Hello everyone I hope you are having a better day than I am. I'm really upset right now and it's taking everything in me to not cry. Deep breaths...

For some reason this week has been overwhelmingly emotionally taxing and it's like my feelings are so raw and exposed right now. I wish my face wasn't so readable because the last thing I want to do it talk about it with my co-workers. So I'm sitting at my desk, with my music soothing away today's stress, and writing it all down. That's my outlet. Always has been and always will be.

So what happened? My 6th graders. Parents get the terrible twos and teachers get the terrible pubescents also known as 6th graders for the sake of this entry. To say they are bad this year would be an understatment. They don't listen. They don't shut up. They don't have any respect. It's like it was all taken during winter vacation leaving them well what I have to deal with on a daily basis this year. It's the rudeness and lack of respect that is really eating away at my patience with and for them. Today was just the icing and a very yucky cake.

I have three 6th grade classes today, and of all of my four classes 6-2 is by far the rudest. They are the ones I started my day with. They made me so upset that I gave them a huge amount of homework and no game during class. What made me so upset? They could not or should I say would not be quiet no matter how many times I or my co-teacher told them to. I'm the kind of person that doesn't feel the need to keep repeating myself with my students. Being quiet is not an option or a suggestion. It's a fact. We can't get to games if they don't stop talking. I have to be stricter and meaner if I keep having to tell you to be quiet. It eats up time and I can't stand that.

The second class was a little better but not by much. I keep having to keep students after to clean as a punishment but that doesn't do anything. Even when we change their seats the chatting still continues. I never had this kind of problem last year. They are so rude. You tell them to do something or call them and they are like, "WHAT!!! WHY?!?! and roll their eyes. I had them as 5th graders so I know these kids, and they have really changed. In a very bad way. The kids come to class late every single day. I don't know if it's the homeroom teachers or other teachers that are responsible for this.

It's things like this that I need my co-teacher to get answers, but she doesn't seem to feel she has that kind of power since she is new. I don't think it's a big deal to ask the homeroom teachers to make sure the kids are coming on time and in their seats before the bell rings, and I don't think it's a big deal to talk to them about the behavior of their students in our class. It's moments like this that I wish I spoke Korean fluently to get my point across. Whether with my students or with the homeroom teachers I want to get things in order.

So what made me feel like crying? My third class. It all started with Listen & Speak. The second dialogue is Peter and Nami talking about what seasons they like. All the classes including this one laughed during the whole thing not because it was funny but because of Peter. This kind of thing happened last year but I let it roll of my shoulders but today it really got to me. The ignorant racism my kids display right in front of me. I could handle the lauging at first, but after I said time and time again to stop and just listen it continued. So I stopped and asked them what was so funny and they said to me, "Peter! Peter looks like a monkey!" All the while laughing their heads off. I stood there in silence until they stopped and I said to them, "Peter looks like a monkey? How can you compare a person to a monkey?" So one students said, "his skin is black like a chimpanzee!" Bringing more laughter to the students. I could feel this overwhelming ache inside of me for them. A feeling of hurt and at the same time pity that they see this world through such narrowed eyes. All they've known are people that look "just like them" but because Peter has "black skin" he is a monkey and worth laughing at.

So I said to them, "if Peter is a monkey are you saying I'm a monkey too? One kid had the nerve to keep laughing. I continued, "since I have `black` skin too doesn't that mean I must be a monkey too? How can you call another human being a monkey and insult them because of how they look? How can you say this in front of me who has the same skin color as Peter?" I said to them, "talking like that is not right. You can't say things like this about people or talk badly about them because they look differently than you!" I got myself under control and finished my part of the lesson. All I wanted to do was cry. I don't know why it took this to set me off but it really hurt and it still does.

I get that they are kids and ignorant about this kind of thing but they know right from wrong and should know how they behaved was all kinds of wrong. To Peter and even more so to me, their African-American teacher. After class finished I sat down at my desk, and my co came up to me and said, "Are you upset about what the kids said? You shouldn't be bothered they are just kids." All I could think was that is just an excuse. They should know better. They should know that what they said and how they acted was wrong and offensive. Their parents should teach them not to judge a person by how they look and that sometimes what you think should not be spoken. Their parents should teach them what racism means and how wrong it is. They should know that in this world there are plenty of people who don't look like them and that doesn't make them any less or any more. It makes them human just like them. They should...

I'm just really upset about it all. The rudeness. The insults. The racism. It just got to me today and I guess it has been building up. I am not my skin color. I am not the color of a crayon. I am Nigerian-American and proud of it but that doesn't define me. I am not a monkey. I am a human being and I should be treated like one. I get their ignorance but I don't get their wrongness. If that even makes sense. I'm tired of being stared at or having my skin and hair touched. I'm not some exotic thing on display for people to gawk at and make jokes about. Yes. I look different. Yes my hair isn't like yours. So what?! Get over it!

I'm not going to go on. Deep breaths. Thank goodness today is Friday. I have to suffer through a teacher's dinner and then I'm going to go home and spend time doing things I enjoy. Hopefully this emotional rawness will leave me soon. There is so much to enjoy and I don't want a negative attitude to spoil the beauty of all that is around me.

Today hasn't been the best of days but it hasn't been the worst of days.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Hello everyone:)! How has your week been?

So far so good for me. I am elated that it is Friday. I've been getting my days mixed up all week, and just realized that it was Friday. I don't have any exciting plans for the weekend but I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, making myself a yummy breakfast, and exploring a bit. Sunday will just be church, and relaxing at home.

It's been a bit since my last post but life hasn't had any radical changes. This year is turning out to be a quieter one so far, and I'm liking it. I've been doing this year in a lower key so far. Just hanging out with friends, working, writing, a lot of self reflection, and cooking. I'm trying to get more cooking and have been trying out new recipes. Last night I made dinner ( pasta w/ a homemade meat sauce and a salad). I was really hapy and pround of myself for not being lazy and eating something premade. There is joy in cooking yourself a meal. I put some music on, and let it be the soundtrack to my cooking adventure. It turned out pretty well. Tonight I'm going to try out a sweet mashed potato recipe I found with the leftovers of my curry shrimp rice. I might try some baking on Sunday if I can get the energy for it. These days I feel tired all the time. I think it's because my mind tends to always be cluttered and I can't figure out how to turn its switch off.

I feel like these days I'm a bit boring, but then I have to laugh because it's okay to be boring to others if I'm happy with myself, and I am. This year I'm going to try to see as much as I can in Korea but also in the world around me. To explore my immediate environment and find things to love about it. I want to carry my camera around and take photos of everyday things I find interesting. I want to go on walks around parts of Seoul I have not been to, and weekend trips to other parts of Korea. I have a trip coming up in May that I'm looking forward to. This month I'm on a tight budget because I used my bonus to make myself debt-free. I'm really happy about that. Now I can focus on saving money for my future somethings.

A few randoms...
On Wednesday as I walked to the bus stop some of my students came up to me. These two adjummas were getting into a scuffle. It was really uncomfortable to see. I always feel embarrased by that because I just don't see things like that back home. All the men that were around just stood around as they screamed and hit each other. One adjumma was really beating the other one up. I didn't stay, and I told my students they better get their butts home too. Honestly, I just think there is no reason to be acting like that at any age. Settle differences with words and not fists. They were really going at it, and I can't believe none of the people around tried to help settle things. The men just watched like they were at some fight placing bets. I think that is what made me really mad. If I were to butt in no one would listen to me because I'm younger and a foreigner but they could have stepped in and brought it to a resolution. They didn't.

On Thursday as I walked to school this grandfather started walking next to me, and then we started talking. He has a daughter in San Jose and has been to America many times. His grandson is studying political science and wants to be a lawyer. It made me smile because he was just so excited and happy telling me about his family. I felt bad because a teacher stopped and gave me a ride the rest of the way so our conversation ended abruptly and he seemed a bit sad. I hope I run into him again. I used to feel bothered by the random attention on the way to and from school, but then I realized their is a certain beauty in those stand alone moments. They come and they go, and most of the time they leave me feelin brighter. I've always appreciated the wisdom and beauty of old people. Most people my age feel uncomfortable with them, but I always enjoy talking to them. I find them cute, wise, and I love their stories and words of advice. Maybe it's because I've always felt like an old soul...

Actually this week has been one of random ecounters. I was running late coming home and ran into another foreigner who lives 3 floors up and is from Brooklyn. I had seen her at the bus stop a few weeks back and never saw her after. Only to find that we live in the same building. I love when stuff like that happens. We'll be having dinner soon. She seems like a cool chick. Then on Wednesday after the adjumma smackdown I met a friend for dinner and we went to church. On the way in I saw this familiar looking girl. I only saw her side profile and she was with a familiar looking guy. I recognized them from ziplining and we ended up sitting next to each other. Small world again. It was such a coincidence because it was both of our first times coming on Wednesday and we attend Sunday service at different times.

I love when life conspires like that to give you an opportunity to meet new people and see where it leads. You never know until you give them a try. So we shall see what happens there. I am a firm believer that coincidence is just life giving you a chance to see what could be. This week has been one of coincidences and discovery. At least more than usual.

I'm still a bit homesick. It's slowly leaving my system. I'm falling in love with my life here all over again, and remembering to be thankful for this moment, and to live in the here and now. To stop worrying about a year from now and start reveling in a day from now. Life is in the present. My life is in these moments that make up my today. I want to be excited and hungry for all the todays I get. My life is in the choices and experiences I make now. I don't want to miss out on it because I'm so wrapped up in the future. I always remind myself that the future is created by my present. The future is always transforming and growing as I do. It's not decided or static. It's like a never ending canvas of possibility. I like it that way...

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~



I won't dwell baby on my failures
It won't help baby it won't bring changes
I won't run baby when all I want is to run
I won't forget the morning's sure to come

I love my life here, but time and time again in moments like this I'm reminded that this will never be home to me. I'll never have a place here where I "fit in." I will never be able to go to the local open market without being pestered or heckled at just because I look different. I accept that, but I'm still going to enjoy my life here. I'm still going to live it, and those people who stare a little too long will feel ashamed of themselves.

Even with bad moments there are a lot of good ones to overwhelm the bad ones. Yesterday I went to get some dukbokki from my local kimbap adjumma and we talked for a bit in Korean. She was mad that I cut my afro hair. Asking me why I cut my beautiful hair, that I shouldn't have done that. I smiled, and laughed and explained to her I just needed a change. It was getting too long, and tangled. I wanted something new. She tsked and tsked and I told her it will grow back fast. It was a nice beat in time, and made me think that I don't need to "fit in" here. I just need to be me, be kind, be open, and the people that matter will notice.


Be blessed,
~Lola O.~

Welcome To Gumcheon-gu!!! One day I randomly did a photo tour, there is so much more to see so expect more. I think Seoul/Gumcheon-gu is a place that truly comes alive at night!

When I first got here, I was like this is it? Well, I hadn't really had a chance to walk around when I came to that incorrect realization. Almost two months later, I have to say I love where I live. It's a nice place to live during the week, and get away from during the weekend. It's quiet, and seems like a safe area. There are lots of families, food markets, cafes, a movie theater, Home Plus, and Lotte Mart. In addition and plenty of restaurants, and street food to keep me happy.




 More Photos...

PS: Can I say I love all the free furniture by the trash area, just scored me a free dresser. Might get a free tv too. Score!!!

Music Time: Really digging this song right now!!!

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

• My favorite grade to teach is 5th grade. They aren't too childish or too immature. I love moments when I am not teaching and I can connect with my students by learning about their lives outside of my classroom.
• I tend to have the sweetest and funniest moments at subway stations. Like when I got stuck in the turnstile (the tragedy of big purses). Or when this kind stranger helped me carry all my groceries up those long flights of stairs. She was a sweetheart!!
• Living alone isn't so bad when I have music as my background noise. I've taken the time to decorate my apartment Lola O. style and it has made all the difference. It feels homey and is a welcome sight at the end of my day.
• I'm happiest here, when I am enjoying Seoul with other people. Sure there are things I will/want to experience on my own. But it is a nice feeling to explore Seoul/Korea with other people. Different eyes=different views/perspectives.
• The best part of teaching is when my students teach me something. Or when they apply something they've learned from me.
• I know now I will never live in a cold place after Korea. I can't get used to that feeling of being cold. It irks me.
• I love Home Plus brand Ramyun:)!
• Teaching well for me is like creating art, it takes practice, passion, and time.
• Eating alone some days isn't as lonely anymore. I think of it as my time to unwind and reflect.
• Just because we are all foreigners doesn't mean we will be best friends or even friends. I live in between two foreigners and they tend to keep to themselves. In my mind, we should at least be social once in a while.
• Korean do not all look the same, there is so much variety in appearance in my eyes.
• Wood floors are a pain to keep clean. Always dusty!
• I enjoy those moments where body language, Hangul(Korean), and English become intertwined and we find meaning/understanding. I encounter moments like that a lot here. I know a little Korean, they know a little English, and we figure out how to understand each other.
• Cash flows like water here, endlessly. I never really used cash in AZ and it is a little hard keeping track of my spending. I MUST RESIST SHOPPING:)!!!
• I'm stronger in someways, and weaker in others.
• I'm learning that change is a process that cannot be rushed or solved. It needs time for each step.
• I like walking everywhere. It makes me feel refreshed.
• I don't mind staring or curiosity, but please don't touch my hair without permission!
• Attitude determines everything in life. Sometimes things happen (that's life) and I get caught up in the moment, good/bad and forget that life is 10% what happens to you/me and 90% how you/I react.
• Sometimes I feel like I am the main attraction at the circus when little kids point at me and say look to whoever they are with. *Sigh* I'm learning to accept this unfortunately almost daily occurrence.
• Learning to think less, and experience more.
• Spitting everywhere you go is soooooooooooo NOT COOL. Honestly, I start to gag when I hear someone getting ready to spit. They make the most repulsive noise(s)!
• I have all these things I want to do, see, and experience in Seoul/Korea in general. I am realizing that I should spend so much time trying to cross things off my list, but focus more on enjoying each thing on my list.
• The people around you can make or break your experience. So choose people who will make it.
• Family and friends are always going to be there, by my side, even if I am on the other side of the world. Skype is my best friend these days. It really helps bridge the distance between my loved ones and I. I'm learning that I can find a place to call/make home no matter where I am.
• I feel like I might get cancer from second hand smoke due to the overwhelming # of (public)smokers here.
• Nigerians and Koreans have a lot in common as far as values and culture goes.
• I become a TINY bit of a fangirl when it comes to Lee Seung Gi, Kim Bum, and Taeyang (Big Bang)
• I really like the feeling of knowing the people/community around where I live. Like the adjumma who makes delicious kimbap, or the clothing store lady who likes singing American songs and gives me discounts, or the kids from my school I randomly see around the neighborhood. They always have a smile and say hello to me.
• Sometimes we have to jump first before we learn how to land.
• I'm realizing that I still haven't found that thing I LOVE TO DO. There are many things I like to do, but I don't want to spend my life only doing things I like to do. I would love to have a career doing something I love. At the same time, I remind myself I'm only 22. I'll figure it out one day.
• My love for Korean music, dramas, and fashion has now accepted Korean food on a trial and error basis.
• Laughter really is the cure for every ailment!!

That's A Wrap!!!

I have to say that so far my favorite part of Seoul has to be the Ewha area. It has a nice feel about it, and is a great place to shop for cheap clothes. I've actually been surprised that I have been able to find a lot of tops that fit me here. From the minute I exit the subway, it feels like I am back in college. There are loads of younge people out and about at the various cafes, shopping at the street market, or just walking around Ewha Women's University. It's a really nice place to spend a chill afternoon walking, shopping, and hanging out with friends.



I LOVE THE CAMPUS!!! It's has a very the past meets the future design. The campus is so lovely to walk around. Everything about it is beauitful and makes me want to go there. From what I hear, the university is very hard to get into, and is one of Seoul's top universities. My favorite part of the campus has to be the glass structure below, with those epic stairs in the back.


I've only been there on the weekends, but I think Ewha is somewhere you can go to meet up with people, or spend some time by yourself relaxing, shopping, and eating lots of street food. I would suggest going here for dinner if you are in Ewha or  its neighbor Sinchon. It was recommended by Seoul Eats, and I took some friends there and we all enjoyed the fried chicken. The staff is very nice, and the prices are good. Plus the food is DELICIOUS!!! I will definitely be going back there.

FYI: There are a few locations, but the one we went to was acroos from Sinchon subway station/Uplex Building. It was right next to Etude House and Paris Baguette.

More photos

A little less than an hour before I am done for the day. I wanted to write a blog entry about the feeling I've got inside of me right now. A feeling of peace, understanding, but mostly a feeling of being comfortable in a very good way.

A few days ago I was was walking back to my apartment, and the path to my apartment has this long one way path for cars, and as I walked down the path I thought with a smile how I feel really comfortable right now. About living in Seoul, life in general, and the uncertainty of my future. It's hard to describe this feeling that has come over me, but there is a sense that no matter what happens literally and metaphorically over the next year and beyond I will figure it out bit by bit along the way. I will overcome, and I will be better for the experience.

When I first got to Korea, everything was so instant and blurry that it took my breath away. Even with all the stuff I knew about Korea, I still got shocked, frustrated, and lost at times. Isn't that like life? No matter how much we think we know, there is still so much more for us to learn. Even though we know a lot, there are always new things, different ways, and etc for us to learn. It's been a little over a month, and I am feeling comfortable. Not because I have everything figured out, but because I have that belief in myself that I can and will figure it out one day at a time, one step at a time, one experience at a time, one failure/success at a time.

I was telling my mom that this is a comfortable kind of happiness with myself. I don't have all the answers, but if I keep asking questions and gaining wisdom I will gain more answers and have less questions to ask. Is this what it means to "grow up" or to my words "grow into oneself." Nothing is perfect, I have my bad days like everyone else, I get frustrated, and mess up like every human being, but even then I have this confidence that somehow it will all work and end up being the best thing for me.

If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, then you know everything I went through last August. Life seems more vibrant now, and I don't take it for granted. I don't forget about my own happiness anymore. I don't follow a path that I didn't choose for myself. I don't let fear paralyze me anymore from trying, discovering, or exploring. I don't worry about the details to the point that I never take that leap of chance. I just tell myself that if I get lost, I will eventually find my way. If I make a mistake, I will learn from it and be better the next time. If I fail, then I still have things I need to learn before I try again. If I get hurt, I just have to let myself heal and try again. If I get scared, then I just need to remember how I got here in the first place and what I went through along the way. If I get swept up into madness, and lose myself a little bit. I just have to take a step back and reflect on who I am and what I want for myself.

Those are the thoughts/feelings that seem to engulf me these days. Someone said that "happiness is a perspective we choose to take into our daily lives." Everyday I am shaping, exploring, and discovering my happiness. It is journey filled with many paths, obstacles, and choices, but it is one I am happy to take on. I feel good inside, and it is a feeling I am holding onto, protecting, and enjoying. I hope all of you are also finding those things in your life here in Seoul or in your part of this world that makes you feel good.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

P.S. This song always puts me in a good mood. So stop what you are doing and just stop what you are doing, stop thinking, stressing, or moping around and rock out to...I  Gotta Feeling...

Hello everyone!!! I've finished teaching for the day, and have some free time to finally update my blog. It's only Tuesday, but the kids are a little crazy this week. Maybe it is the constantly changing weather, or just puberty that is making them so hyper. Either way, they are still very cute. Now, on to my topic of the day.

Last Saturday, two friends and I decided to experience the Jjimjilbang, or as I like to say the "Let's Get Naked" place:)! We went to this small one under my friend's apartment building in Sindorim, and it definitely is an "experience." Originally, the plan was to just go there and check it out, but stay in the area where you don't have to get naked. Well, there really isn't much to do in that area, aside from going back and forth between the hot rooms, the human oven, or as my friend calles it "The Tomb," or my favorite room, the cold room. You can also eat, and sleep at this place, but after an hour of going in and out of the diferent rooms we decided that since we paid the money to go here, we should have the full experience. Okay, they decided that. I wasn't really ready to get naked with strangers, but I'm the kind of person that is going to/willing to play along if everyone else is. So I jumped on the "Lets Get Naked" bandwagon, and there was no going back. The whole reason I am here, is to do things I've never done before, even if I feel scared, embarrased, or unsure of whether I can do it. We grow through those moments when we say screw the fear or worry and just let ourselves grow. I've found that all those thoughts end up being worse than the actual experience.

So back to my story, we were in the ladies changing area, and I tried to keep my eyes down, because I just didn't want to see other naked women...rofl. So, my friends and I are trying to get up the courage to just take our clothes off, after lots of awkward moments and laughter, we decide that we can keep our shirts on until we get into the sauna area, and then just take them off before we get in the water. Umm...no...we walk into the sauna area and this naked woman is like no, you have to take your shirt off in the changing room, then come back in, take a shower, and then go into the pools. All said in a mix of hand gestures and Korean. So we turn back around, and by now I'm like lets just do this, and so we go back to our lockers, take our shirts off, and with our towels barely covering anything in the front, and definitely nothing in the back, we walk through the changing room, into the sauna room, and get the "full" experience of a Jjimjilbang.

It wasn't that bad getting naked, after just doing it. Sure, I got plenty of stares from Korean women, but I just ignored them and enjoyed my time there with my friends. I think it will be a long while before I do that again, but at least I now have this experience to remember. For me, I think everytime I do something that scares me I will learn to be less fearful, and be able to live my life freely. I didn't come to Korea to keep living the same life I had in Arizona. I came here to experience new things and I did. Sure it was awkward and weird at first, but it was also liberating to stop thinking about doing something and just doing it. My favorite part was definitely the various temperature rooms. If I go again, I would like to go to a bigger one that has more things to do.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

There are so many things I need to write about. Come Friday I will have been in Seoul for one month, and boy has the time flown by me, leaving me breathless and a little dazed to say the least. I promise to write more about my experiences here, but first I want to talk about my feelings so far; the highs and the lows. This post is geared towards people thinking of coming to Korea, or just changing something in their lives. If you read my Living entry, I think you will understand me a bit more.

Today, as I was riding the subway to the Seoul Global Center I looked out the train window and saw the world passing me by in a blurry haze as I sat inside the safety of the train. I thought about everything I have been through up to that point and the thought of butterflies fluttered through my thoughts.

I started this life as a caterpillar, crawling through this earth searching for something. I followed the path laid out for me and stuck to it. Then I was absorbed into the cocoon of life and the transformation took over. I wasn't really sure of who or what I would become after the change, but I wasn't turning back. Little cracks began to form in my cocoon of life and I came out a butterfly. I was different, and it was hard to recognize myself. I realized it was okay to be different from what I was before. It was time to start a new life, and instead of crawling on the earth. I would try flying through the sky.

Even though I have these butterfly wings, they are delicate and fragile things. With enough force they could be pulled out, and then I would come crashing down to the earth again. Even if they are fragile, they will strengthen over time with each experience that comes my way. I kept on thinking of how I am beginning to truly rely on my own strength, the one inside and outside of me. Growing up and growth in general is a painful and beautiful process of life that never ends. If we are not constantly growing in our thoughts, lives, and relationships then I don't think you can say that you are truly living. At some point you have to stop fighting yourself, life...everything. Just take a deep breathe and jump into the madness of life.

I say all of that, because getting to Seoul was a long journey, but now that I am here, the journey begins again. It isn't easy being away from everything I know and love, but at the same time being here makes me appreciate what I already have, and at the same time look for new things to cherish within myself, others, and life in general.

I don't want to go into details about the feelings I have so far. These feelings don't really need an explanation. So here are the words that give you a taste of how I have felt for the past few weeks here in Seoul.


On Friday, I will have been in Seoul for one month, and so much in my life has changed in just this one month that it has worn me out. Each day is filled with surprising moments, plenty of new experiences, and opportunities for growth and learning. For those thinking of changing themselves and their lives I want to say that change starts with you, and doesn't happen quickly and things won't always go as planned. You can have determination but if you don't have an open-mind and heart then change won't last. I'm learning everyday what I am capable of and everyday change approaches me, sometimes I welcome it and other times I dread it. I'm changing myself, and being changed by my environment and the people around me. Choose what is best for you, what will make you happy, and what will make you feel alive.

I'm following a path, I didn't plan on taking, but I am enjoying the journey because for the first time in my life I am doing something completely of my own choice and learning the good and bad that comes with each one we make. I'm excited to see what this year holds for me, but I know that I cannot wait for things. people, or experiences to come my way. I have to seek and go after what I want. Sitting idly by isn't going to get me anywhere in this life.

Someone told me it takes six weeks to truly get adjusted and settled here in Seoul, and I think they are right. You have to give yourself time to absorb all the changes happening to you both on the inside and the outside. I learned over the last three weeks to be patient with myself, and not expect too much from myself. Everything takes time, and you cannot rush things. Give yourself time to take everything in, and catch your breathe again. Don't be too hard on yourself, and more importantly remember to laugh at the confusion. Things are going to happen, no matter how well you plan or research. You just have to let go and everything you thought you knew, and start opening your eyes to the new world around you.

You will have moments of highs and others filled with lows. You'll be homesick at the most random times, and lonely sometimes. Let things run their course, and figure it out in your own time and way. This is your journey, do it the way you like. Lastly, I want to share with all of you something I jotted down in my notebook one morning while sitting at a cafe in second week here.

The thing about taking a leap of faith on life and yourself is that you have no idea where of if you will land. You just have to leap in the moment and let everything else play out in its own way and time. I am learning to just have that trust in myself that no matter what comes my way I will figure it out. So there is no point agonizing over it, worrying about it, or playing what if games. We live now, and deal with the rest when the time comes.

I have no idea if any of what I wrote makes sense, but I have you see that I am trying to say is that life is unpredictable and always changing. We have to live our lives for us, and do our best not to step on others in the process. You have to believe in yourself, and understand that things won't always go the way you want it, the way you've imagined it, or the way you planned it but that doesn't mean it isn't right for you, or that you have to give up or that you can't end up in the same place by taking a different path. At the end of the day, this is your life and the fewer regrets the better. Just remember it won't be easy, but most likely it will be so worth it.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~



I've been crazy about this song for the past couple of weeks. I don't know what it is but this song makes me feel like my butterfly wings are soaring through the skies. It makes me smile and wonder when I listen to it. Hopefully, it does the same for  you:)!!!

My first reaction was that it was small, but I was thinking American standards. It is actually a pretty spacious place for one person. It's my first time really living by myself, so I am trying to make it feel like home away from home. Lots of work to do to capture that feeling.






The front door area. For those back home, when you walk into your apartment you take your shoes off. Most if not all homes/apartments have wood floors. I decided to decorate the walls with pictures of my family and friends back home to make it feel like they are watching over me.


Whoever lived here before me must have loved cartoons because this is what I see everything I open my bathroom door. In the kitchen there is this huge Peter Rabbit thing stuck to the tile and I cannot get it to come off.


When I thought about what my apartment would be like, my biggest fear was that the bathroom would be horrible. I don't love my bathroom and I don't hate it because it could have been worse. It looks a lot smaller than it is from the angle of the picture. I have the Korean styled bathroom where when you take a shower the whole floor becomes wet. I put up a shower curtain to keep water from soaking everything in there. My biggest issue is that the water never really gets or stays very hot.


Yes, I have A LOT of clothes, and that wardrobe they gave me just wasn't going to cut it. I wish the bed wasn't so hard, but I am getting used to it. I want to try and find a foam mattress pad to add some cushion. I have three pictures over my bed of my family. When I go to sleep each night it feels like they are watching over me. It can get lonely when it is just me, myself, and I so it makes me feel better having all these pictures around. Since home for me is where my family and friends are.


I really love my kitchen. It's perfect for one person, and my favorite part is the little table area. That is my secondhand microwave I just got today. Instant oatmeal here I come:)!!!


So, I didn't have curtains and it was driving me nuts thinking about peeping Toms, so I decided to get creative and made a picture collage curtain. The pictures are various images I have collected over the years that make me happy when I look at them or are just unique and pretty to me. This is my favorite part of my apartment. Oh, you can see Mr. Seoul Lee on the bed (not a very original name but I like it). So a few days ago, I was eating dinner alone at Home Plus' food court. Eating amongst all those families made me feel really lonely and miss my own. I was doing some grocery shopping after, and decided to get myself a stuffed animal. I originally wanted one of those HUGE teddy bears but then I saw this one and he just seemed perfect. It's kind of childish and girlish but I like having it there. I left the one I have had since I was 2 years old back home.


Hopefully you already realized the pictures were covering the window. That is the view I see when I open it...not very beautiful:)!


THE END of the Lola Apt. Tour has arrived. Hope you enjoyed it:)!!!

Hello everyone!!! I am alive here in Si-Hueng/Gumcheon-gu area. I live behind a Home Plus and my closest subway station is Gumcheon-gu office...on line 1 I think. The last few days have been beyond crazy in both good and bad ways, but since I don't have internet at my place (currently at a pc bang) and there are no unsecured networks to mooch off till I get my ARC card and can get my own I will be taking a blogging hiatus for the next 1-2 weeks depending on how long it takes after I get my ARC (3/19/10) to get internet.

Expect daily blog posts after I get internet since I have a backlog of things to tell you guys about like getting yelled at by an adjusshi for trying to take a mirror which turned out to not be part of the trash (oops) or  getting lost for two hours today while trying to get to my mentor teacher's school. Yeah...it has been full of crazy moments so far and I feel very overwhelmed a lot of the time, but I am taking a deep breath and finding my inner strength to keep moving forward with a smile and open-mind.

I hope your guys don't forget about my blog during this mini-hiatus:)!!! Look forward to lots of blog posts after I get my internet connection. Now if my neighbor is nice enough to give me his password and let me mooch off him for the next two weeks then you can forget this hiatus and look forward to new entries.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

I'm here!!!

It feels so dreamlike being here. My thoughts are scattered right now, so I will write about my flight and stuff after I get some sleep. Look forward to it:)!!! One thing, I will say is that God blessed me with a lot of sweet kindness from strangers and it made my trip sooo much better.


Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

Last night my recruiter emailed me saying that my NOA package was on its way to me. He gave me the tracking number, and it looks like it will be here next Monday. It feels very surreal to be doing this process again. The excitement is there but it is a little tainted my memories of failure...lol

I guess it really wasn't a failure as much as I believe it wasn't the right time for me. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and in the last five months I have grown up a little more each day and understand myself, my dreams, and my future a lot better now. So, I'm grateful for this extra time to sort myself and my life out so I can go to Seoul with a clean slate. I have no regrets or unfinished business left simmering here. I can leave knowing that everything I needed to take care of was taken care of. Everything I needed to say was said. It feels really good to leave with this feeling of peace inside of me.

In August, I had a lot of worries and doubts, but now I have strength and faith in myself. No matter what comes my way I can and will overcome it. I have that outlook and determination now. It is funny how you think you know yourself so well, and then life teaches you that you don't.

Now, I know myself better, and even the things I don't know will be discovered along the way as I travel on my own path. I don't know how to express the feeling of happiness I have towards myself these days. It feels like it took me this long to grow up and become my own person. Someone who follows her own path, and listens to her voice and not others. Maybe this is what it means to love oneself.

So it looks like I will apply for my visa next week, and hopefully get it by the end of the week as well. Then I can finally buy my plane ticket, and that would be the last thing to make this journey to Seoul concrete. I have about 34 more days here, and unlike in August I am very laid back about things, because I trust that everything will work out as it should so instead of worrying I have to just believe and do the best I can.

I am laughing and smiling as I write this because I feel so much more mature and sure about my life and where it is going. When I was 21 I was feeling very unsure of what the future held for me, but now I realize that the future is created with each present day. I/We don't have to have all the answers because sometimes you will discover them along the way.

So today I am one step closer to my journey to Seoul, and I thank all of you for supporting me.

AJA AJA Fighting!!!
~Lola O.~



Whenever I listen to this song, it reminds me of this point in my life. A point of beginnings and endings...

Originally posted on my Six Months Till Korea blog, but I thought it should be shared with a wider audience. Enjoy:)

One of the main reasons I write my thoughts down is so I can reflect on them in the future, but even more importantly to see how far I have come and how much farther I need to go. This week has been a week of reflection, dreams, chances, but more importantly it has been a week of living and enjoying the moment.

I tend to wear my thinking cap way too much, and can get wrapped up in my head without seeing what is really going on in my life. I made a promise to myself that 2010 is going to be my year, my season, my time to shine and bloom, and I am doing my best to stay true to myself and to keep that promise.

Maybe it is just me, but it felt like for a long time I was just existing in life and not really living it, not letting myself enjoy it for all its flaws and wonder. I always thought I had to be someone other than the person I am. Always trying to change myself for the better, when sometimes it was more about accepting myself than changing me. I can smile now when I say that, because I am finally becoming the woman I want to be, and doing it in my own way and in my own time.

Everyone of us has a journey to take, and mine has taken me in different directions on the way to where I am now. I don't know what the future holds but I know I am excited to live my life going towards it. I think it all comes down to how you see yourself, and how you want the world to see you. That should be your choice and only yours to make. I keep thinking about my favorite Thoreau quote about living your life the way you have imagined it to be and it is so true.

This is your life, and as far as I know we only get this one chance to live it. So why live a life you don't want, a life you don't love? One day we will all return to the earth, and I for one don't want to be tangled up in regrets upon regrets. I'm 22 years old, and for the first time in my life I feel in sync with myself as far as who I am now and who I want to be in the future. I understand myself better. Accept myself with every flaw, scar, and beauty inside of me.

When I got into college I had a plan for how I wanted my life to be, but I am realizing that it wasn't necessarily me following my dreams, but more of me following the safe path to success. I don't regret the path I chose, because it has helped me get to this point in my life, and I have met wonderful people along the way, and have had opportunities that shaped me into the present version of myself.

I feel comfortable in my own skin, and even in those moments of doubt and insecurity I know that I am going to be just fine because like my mom says, "It is well with my soul." We all stumble, we all fall, but we all have to remember to pick ourselves back up and take it one step at a time, one moment at a time, and one day at a time. Living is about choices, leaps of faith, and chances. Sometimes we wait too long to do something that we miss out on it entirely.

It always comes down to fear; the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of pain, the fear of everything and anything you can imagine. Fear is like a plague on the human soul. It crushes our spirits, steals our dreams, and leaves us broken. Fear is friend to no one, and an enemy to all, but for me I am realizing that fear will always be there and it is up to me to overcome it, and live the life I have imagined. It is never and easy thing to overcome fear, but it is as necessary as breathing.

Over two years ago, I decided to not go straight to law school after graduation, and instead to let myself explore what else life has to offer. My family wasn't exactly excited about that decision, but they supported me and have always supported me. Something I am deeply thankful to them for. It was scary changing course like that, but it felt right, it still feels right. I was walking along a path that wasn't clear and felt more like a burden than a gift. Anyone that knows me, knows that when I make up my mind about something it rarely changes.

So deciding not to apply for law school  was a big deal, but it was the best decision I could have made for me. I was young, I am young, and I had barely experienced what life has to offer outside of a classroom. There is so much to see, so much to do, that it makes me tremble with all those endless possibilities. It feels right to go to Seoul, to travel outside of my comfort zone and give myself this year to bloom. To stretch myself, and test my limits away from the comforts I have now.

Sure I am scared, but even that fear is a beautiful thing. Like Eleanor says, "we must do the things we are afraid to do," only then will we ever know what we are capable of. If we all stay in our little boxes we will never know what is beyond those cardboard walls. Going to Seoul is a chance to explore more of the world while discovering more of me. Going to Seoul is a choice that will take me down a new path and lead me towards another. I'm excited to be doing this, to be making one dream into my reality.

But for me it is not just about going to Seoul, it's about being the young woman I want to be. This quotes sums it up best:

There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on. -Unknown-

Years from now I don't want to regret not saying what was in my heart, not traveling to places I dreamed of seeing, and I don't want to regret not living the life I have imagined for me. I was thinking yesterday about my future and where I see myself years from now. I kept thinking about what exactly am I going to do for a living in the future. I always wanted to practice law, and it is still my dream but there is a part of me that is still searching for that career that feels like it was made just for me.

There is so many possibilities in this world, so many places we can go, and so many things we can do, that I worry that I will get lost in the choices and never find the one for me. Before, I thought success was measured by the amount of money I would make, but as I got older I realized that success is defined by me and no one else. Success for me is not about money, but the way I choose to live my life. I know I want to help people like me, people searching, people drifting, people who are lost, and people who come from fragmented families like me.

I know I want to help others discover themselves, and make their own dreams a reality. I know I want to do something and be someone that inspires others to live their life the way they have imagined it to be. I know I want to be the advocate for those whose voices are silenced. I know I want to leave a legacy of positive change, and inspire people to lift their voices, and use their bodies to help those that cannot. The problem is that even though I know this much, I have no idea how to make that into a career for me.

I've always felt my calling was law, and in a lot of ways I still do. The question then is what kind of lawyer should I be. I have been thinking a lot lately about being a human rights lawyer and focusing on helping the youth whether in domestic cases or international ones. I've always advocated and looked out for the people around me, and I feel like my voice could be the voice they need. But then, there are so many other careers besides law that I could be the one for me...

I don't know, these are just some thoughts racing circles inside of me. I'm at that point in my life where it is  feels okay to feel this unsure about my future, and to get a little lost along the way, because I believe with all my heart that one day in a moment all will be revealed to me. I just have to continue living my life and letting my footsteps lead me closer to where I am supposed to be.

I'm sharing all of this because I know there are other people out there, who like me are trying to figure out their place in this world. Who are beating themselves up for being lost, when they should remember that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find and be found. We are always changing so don't hold yourself back, take a deep breathe and jump. Jump, and let yourself go...

Some days time seems to be endless and other days it goes by so fast. I have made it through the last two months and hopefully in 4 months I will finally get to leave for Seoul. I have a check up next week with the GI doctors so I am crossing my fingers they give me the thumps up that all is well in my body and I can get cleared to work in Seoul  and move forward with my application. Plus, no more meds!!

I have started to application process again, but thankfully I don't have to do interviews again. I did the background check again, and need a letter of clearance  from my doctor saying I can work full-time and blah blah blah. I've been feeling a lot better for the most part. I get bouts of tiredness but other than that my energy level is rising now that I am no longer internally bleeding or anemic:). Life really is unpredictable...all the more reason to take a few risks and see what happens. I am itching to go to Seoul and just be there, living life, and having new experiences.

So it makes it that much harder being here in the States, especially since I haven't found a job for the next 4 months. I have a college degree and yet I cannot find a job. Not to mention I am kind of picky about the kind of job I would do. I hope I will find something to do to keep me busy. As much as I love catching up on my shows and discovering new ones there is only so much of that a person can take. Being at home "resting" is not all that it's cracked up to be after  few weeks.

I think I am more cautious now about getting excited about Seoul. Just because I don't want to be blindsided again if something God forbid does happen. I need to get back in the habit of practicing my Korean, learning more about South Korea, Seoul, and just getting back into the going to Korea groove. It kind of sucks having to do some of the paperwork over again. All those little fees add up and makes me wince.

4 months to go and things should be more interesting with Thanksgiving, my best friend's wedding (the only good thing about this whole situation is I get to share here special day with her), Christmas, and just spending more time with good friends and family.

Keep me in your prayers,
Lola O.

Currenty Loving: Snow Patrol's "Set The Fire To The Third Bar"
CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THIS!!!!

The Countdown till I leave for Korea has started! I have a month left before I leave and it feels like time is speeding up and I can hear this internal clock ticking away. It is exhilarating and scary at the same time. I think the plane ride to Seoul is going to be the longest one of my life both literally and figuratively.

I just hope I don't end up crying when I say bye to my mother or have some kind of panic attack at the airport where I start questioning my decision to do this. I just don't want to freak out...at least not in public!

My days seem to be spent reading up on everything I can possibly find in regards to life in Seoul and stuff about South Korea in general. This is the first time I am doing something like this and I am doing it alone for the most part. So it is a big step for me to get out of my comfort zone and like Nike says "Just do it." As far as I know we only get one life, one chance to do the things we want to do while we can. For me, I want to travel around for now and that journey starts with South Korea.

I don't want to be tied down to one job or one place. Instead I want to experience different things so that when I choose that one job and one place in the future I won't have regrets about it. The sky is not my limit, I want to reach higher and higher heights until there is no height left to reach. Lately, I have been thinking about my future, and how I feel a lot more internationally inclined. It would be cool to work for an international company, be a diplomat or ambassador, or an international lawyer.

I'm hoping South Korea helps me get closer to figuring out where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be in the future. For once I don't have a plan, but I know God has a plan for me and he will lead me on the right path, the only path created just for me. It is kind of nice not having a plan and just opening my mind to the infinite possibilities of life. I'm 21 years old, I don't have to have all the answers, and I don't know how to ask all the questions, and that is perfectly fine. Lol...this isn't the post I planned but yeah:)

As far as my expectations/hopes for going to South Korea. I am expecting to have fun, learn a lot, experience so many different things, eat lots of delicious food, learn Korean, and make some good friends with minimum drama. I know I will have my ups and downs but for the most part it will be ups!:) I think my biggest fear is how people (Koreans) will react to me. I am not looking forward to being stared at or touched or etc..but I am going to have to deal with it so it is good to know what to expect!

Overall, I know it is all going to work out in my favour because God is supporting me in this endeavor. I think I am probably going to spaz out my last week here, but I am definitely going to enjoy my friends and family before I leave. So peeps if your in Phoenix we shall hang out before I go!!!:)

The Fabulous Epik High: FAN


Ciao,
~Lola O.~