Lola O.
A little less than an hour before I am done for the day. I wanted to write a blog entry about the feeling I've got inside of me right now. A feeling of peace, understanding, but mostly a feeling of being comfortable in a very good way.

A few days ago I was was walking back to my apartment, and the path to my apartment has this long one way path for cars, and as I walked down the path I thought with a smile how I feel really comfortable right now. About living in Seoul, life in general, and the uncertainty of my future. It's hard to describe this feeling that has come over me, but there is a sense that no matter what happens literally and metaphorically over the next year and beyond I will figure it out bit by bit along the way. I will overcome, and I will be better for the experience.

When I first got to Korea, everything was so instant and blurry that it took my breath away. Even with all the stuff I knew about Korea, I still got shocked, frustrated, and lost at times. Isn't that like life? No matter how much we think we know, there is still so much more for us to learn. Even though we know a lot, there are always new things, different ways, and etc for us to learn. It's been a little over a month, and I am feeling comfortable. Not because I have everything figured out, but because I have that belief in myself that I can and will figure it out one day at a time, one step at a time, one experience at a time, one failure/success at a time.

I was telling my mom that this is a comfortable kind of happiness with myself. I don't have all the answers, but if I keep asking questions and gaining wisdom I will gain more answers and have less questions to ask. Is this what it means to "grow up" or to my words "grow into oneself." Nothing is perfect, I have my bad days like everyone else, I get frustrated, and mess up like every human being, but even then I have this confidence that somehow it will all work and end up being the best thing for me.

If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, then you know everything I went through last August. Life seems more vibrant now, and I don't take it for granted. I don't forget about my own happiness anymore. I don't follow a path that I didn't choose for myself. I don't let fear paralyze me anymore from trying, discovering, or exploring. I don't worry about the details to the point that I never take that leap of chance. I just tell myself that if I get lost, I will eventually find my way. If I make a mistake, I will learn from it and be better the next time. If I fail, then I still have things I need to learn before I try again. If I get hurt, I just have to let myself heal and try again. If I get scared, then I just need to remember how I got here in the first place and what I went through along the way. If I get swept up into madness, and lose myself a little bit. I just have to take a step back and reflect on who I am and what I want for myself.

Those are the thoughts/feelings that seem to engulf me these days. Someone said that "happiness is a perspective we choose to take into our daily lives." Everyday I am shaping, exploring, and discovering my happiness. It is journey filled with many paths, obstacles, and choices, but it is one I am happy to take on. I feel good inside, and it is a feeling I am holding onto, protecting, and enjoying. I hope all of you are also finding those things in your life here in Seoul or in your part of this world that makes you feel good.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

P.S. This song always puts me in a good mood. So stop what you are doing and just stop what you are doing, stop thinking, stressing, or moping around and rock out to...I  Gotta Feeling...
4 Responses
  1. Store this good feeling as it will come handy on those blues days.

  2. Lola O. Says:

    I will, hopefully those blue or blck days will be few and far inbetween.

  3. yenchan Says:

    *HUGS* This is in reference to your previous entry "Butterfly Wings". Sometimes it's so comfortable crawling around as a caterpillar. You're not happy and you eye those flying butterflies with envy - but thinking about becoming one feels so scary. Anywhos, just letting you know that entry really resonated with me and gave me a little bit of courage in hopefully becoming my own butterfly sometime. Thank you for dreaming and willing to live it. ^___^

  4. Lola O. Says:

    Yenchan, the earth is comfortable for a while, but then that comfort becauses constraining. We have to move on to the next stage of our journey/lives hence the transformation into a butterfly. It took me till I was 22 to have the courage to fly, you'll fly when you are ready to. I'm glad you found some courage in what I wrote, its the reason I wanted to share that bit of myself with others. Now you just have to will yourself to live your dreams and find your happiness.