Lola O.
I have these once in a while moments, when I'm going about my life and suddenly I stop and my subconscious whispers to me "how did I get here?" "what am I doing here?" "is this really my life?" "is this real?"

One minute I'm walking down a flight of stairs at school, and the next I'm wondering. I'm shopping at Home Plus buying my favorite snacks and then I drift into  this wonder. I'm hanging out with friends, laughing and smiling, and my thoughts end up in this wonder. I'm riding the bus home from somewhere, and as I watch the lives passing me by I wonder about these things. Ordinary moments that happen all the time get interrupted by these thoughts and sometimes I feel like I'm a dream, like my life now is a dream.

It's not that it's glamorous, or that it's extraordinary or something out of the ordinary. I think the wonder comes from realizing time and time again that this is my life, and I like it. I end up smiling when the answers to these questions come to mind. I'm here. I'm living. It's real. I'm happy. I am free.

I guess it's some kind of safety check in my brain reminding me to reassess where I am, decide where I want to go, and remember not to take what I have for granted. I smile as I sit in my apartment writing this. I'm doing okay. I'm filling up my life canvas with colors and it's coming together in it's own way. I'm alive, and doing my best to live my life as I've imagined it to be.

I guess it's the feeling of being my own person. Of being the one in the driver's seat. Of just having room to discover me. To decide for myself who I am, who I want to be, and all the lingering inbetween.

I love it.
2 Responses
  1. Peterson Says:

    I have this feeling a lot in Korea, too. I think part of it is living in a place that was just a name on a map until last year.

  2. Lola O. Says:

    Yes that's a part of it. Wanting to live in a place that I always wanted to come to, and now I am.