there for the people in his life. His wife, his friends, his soon to be child.

Death is a reminder of not we lossed but what we have. That we should cherish them, and not take them for granted. That we need to make time even when we feel like there is none to give. We should give more than we take. Say the words in our hearts instead of ignoring them. Take chances and risks because you never know until you try. We must live genuine and good lives because this one is all we have. So live it splendidly. Live it kindly. Live it well. Let peace be in your soul and laughter in your heart. Don't waste time not doing the things you love, not being with the person you love, and please don't waste time with grudges. Let those old wounds heal. Let those scars fade away. Time is such a blessing, be thankful for it! Your time won't last forever. So please, enjoy the time you have. Love deeply. Dream without limits. Live genuinely. Laugh often. Always smile. Give more. Be kind. More than anything let the people in your life know you love them.

Make someone's day. It's not the big moments that count it is the little ones. Those little slips of time we share laughing over coffee, debating tv shows, embracing in a warm hug, giggling about love, talking on Skype about our lives, and especially saying and showing  "I love you!!!!" Those moments of togetherness in even the smallest ways have such a large place in a person's heart.

So call someone up, tell them how awesome and loved they are. Spend time with someone you love; a friend, a lover, a family member. Don't just make today different, make all the tomorrows different as well. Don't have regrets, and don't ever feel like you should have said more, done more, or given more. Do it now. Say it now. Give it now. Now is what we have, please use it wisely.

We will miss you friend, but I know you are smiling and laughing down on us. Another guardian angel to watch over us. Thank you for the laughter and the smiles! Thank you for even the little moments of time we shared together. I smile when I think of you because I see your big, warm, and welcoming smile in my memories. Rest in heavenly peace. You are missed, and you are so very loved!!!! Always be blessed.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm feeling so emotional and blue today, well actually all week. I guess that since it's my birthday week I thought the universe would comply and give me a break for the week. I just wanted to have a really good week, but I haven't. It's not that anything major that has happened, but small things put together are weighing me down a bit.  I think I'm coming down with something, because I haven't been feeling well all week. Today, for some reason, I have been feeling really homesick all day. No wonder I'm known as the emotional child.
I've been thinking of my sister all week, and I called her yesterday but she sounded so tired, that I told her we could talk later. Back home, my sister and I talked everyday on the phone, probably at least 3 times if not more during the day. She lives in Florida, so the phone is our bridge that connects our lives. I used to get annoyed about that, saying we didn't need to know every little detail of each others lives, and would limit her to twice a day for updates. Lol...now with this time difference it's hard to find a good time to catch up on everything going on with us. I just miss her a lot these days, and like they say you don't know what you have until it's gone, or until you are far from it. I miss the comforts of the people, places, and things that are back home in AZ. I feel out of touch, out of the loop, with everyone and everything, and unable to hold onto what was. Everything and everyone is changing, including me, but not together. I get that we all have our seperate lives, but I don't want us to drift apart as each of us follows our own path. Long distance anything is a challenge.

I think a big part of my homesickness is my worry and concern for the people back home that I love. It's not that I think I have the power to fix everything, but I know that I can help, and that they need me, but I need me too. It's all about that balance I'm trying to find. Between my needs/wants, and theirs. I'm going to be 23 but I feel so much older than my age. I went to dinner with some friends yesterday, and I was telling them I wonder what it feels like to be young. They said that I am young, and I laughed because I might be young in age, but not in my mind or in my life. I feel like I was born old, and as I grew up all the responsibilities and situations didn't leave much room to be a kid. Being here though, I have moments where I get that sense of youth. The mistakes we make, the insecurities we have, the experiences we cultivate, and the people who shape us along the way, but most of all  I see the beauty of our youth. It's a time given to us to hit the roughest patches in our journey and pull ourself out. We can reinvent ourselves time and time again. We fall in and out of friendships, love, jobs...etc. There is so much freedom in youth. I'm finally tasting that freedom, but that feeling of responsibility makes me feel guilty sometimes. It's like I'm giving myself this time to play around for and then after I'll back to reality.

Last night, I got off on the wrong stop on my way home and decided to walk the rest of the way to my apartment. At first I was mad I got off early, but then I thought of it as an opportunity to let my thoughts wander a little while longer. As they wandered I thought of what home means to me, or what I want it to be. Home is a place where I feel like I belong, not just a place I feel needed. I haven't reached that place yet, and maybe all this traveling and wandering will lead me back to where I started. Who knows, I surely don't. Maybe instead of finding a place, I should be creating one. Like most life questions, there isn't a black and white, right or wrong answer to my thoughts. Honestly, I don't know what my deal is, but I'm just feeling a lot, missing a lot, and wondering about a lot. I do know that I shouldn't try to hold it all, or pretend it away. Even though I chose to leave it doesn't make being away easier. The chapters of my life that came before this one are all grounded in AZ and that's all I've known. This will be the first time I'll spend my birthday without my family and DABA. It's weird not to share it with them. I'm thankful for the friends I have here who have been like family these past months. I know we'll have a good time, but there is that weird feeling of something missing. Ahhh...I've really got the blues today. Let me just stop there before I get even more whiny and wheepy on you.

As I walked to school this morning, I looked up at the sky, and thought to myself "everything is going to be okay" for everyone. This moment, this season, this feeling, this... all passes in time. They are but brief interludes in the grand scheme of things. Those were the thoughts that started my day, and I'm not going to let any blues keep me down. As I look out the windows of my classroom I see the sun smiling down from the sky and reflecting off the glass, it warms my heart. I take a deep breath and I hear my mom's favorite thing to day, "it is well" and so it is. Time is the best cure.



Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

"Each new year brings hope and meaning." -Paper Route "Sing You To Sleep"

The Countdown till I leave for Korea has started! I have a month left before I leave and it feels like time is speeding up and I can hear this internal clock ticking away. It is exhilarating and scary at the same time. I think the plane ride to Seoul is going to be the longest one of my life both literally and figuratively.

I just hope I don't end up crying when I say bye to my mother or have some kind of panic attack at the airport where I start questioning my decision to do this. I just don't want to freak out...at least not in public!

My days seem to be spent reading up on everything I can possibly find in regards to life in Seoul and stuff about South Korea in general. This is the first time I am doing something like this and I am doing it alone for the most part. So it is a big step for me to get out of my comfort zone and like Nike says "Just do it." As far as I know we only get one life, one chance to do the things we want to do while we can. For me, I want to travel around for now and that journey starts with South Korea.

I don't want to be tied down to one job or one place. Instead I want to experience different things so that when I choose that one job and one place in the future I won't have regrets about it. The sky is not my limit, I want to reach higher and higher heights until there is no height left to reach. Lately, I have been thinking about my future, and how I feel a lot more internationally inclined. It would be cool to work for an international company, be a diplomat or ambassador, or an international lawyer.

I'm hoping South Korea helps me get closer to figuring out where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be in the future. For once I don't have a plan, but I know God has a plan for me and he will lead me on the right path, the only path created just for me. It is kind of nice not having a plan and just opening my mind to the infinite possibilities of life. I'm 21 years old, I don't have to have all the answers, and I don't know how to ask all the questions, and that is perfectly fine. Lol...this isn't the post I planned but yeah:)

As far as my expectations/hopes for going to South Korea. I am expecting to have fun, learn a lot, experience so many different things, eat lots of delicious food, learn Korean, and make some good friends with minimum drama. I know I will have my ups and downs but for the most part it will be ups!:) I think my biggest fear is how people (Koreans) will react to me. I am not looking forward to being stared at or touched or etc..but I am going to have to deal with it so it is good to know what to expect!

Overall, I know it is all going to work out in my favour because God is supporting me in this endeavor. I think I am probably going to spaz out my last week here, but I am definitely going to enjoy my friends and family before I leave. So peeps if your in Phoenix we shall hang out before I go!!!:)

The Fabulous Epik High: FAN


Ciao,
~Lola O.~