Lola O.
It's 3:40 PM on Friday, and I have one hour before these week of teaching comes to an end. I'm sitting here listening to Gravity by my favorite band Coldplay, and for some reason at this moment this song really just pulls me in.

My mood has been full of highs and lows this week, and as I was sitting at home yesterday (my apartment is really starting to feel like home, I look forward to coming there) I was thinking about how I have been feeling pulled in different directions lately. I'm in Seoul for a year (not sure if I will stay longer) and I want to make the most of everyday, but that can be exhausting. I am constantly on the go, trying to cross things off my list that I am forgetting that living in Seoul is not just about sightseeing, it is about those daily things that give meaning to living. I've been so focused on making sure I am going to new places every week, and that I am doing new things every week, that I am not giving myself the time to enjoy those things I enjoy. More importantly I am not giving myself time to relax and do things I enjoy doing regardless of whether I am in Seoul or Arizona.

I feel like the clock is ticking, and I don't want to waste a single moment, but then I have to check myself and remind myself that just being here is something special. Every single day of me living in Seoul is important. Living abroad is not just about exploring a different country, but about exploring yourself as well. The latter is something I kind of let drift away, and am trying to get back. It might surprise people, but I am a very internal being. I spend a lot of time lost in thoughts and dreams inside of me. I'm always reflecting, thinking, analyzing, and sometimes criticizing on my life and the way I live it.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming, because there is so much to see and do, and there is so much I want to see and do, that I worry if I have enough time to do and see them all. Which is why I have been so focused on doing as much as possible. Which is probably why I felt so tired this week, and have been a little moody. So this weekend I am going to pull myself and take some me-time. I love to read, and haven't done any reading since I got here, or gone to the movies, or written any poetry, or just any of the things I really love to do to relax. So this weekend I am going to do those things today, and tomorrow, and then on Sunday I will go on the Seoul City Bus Tour with some friends.

I just needed to remind myself to take a step back and get myself centered again. It's like every once in awhile I have to tell myself to exhale, because I just want to inhale everything life has to offer these days. Which is a good and bad thing. I guess I had the feeling of if I don't take everything Seoul has to offer as soon as possible, then I might have regrets a year from now. However, like a friend said to me just being here is something to be proud of. There will always be something else to see or do, so I am going to do the things I like/love, and see sights I've wanted to see. I'm going to do things my way, and create my version of what it means to be living. Afterall, this is my story to tell.

Come next Monday I will have been in Korea for 2 months, it feels like I have been here longer. My foundation is starting to take shape, and I feel like my footing is becoming stable. Everyday is a learning experience filled with mistakes, triumphs, and kimchi:)! Thanks for going on this journey with me...

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~
6 Responses
  1. Thankfully Korea is half the size of California so you can cover a lot of great places in a short amount of time. I too feel some loathing when I haven't been to some place new in a while. But then sometimes I end up some place new anyways by accident.

    Reading your posts are great and help me self reflect on life here. I have been here nearly 2 years now and everyday is still a wonder to me. Yet I feel I am becoming more and more disconnected from America while at the same time unable to truly connect here in Korea. I am stuck somewhere in the middle..

    oo that gave me a blog post thought

    BTW: the secret code thingy I had to type in to make this comment was "calmer"

  2. Lola O. Says:

    Same here, sometimes you end of finding the best places by accident. I also find myself reflecting when reading your entries.

    Lol...the universe is trying to tell you something:)

  3. mingo Says:

    I just recommend a movie for you!
    "Precious" and "Brothers".
    I cried after I watched them.
    You may've heard about "Precious" as it is so famous now. I just couldn't believe that she had such a hard life. She didn't give up, though.
    We all are precious, aren't we?
    Today I was so miserable as I realized once again how low my kids's level are...
    They are precious! I'm going to keep saying to myself! kk
    Happy rainy night!
    (I'm alone again. My husband is late tonight.)

  4. Lola O. Says:

    I've heard of both movies, but haven't seen them. They seem really sad. We are all precious, and especially our students. If they are having fun and learning even a little bit, it is better than nothing.

    Happy Rainy Night to you too:)!!!

  5. Anonymous Says:

    Hey Lola:-) So good to read your blog again:-)It's amazing how you look at the world around you with such a positive attitude.Even when you blog about the not so good days,you still manage to look at the brighter side of things and see them as experiences you can learn from.:-)Love reading about your honest perspective on living in Seoul.:-)

    Have a great week!


  6. Lola O. Says:

    Thanks Ana, I find that looking on the brighter side of things leaves less room for stress and negativity.