I love Wednesdays. Maybe even more than I love Fridays. Okay, maybe not! Haha, what I love is that Wednesday marks the halfway point for me in my work week. Mondays and Tuesdays are long and busy days for me. Even though Wednesday is a semi long day I feel recharged knowing I've made it through Monday and Tuesday and that Thursday and Friday will be a lot easier to handle. Luckily, my ASP classes haven't started yet so I have no classes after lunch today, and no lesson planning since I have 6th grade on Wednesdays and Thursdays. So the next few hours are mine to bask in. It's a nice feeling.

The weather has been really lovely today...at least to me. My students didn't seem to like it. I love Autumn. It's my favorite season, and I cannot wait to start wearing more cardigans and blazers as the weather gets cooler. Haha, I love the weather too, but I'm more about the fashion of Autumn. Even its name is pretty to me. There haven't been any real hiccups in my week so far, and I'm looking forward to a weekend of catching up with friends I haven't seen in ages. I need to get back into the groove of things, and reach out to people. Sometimes I feel like I neglect my friends, but then I realize they've been busy too. I think if they know I'm thinking about them, then that's better than nothing. So if you haven't heard from me, friend, you are still in my thoughts. Life has just been hectic with a new semester, family matters, and just finding time to breathe and keep my head above water.

On Monday, I was thinking about my mom, so I decided to call her, and leave her an "I Love You" voicemail that she would get when she wakes up. It was 3 AM her time, and I didn't expect her to pick up but she did (life's little blessings) and we talked for over an hour about our lives, our worries, and just bonded. I have a deep respect and love for my mom, not just because she is my mom, but because her life, her sacrifices, pretty much everything about her inspires me to live well, do well, and be happy. As we talked she said to me, "...if you want to stay for another year, then stay for another year, don't worry about me, and don't make your decision based on me, do what you want to do, it's okay with me if you stay for another year." Honestly, hearing her say that made me tear up. My mom and I are really close, and it has been hard for me to be away from her, but I know it's been even harder for her not having me home. So for her to give me her blessing meant a lot to me, because even though I didn't ask for it, it was something I needed. I'd like to stay another year, but my hesitation has been primarily being away from my mom for another year, and not being there to share in the experiences of my family and friends.

Even though I am having my own adventures and experiences. I'm missing out on theirs, but I know that now is the time to do all the things I want to do, while I can, because after this chapter ends, the next one won't be as free. I want to enjoy this freedom, the lack of any real responsibility, and my youth for a while longer, before I go back home and re-enter the "real world." I'd love to spend my whole life traveling and seeing more of our world, but I know that I also have other dreams I want to make happen. I made a promise to myself though, that when I do go back. I have to take a trip every year to somewhere I've never been. Whether it's another city, state, or country. I have to keep traveling. Letting my eyes, mind, and feet be in other places. It won't be the same as living abroad, but it will keep me from becoming too grounded or comfortable wherever I am.

With each new discover I come to the realization all over again of how much I haven't figured out about myself, my life, life in general, and my place. That's okay. I have to keep telling myself it's okay not to know, because I'll figure it out when I'm supposed to. I won't figure it all out, but the things I really need to know will find their way to me, or I'll find my way to them. Living is about all those discoveries, so I don't want to rush it. It will happen...period.

I can't believe I'm going to be 23 years old next week. Haha, I know that is nowhere near old, but it is older. I still have that image of my younger self writing all my dreams down in my journal, wondering what the older me would be like. I think I've blended my dream me with the real me. I'm still writing, still dreaming, still weird and silly, but I'm finding my footing, my place, and I think my younger me would be proud of who I am, and who I will be in the future.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain-

I love this quote. It inspired me to take risks, to try the things I think I cannot do. I've seen that I can do a lot of things I didn't think I could do, or didn't dare to do. It's always that feeling of not knowing what comes after that leap of courage that sometimes keeps me from taking the leap. But in those moments when I do, I realize that my fear was more terrifying than the real thing. So as I turn 23, I want to keep exploring, dreaming, and discovering more of myself, the people I come across, and the places I travel to. I'd like to spend more time writing, letting my feet carry me to interesting places, and figuring out what happiness means to me, and letting myself grow with everything that happens. I'd like to be braver, to really let myself go, and to laugh and make others laugh and smile. I wish for...

I can't tell you or it won't come true...hehe. This wasn't what I planned to write when I started, but I guess it was what I needed.

Be Blessed,
~Lola O.~

The song below is one of my favorite songs by Coldplay. One of these days, I hope I get to meet Chris Martin, just to say thank you for creating music that continues to inspire me.