I don't know if it is just homesickness, but I've just been in this limbo since I got back to Seoul. I haven't even unpacked my suitcases yet! Very unlike me! I just don't want to unpack yet. I don't want to settle back in yet. I'm not ready to. This has been a rough week, but tomorrow is Friday so that's the rainbow in my week:)!

I went to work on Monday, after not being able to sleep from 3AM. I survived that day, and went straight to sleep once I got home. I woke up at 7AM on Tuesday. I went to school. I couldn't make it through my first period. I slept till lunch, ate lunch, and went home on sick leave. I could barely stand, I was so fatigued. I took Wednesday off, because I really just needed a day of rest. I slept in. I cooked. I skyped, and then I slept some more. I woke up around 3AM on Wednesday from a nightmare about these little men (clowns) trying to break into my house in AZ. It really shook me up because I am terrified of clowns, so I called home to make sure everything was okay. Everything was, and by God's grace it will stay that way.

I spent most of the early morning writing, reading old entries, and listening to music. I chatted with an old friend, and got ready for school. I taught 3 of my 5 classes, and went home to find my internet was not working. Long story, but I'll have to deal with it tomorrow, or rather my co will. I fell asleep at my desk, woke up, cooked dinner, went to Home Plus, and now I am eating cake, listening to Mat Kearney, and writing. Everything feels a little weird. I feel weird, not necessarily in a bad way. Just in a weird way. I'm looking forward to the end of the month break. I need to rest, to get myself out of limbo, and start making the most of my year here. My second and last year in Seoul.

At this point I'm missing home too much to actually feel very excited for this next year. I've got dreams and plans for this year. As much as it is my year in Seoul it is also a transitional year for me. I've got to figure out about grad school, and the chapters that come after this one. I'm not worried. I just know everything is going to fall into place as it should. I'm excited to wrap up my Seoul chapters and start building the career I want for myself. Now that I am finally so sure of what I want to do I cannot wait to get started on the path that will lead me there. Even so, I've got to enjoy my time here. I want to explore more of Korea than other parts of Asia. I just want to go boldly and bravely into this year, and really stretch myself and see what places and people I reach.

I'm really thankful for this life I am living. For all the dreams that have come true. For all the people that have helped me along the way in one way or another. I'm really thankful for my fighting spirit and my trying heart. I'm thankful for so many small things and moments that led to big discoveries, experiences, and realizations. I'm just really thankful to be living my life. To have the opportunity to explore and enjoy it. This really is my year. My year to be brave, bold, and true in everything I do, with everyone I meet, and everywhere I go. A stepping stone for all the years that come after this one. My year to bloom brighter, to soar higher, and to grow even more.

I'm happy. I'm thankful. I'm homesick. I'm so many little things, but more than anything I'm just so peaceful these days. I feel good from the inside out, and I hope I can pass on some of this goodness to the people around me. Enjoy your night/day and remember you are awesome, period.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~