Lola O.
I feel like I have been doing just that since August when I was diagnosed with a duodenal ulcer the day before I was supposed to leave for Seoul.

Today I had a colonoscopy done, and like last time I expected to get a clean bill of health. I expected to hear that everything was fine and that I would move on with my life. But, it seems I will be walking on egg shells for another two weeks.

My GI doctor found an abnormal amount of lumps in my Terminal Ileum and so they did a Biopsy and I have two weeks of excruciating waiting before I find out if A) Its nothing but my body being abnormal B) Crohn's Disease, or C) Lymphoma. I am trying to remain calm, but in all honesty I am worried. All I can think is WTH is going on, this cannot be happening to me.

It's like my body is turning into my enemy and new issues just keep popping up. I mean I have my whole life ahead of me, how can I have some kind of sickness inside of me. All I could think about as the GI doctor was explaining the possible situations was please don't let anything be wrong, please don't let anything keep me from going to Seoul in February. Please, don't let me be sick!

I think I need to stop having expectations when I go to the GI doctor, because every time I end up leaving with an unwanted surprise. I just cannot imagine having B or C. I'm 22 years old, how can I end up like that. I just cannot get my mind out of these thoughts...today has been a long and crappy day!

It's like I am holding my breathe until I get a call with the results of my biopsy. I will be holding my breathe for the next two weeks, and by God's grace it will only be good news I get. I just can't wrap my mind around this situation. I couldn't believe what happened to me in August, and I cannot deal with anymore unexpected and unwanted surprises in my life.

Life is really turning out to be very unpredictable. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation, and I am just praying that I am just abnormal and that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm scared, and I don't want to scare my family anymore than I have already since August. I just needed to get my thoughts out. So keep me in your prayers and lets hope for good news in two weeks.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~
7 Responses
  1. My heart goes out to you in this situation. I have been there before when the Docs don't know what is what. If it is Crohn's dont worry because it can be controlled and taken care of. Basically once they have a solid diagnosis you can move on to the next stage of medication and recovery. The gut is a sensitive workhouse so try not to stress too much. If things don't work in February jobs are available after that and at public schools. At this time you might want to consider this as a possibility. You don't have to tell your recruiters but if that happens you can get your paperwork back if you have sent it to them.

    I just don't think it means the end to Korea...just delayed more. But let's hope that is all just speculation and you come out here in Feb. Till then your health is most important as you know.

    Anyways I wish you luck!


  2. Lola O. Says:

    Thanks Joy, I am trying to be positive, but that is easier said than done. I think I will just have to keep myself busy these next two weeks so it doesn't feel so unbearable.

    I'm just crossing my fingers everything works out and I get on that plane in February. But you are right, no matter what happens it's not the end of going to Korea.

    Thanks for your support!!!!


  3. Jason Says:

    Hi Lola,

    You're in my thoughts and I'm sending you positive energy.

    J


  4. Maria Says:

    Hello Lola,

    You can't be sick at 22! I hope this turns out to be a minor thing. In the meantime, I recommend not sweating it until you get the results. Less thinking of what bad things could happen and more focusing on what you will be doing in a few months. Mind over matter.

    Wishing you the best! I stumbled across your blog some weeks ago and found you to be someone cool and inspiring. :)


  5. Lola O. Says:

    Thanks Jason and Maria. I'm trying to be positive and hope for the best. My family is surrounding me, and we are just going to deal with things as they come.

    You're so right Maria, I can't be sick at 22, that is my mantra right now.

    Thank you all for your encouragement. I'm going to enjoy the holidays and just enjoy my time and not dwell on it until I find out the results.

    AJA AJA Fighting!!!


  6. Hi Lola,
    I'm sorry to read about this. I kept track of what happened to you the last time you were about to take off. I pray that it's nothing, and that you'll be looking forward to a healthy and hearty 2010.

    All the best!

    SC


  7. Lola O. Says:

    Thanks SC, I am feeling a lot more positive and am just going to focus on enjoying the holidays and my family.

    Here's to praying for a healthy 2010!!!