"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3.1-
Time seems to be speeding up these days and with it my thoughts race towards leaving at the end of February for Seoul. I feel like things are finally starting to happen, and that time is being kind to me and filling my life up with lots of experiences to make the next three months fun!
Yesterday, I decided to give up the job hunt. I had been thinking about it for a couple of days, and then yesterday my mom was like just forget about working and enjoy your free time here. She was/is right, but a part of me felt like I needed to get a job and take care of my responsibilities. I have never been the dependent kind of person, and I didn't want to start now. But, my body isn't at its best right now and I think I have been pushing myself to do more than I can. I get tired super easily (anemia) and I am still trying to increase my hemoglobin to a stable count.
So, for once in my life I am going to just rest and take all this free time as a blessing to enjoy. I have started to practice Korean again (finally) and I feel that joy for the language bubbling up inside of me. I really enjoy learning as much as I can about the language, people, food, and anything I can get my hands on. It makes me feel reassured about my decision to go to Seoul. To be brave and try something new...while I have the chance to.
I went to my GI doctor the other day and I was really hoping this would be the last time I would have to go see him. I just want to close this chapter of my life and open up the next one, but it seems that there is still pages that need to be written. He has some concerns and wants to run some more tests to rule them out. So that means more doctor appointments, medication, lab work, and all the drama that comes with it.
I'm trying to take it all in, and just focus on doing everything I need to do to get a clean bill of health before I leave in February, so if it means more medical exams then so be it. Rather know what is going on in the States than go to Seoul and have something that could have been prevented happen. Hopefully, I will have good news to share in the next few weeks in regards to my health. I'm trusting that their are no hidden conditions going on with my body besides what we already know!
Okay, so I titled this entry "Bloom" and included the quote above because I feel like my season to bloom is approaching. We all have our journey to travel and I feel like mine is getting ready to start. I've spent the past 22 years of my life focused on making something out of myself, being someone my family can be proud of, and just overall making sure not to disappoint the people I love. Over the past year I have realized that isn't enough. I can't live my life the way other people want me to. I have to live my life the way I want to. I have to pursue my happiness, make my own mistakes, and learn as I go. I need/want to grow but I can't do that if I stay static.
Going to Korea is the first time in my life I am doing something just for me. It's the first time I am doing something on my own, regardless of how other people think or feel about it. I love my family, and I tend to put their needs before my own, so this time I am putting me first. I am putting my desires and wants before anyone or anything else, and it feels wonderfully liberating! My journey is taking me on an unexpected path, but I look forward to the experiences, people, challenged, and opportunities along the way.
There comes a point in our lives where we just have to let go of all we know and start again. I'm at that point in my life, and although it is scary it is also beautiful. I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I want to do my best to head towards it with determination and perseverance. I want to be the one writing my story and not reading it! I want to have the patience to let things play out instead of trying to rush everything. All the dreams I have will blossom in their own time. So for now I just want to nurture them and give them room to grow.
I want to start living the life I've imagined and take advantage of every chance to make a dream into my reality. I'm thankful that I have the time to see what else is out there, and create my future one day at a time.
I'm starting to understand what it means to "grow up"...